Are you shitting me with that title Carbunkle? Your short fat arse got picked up in the produce section? “Get the Feck out of her!” (How about that for introducing a little New York lingo) So here is how it went down for those of you who have rubbed your eyes at least a dozen times and can’t fathom the title of the blog post.
Right across from our joint is our grocery store that is convenient and overpriced but you can’t complain as we normally are last-minute dinner selectors. Traditionally we decide what we want for dinner at the 6 o’clock hour and then we play “Go Fish” with the ingredients and thankfully the Food Emporium can fill in the blanks on the missing grocery items. On this certain day I prepared my list and bee bopped over wearing shorts, and my “The South Will Rise Again” wife beater shirt. (And I wonder why they know I am not from around these parts) Anyway as I was navigating the aisles, I notice a 30ish something Middle Eastern woman checking me out. Aisle after aisle I notice that the same woman is staring at me and naturally my mind goes into damage control; “Is my zipper down again?”, “Do I have a booger?” you have to understand, this shit doesn’t normally happen to me. So finally in the Dairy Section, I say hello to her and in a proper English accent the woman tells me “I apologize but I have to tell you that you have the most beautiful legs I have ever seen and I love the color of your hair.” Now here is where my Rico-suave A-Game really stepped up here with my response. “Why thank you darling, I do appreciate your compliments, by any chance do you happen to know where the Bacon Bits are located?”
Soak in folks, that is some serious Carbunkle Trumpet A-Game! Tune in next episode as I tell you how to Make a million dollars in Manhattan. Oh and to further add insult to injury, the woman also lives in our building so here is to many more uncomfortable elevator rides.
Now bless your heart and please pass the sorghum.