Month: May 2009

Muffy Please pass the Grey Poupon, it’s the Symphony!

Ah let’s see we had in the park this month the following; Rain, kids wearing flip flops, a couple of people who had outfits that just didn’t belong in daylight, then we added pork fat, a couple mulletts, a lot of Jager and shots, oh some more rain and then how do you top it off? Ah yes the Sunset Symphony, the upper crust with their wine and cheese, their canape’s and finger food. Well we actually prefer a bucket of KFC and some good cold beer as we are more of the Tailgate kind of people. This year Three Dog Night was playing then the Symphony then the fireworks for the Memorial Day weekend. Now we “invited ourselves” over to my Symphony date from last year and sat on her roof deck while watching the planes practice and had a great dinner and hung out with them. I forget about those wonderful roof decks, I lived 2 years in the Shrine and I think I could count the number of times we were on it with one hand. Anyway the Symphony had rain (Imagine that) so we bagged the Symphony but hung in our neighbors garage and then caught the fireworks from our alley. Another weekend down and yet another rainy Memphis in May.

Sweet View
I can see my house from here!

Rodger Maverick, we have the Bogey in sight

It ain’t a crop duster!

If that were me, I would have to change shorts!

My lovely date from last year

And her man

Ernie loses some cool points for the baby pack but then again he did take the kid to the park!



The lovely Christine

And the lovely Mallory!
Meatball Subs in the Hood on Sunday!

Oh yes, Ms Trumpet and I have been married for 12 years too! (I hope we make it)

My poor neighbor – she has to be a saint for living next to us (who am I kidding)

What the hell is this? The Clampets move in?

Oh wait, that’s right Italian Fest must be getting close!

CBT got drunk last night, woke up hungover, just got the paper and took a poop, and hates my job!

The only thing that is true in this title is the paper/poop part as (I know you won’t believe it) even I poop! Please allow me to vent a little as has everyone noticed that on Facebook and Twitter that people feel the need to put things that don’t really belong out there on the world wide web?
If you are a friend of mine of Facebook you will notice that I have tried to raise the bar if you will on my status updates and tweets as people need to lighten up a little and isn’t all this ‘supposed’ to be fun? I mean seriously, on Facebook they have an option to (Poke) someone, and I have been accused of being a poking fool but it beats dogging a co-worker or “going Postal.” I wonder if people don’t think that someone may find out what is on their mind before they hit post as I live by that you should post stuff that you don’t want your parents, priest, children or boss to know about but some people didn’t get that memo.
Oh and another thing, if you are one who loves to “Tweet” every hour on the hour, just know that I turned off your notification as you may need Tweet therapy!

So for the record I have worn the speedo, scared people on the elevator, yelled PlayFreebird at the Symphony, let’s see what else CBT is going to do before he heads to Belize!


Nice knowing you Madeline….

I know that you have seen the pictures of our 2 dogs in my blog offerings but I have bad news for you readers. For the record the 2 dogs that we have are Elizabeth (red one, age 17) and Madeline (white one, age 6) and also for the record, when I die I want to come back as one of them as they are spoiled rotten. Now the reason that we have poodles is because they do not shed as both the wife and I are allergic to the dander and I would just as soon slit my throat than have a cat! Growing up we have always had poodles as even my Aunts and Uncles did so I guess it must be a Carbunkle Trumpet family tradition. In addition to having small dogs there is another big advantage in that the poop is a lot smaller and there is nothing more degrading than putting on the newspaper bag and grabbing a steaming small plate sized poop as a member of the opposite sex drives by (everyone has seen it!) Another advantage is that poodles are very good with children as J-bob would probably be missing a finger if he tortured another dog like he did Maddy when he was young. Obviously the bad is that you loose a lot of cool points as you are walking your un-masculine dogs on a leash that might as well be dental floss because of their size. I actually told our groomer not to put the little “faggy” bows in their ears because it was bad enough when a 100 pound female is walking a lab and I got these two on a leash. I guess it is bad that the next door female neighbor has a 100 pound German Shepard and we have our two “monsters” but that is about to change folks…..
You see, with Lizzie’s advancing age we got Maddy to keep her company and I must say that Lizzie is going to out-live all of us as sure she may be blind but she is healthy and everything still works internally. Maddy on the other hand maybe joining the “Choir Invisible” when momma gets home this evening because she was running late for a meeting this morning as last night Maddy decided that she didn’t care for the rawhide bone, one of the many stuffed ducks, or the other dozen chew toys that she has in her kennel but yet one of momma’s favorite flip flops was the choice.
We woke up this morning and in the middle of the bed was the remains of the shoe and there was Maddy with her little tail wagging and her expression was “Aren’t I cute?”
Nice knowing you Madeline……

Morning Mom, Morning Dad Happy Thursday!

Oh I got to scratch, I think I have a piece of rubber shred in my fur.

Thanks for the chew toy last night!

But the right shoe is fine! (if Momma had only one leg!)

Do the Recycle guys take chewed up flip flops?

This is what is going suck is that I can almost give you the CBT Guarantee that Momma won’t just purchase one pair of flip flops but 2 pairs……



Hey Man Play Freebird!

First of all apologies to a few friends who came in town this past weekend and we did not get a chance to spend more time with them, hopefully our paths will cross again in the near future. Ahh the Super Bowl o Swine, the Palace of Pork, the Heavens of Hog (Ok, I will stop) or as we call it here in 38101 – BBQ fest! This year thanks to mother nature the park was in less than great shape as all of those flip flops, golf carts and stages left the park looking like a toxic form of Chocolate pudding. The rain did not let up at all and even with a delayed start it rained on Sunday’s load in day. By Wednesday thankfully the park had dried, the tents were up and the smokers were a smoking and friends and family night was on! My good friends and neighbors invited Ms Trumpet and I down that evening and we took advantage of it as we are not fans of large crowds, and being in a hot, music blaring, crowded tent is not my cup of tea. So for the remaining BBQ fest we stayed up in the hood and yet still are thankful to my boys at Porkosaurus for the invite and the food and hospitality.
That isn’t to say that there are a certain number of NYC firemen, Philly cops and a bald Englishman do not have this weekend circled on their calender and arrive in full force to drink our beer, eat our food and do un-speakables with our women. I must admit that the Bald Englishman spent his time unconscious at the Trumpet estate and was a perfect gentleman but for those who stayed over on Madewood, may God have mercy on your souls…

Now the weekend would not be complete without a “You can’t make this $hit up” story and sure enough I am here to tell the story as Joe Dirt and Skillet from parts unknown got a little too much jagered up and tried to drive home. Settle in as this is pretty good;

So we are on the front porch Friday night enjoying the weather and watching the various people in the hood walk about and notice that there is a late model white camaro with the bra and T-tops parked in front of the house. We didn’t think anything of it till poor Joe Dirt and Skillet stumble (and I mean stumble) up and try to get into said Camaro and drive home. After a conversation that had the following words “Look your skinny arse is not ready for pound me in the ass 201 Poplar” so why don’t you chill out on our porch and sober up? I mean I know that I can be a satirical prick at times but drinking in driving is not cool no mater who you are and I would not want that on my conscious. So thankfully Joe and Skillet respected my words and chilled out on the porch. Now I realize that there is an age difference between our new friends but these guys were just too easy to pick on so we had multiple conversations about Nascar, Deer hunting, the aforementioned Camaro, and the correct temperature to drink Jager. It was even funny when English Mike walked up and after a minute realized that we were taking the piss out of these boys and even joined in.
On that note, I am not longer an employee for Caterpillar but in the eyes of Joe Dirt and Skillet I am the worlds first Poet Laurette Novelist that owns a bar in his home. Oh and Joe felt that he bonded so much with me from Friday night that even parked in front of the house on Saturday night.
And so I give you the pictures;

Philly, NYC and England in the house (or on the deck)

Front of Porkosaurus tent

River is high this time (hope no one drowned)

Hey Chunky – if you can get a barge we can get that down to San Pedro!

Now this is an ad for Hair Club for Men!

Now girls please contain yourself because we know that we are good looking!

Ohhhhh Steve smoked a ham!

Doesn’t she look good?

She even tasted better!

Ladies and Gentlemen – The mayor of South Main!

Ernesto made Beef Brisket!

Benjie throwing up Jello shooters to the boys

I hope those boys fight fire better than they can catch!

Ernie’s Mexico City Corn (That $hit ROCKED!)

Roasted Corn covered in Mayo/Butter then rolled in Parm Cheese, bacon bits (Nova & Hon – go easy!) and Chili Powder

The Sosa Family

Can someone please tell my father that he needs to go home!

Honey have you ever ridden a cooler down the bluffs to the river?

The last time you saw them

Big Arse Barge heading to NOLA!

Now there are some lady killers!

Brother Chuck explaining that he can roast small children

Ohhhh I got another chubby…..

Applying the Finishing sauce

Wonder what big money smokers look like? Take a gander at the Piglet model of the Back Woods Smoker. We call them ovens here

Tom and Jerry’s tent (ironic that they have more kids than parents now)

Teagan’s smoker (he is 5) and his daddy owns a metal company and it will grow with him

Here is Joe and Skillet trying to leave when I explain that DUI is not a good thing here

The Car in it’s glory!

Joe Dirt and Skillet in their glory!

Now this is a new way to pick up chicks, throw in a poodle!

Weather actually did some housework/chores this weekend

Mando (and friend who I can’t recall) and I – Saturday night
Mando excited she doesn’t have care for her children or isn’t pregnant during BBQ fest!
So all in all a good time was had by all!

I actually got out of bed to "blog" about this and I apologize

First things first –

If a third grade student who attends a Catholic School is caught cheating on her Religion test (6 days before the end of school) and the test is covering the 10 Commandments does that mean she is going STRAIGHT TO HELL BEFORE I AM? Call me what you want but I never had to read the cliff notes version of the Bible.

And I apologize that I did not post the pics from the Musicfest of the bands we saw last weekend. Granted Steve Miller isn’t that pretty but I will work on that this weekend.


Don’t even think about calling this sauce! This is a Gravy!

Well we are 3 weeks till the Memphis Italian festival and of course CBT(olio) is behind the 8 ball and needed to get some prep done in the worst way. For the festival we serve spaghetti and Gravy on Saturday night to the masses and this undertaking requires one to prepare, freeze and then warm on the day of the festival roughly 3 large pots of said gravy. To do this on site is just mean and cruel for anyone so I will prep (and who am I kidding and eat too) a couple of pots of Gravy and then freeze them for the festival.
I must admit that I made a gravy during the Musicfest weekend and upon tasting said gravy on Sunday I did something wrong as it was way too acidic. I determined that the Italian sausage was not good and I didn’t feel comfortable serving it to anyone so I trashed it. That’s right I poured a C-Note of Gravy down the damn drain!
This time, I decided to take my time and as normal prep and start the gravy on Saturday morning and do the slow cook till Sunday night. First of all you have to have fresh ingredients so off to Costco I go!

Look at all of that love on the counter!

Behold the Vessel that will bring forth said Gravy!

Ok the paddle is kind of overkill but actually it helps folding the stirring as this is a 6 gallon stock pot!

Ah the dreaded Onion chop!

Probably the smartest thing I have ever done is put a glove on my holding hand to prevent the smell of onions, garlic and other stuff that permeates the skin. (try it, it works)

Onions are happy

Celery and Onions are now happy but need some love…

Here comes that Extra Virgin Love (disclaimer) If you call it E.V.O.O. like that dumb twit on the Food network please log off this site! Remember Anthony Bourdain is my boy!

Add Carrots and simmer the $hit out of it!

Add Mushrooms, Bell Peppers and then let the house smell of love!

Now onto the Tomato Products, Paste, Diced and Whole Peeled Maters. Drain all cans and add to the veggies.

I am sorry but I think I am getting a chubby right now! Look at those beautiful San Marzano whole peeled tomatoes!

Add the meat, beef stock and just about everything else except for the secret ingredients

If you are on one of the other 48 Italian fest teams that is Garlic and brown sugar or maybe it is nutmeg, I can’t remember.

Everything is in and now you are ready for the best part of cooking Italian Carbunkle Gravy

Low and slow

There is more flame from a cigarette lighter than here

This is what it looked like Sunday morning (still haven’t tasted it)

Added some Flat Leaf Italian Parsley (because I forgot it at the store) and she was ready for dinner on Sunday!
Tune in next week as we are going to make another gravy and check out the festival’s website.

Life is good!

I better remind momma to be careful of opening any letter bombs from the message boarders and to keep the blinds shut as we may get a drive by from an angry animal hospital employee as soon as I hit publish because this post is probably going to anger some people. The past month has been kind of stressful at the Trumpet household and I am glad to report that no Momma is not pregnant but she did just sign up with a new and improved band so if you are looking for new digs please feel free to give her a shout. I am not tooting her horn but it is secretly my plan for her to support me in the lifestyle that I need to become accustomed to and here is to hoping that she makes a ton of money and that this blog goes from making fun of kids doing and wearing stupid things to the first “What happened on General Hospital or Guiding light” blog. Go Forth and Make me some money Momma!
Anyway since Momma has changed jobs up a little, we are unable to take our traditional fourth of July trip as the month of July is going to be busy for her so CBT looked into his crystal ball and calender and did some pondering. Now if you have read any of these previous entries you can guess where it is the Trumpets love going trip after trip after trip so I pulled out my Belize Bucket List and here is what said; experience Lobsterfest, Halloween, New Years Eve, Carnival, and the Costa Maya festival. Well since I could not wait for the fall or the winter, I started looking at Lobsterfest as our trip this year. We found some good dates that we could attend and the Crappy Hotel that we always stay at had rooms so now it was time to play the flight watching game.
Well today I hit paydirt as we found some great airfare and what the hell, I booked those beautiful suckers today at lunch! As I was doing the San Pedro Happy Dance, I shot an email to my brothers and sisters from another mother who are forced to live on the island and it just gets better and better….
First of all we will be there in time to chill with some good friends from Kansas, Philly, Houston, and other places as they will be finishing up their vacations as well as chill with our great San Pedro friends – Bonus
Second we will be on the island the same time as some other blog stalkers and of course the blog mayor of Belize and others. (I am trying the Hyperlink out for the first time if you can’t tell)

And lastly we will be there for the Block Party of Lobsterfest and we get to enjoy 2 Sundays on San Pedro this trip! – Someone Slap Me!

First order of Business – Drink own weight in these!

Go Chill at this “shitty bar”

Go find this guy and drink with him too!

After spending so much time in the bars, I may even kiss this man on the Cheek! Or at least ring his damned bell!

Lobsterfest booth (Stolen from the Blog Mayor)

If I am lucky I may get the “you better watch yourself” Maria finger!

Go eat Breakfast at this joint (stolen from Rump Shaker)

If there is time maybe do this, or possibly Home Depot and Bed Bath and Beyond

But in the end we will be smiling like Cheshire cats!

Ok, I need to tell Momma to go close the blinds – Life is good!


In case you were sick the day they taught Musicfest 101 here is another shot at it!

Rule Number 1 – It is going to Rain at least one day of Musicfest so you might as well invest in a pair of mud boots or in the case of this year – Hip waders. Flip Flops or high heels will not cut it!

Lake Tom Lee on Sunday (it was a foot deep in some places)

Love the King but the shoes…..

See what happens when you add water to dirt and have people walking on it?

Good thing that these suckers are my mud pants!

Rule Number 2 – When Tim Simpson from News Channel 3 says that it is going to rain all day, go ahead and make plans to break out the rain jacket, poncho and wear it.

Ya got to give him credit, at least he doesn’t have to worry about getting his clothes wet.

Girls ya look great but no points for wet clothes

Sames goes for these two, the one in the green was shivering but they both looked good.

Good sports but they are not enjoying their musicfest experience

Rule Number 3 – When the sun is not out the earth will cool, so you may want to dress accordingly.

Bless her heart, she was shivering
Rule Number 4 – Take precautions and wash your hands as frequently or use hand sanitizer to prevent the spread of Swine Flu.

Jen overseeing that the swine flu is being contained.

It is good to be the king!

Rule Number 5 – Before walking out the door, take a look at the mirror and ask “What would my mother say of this outfit?

At first I thought he was in a band but I was wrong.

WTCBF is going on here!

Ya got to like the hair but probably not appropriate for a fortune 500 company.

Rule Number 6 – Tip your bartender or servers!

These girls rocked and I hope made a lot of cashola
Rule Number 7 – Back hair is a no-no but showcasing it is even worse!

I am trying to wrap my mind around this but I can’t!

Rule Number 8 – Drinking should be done in Moderation.

We arrived in the park at 7 on Friday and heard that this dude was already passed out by 6. He never heard a single note!

Oh look the cherry vodka that he drank has now come up again!

Saw this walking in as they were right in front of us. Hope you enjoy that pronto pup (for the second time)

Daddy, I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me and I sure am tired too!

Rule number 9 – If you violate any of the above rules then lookout for me as I may take a picture of ya!

Tune in next week when we discuss smoked pork meat!


If you have a daughter, sister or neice – READ THIS ENTRY!

Ahh the Sunday prior to Memphis in May which could only mean the Beale Street Wine Race or as some call it the “run naked through the street party!” Now I must admit as we were walking down to the the entertainment district someone asked if I brought my camera and if I was going to talk about this event and he informed me that he may get a chubby reading this post. All I have to say is sorry RJ, even though I am on the express train to hell, I can’t publish pictures of some mother and fathers sweet little Innocent daughter who may or may not be covering all of her ‘lil bits’ (Even if she were the biggest slut on the bar at Alfreds!) I have friends who have daughters and let me give you this advice – If sweet little daddy’s girl tells you that she is competing in the wine race, LOCK HER THE HELL UP IN HER ROOM THAT DAY! You do not want to know what happens down there! TRUST THE CARBUNKLE!
Anyway the Wine race is restaurant event in which various bars will put a team together and compete in the Parade, Queen of the Vine, Grape stomp, and the big one – The wine Relay race! This year we had great weather and the drunk o meter was pegged by 1PM so a good time was had by all. The Wine relay race is a 4 man team and goes like this; 1 team member opens a bottle of wine, pours a glass and caries all that on a tray up a block to his relay man, 2nd team member opens another bottle of wine, pours a glass and off he goes with 2 bottles, glasses back a block. You are judged on speed and total volume so you may have a fast time but if you broke a bottle then you lose points for that. I must admit that I was on a winning wine race team back in the day and we all shared a 2K grand prize and of course had bragging rites for the year. This year’s winner was Flemmings, with the Gold Strike coming in second.
In the end a good time was had by all and it is a great way to kick off Memphis in May! on to the pictures;

a beautiful day for drinking!
Red Rooster Bar in the Parade

Red Rooster’s queen (that ended up being named queen) She was cute, had fun, wasn’t nasty and did not get all naked. Her mom and dad would be proud.

Miss Polly’s team (love the rolling cooler)

Alfred’s carrying in their queen

More on her later….

BB Kings’ team

Ruth Chris’ Queen

Gold Strike

Is that who I think it is? Yo King!

“I want to thank my momma and daddy for my private skool edumacation, and yes I am dressed like a slut and just wait till they ask me my Queen of the Vine question. I am really going to show my arse!”

Jean Jean the Dancing Machine! She was body painted that morning and looked great!

Ok, we are in Alfreds now and let’s get out the whipped cream and let other girls lick it off of various body parts.

Me and the Silly Goose Queen of the Vine

More people on the bar with whipped cream

Aunt Terry and the Trumpets! (we only see him during festivals yet he lives downtown too!)

Now before you call me a perv, that is Ms Trumpet watching the show too, she and I had a good laugh about some of the girls dancing on the bar!

Check out Mom in the Blue dress on the right

DAMNIT I WANT A DRINK, Move you Skanky Arse out of my way!
Screw it, let’s go outside and check out the wine race that is about to start!

Us and Jean

The horses are nearing the starting gate.

He has good speed but…… Aw Shit!

Brother Pat checking out the race

Not bad, good form, looking good (he dropped everything right after I took the pic)

Man down, Man down! (Sorry Jan & Hon but you can’t lick the street, too much glass)

You have a Baby!!!! At the Wine Race!

Blue Monkey Team warming up!

Dude, you are going to have a bad burn tomorrow

Just like that girl’s feet!

That’s a good way to eliminate spillage.

Oh go ahead and have a seat, it isn’t timed or anything.

Brother Mike King!

The Guy on the left is my former brother from another mother Jay Turney of Chez Phillipe, they had a good heat but came up short this year. I love JT’s facial expressions!

Run JT, RUN!

Back to Alfreds and Mary decided to get Jiggy with it to some Funky Cold Medina!

Liz and Brother Sparks

Me and Anna

I have no idea what Ford is doing….

But it looked like fun, so I joined in!

And another wine race is in the books, now bring on Memphis in May!
Now one more time – Mother and Fathers if you sweet little inocent girl wants to compete in the wine race, make sure she is going to do the grape stomp but other than that she may end up on someone’s hard drive showing her……..