Month: April 2010

Where in the world is CBT?

I guess when I saw my face on the milk carton this morning I realized I needed to pop back up on the map and let you know that I am still above ground and eating solid food. I know that my favorite bartenders, bar & liquor store owners have started to worry but I have signed up with a ‘double secret’ project and will be off radar for a tad bit.

In the meantime enjoy Memphis in May and when I get back…..Oh Lawd be afraid!

I can almost smell the stale draught beer and the pronto pups from the Bluffs!
TTK!
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Week one of Festivus Begins!

As we rolled into the start of Memphis Festivus I had to make a ‘small’ donation to the Tax man and we also had to celebrate the nephew’s 6th birthday before pronto pups were to be eaten. The nephew got a fort/swing set that is bigger than my entire yard but is perfectly acceptable out in Breederville/High Point Terrace. We hung out there on Thursday night instead of the roof top and then did the weekend up in grand style with the Redbirds game, Wing Fest and with the already blogged Rajun Cajun.
Friday night was great (except for the score) and the fireworks were a welcome start to a 7 week bladder buster, liver abuser, lipitor taking festival schedule. The weekend was great and rather than the traditional Musicfest rain we had great weather with temps in the mid 70’s to 80’s. Saturday we rolled down KC as she just had some surgery and was in a wheel chair and it wasn’t as bad as one would think. We got down to the Wing festival and it was a hoppin joint with a great crowd.

Oh and it was very nice to meet (in real life) some fellow Tweeters and yes I have to agree that Leggings are not pants and I am sure that I will run into y’all again very soon.

Oh thanks younger sister for getting the nephew a squirt gun too!
Dude, you do it and I promise you will remain the same height and have bad stutter too!

Handsome Ricky (the nephew named the cat) does not know what think of a 17 year old tiny toy poodle who is rolled up like a burrito. Old Veteran may be blind, sleep 95% of the time but she is happy and has been with us a long time.

Y’all need to hurry the hell up and finish that HB song ok?

I miss living in the Core downtown

Not a bad seat in Auto Zone Park

The South’s Grand Hotel

Whatever you do do not light a match right now.

Aunt Terry (I can call him that, I have known him since ’93) you are not going to believe this but there is a damned Chicken fixin to cross the road!

See I told you! I still don’t know why it crossed the road (except it may have had to use the porta potty)

Aunt Terry getting in the fun

Wait I know that chicken and the lady in the peacock mask too!

(I have to say it)
Look someone is about to choke the chicken!

Here we have a picture of BC taking a picture of RS and a baby at Wing fest

“Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh it looks good on you AB!”
Glad I only have 3 readers and she isn’t one of them or she would smack me!
Katie, I don’t care if you just had hip surgery and a fall on it may make you break it. That girl over there needs medical attention and a ride in your wheel chair!

Even PR and WB were afraid of the Woolly Mammoth

I feel like Paul R after taking this picture (feel free to smack me RS)

You have to love the Ques Brother BBQ team – not only do they provide free food and beer but they also give out free toddlers too!
FH – “What do you think, you want to keep her?”
SB – “I don’t know do you think we can teach her to use the litter box like the cat does?”
Something is morally wrong here as the Tarot card lady is getting her 2X4 Bud heavy drink on you know?

That is a damned shame you know?!!!!!
See you at the Zombie fest!
TTK!

Week one of Festivus Begins!

As we rolled into the start of Memphis Festivus I had to make a ‘small’ donation to the Tax man and we also had to celebrate the nephew’s 6th birthday before pronto pups were to be eaten. The nephew got a fort/swing set that is bigger than my entire yard but is perfectly acceptable out in Breederville/High Point Terrace. We hung out there on Thursday night instead of the roof top and then did the weekend up in grand style with the Redbirds game, Wing Fest and with the already blogged Rajun Cajun.
Friday night was great (except for the score) and the fireworks were a welcome start to a 7 week bladder buster, liver abuser, lipitor taking festival schedule. The weekend was great and rather than the traditional Musicfest rain we had great weather with temps in the mid 70’s to 80’s. Saturday we rolled down KC as she just had some surgery and was in a wheel chair and it wasn’t as bad as one would think. We got down to the Wing festival and it was a hoppin joint with a great crowd.

Oh and it was very nice to meet (in real life) some fellow Tweeters and yes I have to agree that Leggings are not pants and I am sure that I will run into y’all again very soon.

Oh thanks younger sister for getting the nephew a squirt gun too!
Dude, you do it and I promise you will remain the same height and have bad stutter too!

Handsome Ricky (the nephew named the cat) does not know what think of a 17 year old tiny toy poodle who is rolled up like a burrito. Old Veteran may be blind, sleep 95% of the time but she is happy and has been with us a long time.

Y’all need to hurry the hell up and finish that HB song ok?

I miss living in the Core downtown

Not a bad seat in Auto Zone Park

The South’s Grand Hotel

Whatever you do do not light a match right now.

Aunt Terry (I can call him that, I have known him since ’93) you are not going to believe this but there is a damned Chicken fixin to cross the road!

See I told you! I still don’t know why it crossed the road (except it may have had to use the porta potty)

Aunt Terry getting in the fun

Wait I know that chicken and the lady in the peacock mask too!

(I have to say it)
Look someone is about to choke the chicken!

Here we have a picture of BC taking a picture of RS and a baby at Wing fest

“Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh it looks good on you AB!”
Glad I only have 3 readers and she isn’t one of them or she would smack me!
Katie, I don’t care if you just had hip surgery and a fall on it may make you break it. That girl over there needs medical attention and a ride in your wheel chair!

Even PR and WB were afraid of the Woolly Mammoth

I feel like Paul R after taking this picture (feel free to smack me RS)

You have to love the Ques Brother BBQ team – not only do they provide free food and beer but they also give out free toddlers too!
FH – “What do you think, you want to keep her?”
SB – “I don’t know do you think we can teach her to use the litter box like the cat does?”
Something is morally wrong here as the Tarot card lady is getting her 2X4 Bud heavy drink on you know?

That is a damned shame you know?!!!!!
See you at the Zombie fest!
TTK!

What do you do when you add 5 apple knockers and 1 authentic Cajun together?

You get one hell of a Roux and even a better Gumbo!
A couple of years ago a group of us were sitting around a smoker drinking some ‘frosty beverages’ my good friend WW asked me if I would like to join his band of misfit Gumbo cookers. I kicked it around as I am a little hesitant in joining cooking teams as I have seen many a good friendship ruined over a smoker, boiling pot of noodles and life is too short. The Italian fest team that I am on is actually a second take of an old BBQ team that split when I was 16 so I am a fan of preserving friendships rather than getting pissed at someone because ‘their’ guest pissed off ‘someones wife’. Anyway I told brother WW that yes I would accept the invitation as I really have not hung out with him that much and it was a one day event that didn’t require vacation days from work and it was a small team that I am already good friends with.
The Gumbo cooking contest is a fund raiser event for Porter-Leath and occurs downtown (another bonus) that occurs during their Rajun Cajun festival. In years past we would convene on Kitchen 595 the night before to prep, chop, make a gumbo to serve to our friends and basically hang out and visit. This year Brother WW made us some crawfish etouffee to snack on as we chopped, peeled shrimp and busted each others balls and let me tell ya, Mrs CBT loves that night because she can kick back and watch a bunch of men chop onions and make her dinner.
I will leave you with the pictures but we came in 5th this year, had a blast hanging out with everyone, it didn’t rain and all of our team members showed up on time without car problems!

As you can see KC is on point making sure that all the onions, celery and bell pepper’s are chopped to the exact size.
Hey what is that guy in the middle doing? Oh he must be conducting quality control for that ‘diet coke’ he is drinking.

Pretty much WW gets to sit and chill as SP is chopping off his finger into the onions.

Tough work for a pimp you know

What is significant about this picture?
Brother CC showed on time and without car problems like last year.
In his defense some little bastards kids broke into his truck and lifted 4 cases of beer bottled water that we were going to drink on the day of the festival the night before.
Currently we are missing KC in the group picture as she was chilling at her house before the festival started.
I mean we may be arseholes but who is going to make a woman who had an ingrown toenail surgery a couple days prior hoof it up and down the trolley tracks.
I had 3 jobs for the day according to WW
  1. set up WW’s Mis en Place
  2. Be official timekeeper (notice that obnoxious orange watch I had on)
  3. Make sure that I document people wearing clothes that they obviously did not look into the mirror before they left for the festival. (Next post coming up tomorrow)

WW – “Um CBT did you remember to load the butane canisters?”

CBT – “Shit I had 4 to do today! Be right back!”

Here is where I realize that WW isn’t actually Cajun but he stayed at a Holiday Inn Select before.
Side Note – The team next to us were a group of chefs from L’Ecole_Culinaire_Memphis and as WW and I were watching some knife skills that rivaled my ‘Man Crush” Tony Bourdain we were in trouble.
It all starts with Oil and Flour….

Heat and stir that sucker till you get some brown sugar looking love!

Add the onions (that SP didn’t make as pretty as the Chefs did) and the pot is getting happy!

If you have that new iPad you can add the ‘scratch and sniff’ option and smell the love

A Savoir-Faire & the Lagniappe Boys team prayer over the pot of Gumbo for good luck!

Be honest it makes you a little moist looking at that doesn’t it?

Like I told you, WW and I had major Chubbies over the knife skills the team of Chefs had!
This is WW in their tent joking around.

Sure WW you chopped all of that and I have on boxer shorts and not a pink thong!

See what I mean? They made fast work on a 10# bag of onions and celery and red peppers too!

WW taking a break from the first round of turn in.
It is good to be the king you know?

Inside the tent all of our other neighbor cooking teams (20 in all)

Taking one from WW.
It is good to be the king
I got to hang with a fellow tweeter RS during the down time (that kind of sounds bad doesn’t it?)
Someone get JK off of the trolley tracks, another trolley is coming

WW about to “Do some of that Voodoo that He do oh so well” for the finals
No wait he actually is peeing in the turn in cups.

[ Insert Caddy Shack Movie quote here]

Turn in for the Finals and our 5th place award!

Look who got out of bed and hung with us on a beautiful afternoon?

Here is WW being interviewed by MD about the night before when he stayed at Casa De CBT.

Oh I bet the folks at Autozone hate the day after the crawfish festival.

WW thanks for a great weekend and we look forward to next year!
AaaaaaaaaaaHhhhhhhhhhhhhEeeeeeeeeeee!
Now if you are asking yourself “Wait you mean CBT isn’t going to issue any fashion citations today?” Tune in tomorrow!
TTK!

Hey Big Man, let me ax you a question……

Here we go again, CBT is breaking his own mantra and going to throw his hat into a debate that is going on right now in Downtown Memphis. No it isn’t skillet that adopted the Russian baby and then tried to Wal mart return the little kid by buying him a one way ticket home but the downtown panhandling problem. Being that I have been a downtowner since 92 I have had a unique outlook on the panhandling problem here in Memphis. When I moved into 38103 back in the early 90’s there were few panhandlers and for the most part they were friendly, they knew that I didn’t smoke and wasn’t going to give them money even if all they needed was a quart of oil to get to St. Louis.
Then the Atlanta Olympics happened in 96 and thanks to a quick “what are we going to do with our homeless problem”they rounded up all the homeless and shipped them to Memphis which created some more ‘aggressive’ panhandling. Add to that Katrina and other problems and guess what, we have some panhandlers who are scaring the shit out of tourists and females. I know that I have friends who have businesses downtown and it is affecting their bottom line as people have a conception that downtown is full of bums and is dangerous when really it isn’t. I don’t know if the answer is ‘banning single beer sales’ or ‘panhandling zones’ but whatever is decided I say we need to follow it through.
Here is what I mean…If I were to go duck hunting would I have better luck at finding ducks in a field on President’s island or at the Peabody hotel which has ducks swim in it’s fountain from 11-5 daily? I have been spending some time down in our Entertainment district lately and you can recognize the tourists like they were wearing a big ole sign that says “Come heckle me” and here is where we need to watch over these people because they are the easy targets. Who do you think that the panhandler is going to try to hit up – 1. a tourist from Tacoma Washington or 2. a short fat blond haired fellow that they have seen many times downtown and will not allow them to get into his personal space? Yep poor Tom Tacoma is going to get heckled and if the panhandler is ‘off his meds’ will probably scare the shit out of them and guess who loses….We all do. If there is to be a No Panhandling zone then it needs to be enforced – Period! Single Beer sales – If they can’t get a quart of beer then the bums may be working harder to get more money to buy a ‘Big Ass Beer’ that is sold up and down the street. Bottom line is this isn’t a quick fix and we may need to find out how some other cities are handling this problem.

In our travels abroad we run into panhandling as well and traditionally in the Latin America countries it is kids selling bracelets or Chiclets which in my opinion is at least fair trade. Sure I have a desk drawer full of crappy beaded necklaces but at least I feel better knowing that my 10BZE was in trade for a shark necklace that I will never wear again. Again the same businesses who hate these kids have the same rules but the un-written rule is “you don’t pester the tourist, then you can stay”. Hell I know of a kid that lives on the island of San Pedro who has a CBT radar because the moment I walk off the plane (with the band playing I might add) there is Alex! That kid is going to be mayor of San Pedro when he grows up, I promise you! Yep we have run into a couple of more aggressive panhandlers but when you offer to buy them a burger or go pay their light bill, they fold so shame on you!
Anyway back to topic – I will support whatever is decided on addressing the aggressive panhandling, I just hope that we follow through with it. Kind of like that dumbarse Panhandler permit that was passed a couple years ago, we need some teeth to make this work because something needs to happen.

Can he take me back to when the Cubs won the World Series or at least into next week so I can see what the powerball number are?
So that is where all those Star War fans go

Harry Potter anyone?
Take it light and remember “Just say no!”
TTK!

Those Poor Feet

It has been a while since I did a “you dress or do something stupid you may end up here” post.

Now here is where I am going to anger my 2 female readers and I just don’t understand the great lengths that women go to in the name of fashion. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a woman in high heels (please refrain from the stripper jokes) but to wear formal wear to the rail at the track is just silly in my opinion. This past weekend when we were at the track I noticed that about 30% of the females who were standing on the rail (for more than 5 hours) had on 5 inch Fek me pumps and I just don’t get it. I mean if they were in the jockey club or the owners suite yes but on the rail where draught beer and obscenities flows like water???No.
Of all my friends who came down to celebrate someones 40 year old balls I told them to wear comfortable shoes as we were going to be standing a lot and the rail has a 20% down grade to allow for drainage.

First it looks like she is wearing Spartacus shoes and notice the other shoes around the Roman high priestess
Those dogs are barking from here

I suspect she was more expensive than a 2 dollar exacta

Here is where my two twitter friends will lose their shit with the whole leggings are not pants thing but I wonder how they feel about that outfit.
Check out the pretty pink socks on the pair of legs to the left

So are you in town for the rubber convention?

Somewhere in the forest a rattle snake is freezing

Now this is sensible footwear

Well until the 10 draught beer and peanuts kicked in

I was sworn to secrecy but check out the cankles! (Love ya T!)
Keep it light and I have to work on Beale this afternoon so I am sure I will have something to report tomorrow.
TTK!

A Forty year old Carbunkle? Yikes!

“They say that you can measure a man’s wealth by the number of friends they have.”
If that is the case then I am one Rich S.O.B!

It was bound to happen, after many years of hanging with a bunch of old peeps it was finally time for CBT to join the ranks of the ‘over the hill’ club and this past weekend marked that occasion. In an agreement with Mrs CBT, there was to be no surprise party but just a relaxed weekend at the track with any and everybody who wanted to make the trip. For those who are ‘not from around these parts’ Hot Springs, AR has Oaklawn Racetrack and is a good training ground for those horses who plan to run for the roses at Churchill Downs for the Kentucky Derby. Mrs Trumpet and I have always stayed at the Arlington Hotel as being downtowners we enjoy parking the car and going on foot for dining, shopping and grabbing a cup of ‘diet coke’ as Bath House row should not be missed.
The plan was to get over on Friday morning and catch some races, have dinner and hang out with our friends from St. Louis, then Saturday we head to the track for a full day of gambling, telling lies and oh yeah have a couple of beers too! The weather was perfect, the races were good for some (self included) and a good time was had by all!
Sunday was Easter Sunday so after we all got back from Mass we headed home back to Crime Free Memphis and enjoyed the end of a great weekend.

The pictures will give you a better idea how the weekend went!

I don’t know who this Robilio effer is but a bunch of Jackarses were wearing this shirt at the track this weekend.
Oh did I fail to mention that the Arlington was also a huge place for Al Capone (not the singer, the Gangster) to come down from Chicago to hang out? Yep that is his normal room too.

Calvin Borel you magnificent B@st@rd, oh how you have made me some money over the years!

For those of you who watched the Kentucky Derby last year and watched that 50-1 horse ‘Mine that Bird’ win huge money, it was Calvin who was on the mount. He loves Oaklawn and Hot Springs and I love him too!

Nice Hat

Hmm, Pink silk wearing Jockey…Wonder if CBT put some money on him????
You bet your sweet Arse and all grey horses too!
Look my Sister from St. Louis even made the trip too!

Um Girls can you act like you are having a good time? Please?

The Easter Bunny is ready and is heading to the Track!

A beautiful day for racing!

Thank you Easter Bunny..Bwak, Bwak!

DS – “Hey CBT, I had the same numbers that they just posted on the board, what does that mean?”
CBT – “Oh nothing, here give me that ticket and I will go throw it away for you in the recycling bin.”
DS – “Ok, but what does it mean when the Trifecta pays 185.50 to the winner?”
CBT – “That means you go up there and trade that little ticket in for 185.50!”
As you can see JS and DS have now decided that Horse racing is easy and out of respect they are going to let us play some now.
If you are wondering why I took a picture of this and spewing obscenities at this time please check out the next picture.

That’s right and I had pretty good odds on horse Numero 12 too!
Thankfully the Stewards did not see enough evidence that there was a foul and denied the objection!
(thank goodness we had an attorney traveling in our group too!)
Gives a whole new meaning to Mr Ed’s head doesn’t it?
And they are out of the gate!

And look my horse is dead arse last!
Again a great day with friends, good weather and even some good John McNicholas from up above good luck!

Aaron Gryder showed up at Oaklawn on Thursday to prep for the Arkansas Derby and none of the handicappers picked him in any races.
(well except for CBT and others who realized he was trending and some made some good money on Saturday!)
For those who don’t know who he is, he is a pretty good and accomplished jockey who races in the Breeders Cup and Triple Crown races each and every year.
Beautiful day on the Rail
You would have to kill me to sit inside on such a great day!
Cold Beer, Good Reuben Sandwiches and some warm temps!

Did I mention beer?

Tucker did you happen to pick that exacta with the 50-1 long shot horse in the last race?

If she played at 2 dollar exacta she would have had to claim an IRS form.

Baby Fine Hair got so hot at the track she started smoking!

Did you hear that CBT is going to go streaking in honor of his 40th? Guess she did!

Even Tucker heard it!

I hold the Popper Olympic CD in my hand
So a Rabbi, Priest and a Nun walk into a bar….

And even in honor of CBT’s 40th trip around the sun this guy put these pants on!
Now don’t worry, I also took some “If you wore something stupid, I took a picture of it” pics this past weekend and I will be posting very soon!
TTK and thanks to all my friends for the Birthday well wishes!