Imagine that you are siting at the bar at South of Beale having a couple of drinks when a co-worker of your wife orders a burger from Slick. The burger arrives after an appropriate time and is presented in front of said co-worker to which she thanks aforementioned bartender. Before she places the garnishment on the burger this person digs into their purse and pulls out a camera….. Oh NO I am thinking, she isn’t, she can’t be………”Damnit she is a plate picture taker! Oh the shame, I had high regards for her until this!!!!!” I have a couple friends on FB and twitter who are also guilty of this and I don’t know I guess it just bugs me. I guess that I need to ‘splain’ myself on why I have such a negative slant on this.
Back before I was the porta pottie pumper outer, rubber sex toy employee and male gigolo, I was the General Manager of a swank restaurant in the Victorian Village area of downtown (seriously I was). The joint was closed on Sunday and Monday evenings as we were not as busy as some of the owner’s other establishments but that was cool with me as in 5 days you roughly work 60+ hours a week that people don’t normally know. The owner asked me if I would go open the restaurant on a Monday for a friend of hers who was a food stylist so he could take some pictures for a client he was working for. I figured that this would take a couple hours so I said sure why not thinking that he may even feed me too!
Well on that day the dude showed up and he had more gear and equipment than the musical Chicago that was just here a couple weeks ago and I am now thinking this is going to take longer than a couple hours. I let him into the kitchen and head up to the office to get a jump on inventory or some other responsibility and leave ‘dude’ to his photography. Now about 2 hours has elapsed and yes the hunger Gods are calling so I head down to check on his progress and snag a bite to eat as I heard him banging pots around. I get down there and it is like a NYC model shoot but here is the kicker, the food isn’t actually food it is props made to look like food. Yep what is supposed to be milk on that Oreo is actually dried Elmer’s glue. French fries in a wax paper cone you think – Pencils with hair spray on them. Grilled Chicken you think – some type of a wax object that has spray painted ‘grill marks’ on it. Oh I failed to mention that I was hung the hell over and now starving! I ask ‘dude’ how long this was going to be and he informs me that he has taken 10% of the pictures and “if I were not bothering him he could continue making art.” Needless to say I tell Pepe the photographer that this ain’t NYC and I would appreciate it if he hurries the hell up.
After a quick trip to the BBQ joint around the corner for a smoked sausage sammie, I head back up to the office and make a foam call to the owner. Naturally the owner had no idea that this was going to take so long and also confirmed that this was a friend of a friend of a friend who needed the favor so naturally this was a freebie. I told the owner that I would give him 2 more hours as I didn’t understand why he needed a commercial kitchen when he could have done that shit in his own kitchen and she agreed. I go down to inform ‘dude’ of this new agreement as he is doing horrible things to a chicken wing and needless to say he ain’t happy. He gets on his phone and starts ranting and raving to someone and he hands the phone to me. Whomever this person is they too are not happy and I inform him that with the mess that ‘dude’ has made, the fact that we ain’t making a damn dime off of this that he needs to get to work and quit burning daylight.
Anyway short end to a long story ‘dude’ finally got his crap pics done, offered to let me have the ‘food’ that he took pics of it as payment and gave me 2 gallons of Ranch dressing. I told him thanks and promptly threw that crap in the trash. Sorry but some of the best meals that I have eaten may have not been picture perfect and thanks to that jackass I still get the red arse when I see a picture of a plate.