People ask me from time to time “Carbunkle why don’t you and Mrs Trumpet have any kids?” and my normal response is that I don’t want to to share my toys with anyone else or I don’t want the competition. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I don’t like kids but I don’t know if I could eat a whole one but we spoil everyone else’s kids, case in point my 5 year old nephew. J-bob is a great kid, spoiled rotten, but nevertheless a lot of fun to be around and he is my little sisters boy. At 5 he has already been to Belize twice, numerous trips to Destin and I hear that he is quite the ladies man in that he has many a saddle oxford wearing middle school females affection. One thing that he and I have in common (other than height) is that he and I were both raised to be around adults and were taken everywhere by our parents so we are not that kid that you see in the grocery store who is raising a hissy fit.
Being around J-bob he and I (along with Aunt Sissy) love to harass his mother and grand mother with various comments and or expressions for example when mom was moving into their new house in High Point Terrace. On moving day next door to them were some Hispanic workers painting the exterior of the house and one of them made a wolf’s whistle at my sister which threw her into a tizzy, what did Uncle Carbunkle teach J-bob – to say “Hola Chicka” and then stick out his tongue and move it side to side! Then there was the time that J-Bob was not happy with the fact that it was time to come inside and was trying to play hardball with me, what did I do? I informed J-bob that there were only 2 things that he had to do – Stay White and die. Well with that there are a couple of Uncle Carbunkle words that when he is around me that he can use on occasion and here is where we begin the story…..
On Friday J-Bob wanted one of his little friends to come home with him after school and so he and ‘said friend’ walked over to the girls school where his mother was finishing up and preparing to leave for the day. She informed J-bob that no ‘said friend’ was not coming home with them and that did not sit to well with J-bob and he started a little hissy fit. After mommy informed J-bob that life is tough that J-bob crossed over that bond that he and Uncle Carbunkle have by screaming at the top of his lungs “DAMNIT!” Oh did I mention that when J-bob decided to cross over that line that they were in the main lobby of a private Catholic all girls school in front of many people. Needless to say J-bob’s mother was not to happy with this and I hope that it was the presence of her boss that prevented her from making one of those grocery store scene’s and beating him with an inch of his life.
They leave school and for some reason my cell phone promptly blew up and yes ladies and gentlemen a 39 year old man got ‘time out’ from his younger sister! I apologized to my sister and told her that I would have a little talk with him and I would refrain from using such language in his presence. In my defense, I am at least happy that J-bob used the now banned word in perfect context and I understood that when he yelled it, you could hear it upstairs in the high school.
So the Uncle Carbunkle words are now banned and I even got a lecture from Grandmother’s friends but just wait mommy and grandma till we teach the little bastard how to make the perfect martini!
Loves to come to Aunt and Uncle Trumpets house!
What is not to love about the little turkey butt!