If dying of natural causes doesn’t get you then there is always…..

Last Friday as we were entertaining our guests and enjoying Rotel Cheese dip, Buttermilk marinated Fried Chicken, Sweet and Sour Greens, Succotash, Sweet Cornbread and homemade Peach Cobbler with Ice Cream we discussed the dangers and hazards of the city. Oh I do apologize, I forgot to mention that we had plenty of Ice Cold Sweet Tea with our meal, how tacky of me!. The topic of those open Bilco doors on the sidewalk that businesses leave open in the summer in an effort to create airflow and how falling in one of those would suck but it didn’t end there. Sadly there are a number of ways to buy the farm/join the choir invisible and perish in NYC and we are not talking about a getting shot by gang banger or contracting Legionnaires Disease in the Bronx.

The dreaded Subway 3rd rail – I must admit that this could be my number 2 fear right behind falling down an open set of bilco doors. Thankfully I have not experienced an overly crowded subway platform as of yet but I know that it is coming. It must be an apparent problem as there are a number of safety posters down below warning riders not to try to retrieve items that fall onto the tracks.

The Metal Grates for Ventilation – I mean come on, if my dogs won’t even walk on those suckers why should we? Yes the fear of walking on the grates and the fear of falling 5 or 6 stories onto the previously mentioned subway tracks is fairly real. No thank you, I will just as soon get cursed by a 70 year old woman than tempt fate.

Is that rain, nope it’s an air conditioner unit falling 10 stories – Who hasn’t looked up and seen those window units and how they sit at a 45 degree angle and are about to fall out of the window? Does anyone remember the movie “A Fish Called Wanda” I can see it now, I am walking the dogs and splat! Carbunkle gets squashed by a Friedrich Window unit.

The Crane Collapse – How many of these are we now hearing about these days? This past weekend when we were going IKEA we saw one of those B.A.C.’s (Big Ass Crane) installing a new Water chiller on the roof of a building. I mean no disrespect to the boys who do that kind of business but I think they are one step up from a county fair carnie and are we sure they tightened the ‘fetzer valve’ and used ball bearing and gauze pads?

So be careful out there fellow New Yorkers and let’s meet back here tomorrow. Now if you will have to excuse me I have to go shuck some peas for dinner tonight.

IMG_8664There it is, the dreaded open Bilco Doors. But Safety First, there is an Orange Cone telling me that there is a potential fall risk. How did CBT perish? He fell down a flight of stairs and fell on a case of Snapple Sweet Tea.

ht_subway_platform_jump_ll_120612_wblogJust because you played high school football doesn’t mean you are an all American Long Jump champion.

Vent-Grates-4I am sorry but if dogs won’t walk on these, why should we?


First they drip water on you and then they fall out of the window with one safely back up – The Electrical Cord

700_6jzjbpiyknhkfoat3bnaouopekzgqd4a“Hey Billy Ray, check out that good looking woman walking down the street with no bra on?”


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