Last summer I finally decided to quit going to my pediatrician and go to an adult doctor mainly because I was older than the nurses and it was kind of embarrassing having to drop trow when they had to give me a shot so I set up an appointment with my cousin who is in Family practice. For some reason I think she still had some resentment towards me as growing up I used to ride my bike down the street and torture her and her older sister so she finally was able to get me back. After giving roughly a gallon of blood for lab work, a stool sample, liver ultrasound and a couple of urine samples it was determined I had elevated blood pressure, high cholesterol and thankfully my liver has a couple more kegs of beer left in her before “we needed to have a chat.” She referred me to another quack who also took a gallon of blood and told me that I needed to start exercising, drop the pasta’s and quit opening up a bottle of wine. I told him that if I had to do all of that what was the point of living? He wasn’t amused….
So here I am 2 months shy of my 39th (really) birthday and my medicine cabinet is full of all kinds of pills, Lipitor, some HDL med, high blood pressure, all kinds of vitamins and NOT ONE GD HAPPY PILL! I told him this past week when he prescribed me another blood pressure pill that before I started going to him and my cousin I took Advil for hangovers, and I had textbook Blood pressure and was happy as a lark, he looked at me and asked me if I weighed this much ever before and I said no but hey I quit dipping! Needless to say another trip the the Rite Aid and we are now up to 8 bottles on the vanity – Damnit!
I saw my cousin when I was finishing up and she asked me how I was doing and I told her horrible, here her grandfather owned a Liquor/Wine distributorship and my great grandfather started a pasta company and thanks to them I am a hot mess. Thanks Pa-Pa!
So if you are asking yourself “I wonder if Carbunkle is going to eat better starting with the SuperBowl?” YEA Right as soon as I put down that beer! But as me and Momma quit smoking and dipping the Tuesday after the Superbowl 2 years ago I am going to do better, but until then I am going to leave you as I need to go pick up a Colletta’s around the world pizza after I finish this Cigar!