Month: February 2010

Flat CBT takes on the island!

Yes it is another Belize post but this one is going to be unique in that CBT went to Belize in a different form other than his 5 foot 6 inch chiseled specimen of a body. Back in January I was emailing the world famous TacoGirl and made mention that we were bummed that we could not attend Boogie2010 this year as a lot of our friends were making the trip and it was going to be a hot time on the island. I believe my comment was “If I could put a stamp on my Arse and mail myself down there I would!” and her reply was “We need a Flat Carbunkle Trumpet!”.

Now if you are scratching your head and wondering if CBT is already on the sauce the answer is no as kids across the country will do a school project named Flat_Stanley so off I went to get out the paints and construction paper.

Mailed Flat Stanley in plenty of time and Taco and I decided that Flat CBT would make ‘guest’ appearances while the drunks Message Boarders were out looting and pillaging. This past week has been fun checking in Taco’s site and between that and the drunken text messages and even a foam call from the Captain it was the next best thing to being there! Love you guys and now please allow me to do some ‘retorting’!

Flat CBT has arrived at the Crazy Canucks! I must admit that the post office official looked at me like I were smoking crack when she read the Customs declaration on what was in the envelope. (Green form lower left of envelope)
Also good to see my horseshoe throwing Buddy Ali too!

Here is CBT and the Tacos! Love you guys and thanks for allowing me to crash at the Taco Shack!

Here is TQ and TP chilling at the new airport lounge.
Oh btw TQ the next time you are making a trip to Belize we are going to require you to come to Memphis so we can personally wake you in time to make your flight.

“Um hello US Customs be on the lookout for these people, they are up to no good and their livers are a threat to national security!”

Here you see Nova giving CBT a proctology exam.
Thanks for having your nails trimmed for me there kiddo!
Also why is Spurs kissing on Bill that’s my job!
Damnit AZ we are going to have to plan and schedule better so we can hang out longer!
Oh and Isle, I promise I had nothing to do with the bad weather on your departure day BwaaaaaHaaaaa!

Thanks Paul for the Belikin, I think I am going to need it for the next couple of pictures.
Oh and the glitter and stars on the pink speedo were added by Taco btw! I would never wear something that tacky.

KLC Man that is the wrong finger for “Your number one!”
Is Sussie telling Spurs “Hey look a Chicken?”

Pirate Steve had never met Taco Girl and when they pulled me out for some pics, he goes over to her and says “Hey we talked to him last night on the foam!”
ThatsWhatIamtalkingabout!!!!!!
Cindy honey it looks like I was just doing that thing that you made mention on your FB status update the other day.
Sniff, Sniff I remember when they were building the wall

Here is Jammer and Isle abusing CBT.
I bet that there wasn’t any older french ladies around for you to make fun of this year were there?
FOCUS!
Susie giving me shout out and then Cindy hands me over to….

Farmer Ted I can only imagine what you are doing to Flat CBT right now. I fear that he may need years of therapy and a good cleaning.

Ken and Mel saved me from some type of horrible Canadian doing. Love the pictures of the island and can you see if Ken can have a good time, he never smiles!

Guess Spurs needed some more bacon on her pizza!

Street Meat and my favorite Taco Vendor too!

Even the Mexican came down for some fun!

All I am saying is that ‘someone’ better have a huge campaign war chest or I am getting out the scanner and someone is going to have a Gary Hart/John Edwards/Bill Clinton moment. Just sayin….
Oh and BCB good to see you out and about!

I often wondered what would happen to you in Federal “Pound you in the arse” Prison…

I feel so cheap and embarrassed, my tiara doesn’t match my pearls….
Thanks Taco’s and I hope everyone had a good time on that ‘shitty little island’ Please check out Taco’s Blog as she can help you with taking a virtual vacation.
LYLTU#1
TTK!
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Flat CBT takes on the island!

Yes it is another Belize post but this one is going to be unique in that CBT went to Belize in a different form other than his 5 foot 6 inch chiseled specimen of a body. Back in January I was emailing the world famous TacoGirl and made mention that we were bummed that we could not attend Boogie2010 this year as a lot of our friends were making the trip and it was going to be a hot time on the island. I believe my comment was “If I could put a stamp on my Arse and mail myself down there I would!” and her reply was “We need a Flat Carbunkle Trumpet!”.

Now if you are scratching your head and wondering if CBT is already on the sauce the answer is no as kids across the country will do a school project named Flat_Stanley so off I went to get out the paints and construction paper.

Mailed Flat Stanley in plenty of time and Taco and I decided that Flat CBT would make ‘guest’ appearances while the drunks Message Boarders were out looting and pillaging. This past week has been fun checking in Taco’s site and between that and the drunken text messages and even a foam call from the Captain it was the next best thing to being there! Love you guys and now please allow me to do some ‘retorting’!

Flat CBT has arrived at the Crazy Canucks! I must admit that the post office official looked at me like I were smoking crack when she read the Customs declaration on what was in the envelope. (Green form lower left of envelope)
Also good to see my horseshoe throwing Buddy Ali too!

Here is CBT and the Tacos! Love you guys and thanks for allowing me to crash at the Taco Shack!

Here is TQ and TP chilling at the new airport lounge.
Oh btw TQ the next time you are making a trip to Belize we are going to require you to come to Memphis so we can personally wake you in time to make your flight.

“Um hello US Customs be on the lookout for these people, they are up to no good and their livers are a threat to national security!”

Here you see Nova giving CBT a proctology exam.
Thanks for having your nails trimmed for me there kiddo!
Also why is Spurs kissing on Bill that’s my job!
Damnit AZ we are going to have to plan and schedule better so we can hang out longer!
Oh and Isle, I promise I had nothing to do with the bad weather on your departure day BwaaaaaHaaaaa!

Thanks Paul for the Belikin, I think I am going to need it for the next couple of pictures.
Oh and the glitter and stars on the pink speedo were added by Taco btw! I would never wear something that tacky.

KLC Man that is the wrong finger for “Your number one!”
Is Sussie telling Spurs “Hey look a Chicken?”

Pirate Steve had never met Taco Girl and when they pulled me out for some pics, he goes over to her and says “Hey we talked to him last night on the foam!”
ThatsWhatIamtalkingabout!!!!!!
Cindy honey it looks like I was just doing that thing that you made mention on your FB status update the other day.
Sniff, Sniff I remember when they were building the wall

Here is Jammer and Isle abusing CBT.
I bet that there wasn’t any older french ladies around for you to make fun of this year were there?
FOCUS!
Susie giving me shout out and then Cindy hands me over to….

Farmer Ted I can only imagine what you are doing to Flat CBT right now. I fear that he may need years of therapy and a good cleaning.

Ken and Mel saved me from some type of horrible Canadian doing. Love the pictures of the island and can you see if Ken can have a good time, he never smiles!

Guess Spurs needed some more bacon on her pizza!

Street Meat and my favorite Taco Vendor too!

Even the Mexican came down for some fun!

All I am saying is that ‘someone’ better have a huge campaign war chest or I am getting out the scanner and someone is going to have a Gary Hart/John Edwards/Bill Clinton moment. Just sayin….
Oh and BCB good to see you out and about!

I often wondered what would happen to you in Federal “Pound you in the arse” Prison…

I feel so cheap and embarrassed, my tiara doesn’t match my pearls….
Thanks Taco’s and I hope everyone had a good time on that ‘shitty little island’ Please check out Taco’s Blog as she can help you with taking a virtual vacation.
LYLTU#1
TTK!

CBT’s impression of the olympics

So I got called out by RxBambi for watching the Olympics and yeah I admit it I watch the games so what? I recall as a younger lad accompanying my grade school friend and his family to Dallas for his younger sister’s ice skating competition. All that I can remember about it is that you wait all damn day for 3 minutes to watch your skater swirl around on the ice, the whole time you are praying they don’t bust their arse! Anyway as the games come to a close here is the unabashed opinion of the 2010 games up in Vancouver.

  • Joannie Rochette (Bronze medal winner for Canada) – I could only imagine the pressure of figure skating at that level and kudos to you for keeping your composure at the worst time of you life.

Ok now let’s get dirty shall we?

  • The US Bobsledder who had more rolls than at the Paula Deen Buffet – Damn Buddy you think you could have picked up a light beer?
  • Speaking of Beer, who cares that the Women’s Canadian Hockey team were drinking beer, smoking cigars on the ice after the stands were empty? At least they weren’t found smoking dope like Micheal Phelps!
  • This whole Julia Mancuso – Lindsey Vonn cat fight – First of all Mancuso (pot) you wear a friggin crown at the awards ceremony and have one painted on your helmet get over it! Lindsey (kettle) I suspect that you are faking it as you finally ‘broke’ the news that you had a shin injury at the opening press conference? Let me know when you are on your period please?
  • Shawn White’s coaching staff who threw the F bomb on national TV – Um Coach J you need to show up to Saturday School when you get back from the Olympics and see Brother Joel.
  • Evan Lysachek on first wearing feathers one night then wearing a snake around your neck the next night and you aren’t fagala? Whatever T. Cruise/K. Spacey!
  • That whole Ice Dancing sport thing – I want to see someone dance to AC/DC “Thunderstruck” or Ozzy Osborne’s ‘Crazy Train” then we shall see some dancing not “Ave Maria”
  • Tom Hammond’s commentating on figure skating – Dude I thought you were cool because you also work the Triple Crown Horse Racing! So disappointed
  • Scott Hamilton’s commentating on figure skating – that is why I have a mute button….
  • Sorry English Mike but your Gold Medal in Women’s Skeleton is a farce! Looks like your athlete likes it ribbed for her pleasure! Might as well put a propeller up her butt if you ask me!

Anyway keep it light and I hope that the US Hockey team pummels the Canadian team if they get to play each other on Sunday!

TTK!

Brisket 101

So if you recall my previous blog entry (no not that one with the picture) I said that we have been really enjoying the recipes from the “Cook This Not That” book which lead me to peruse a Beef Brisket recipe that I had to try. I had made my grocery list and accomplished just about everything except finding some Champagne Vinegar for a recipe that momma wanted to make. I have always heard of my Belizean buddies bitch about having to go to 6+ stores to grocery shop because of price or quality, I can empathize with them as I went to Kroger West Memphis, Ghetto Kroger on Cleveland, Midtown Schnucks, Pig on Madison Ah Screw it Momma will just have to go without!
We had great weather on Sunday so I fired up the Egg as off I went into the kitchen to prep and get things ready. I started reading the directions and right off the batch I was in disbelief of what it said;

  • Preheat oven to 325 (wait did I just read that correctly?) Let’s try it again shall we?
  • Preheat oven to 325 (What the Corn Break Fek!)

I have to admit I almost threw the book in the trash as I have done brisket in the past and had some success but start the cooking process of a brisket in an OVEN? Sorry “Cook This, Not That” but I would rather my little sister be a whore or a St. Louis Cardinals fan than use an oven when cooking brisket!
Anyway I compromised and used the indirect heat method in the smoker rather than waste electricity and it came out ok. I really did like the marinate as it had a good taste but next time we will do the CBT way and see how that turns out. Ok to the pictures;

There it is folks, I even circled it in Red! Blasphemy!

I prefer to put the dry spices on the night before so they can soak in and it makes a great crust too!

Got her in the pan and about to add the beer that I borrowed from my neighbor

Looks somewhat refreshing you know!

You know I think I may try a sip of this beer stuff. I hear that people in Maine, Persall Texas, Kansas City and even Canada like it.

Nope better stick to my iced tea!

Wait what’s that straw doing in there? Get that out of here!

Ketchup, Cider Vinegar (that is wildly available at all the stores I visited BTW), and honey.
Try it, it wasn’t bad and added a bit of a kick.

See what happens when you don’t smoke something right off the bat? Tasted ok but I learned my lesson.

Mashed taters in the middle and a Artichoke Red Pepper salad that was missing Champagne Vinegar as an ingredient. Not a bad meal.
Oh and for the record as you have always heard me talk of disdain about a certain chef who has her own cooking show that refers to Extra Virgin Olive Oil as EVOO? Well my second least favorite chef is “barefoot” and refers to her husband who’s name is Jeff as “Jeffry” like a fag hag. Yep you guessed it, the Artichoke/Red Pepper salad was from her collection…..
TTK!

Brisket 101

So if you recall my previous blog entry (no not that one with the picture) I said that we have been really enjoying the recipes from the “Cook This Not That” book which lead me to peruse a Beef Brisket recipe that I had to try. I had made my grocery list and accomplished just about everything except finding some Champagne Vinegar for a recipe that momma wanted to make. I have always heard of my Belizean buddies bitch about having to go to 6+ stores to grocery shop because of price or quality, I can empathize with them as I went to Kroger West Memphis, Ghetto Kroger on Cleveland, Midtown Schnucks, Pig on Madison Ah Screw it Momma will just have to go without!
We had great weather on Sunday so I fired up the Egg as off I went into the kitchen to prep and get things ready. I started reading the directions and right off the batch I was in disbelief of what it said;

  • Preheat oven to 325 (wait did I just read that correctly?) Let’s try it again shall we?
  • Preheat oven to 325 (What the Corn Break Fek!)

I have to admit I almost threw the book in the trash as I have done brisket in the past and had some success but start the cooking process of a brisket in an OVEN? Sorry “Cook This, Not That” but I would rather my little sister be a whore or a St. Louis Cardinals fan than use an oven when cooking brisket!
Anyway I compromised and used the indirect heat method in the smoker rather than waste electricity and it came out ok. I really did like the marinate as it had a good taste but next time we will do the CBT way and see how that turns out. Ok to the pictures;

There it is folks, I even circled it in Red! Blasphemy!

I prefer to put the dry spices on the night before so they can soak in and it makes a great crust too!

Got her in the pan and about to add the beer that I borrowed from my neighbor

Looks somewhat refreshing you know!

You know I think I may try a sip of this beer stuff. I hear that people in Maine, Persall Texas, Kansas City and even Canada like it.

Nope better stick to my iced tea!

Wait what’s that straw doing in there? Get that out of here!

Ketchup, Cider Vinegar (that is wildly available at all the stores I visited BTW), and honey.
Try it, it wasn’t bad and added a bit of a kick.

See what happens when you don’t smoke something right off the bat? Tasted ok but I learned my lesson.

Mashed taters in the middle and a Artichoke Red Pepper salad that was missing Champagne Vinegar as an ingredient. Not a bad meal.
Oh and for the record as you have always heard me talk of disdain about a certain chef who has her own cooking show that refers to Extra Virgin Olive Oil as EVOO? Well my second least favorite chef is “barefoot” and refers to her husband who’s name is Jeff as “Jeffry” like a fag hag. Yep you guessed it, the Artichoke/Red Pepper salad was from her collection…..
TTK!

So what do you want to be when you….

grow up?

I recall that question being asked of me when I was way younger and I think I said I wanted to be a marine biologist or something like that. Glad I didn’t waste a bunch of money going to school for that because that whole science thing was kind of hard when I was a wee lad. Anyway as I have matured (notice I didn’t say grow up) I would say that I want to be a mixture of 4 people and it wasn’t till last night that I realized I needed to squeeze one more person into this 5 foot 5 inch body.

I had always I said I wanted to have the musical talent of Harry Connick Jr as I can’t even play Rock band—I suck that bad. Remember that plastic recorder that you had to play in the 3rd grade? I was so bad that asked me to ‘fake’ play when we had our band concert.

Next I would say that I would love to have the respect of other cultures like my homeboy Anthony Bourdain. I am a huge fan of his show No Reservations and I love his thirst for life and desire to experience everything there is about a country. Oh and that he also has an acid tongue and his cooking skills are pretty good too!

Now who doesn’t love the Gonzo love for life like Hank Moody from Californication? I don’t agree with his extra marital affairs on the show but you have to love a guy who treats every day as his last.

Rounding out my list was to be able to ‘thin the heard’ like Dexter Morgan. Who doesn’t love a serial killer who takes out bad people? Don’t get me wrong and I am not trying to break one of my own mantras but don’t you wish there was a way to {Control, Alt, Delete] some of the jackasses you see on the TV? The world would be a better place if we put a wood chipper at the banks of the Mississippi River and we round up the bad people you know????

Last night I was watching the Olympics dressed in my feathered Vera Wang skating outfit someone made mention about the great Italian Men’s downhill skier Alberto ‘Bomba” Tomba. Tomba is great, the guy would win Olympic medals and when a reporter would ask him how he felt, he would say that he feels horrible because he doesn’t have a good looking woman by his side or that he is a little fuzzy because he drank too much wine the night before. Tomba is the kind of guy who would ski a Super G and then do beer bongs with the fans in the stands. My later grandmother was a huge fan of Bomba, and this was a woman who attended church every Sunday and never imbibed except for a ‘touch’ of bourbon with her Holiday Egg Nog.

Anyway so who do you want to be when you grow up?

Yep sucks to be HCJr you know?
I am going to have to meet that man one of these days! I am sure I have said it before but if you have never read his books DO IT!


Between this Dexter and mommas love of the Tudors, there really isn’t anything good on Showtime you know?

Seriously though how does he afford a boat on a blood spatter expert you know?

There is a red haired woman up in heaven who is going to watch the Olympics next week as I hear Tomba is going to be making an appearance in Vancouver.

Aww ain’t I cute?

Sorry I had to lighten up the mood, I know that my 3 readers don’t want this to turn into a sappy blog! Keep it light folks!
TTK!

You are eating what?

I know that it seems that all I have been doing is talking a lot about food and recipes as of late but you have to understand that is has been ball shrinking cold outside and keeps us home bound. Anyway we have been changing up things as I am convinced that your taste buds change every 7 years so the CBT kitchen has seen some new recipes (both good and bad). Momma got a recipe book that we have been getting a lot of our inspiration and I have been re-visiting my library of cookbooks and online to find some newbies as well.
I will look for some pictures later but so far here is what we have tried and have loved;

  1. Shrimp and Grits with turkey sausage – Effing BOMB!
  2. Tamales – Could give those joints on Jackson Avenue a run for the money
  3. Sketti and Meatballs
  4. Glazed Asian Teriyaki Chicken over mushroom risotto
  5. Whole Wheat Pizza – Got a better recipe and I am rocking the Pie
  6. Turkey Chili
  7. Roasted vegetables
  8. Smoked Chicken Burritos with a black bean puree

This weekend I am going to fire up the ole BGE as I have found a recipe that includes Beef Brisket, A can of Beer (may have to go buy one at the local Exxon as those other 5 will go to waste), apple cider vinegar, ketchup and honey. I will keep you posted….

These are chicken thighs and a cooking technique that I stole from Myron Nixon of the JacksOldSouth cooking team. If you like him or not, I have to say this is an ingenious method of cooking chicken for Blind Boxes. Note you will have to chop off the tibial plateau to get these little suckers to fit into the muffin pans but it really makes them uniform.
This is the book that we are getting a lot of our inspiration and it is actually good for us too.

TTK!

You are eating what?

I know that it seems that all I have been doing is talking a lot about food and recipes as of late but you have to understand that is has been ball shrinking cold outside and keeps us home bound. Anyway we have been changing up things as I am convinced that your taste buds change every 7 years so the CBT kitchen has seen some new recipes (both good and bad). Momma got a recipe book that we have been getting a lot of our inspiration and I have been re-visiting my library of cookbooks and online to find some newbies as well.
I will look for some pictures later but so far here is what we have tried and have loved;

  1. Shrimp and Grits with turkey sausage – Effing BOMB!
  2. Tamales – Could give those joints on Jackson Avenue a run for the money
  3. Sketti and Meatballs
  4. Glazed Asian Teriyaki Chicken over mushroom risotto
  5. Whole Wheat Pizza – Got a better recipe and I am rocking the Pie
  6. Turkey Chili
  7. Roasted vegetables
  8. Smoked Chicken Burritos with a black bean puree

This weekend I am going to fire up the ole BGE as I have found a recipe that includes Beef Brisket, A can of Beer (may have to go buy one at the local Exxon as those other 5 will go to waste), apple cider vinegar, ketchup and honey. I will keep you posted….

These are chicken thighs and a cooking technique that I stole from Myron Nixon of the JacksOldSouth cooking team. If you like him or not, I have to say this is an ingenious method of cooking chicken for Blind Boxes. Note you will have to chop off the tibial plateau to get these little suckers to fit into the muffin pans but it really makes them uniform.
This is the book that we are getting a lot of our inspiration and it is actually good for us too.

TTK!

Fat Tuesday and the countdown begins!

Happy Fat Tuesday folks I encourage everyone to go fly Southwest airlines today as I suspect they are stinging from the negative press they got for kicking off Kevin “Silent Bob” Smith of a flight this past weekend. Anyway tomorrow starts the Lenten season and it also is the countdown to my 40th trip around the sun! That’s right baby CBT “Pasando cuarenta”in 45 days and to mark the occasion we are heading to the Horse track for a day of beer, grey horses and jockeys wearing pink silks! (if you have bet on horses with me you would understand)
I saw these pictures from the SanPedroSun from this past weekend and even though they are running wild in the French Quarter with “Who Dat” fever this reminds me that I really need to get down the San Pedro to see the Comparsa and Carnival one of these day. Anyway I haven’t thought of what I need to give up for lent but there is time.

Ms Flora’s Group – Day 2
Damn Felix you may want to shave a little closer on those legs

Ms Flora’s group on Day 1

Man to be a kid on that island, paint wars!
Keep it light and again thanks to the SanPedroSun for the pics.
TTK!

Careful what you say…

A friend of mine had tweeted on their twitter feed that their employer had made them remove a tweet as they had mentioned the company name and this was a no-no. We have a couple friends who despise with a passion Facebook in that people are stupid to post personal things that can lead to them getting in trouble. This begs the question how effing stupid do you have to be to get fired or expelled from school for putting on your facebook. I mean if you post “I effing hate XXX, or I hope the school blows up!” or “I got so shitfaced, I hope I can fool the boss that I am not still drunk” you deserve to get fired or kicked out.
Now if you are a friend of mine on Facebook you will notice that every day is a carnival inside my head as who wants to hear what I had for breakfast or that I will be working for the next 8 hours at X. I mean that shit is boring, anyway anything that has a button where you can [Poke] someone you have to smile. A couple of my attorneys friends (not here mind you) tell me that they have clients who have posted pics of them trashed or passed out on Facebook or MySpace and it is like taking candy from a baby.
The latest toy that is on my iFoam is Foursquare and Loopt as this is the ultimate stalking tool. You actually ‘check in’ at various location in Memphis and if you are there enough you become Mayor. Currently I am mayor of Bar 595, Costco, the Corkscrew, Luchessi’s Pasta and my favorite Cash and Carry and it is a novelty but seriously folks you better be careful with this. I mean here it is 2AM on a school night and you are checking in at a bar and if your boss or someone else found out….not good anyway you know what Momma Kasaftes used to say “Nothing good happens after midnight”
One thing that I do like about twitter is depending on who you follow you can find out information WAY faster than ever and let’s say that Kentucky is getting beat by South Carolina and you are watching network TV, boom you get to see Cashapari go down in flames in Cockland! You can also ‘stalk’ celebrities or in the case of Tila Tequila you can actually watch someone go down the tubes. Also the ‘fake’ celebrities are a hoot as Not-Jay Cutler is a guy that I want to party with.

Anyway this is a good mantra that you crazy kids and your rock and roll may need to follow;
Post something that should stay a ‘thought bubble’ on Facebook – Get fired in a week.
Post something that should stay a ‘thought bubble on Twitter – Get fired in a day.
Check in to a bar at 3AM on a school night when you have a big meeting the next day – Get fired before you even wake up!

Ok time for me to get out of my work thong and into something more comfortable

TTK!