As I was looking on the Memphis in May website last night hoping that there would be a late minute addition of Neil Diamond being added to the line up that I saw my old position for Chief Bottle Washer posted on seasonal employment. Due to failed contract negotiations CBT will not be the man atop the hill this year as my request for a larger bottle of Gold Bond, bigger trailer and golf cart with spinners was shot down by management. As part of my agreement to get the first leftover corn dog at BSMF this year I have agreed to pimp part of my worthless dribble of a blog to them getting some good men and women to fill some positions. Now before you think to yourself “self, if CBT can do this then any
dumbass body could do this job!” let me warn you NOW! I have seen people cry, I have seen people get voted out of the potato of trust and I have even seen a vegetarian get so upset that they throw down their vow and pick up a turkey leg and start eating!
I have created a list of Pro’s and Con’s for you to consider before you send in your resume and beg to be one of the few that get to wear a radio during the month of May. They are as follows but let me start with the Cons
– You will have more friends come out of the woodwork requesting free passes, special favors, golf cart rides, weather reports & backstage access. “Sure, I will put your name on the list, go see Captain Ron.”
– The hours that you work in comparison to your pay you will realize that you are making the same as a 3rd grader in a Cambodian sweatshop.
– You will get an addiction to Natty Light and Gold Bond Medicated Powder (Don’t ask).
– You are going to get rained on (a LOT!)
– After the festival you will still continue to talk into your shoulder for no other reason.
– There is nothing better than the smell of the porta potties getting pumped out.
– Did I mention you are going to get rained on A LOT?
– Your circle/network of friends will increase by 1500 in a month.
– You get to pull off the biggest outside special event in this region.
– You could fill 2 volumes of “War and Peace” thick books with stories of the crap that you saw/did.
– If you like rain then this is the job for you.
– You will get an addiction to Natty Light and Gold Bond Medicated Powder. (Don’t Ask)
– You get to see some really drunk people do some really stupid things (Bob Dylan’s baby Jesus)
– When you watch the Palladia Concert show you can bug your wife and say “Do you know how they put that stage up?”
So if you think that you have what it takes to be one of the few, please by all means submit your resume HERE but if you want the job do yourself a favor and don’t tell them that CBT sent you. They are still looking for golf cart #29 and according to some of my buddies who still work for MIM I may (or may not) be the prime suspect. All kidding aside if you think you want to do this, feel free to shoot me an email, it is something that you can not explain until you see it first hand. Probably the best explanation I have ever heard about it was from my former boss “It is the best of times & the worst of times all rolled into one.”
Damn thing was wet a lot!
Did I mention the rain?
There are a couple perks I might add
You do get to see about 45 of these things during your term.
You know I don’t think that team is coming back this year.
It kinda gets into your blood.
Opening day = the cleanest these things will ever be!
That is a unique parking place eh Teddy Graham?
Again some of the perks are pretty sweet!
And to think that after 45 days the park goes back to normal (but you will forever be scared!)
What did I tell you about that Gold Bond and Natty Light?
TTK! CBT out!