Month: August 2015

New Yorkers Meet Gold Bond! A PSA from CBT

It is hot here in New York this week. The temps are in the high 80’s and when you add the humidity (not like the swamp arse like humidity found in Memphis, NOLA, & Belize) and it makes it unpleasant in the city. The subways have standing water on the tracks and thank goodness there aren’t any Mosquitoes here but you can imagine the rainforrest conditions down there. So what do you do? You walk on shaded sides of the street, drink plenty of water, seek AC where you can, light colored clothing, and lastly you ‘Bond’ up before you leave the house.

Now apologies to those of my friends who live up here but I am calling the other 8 million residents of New York out onto the carpet. How can a ‘kid’ born and bred in Memphis Tennessee, received a degree from The University of Arkansas, gets asked numerous times “what part of the South he is from” be the only person in New York to know about the magical powers of Gold Bond Medicated powder????? Are you freaking kidding me Empire State residents? New York is the epicenter of the world! Songs are written about it, it’s so great they named it twice yet nobody knows about Gold Bond? This morning as I was taking the dogs out for their morning pee I said good morning to our doorman and made mention that it was a ‘double Gold Bond’ day. He is Russian or Ukranian so I suspect he doesn’t understand me as I think it confuses him that I actually say hello or thank you so I passed it off. Today at lunch, I again head out the door with the dogs and Gene, the day doorman, was at his post there and is a friendly guy so we exchange in small talk as everyone else here doesn’t speak. He tells me that it is going to be a hot one today and that I should be careful while walking on the streets. I thank him and tell him that I have Gold Bond and should be ok. He looks at me with a puzzled look and asks what I meant by that comment. I swear, if I had my wallet with me I would have gone to the CVS that is next door (and they are dog friendly too) and bought him a bottle. No wonder everyone walks the streets with a pained look on their faces. Bless their hearts, they are chafing!

Carbunkle Trumpet for Mayor of NYC! My slogan would be “A chicken in every pot and a bottle of Gold Bond in every bathroom!” Vote early and Vote Often!

  
Bless your hearts New York! Go to the nearest Bank and then head next door to Duane Reade! 

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New Yorker’s hatred of outdoor living spaces

Happy start of the US Open and it’s a 3 day weekend FOLKS! I hope you made this past one count. Mrs. Trumpet and I had a great weekend as we did one of our famous walk-a-bouts (we start walking and only stop if we come across a body of water, end of street or one craves a beer) and did a little liver damage at The Subway Inn on Friday. Saturday we did some more home improvements, took a nap, and had drinks over at friends of ours joint in Brooklyn. Sunday was a field trip down to Canal Street, Little Italy and we finished the weekend off with some beers at Iggy’s. I also cannot confirm nor deny that we have in our possession a new purse that the LVD would be green with jealously over but I digress. Now as everyone is getting on the N train heading to work I have to hurry because I got to get out to Flushing Meadows so this will be a quick post.

One of the things that just amazes me is how my fellow New Yorker’s (oh, I have a NY State drivers licence now, I have the right to bitch) who have an outdoor space is they NEVER friggin utilize it! If someone were to ask me what I missed most about Memphis it would be the following in this order; Siting on my patio, Pancho’s Cheese Dip, The Saxophone player on Main Street and sitting on Main Street on weekend mornings watching the walk of shames. I mean come on, I look out of my window and see about a dozen patio’s (granted they don’t have a view but who gives a shit) and they are NEVER being utilized. On Saturday we were invited over to our friends condo in Brooklyn for drinks and some dinner. After I put on my capri pants, donned my hipster helmet and put my hair in a man bun off we went on the Q train to 7th Avenue in Brooklyn. For those of you wondering if I have changed my fashion since moving, no don’t worry, I still don the Roser ensemble of cargo shorts and flip flops, I was making a stereotypical Brooklyn/Hipster jab, hopefully my 2 NYC readers will get it. Anyway after we got to JM & DS’s joint we grabbed our beers and went to sit on their roof deck. I really don’t have enough words to describe how cool it was sitting up there and the sweeping views (I have been watching too many House Hunters episodes) of the city that we were able to partake. We were talking with them and they told us that they hardly see anyone else up there and they live in a nice 40 condos building which didn’t bother us as we had the whole thing to ourselves. I mean come on FOLKS! According to the Today Show the summer is over next Monday and I guess then we go into Winter Storm Alert season.

We were very appreciative of our friends to invite us up there but I don’t understand why more people don’t take advantage of their outdoor living spaces if they had them. I guess they are too busy getting back from Montauk and don’t have time to enjoy what they have. Just give me a key Mr. Owner of the condo on 72nd street with the big arse backyard. I will keep your patio warm for you and will be happy to flush your toilets to keep the gaskets from drying out.

IMG_8720View from JM & DS’s rooftop deck. Yes they have a very nice deck and we are very envious of it. We hope to get a chance to visit their deck (ok I will stop acting like a 3rd grader)

IMG_8719The Big white needle thing in the middle of the picture is the Empire State Building. Yeah it is pretty cool living up here! I can’t wait for them to bathe that sucker in J-E-T-S Green when they win the Super Bowl this year!

IMG_8731Here is the view of the different patio’s looking out my window. Hell I would be happy with those pocket porches that you see in the middle on right side of the picture.

IMG_8619Yeah I am calling you out Mr. Condo owner who lives on 72nd. Why you no use that big arse patio? You must have a kid b/c there is a hockey goal. Tell that little fat fecker to get off the couch and go frolic outside!

IMG_8721Oh we also found a great brunch joint not to far from our joint. Sadly they only serve Barb’s favorite beer and want over $7.00 for it.

IMG_8725The shit you see in the NYC subway on the tracks.

kramer-ball-boy-us-openHope I don’t get assigned to Ball Boy with this guy. I hear he had an ‘incident’ a couple years ago with a female tennis player.

Bless your hearts, have a good week.

Street Meat Dining in NYC in the Financial District

I have always heard that one could eat 3 square meals in NYC at a different place for an entire year and never eat at the same place twice. Yeah you could say that the food culture is HUGE here, I was not a big of chain restaurants back in Memphis but I have noticed that it is rare that you find a chain fast food joint here in the city. And if you do, I noticed that they will deliver to you which scares the hell out of me considering the obesity problem that the US has. Anyway I got called out by one of my friends for the lack of Street Meat reporting and to be honest, I could change the name of this silly blog and spend days reporting on Food Trucks and Food Carts and never have a repeat either. So in an effort not to discriminate against anyone I will try to do this methodical and report on the street offerings geographically rather than a broad stroke. Seriously, according to one of the websites I found that there are over 57 different cuisine offerings here in NYC. We ain’t taking just meat in tube form folks, they have a freaking Maple Syrup cart for Pete’s sake!

I have always been a fan of street meat vendors and it wasn’t just because of my man crush of Anthony Bourdain and his love of it either. I recall eating my weight in Lucky Dogs down in the French Quarter at an early age and always loved the Central Park food vendors on my favorite Belizean island. Sure there will always be those who say “It isn’t safe and it is unhealthy” but those are probably the same folks who eat those Chicken McNuggets at the Golden Arches so eff off! Anyway I will try to devote at least one post every 2 weeks to the Street Meat offerings, I hope that is good with you L.B.

Now for those who have lived in a bubble for the past 10 years there are 3 main types of street meat vendors; Food Truck (cook the food in the truck – Duh), Food Cart (tow or push that sucker to the location), and Food Vendor (someone who cooks under a tent or temporary structure). To be even more technical – Food Carts can either be a “cook the food inside” type or a “stand on the street and cook over a flat top”. I know, I probably lost a couple of you by now so on to the pictures.

IMG_8679Here is a classic Breakfast Cart that has a dollar fifty bagel and from what I understand a decent cup of coffee. Sadly they screw you on the schmear and don’t put as much as some of the bagel joints we have in the UES.

IMG_8683“What is this Sludge?”

IMG_8681Grabbed a Shawarma here the other day and it was good. $4.00 for over a pound of meat and it is good!

IMG_8680L.B. is probably drooling on her iFoam right now but I have to disappoint her. It really was underwhelming.

IMG_8694Here is a Taco/Mexican cart that smelled unbelievable.

IMG_8546Here is an example of a stand on the street and cook over a flat top cart. Oh and his Gyro is killer too! #extrawhitesauce

IMG_8682I guess people on Wall Street have to have Juice to help counteract all that grease that they eat.

IMG_8700When you are done for the day, you hitch that sucker up and head home!

I will suggest to the Hallal Brothers that Wall Street needs a Fried Chicken or Smothered Pork Chop cart. I mean why no love for Southern cuisine?

You put a “WHAT” on your rear bumper?

Back during my formative years as I attended the University of Arkansas and lived in the Fraternity house I learned a number of things that were not on the curriculum. We learned that true gentlemen will always stand when a female enters the room and under no circumstances should you ever date a Chi Omega sorority girl. I am kidding on dating a Chi Omega and will probably get some hate mail. One tidbit that I really did learn was that one shall never parallel park on fraternity row. Why you ask?  Well if the side swipe & scoot driver didn’t get your side mirror then you were prey to all kinds of other dangers; key happy GDI’s, a pledge not holding his/her liquor and doing a Technicolor yawn on your hood, or my favorite – shitty parallel parkers. Of the 7 years that I had my Maxima up at the University I noticed that both bumpers accumulated plenty of ‘whiskey dents’ on them and I contributed that to parking on the street as ‘normal wear and tear’.

As we punch our “3 week living in NYC” card I have noticed a couple of things here that to the casual outsider may be seem well….a tad silly. One would be the black rubber things that hang on the back bumper of a number of cars parked on the street that is called what else “The Bumper Bully”. Yes, it would appear that car owners here are not overly concerned with pot holes large enough to swallow small sedans, under-carriage corrosion from snow and salt melt in the winters, or those fecking Chirping Chicken bike delivery guys who could make you wreck into a fruit stand, but a couple dings on their plastic bumper. I noticed our friend ML’s front license plate which had a crease in the middle of it and asked her if someone with a trailer hitch got her and she told me that she parked behind a co-worker who had one on his jeep. I mean “kissing bumpers” while parking is just like saying “Good Morning” and you just have to accept it or pay 1K a month to park your car in a garage. When we sold our cars to the car buyer in order to determine the value of the car he was more worried about tires, wrecks, mileage, but not if there were a lot of whiskey dents on the front and back bumper. I am not even going to ask New Yorker’s why so much attention is being paid just to the rear bumper because I have yet to see a ‘bumper bully’ installed on the front bumper.

So feel free to park your car on 71th street my fellow Upper East Side residents and sleep well knowing your rear bumper is safe but pay not attention to the direct hit on your hood by that pigeon. Bless their hearts!

Screen-shot-2014-03-05-at-3_19_53-PMYou want to see a thing of beauty, peep any side street in the UES and they will have those cars lined up like Rockettes and all of them will be equidistant from the curb like they had curb feelers

Bumper_Bully_4I pay 45K for a car, Lord knows how much for car insurance up here but I got to put an ugly ass bumper on my new BMW

Bumper_Bully_12Again, why not protect the front of the car? See that ‘whiskey dent’ on the grey car’s side bumper? That is just ‘character’ up here.

IMG_8678Honey, we have to buy a new bumper bully, ours is going limp. #TWSS

IMG_2051Yes that is a AMG Gremlin and I can confirm that I have seen it still run as I watched it spew black smoke one day. No I didn’t see a Bumper Bully on it.

If dying of natural causes doesn’t get you then there is always…..

Last Friday as we were entertaining our guests and enjoying Rotel Cheese dip, Buttermilk marinated Fried Chicken, Sweet and Sour Greens, Succotash, Sweet Cornbread and homemade Peach Cobbler with Ice Cream we discussed the dangers and hazards of the city. Oh I do apologize, I forgot to mention that we had plenty of Ice Cold Sweet Tea with our meal, how tacky of me!. The topic of those open Bilco doors on the sidewalk that businesses leave open in the summer in an effort to create airflow and how falling in one of those would suck but it didn’t end there. Sadly there are a number of ways to buy the farm/join the choir invisible and perish in NYC and we are not talking about a getting shot by gang banger or contracting Legionnaires Disease in the Bronx.

The dreaded Subway 3rd rail – I must admit that this could be my number 2 fear right behind falling down an open set of bilco doors. Thankfully I have not experienced an overly crowded subway platform as of yet but I know that it is coming. It must be an apparent problem as there are a number of safety posters down below warning riders not to try to retrieve items that fall onto the tracks.

The Metal Grates for Ventilation – I mean come on, if my dogs won’t even walk on those suckers why should we? Yes the fear of walking on the grates and the fear of falling 5 or 6 stories onto the previously mentioned subway tracks is fairly real. No thank you, I will just as soon get cursed by a 70 year old woman than tempt fate.

Is that rain, nope it’s an air conditioner unit falling 10 stories – Who hasn’t looked up and seen those window units and how they sit at a 45 degree angle and are about to fall out of the window? Does anyone remember the movie “A Fish Called Wanda” I can see it now, I am walking the dogs and splat! Carbunkle gets squashed by a Friedrich Window unit.

The Crane Collapse – How many of these are we now hearing about these days? This past weekend when we were going IKEA we saw one of those B.A.C.’s (Big Ass Crane) installing a new Water chiller on the roof of a building. I mean no disrespect to the boys who do that kind of business but I think they are one step up from a county fair carnie and are we sure they tightened the ‘fetzer valve’ and used ball bearing and gauze pads?

So be careful out there fellow New Yorkers and let’s meet back here tomorrow. Now if you will have to excuse me I have to go shuck some peas for dinner tonight.

IMG_8664There it is, the dreaded open Bilco Doors. But Safety First, there is an Orange Cone telling me that there is a potential fall risk. How did CBT perish? He fell down a flight of stairs and fell on a case of Snapple Sweet Tea.

ht_subway_platform_jump_ll_120612_wblogJust because you played high school football doesn’t mean you are an all American Long Jump champion.

Vent-Grates-4I am sorry but if dogs won’t walk on these, why should we?

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First they drip water on you and then they fall out of the window with one safely back up – The Electrical Cord

700_6jzjbpiyknhkfoat3bnaouopekzgqd4a“Hey Billy Ray, check out that good looking woman walking down the street with no bra on?”

Let me hail us a Water Taxi!

Happy Monday! I am happy to report that we survived another weekend in the Big Apple and didn’t get mugged, shot, or even picked up by prostitutes in Times Square. Wait…isn’t that the normal perception of New York from Southerners who lived in “Crime-Free” Memphis? Anyway it was a great weekend and so far I am loving that I have 1. not gotten bit by a mosquito, 2. not had to ‘Gold Bond’ up before walking out in Africa Hot temps and 3. turned into one of those sour pus faced people I see on the streets all the time (wait till winter, I hear). This past weekend we entertained some friends on Friday night with Tuna Noodle Casserole, rode a boat to IKEA in Red Hook, wasted 2 hours of our life on what should have been a 20 minute subway ride down to Freedom Tower to see a former HS buddy and found a new watering hole in the UES. Now for those of you scratching your head saying “you took a WHAT to IKEA?” you read correctly, we took a water taxi from Wall Street over to IKEA. I have to admit, it was easy considering the line to get on that sucker was long as the NY Water Taxi folks do a great job moving people around. I know that my old hometown (kind of strange typing that you know) is slated to get one of those suckers next year and I have to say to those 2 readers who are wasting their lunch hour reading this “You are going to love how efficient and stream lined it is!” I had once read online that only those who need serious medication go to Target or IKEA on the weekend in New York and I was skeptical on making that call but I was getting tired of eating my dinner from my lap and showering with the door closed but it wasn’t that bad and the lines moved fairly quick.

Saturday night we were to meet up with an old HS buddy and his wife as they just finished up doing a Harley Ride to commemorate the September 11th attacks. I pulled up my trusty HopStop app and to get to the Wall Street station I had to again take the 6 to the 4 and get off at Wall Street. As we were at our 68th & Lex Metro Station they were running Express trains on the local routes due to maintenance so we were able to catch the 4 at our stop where we normally would have to catch it at 59th Street- BIG MISTAKE #1! Well it seems that the 4 had turned into a local and we stopped at EVERY FECKING STATION! If that wasn’t bad enough, because of everything being delayed from maintenance at the Canal Street Station we were held by the dispatcher pretty much every stop – BIG MISTAKE #2! As we could have broken our own rule (Take Taxi/Uber rides or Have Drinks Out) because I figured that the streets were empty because EVERYONE in the free world was in our subway car! Anyway we finally got down to see SK & JK and had a lovely time visiting with them. Oh and if you were wondering, yes the ride back uptown took longer than anticipated but at least we were ‘greased’ so it made the trip go faster.

Sunday I made a trip over to get some Bagels and we put (well when I say we, I helped take the boxes to the trash room) the furniture that got delivered in the morning together. Naturally I went over to see the boys at the Cigar Inn and learned that I know absolutely NOTHING about the different varietals of Olive Oil and that the New York Yankees are called Factory Workers. Later we went out for some afternoon libations and decided to take our show on the road and head uptown on 2nd Avenue. I had seen The Stumble Inn earlier in the week and wanted to give it a go as it seemed to be a good place. As we were about to get to our destination we happened to come up on a chalkboard A frame for Iggy’s and low and behold we may have found a college football watching beer joint. Shotgun shaped joint, the beer is cold, cheap and they jam some classic Rock Music at a proper “You got to yell in order for someone to hear you” volume. It also reminds me a little of that Gay Bar on Jackson Avenue run by my favorite Greek Tavern Owner as it is dark in there and there are some characters in there.

It was indeed a good weekend!

IMG_8641Friday, I went down to Wall Street and sent this “selfie” to my buddy JL and said “They never heard of you here” and I promise that I had nothing to do with the dumpster sale that is now the Dow

FullSizeRenderOn the boat Water Taxi to IKEA we got to see the Biotch in the Harbor. So we can scratch that off the list now.

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M’ Effin Train delays! Who do I blame for this CRAP! Oh I forgot I blame De Blasio for this!

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See that Gagopa Karaoke comment on that check in? Yeah that is the infamous Korea Town Karaoke night where we missed our flights but I rocked it singing “Puff the Magic Dragon” so I got that going for me!

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Got to love a bar that uses candles rather than overhead lighting. Makes me look younger and better looking

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Yes they actually use that sucker, like I said, Iggy’s is leading the polls for “Home Bar” competition

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Thanks to AV for the recommendation of Patsy’s Pizza for our Sunday Dinner, it was good!

On a side note, we do wish our friends in Belize and Indiana have safe travels to Dale Hollow Lake this weekend and oh yeah, “Feck Charlie!”

File this one under “You are not going to believe this one”

Growing up on the tough streets of Memphis I was always taught that you respect your elders and exhibit good manners and behavior. You hold the elevator door, you give up your seat on a crowded subway train, you allow ladies to go first through a doorway, that kind of stuff. We have been living in the UES now for 2 weeks and I am happy to report that we are still alive and have not gotten squashed by a crosstown bus, haven’t gotten dysentery from eating street meat food or holding subway stair rails. I have seen all kinds and walks of people but realize that I am just scratching the surface and that is kind of what I am looking forward to each time I walk out of the building. Well folks, yesterday was a first and I am still scratching my head over it. But first let me give you the back story;

There are many unspoken rules of navigating NYC streets that I have learned so far;

  • Everyone on the streets of NYC is in a hurry, If you are not first then you are last.
  • You better not have your head buried in a cell phone or PDA or you will get run over.
  • You ever play the game Frogger when you were younger? Be ready to hit the overdrive button to find a gap or you will be in the slow lane the whole time.
  • Never, Never stop at the top of an active subway stairway to finish you call because as soon as you take 3 steps below you will drop the call. I saw this first hand and a woman almost got pushed down the Union Square subway steps.
  • Those pedestrian lanes you see on the street, those are just suggestions. Jaywalking is a way of life up here.
  • You will always play in your head “Can I beat that cab crossing the street when it clearly says Don’t Walk?”
  • And Lastly, if you are dicking around and are slow then be prepared to be passed.

So that last one that I listed, if you are slow, get ready to get passed, it sounds only appropriate right? Well let me tell you folks, this is where I got my NYC Cherry popped yesterday on 62nd and Lexington. As I was walking to find Enchilada Sauce for a recipe that Momma was making for dinner, I come up on an older woman who was pushing her street cart obviously from the grocery. She was probably in her 70’s and “Bless her heart” she was moving a little slow but who could blame her? I didn’t see a Fitbit bracelet on her arm so naturally she was taking her time. I was coming up behind her and see a gap to her right as someone was about to jump into a cab so naturally I took it. As I pass her I recalled my manners and said “Excuse me mam” as I passed her. What happened next is going haunt me for a couple of days. This sweet angelic woman blurted out “Go Feck Yourself!”

Yep, I got issued a GFY from a great grandmother!

old-woman-flip-bird

Enjoy your weekend folks!

595 > 95 > 1330 or as we see it 2200 square feet > 1300 square feet > 535 square feet (Pictures of the Studio in NYC)

Why yes darling, you would be correct in that those first set of numbers were/are our street numbers from our previous and now current addresses. A many number of you have asked for pictures of our joint. And when I say many I mean the 3 people who are thinking of asking us if they can crash on the blow up bed or get that Air BnB Mini Van that is parked on Central Park West. Please allow me to now showcase you our new palatial pad but please keep up as this will go quick.

IMG_2833Open the door and this the entrance to the Pad, oh look there is Maya welcoming you to the house!

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Here is our Storage Room/Crap that we don’t know where to put and Cleaning Stuff.

IMG_2844Here is Momma’s Closet and please notice that she has acquired the largest one in the joint. (insert Jewish Grandmother comment of “Doesn’t matter”)

IMG_2841And here is the Kitchen or the Right side of the Kitchen as we call it

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Here is the Left side of the kitchen where we have our full size range and oven (hell yes)

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Here is where Maddy and Maya Crash during the day. Pay no attention to the plastic totes, that will be where we have the bookshelf

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Here is where the Dining Room Table and Chairs will go. Just close your eyes and picture a 6 person seated area with a folding table that we will get from IKEA soon.

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Now (again keep up with me folks) here is the living room and our new couch that is the same make and model of our old one from Memphis but just smaller.

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Here is the Entertainment Center for the Living Room

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And here is the bedroom. For those of you wondering, the artwork over the bed was created by our good friend Lindsey Doty who now resides South, oh no Sugar, much further South of the Mason Dixon line. (LD, we will see you very soon, we love you!)

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And here is our entertainment center for the bedroom (Yes that is the same TV, but just on a swivel)

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And here is Imelda Marco’s Shobo’s Shoe Closet

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Here is the rather long hallway to the bathroom.

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More storage and our laundry hampers. For those of you who are now openly snickering about the many pairs of short pants hanging in the closet I am taking notes. That is not funny and may I remind you that I am huge in the Middle East

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Bathroom which is larger than my first bathroom when I lived in the Shrine Building many moons ago.

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Here is my closet (Stop laughing about the picture of my tiny pants hanging in the closet)

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Here is our view out of our bedroom window. Sadly there will no longer be naked yoga with the blinds open as the residents on the other side of the building can sure as shit see into our studio. Or maybe that is why that Middle Eastern woman was giving me mad props at the Food Emporium

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Here is the view out of our living room window. As you can see we do have a common area that has a nice outdoor space

 

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Now please pay attention to what I am pointing at. You see that outdoor space that is off in the distance? THEY NEVER USE IT! I mean I would kill to have something like that (Granted that entire space is probably larger than this postage stamp) I mean DAMNIT MAN!

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Oh I did fail to mention that on Pubic Access TV they feature the racing channel. I love this town! Who gives two flips if there are nekkid woman wearing body paint and a smile in Times Square, they have horse racing on the TV. Max & Brad Pee – You see this!

IMG_2854Last picture of the condo. In this picture you will see two plastic totes that house the blow up beds, spare sheets and guest towels. So what are you waiting for? Reservations are filling up and I understand that the Winter’s are a bitch here.

Now be a dear and fetch me my dark trousers, I need to go visit the Cigar bar this afternoon!

Want to leave New York City with a Million Dollars in your pocket?

Bring 2 million dollars when you arrive!!!

Sorry it’s an old joke that one my dear friends from Belize once told me and I adapted it to NYC. Seems like everyone that we told we were moving to NYC that had a negative comments was “Well I hope you have lots of money because it is expensive to live up there!” Yes we did factor the cost of goods into our decision before selling all of our crap and driving 17 hours, we also don’t plan on eating at the chefs table at Le Bernardin every night either. It kind of reminded me when we moved to the core and were slung up at the Majestic for 4 nights in a row while we were waiting on WiFi and Cable TV. Share an appetizer, order 2 entrees, beers, and a couple glasses of wine and you are spending close to a bean or bean and a half depending on how many beers that Mrs. Trumpet had at Lisa’s bar. Not everyone can do that so we tapered it down and started making and eating meals in our condo and low and behold, we weren’t blowing a paycheck on dinner and drinks.

Guess what. we are doing the same up here in NYC. We have found some great food markets, the street vendors with the produce can’t be beat and let me tell you readers of Memphis TN – If Trader Joes comes to town you better hope they carry their private label wines because it is great and cheap too! Currently we are in the process on Thursday nights and Sunday-Funday afternoon of finding dive bars that sell the kind of beer we like; Cheap and Ice Cold! So far we have found a couple of those joints and are ready to show our incoming visitors who have placed reservations at Studio 1330. Sure we plan on taking our guests to see the fancy joints on their visit but who doesn’t love a Street Meat gyro that weighs a pound and only costs $4.00. We also have started to get to know some bartenders/servers/owners while out having drinks and have found that they may charge you full price for drinks but they are more than happy to ‘buy back’ a couple while you are sitting there. Lets see one of the bars on Beale Street or the hotel with the ducks in it do that.

Anyway life is coming together up here in the UES (Upper East Side abbreviation that took me a week to figure out what the hell it meant) and we are adapting. My plan on having everyone in our building speaking southern by Halloween is right on track.  Still can’t find Snapple Sweet Tea up here and I get laughed at by the street vendors when I ask for it.

IMG_8581This was the first joint that we found when we came up to interview. The bartender asked us if we just moved into the neighborhood as in his words “Only people who live up here drink like you guys do”

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I will have a Lamb and Chicken Gyro, light on the white sauce but extra hot sauce and napkins.

Beer Sign

Yeah, just keep walking folks, nothing to see here

And for those who have been bugging me, yes I will do a post about the studio and let you see what we have done so far. Keep your shirt on, we are busy up here!

CBT gets picked up at the grocery store

Are you shitting me with that title Carbunkle? Your short fat arse got picked up in the produce section? “Get the Feck out of her!” (How about that for introducing a little New York lingo) So here is how it went down for those of you who have rubbed your eyes at least a dozen times and can’t fathom the title of the blog post.

Right across from our joint is our grocery store that is convenient and overpriced but you can’t complain as we normally are last-minute dinner selectors. Traditionally we decide what we want for dinner at the 6 o’clock hour and then we play “Go Fish” with the ingredients and thankfully the Food Emporium can fill in the blanks on the missing grocery items. On this certain day I prepared my list and bee bopped over wearing shorts, and my “The South Will Rise Again” wife beater shirt. (And I wonder why they know I am not from around these parts) Anyway as I was navigating the aisles, I notice a 30ish something Middle Eastern woman checking me out. Aisle after aisle I notice that the same woman is staring at me and naturally my mind goes into damage control; “Is my zipper down again?”, “Do I have a booger?” you have to understand, this shit doesn’t normally happen to me. So finally in the Dairy Section, I say hello to her and in a proper English accent the woman tells me “I apologize but I have to tell you that you have the most beautiful legs I have ever seen and I love the color of your hair.” Now here is where my Rico-suave A-Game really stepped up here with my response. “Why thank you darling, I do appreciate your compliments, by any chance do you happen to know where the Bacon Bits are located?”

Soak in folks, that is some serious Carbunkle Trumpet A-Game! Tune in next episode as I tell you how to Make a million dollars in Manhattan. Oh and to further add insult to injury, the woman also lives in our building so here is to many more uncomfortable elevator rides.

Soak it in Ladies, Soak it in!

Soak it in Ladies, Soak it in!

Now bless your heart and please pass the sorghum.