Month: April 2012

Top Ten Reasons why No Reservations should come to Memphis

So last night I am watching No Reservations episode where they filmed it in Kansas City, MO. I know that I am going to get a certain amount of grief from a certain KC Jayhawk and his lovely wife but WTF Tony and Zamir, no love for the ‘other’ bbq capital of the world? Anyway as I am watching the show and seeing the smoked meat orgasm that unfolded I said to myself “Self, we need a grass roots campaign to get No Reservations to come to Memphis.” Anyway below are some reasons why Memphis should also get some love too. What is it now two times they have been in Missouri (Ozarks episode and now KC)?

10. Yeah we got smoked meats too and also have a little bbq contest in May too.

9. Rather than send Zamir to a Hair museum he could check out Stax Museum, Rock and Soul Museum and Sun Studio recording studio. We gots a little bit of music history here too.

8. We know that Tony does like him some dive bars, you can’t go wrong with a trip to Alex’s Tavern.

7. Want to pull on some heartstrings for your viewers, take a visit over at St Jude and see how great that institution is.

6. Late Night Munchies? Get you a Soul Burger at a former brothel in Historic South Main district.

5. Did I mention we had some great places to eat here? Feel free to get a table at Iris, Felicia Suzanne’s and The Majestic Grill.

4. If you need some bait or ammo you could visit the Bass Pro Shop that is going to open in the Pyramid.

3. Catch some live music on Beale Street.

2. You could make fun of our Peabody Ducks.

And the Number one Reason….

1. Graceland! Think of the jokes you could make after you visit the jungle room, the TV room with the 3 TV’s and how they buried the King in the backyard just like a hampster. Want to double your making fun??? Come during Death Week, sure it will be hotter than balls but it is worth a trip.

I mean really a Chiefs Game?

Now that is some pulled pork love!

Yep we have us some festivals too

How much could you make fun of the Monkey that’s at Graceland?

I am sure they would let you put it on if you asked nicely.

So Tony bring your arse down here and bring Zamir, I am sure he can get into all kinds of trouble down here too.


Mind The Boobs, Balls and Butt!

Now that I have your attention, please allow me to break from my normal satirical rant and get up on my soapbox (so I can be normal height) for a minute. You see last Sunday when my college football coach was driving his Harley with a certain paid staffer ala Ted Kennedy marked an important anniversary for the Trumpets. It was one year ago that Mrs Trumpet went to have her yearly mammogram that we later found out we would be kinda busy kicking Breast Cancer in the Ass for the next 9 months. I know that this is kind of a macabre anniversary for me to remember but in the reality it saved her life. Like I have said before, we were lucky in that we caught the Cancer early and rather than having a lumpectomy that the surgeon recommended, Momma went for the gusto and had a double Mastectomy. She is doing great for those of you wondering and sometime this spring/early summer we will be sporting a brand new shiny rack that will have to be showcased with a Rebel Flag bikini top!
We just found out that some friends of ours also caught breast cancer early and rather than joining her grandmother and mother by being breast cancer casualties she also kicked Cancer in the ass. They caught it so early that she doesn’t have to endure Chemo or Radiation which as I told her husband can really suck. We have friends of ours who lives down in Belize also were able to catch Prostate Cancer early and other than having a yearly PSA test they are living a normal life. If you are wondering where I am going with this, it is a simple plea to all those who are still reading to please get a fucking Mammogram, Colonoscopy or Medical Physical on a regular basis. I know of many who have not had this done and for whatever their reason is, this is something that you don’t need to mess with. It scares the crap out of me for my friends who live in Latin America that don’t have regular check ups and sadly I have lost many a friend who when they did find the Cancer it was too late.
Now please don’t think that I am sitting here all high and mighty acting like I am perfect because I was just as bad. I think it was 4 years back when I went to get a physical and sure enough I was overweight (still am) but I had high blood pressure and my cholesterol was all kinds of jacked up. The doctor put me on 2 medicines and had me take all kids of OTC drugs (CoQ10, Slo Niacin, and a bunch of other stuff) and I felt like crap so I stopped taking them. Well guess what happened when Momma found out that my blood pressure was 180/110 when a friend asked to take my BP? Yep I might as well have been Bobby Petrino on that bike with the 25 year old paid staffer because I caught all kinds of Hell. I have changed my ways, took my ass chewing from my cousin who is my internist and now maintain a normal BP and better cholesterol levels. We won’t talk about my liver enzymes because that is another blog entry.
Last year when people would find out that Mrs CBT was being treated for Breast Cancer they would ask if there is anything that they can do my response was for them to get checked out by a doctor because we plan on having them around for a while. Sure I know that we are not going to live forever but why not extend some good times for a couple more years by taking care of yourself? My counterpart at work has breast cancer in her family and even though she is younger, every time I ask her about it she gives me the “I never have time to schedule an appointment.” My friends who live in Belize openly say that they get nervous around the time when they go for the PSA test but so far so good and talk about having a weight lifted off of your shoulders.

So do yourself a favor for CBT, your family and for yourself get checked out. From what I hear from my friends who are over 50 getting the colonoscopy doesn’t turn you gay. I guess if you keep on scheduling it for each month after you have the first one you may have a problem though. Last week was CBT’s birthday and I told friends that I am not getting older I am just getting one year closer to my date with Doctor Jelly Fingers and Mr. Scope. Till then I keep going for my regular check ups and sorry I plan on being around for a couple more decades or until they run out of good rum and beer.

Take care of yourself or at least until December 21, 2012 when the Mayan calender runs out or Snookie gives birth.