Month: September 2015

New York City ‘meat’ Memphis BBQ aka “True Barbecuing vs Grilling 101”

The wife informed me that she ‘volunteered’ me to smoke a shoulder for her work peeps. I am quite used to her Pot Lucks because I was convinced that was all she did at her previous job in Memphis.  Thankfully I was already heading to Woodlawn to practice cooking on some ribs for an upcoming cooking contest. I told J.L. that I would pick up the ribs and a shoulder for us to smoke this past Saturday so no worries.

First let me tell you a term that they use up here in the North that is completely the opposite in the south – “I am going to barbecue this weekend”. My former neighbor who was from Jersey used this term and one time asked if I would help with cooking the food. I go over to her house and all I see in her fridge behind the many bottles of white wine are hamburger patties and hotdogs. You see my fellow New Yorkers, the term Barbecuing means to cook something over indirect heat and or via smoke. The term “Grilling” is cooking something directly over or under a heat source and this should be the correct term but New Yorkers don’t even carry rotel cheese in the 3# brick like in the south.

Cutting to the chase because I can hear two of the four readers yawning. JL and I smoked the shoulder old school style; no marinade, no injecting, just dry rub, hickory smoke, low & slow for 9 hours and it turned out pretty good. The ribs….well they were good but we have some more work on them this weekend. Momma got up yesterday and reheated the shoulder, pulled the pork onsite (Pitmaster Ernie Mellor would be so proud) for her coworkers to see how we do it Southern Style. It must have been a hit with the group because the text messages JL & I got – “They had a screaming fit, they are coming from other parts of the building to try some!” Don’t get me wrong, I love getting compliments but the biggest compliment we got was from momma’s bosses spouse who is of the religion that should not enjoy shellfish or pork products but looks the other way “That Memphis Pork Butt was better than Blue Smoke’s pulled pork shoulder!” Looks like J.L. and I still have it!

We are exploring enlarging ‘Blue’ the smoker to see if we can smoke at least 90 pounds a weekend for Memphis/Woodlawn BBQ Company.

IMG_9128This is Blue J.L.’s Lang Smoker that we will take up to AC for the contest next month.

IMG_9090We don’t need a chimney starter, we use Mudda Fecking Flamethrowers up here in Woodlawn!

IMG_9094That boy is cute and he is going to be a handful when he gets older. Here C-Man is helping us with the Rib Paddle

IMG_8791We so should have pulled them 20 minutes earlier and we would have a contender

IMG_9118Yep “that Memphis Butt” (actually a shoulder with the bone removed) was looking good after spending time in the Smoker

FullSizeRenderThankfully the Metro North didn’t have any drug sniffing dogs on the route from Woodlawn to Grand Central

IMG_9119Momma Done Good pulling the Shoulder

IMG_9120It was a hit and we have orders for Thanksgiving already!

I wonder if the Hallal boys have an old street meat vendor cart they want to sell us?

This isn’t and never will be a food blog but CBT dined at Le Bernardin this weekend

Before moving here we made a trip in June to St. Louis informing our friends that we were moving to New York. One of Mrs. CBT’s best band geek friends exclaimed that she will be in NYC with her mother and aunt in late September. They were making a girls trip and were going to see some Broadway plays and enjoying the city. Our friend, Baby Fine Hair, mentioned that when we get up there that we should seek out a nice restaurant and the 5 of us would go and have a nice dinner on the last night. Before BFH could get a sip out of beer, I quickly exclaimed; “Oh I got the place, we can go to Le Bernardin on West 51st street between 6th and 7th. I will have the 4 course meal, 2 olives in my Kettle One Martini, Tap Water is fine and I would like to preorder Soufflé’s now!” BFH was fine with my selection, she isn’t a big foodie and didn’t understand that this is considered the place in NYC to have your last meal before being condemned to death by a firing squad by many foodies. I would consider myself a quasi foodie because living up here I am literally a small catfish in a B.A.P. (Big Ass Pond) but my choice was also a little deeper rooted.

Back in my formative years well before the Food Network, Cooking Shows and Reality TV, I was a lowly busboy at Chez Philippe, the flagship restaurant in the Peabody Hotel. Chez was THE place you went for fine dining, special occasions and to see and be seen. The cuisine was predominantly French with southern tones and the chef was none other than Master Chef Jose Gutierrez. Here I was humbled on a daily basis but I learned what I think that everyone should do in their lifetime which is working in a restaurant. When you are fresh out of college your cooking skills….well they suck, so I would create a lot of the same meals that I would watch the line cooks make night after night. I made these dishes  for friends, dates and eventually Mrs. Trumpet and I was the bees knees. The downside was that I was cooking with a lot of heavy cream and well not all foods need a béchamel sauce so I had to learn to tone it down.

You are asking yourself, what does this have to do with Le Bernardin CBT, cut to the chase!!! Working in a French restaurant you always looked up to those who were at the top of the food chain, Paul Bocuse, Daniel Boulud, you get the picture. If you know anything about me you would know that I have a ‘slight’ man crush on one of my UES neighbors of former chef and now TV star Anthony Bourdain. He also idolizes those previously mentioned jokers but is also good friends with one of the big boys here in NYC of Eric Ripert. Chef Ripert’s main joint….Le Bernardin!

I don’t have many pictures and I sure as shit didn’t take any picks of the food because THIS ISN’T A FECKING FOOD BLOG! My official review would say that the food, staff and entire experience was unbelievable and in the words of Ferris Bueller “If you have chance, by all means do it!”  Thank you to Baby Fine Hair and her mother for a great evening and we hope you had a great trip and thank you for taking me to one of my bucket list joints!

Le-Bernardin-copyEver try to walk into a restaurant with a hard on and grinning from ear to ear?

le bernardinThe single painting that hangs over the bar. Le Bernardin is primarily a seafood restaurant with French influences.

l_4895_eric_ripert_le_bernadinHey A.T. I hear that Eric Ripert hangs out at that Australian Bar, you could kill two birds with one stone!

IMG_9103Even the dessert menu cover is fancy

Ocean+Liner+Dinner+Hosted+Anthony+Bourdain+e1RZ_7u3qZolEric Ripert, Anthony Bourdain, and Daniel Boulud

I would be remiss if I didn’t post a picture of the Grand Master himself, Paul Boucuse

missyI was a lucky man this weekend, 3 great dinner companions and a great evening to boot!

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go heat up some Ramen Noodles on the stove.

Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bar

I have to level with you, if I didn’t and lied about this post then I don’t doubt I would be going STRAIGHT to hell today. I am sure that an air-conditioner window unit would kill me this morning if I didn’t tell the truth. Ok, here it is, we saw the pope’s motorcade yesterday because we got caught up on the wrong side of the barricades at 66th street. The reason we were wishing to cross 66th street…we were walking to…..the bar. Feel free to judge, Maria once again, you were right, it is a CLUSTER FECK down here! Stay in Brooklyn till Sunday, Save yourself! Blanche if you haven’t already left Philly, get the hell out of there man! Here are the full pictures if you haven’t already seen them on my Book of Face account. We do get to see the Holy Father again today in Central Park but with 10K other people so who knows what kind of pictures I will get.  IMG_9045What the Corn Bread Feck do we have going on up here at 1st Ave and 66th Street? Oh wait, wasn’t this intersection on the laundry list of street closings about the Pope coming into town?

IMG_9048At least it was a nice day to wait out the Holy Father

IMG_9050Can you Secret Service boys pick a car color not in Black? What about a Green SUV?

IMG_9051NYPD Police Commissioner Bratton’s Suburban – I really like him, he reminds me of Larry Godwin in that he doesn’t put up with shit and is quick to shut down a reporter when they “try” to play the ‘race’ card.

IMG_9052Alright we can tell the Holy Father is getting close, more lights, more sirens and now we have helicopters flying overhead, let’s tighten up folks!

IMG_905340 Motorcycle Cops leading the Motorcade

IMG_9054Say hello to Ponch and John for me will you?

IMG_9055Oh come on, you laughed at my C.H.I.P.’s reference didn’t you? Even a little?

IMG_9056I am figuring that some people with rather large guns are sitting in this SUV

IMG_9058Yellow and White Vatican Flag on the hood, is this him? Why isn’t he in his pope mobile? Damnit Francis, you are killing me!

IMG_9059Wait what is that little ass Fiat doing behind that large SUV? Do we have midgets getting out of a small car skit?

IMG_9061Wait that is him! Yes folks the leader of the largest religion in the world rides in an economy car. I so love him!

IMG_9062I am thankful that we were on the North Side of 66th as we got perfect pics of him.

IMG_9063Who doesn’t love him? He could ride around in a Rolls Royce Phantom engineered by my English Brother but he goes with a simple car.

IMG_9064Lady with the Red Finger polish you are killing me! Speak Merican!

IMG_9065Yes folks there is the leader of the Catholic religion!

IMG_9072Carbunkle, I have those cigars you wanted me to get from Uncle Fidel back at the Papel Nuncio. Meet me in Central Park tomorrow and I will hook you up. You still owe be beers at Iggy’s

So yes, we saw the Pope yesterday because we wanted to go grab a Happy Hour Bud Light. What the hell did you do yesterday? Oh that’s right you watched it on TV before you went to the Tigers Game. All kidding aside, it was a top 5 moment.

 

 

No seriously, are they are nice as you say they are? – Go ahead and say it….TWSS

I have had a couple people ask me since my Miles Post  what is it like living in a place with over 8 million people and have you met the traditional “mean and abrasive” New Yorker yet? Thankfully all 8 million don’t live in Manhattan as I think that the island may sink into the Hudson and East Rivers. I looked up the population of the 5 boroughs in comparison to the rest of the US and they are as follows;

  1. Los Angeles – 3,800,00
  2. Chicago – 2,700,00
  3. Brooklyn – 2.500,000
  4. Queens – 2,200,000
  5. Houston – 2,100,000 (I think this changed however and is higher)
  6. Manhattan – 1,600,000
  7. Philadelphia – 1,500,000
  8. Phoenix – 1,400,000
  9. Bronx – 1,400,000
  10. San Antonio – 1,300,000

Number 23 – Memphis – 600,000

Number 38 – Staten Island – 500,000

I am not one who is claustrophobic as I would be losing my shit on a daily basis by riding the subway and at outdoor events because it can be a tad “tight”. The good news is that for the most part everyone plays along and there is what I call “subway justice” up here. I forget where I was going but I overhear a deadlocked Jamaican in the same subway car absolutely berating some 15 year old boys. It would appear that they were sitting down while 2 slightly older females were standing in the very packed subway car. Seriously this dude was wearing those boys out to the point that everyone in the subway car was starting at them. Finally peer pressure made the kids stand up and give their seats to the ladies and the subway car actually cheered.

As far as the ‘traditional abrasive and mean New Yorker” sorry folks but we really haven’t met anyone like that. Granted there are those who are quick to issue a ‘are you fecking kidding me” comment to someone who is doing something stupid or silly but that’s about it. Oh wait, I must admit that we haven’t been to Staten Island yet as according to our friend Mr. Three First Names says “that is where all the douchebags reside.” Yeah, you want to see our friend’s left eye twitch, mention that we need to go to Staten Island for something and just sit back. Anyway nope sorry folks but it isn’t as bad as one thinks. I am now almost guaranteed that this afternoon I will be exiting the building and get mugged by The Van Buren Boys but so far so good.

FullSizeRenderTurned in our Tennessee Drivers license for what looks like prison ID tags. And yes smart ass,  we have Drivers licenses but haven’t been behind the wheel of a car in months.

IMG_8981“So you are telling me that Travel Queen, Windjammer, Summer & IU Jim, and Conroe have all been mispronouncing the name of the city that they live in?” *want to look like schmuck – rather than pronounce it “HOWS-Ton” say “HYOO-sten)*

IMG_8989Why don’t they write that in Merican?

IMG_8992I may live on the East Coast but I will always remember where I came from.

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Ok Grainbin Girl and Bar Wife here is another picture of Miles, and yes if you come up to visit us, I promise that I will take you to The Australian bar in the mid 40’s.

Have a good weekend and hopefully I will be showcasing a selfie with me and Francis. Next week will be sporadic for my 4 readers as CARBUNKLE TRUMET GOT A DAMN JOB! I don’t know who is going to be more pissed, the monkey heads as they won’t get hourly walks or Momma with her free maid service. Tighten up folks and be nice to everyone!

It must have been a slow news day – The Pizza Rat of the East Village

One of the things that keeps you ‘centered’ here in New York is that anytime you get a news notification on your iFoam you never know what weird shit has or is about to happen. Monday was no different when I get the notification from the local NBC affiliate, that there is a Pizza Rat in the East Village. “Wait did you just say a Pizza Rat? Get the feck out of here with that!” Yes folks, the YouTube video of the now famous pizza rat went viral! Naturally I laughed and immediately looked to see if he had his own twitter handle and thankfully he didn’t disappoint as @NYCPizzaRat was up. This started me to reflect on similar past one hit wonders. Feel free to add one on the comment line if I forgot one.

IMG_9035Yeah, it is juvenile but at least it keeps us from guzzling bottles of hand sanitizer or bashing hipsters!

untitledOh Good I am glad to see the Meme’s are already out!

23671130_BG1Remember the East Memphis Owl who would attack joggers? Give me an oversized Prince Tennis Racquet and problem is solved!

sinkholejpg-c0d182f487ca31aa_largeWho could forget the Sinkhole on 240! Many were convinced that is how Calipari got out of town when he went to Kentucky.

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Pipe Kitty! Yeah I had to unfollow Steph B on Twitter for about a week after that whole saga. Still not a cat fan!

monkey

And of course we had the Monkey that escaped from Memphis Zoo earlier this year.

Sorry folks, that is all I got today. I have an interview that I need to study up on and am pressed for time.

Guess who is coming to dinner?

Unless you have been living under a rock you know that His Holiness Pope Francis is coming to New York City this weekend. It certainly has been the talk of the town ever since we got here in early August. One of our first dinners with some friends who lived here were saying that they were getting out of town well before his holiness arrives in Philly. “They plan on shutting down the damn bridges, it will be gridlock and pandemonium” exclaimed Blanche who said he was heading to the mountains this week.

“I remember when John Paul came to town, he shut the whole damn city down” exclaimed another friend of ours who lives in Queens. I am sorry but I have been in the same town as when the President, the Vice President, heck even those kids from England whose momma was formally married to horse face and it hasn’t been that bad!

“Carbunkle you don’t understand, nobody wants something bad to happen to the Pope when it is their watch” which made sense as I bet you go straight to hell should some harm come to his head. So starting Thursday afternoon till Saturday, it will be lockdown for Manhattan as he moves uptown and downtown to see things.

Oh if you are wondering, yes we are going to feel some pope gridlock over here on First Avenue as it appears the Pope is crashing on a couch here in the Upper East Side. I guess there goes my afternoon cigar by the park this week. Anyway, this weekend is for not because one of the first things that we did after we got our NY Drivers Licenses was register for the Lottery for the Pope’s drive through Central Park. Thankfully Momma entered it because she won the lottery and this Friday we will be with 10K other folks watching the Pope drive by! Naturally, I am pumped as this probably will be my only chance to see His Holiness live and in person!

IMG_8950Wondered why these were being staged by the park, this is the same block as Papel Nuncio during his visit.

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I “think” this is where he will be crashing while in NYC

IMG_9025

Because they were putting stuff up around it that I have no idea what is for but it looks official

12036738_10153230241694091_1343046712683175761_nThe Media sure as hell as been wearing it out! Why not, the Giants are 0-2!

635773043484954674-Susan-Marie-ugc-yourtakeMural painted somewhere on 8th Ave, I will have get over there to check it out.

635768988622441222-486223604The Papel Chair for Mass in Madison Square Garden – I do hope he gets to work on his jump shot before mass

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Half of the park will be closed on Friday. Oh that won’t piss anyone off at all.

central-park-procession-mapYep! We will be there on Friday Afternoon!

popemobileI hear his new ride is a Jeep, I hope he doesn’t have the problems with his like I did before I sold mine!

untitledHey Francis, I got the first bucket of beers at Iggy’s ok?

10268455_874026039304327_5808465688590282428_nOh this knucklehead is also coming into town this weekend. The General Assembly of the UN, The Pope, and Baby Fine Hair, yep it’s going to be wild this weekend for sure!

Have a good one!

It just isn’t that they talk funny up here – 45 days in review

45 days of living on the island of Manhattan and can you believe that I have found some differences between living here and in Memphis? Oh I heard that by the way, I heard you say “Well No shit Sherlock!” Anyway let’s get right down to it shall we;

  • The accents – “By God they can have my southern drawl when they take if from my cold dead hands!” Reminds me of my old college fraternity president who was from Dumas Arkansas. Not only did John David speak Delta Southern, he spoke it maybe 10 words a minute slow. I so would love to hear him order a sandwich up here at a deli.
  • SEC college football or college football of any kind – “Kid on Saturday we do laundry and get ready for the Jets/Giants game on Sunday. Get out of here with that Woo Pig Sooie Crap!” This reminds me of that great North versus South Football email I see every preseason – In the North they get out of bed to watch ESPN Game Day, in the South you are at ESPN Game Day
  • Liquor Stores – are open 7 days a week here. Yes, you read that correctly Memphians. Oh and they will give you free delivery if you order more than a half pint. I guess the movie “Leaving Las Vegas” flowed better than “Leaving New York”
  • The F Word – in Memphis you say it in public and you will be scolded by any number of people for uttering it. Here it is as common as “Good Morning.” Wait till you hear a 90 year old woman say “What to do you mean you are out of Matzo Ball Soup? Get the Feck out of here!”
  • Public Transportation – up here those things on rails called Subways run on time and you can pretty much set your clocks to them. Down in Memphis they have something that looks like a trolley but it can get a flat tire. (sorry for the jab, I had to)
  • 4 legged children – do you realize how many dogs I see on a daily basis walking around stores with their owners up here? Can’t hang in food based joints but it is strange seeing them.
  • Schools – in Memphis school starts in early to mid August and ends Memorial Day, up here it starts after Labor Day and goes to July 4th. Up here only the private school kids wear school uniforms where in Memphis everyone wears some type of a uniform.
  • Directions (public transportation or walking) – In Memphis you hear “go down Poplar/Union” because those are the two main arteries but up here it is a sport that everyone tries to one-up each other. “You need to get to Atlantic Ave? Take the 6 downtown to 14th Street and take the Q. Don’t get the Q at 51st or at Canal, you want it at 14th street because the Q isn’t crowded then.

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Dollar says that there are at least 4 flasks in this picture

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“We may lose the game but By God, we have never lost a tailgate in the Grove!”

Tailgate in the North…I rest my case

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“When the delivery guy get here can you ask him not to bring the big truck? It is a little embarrassing.”

Go_fuck_yourself

I swear I heard a collective “What the Feck” outside in the distance during Saturday’s Bama/Ole Miss game here in New York.

riverfront%20trolley

Remember the Main Street Trolleys?

trolley-flames

Not our fault that they had ‘Jewish lighting’ in them.

I can’t wait to ride on one of these when they have Vintage Subway night

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This is why I can’t bring Maddy shopping because I would have to carry her everywhere. #diva

Keep it light folks!

The San Gennaro Festival – The Grand Daddy of them All

I had a meeting on Friday that ended early and was asked if I wanted to grab a bite of lunch and if I liked Italian food. I told the person whom I was meeting with that I could gag some down so we walked a couple of blocks to the San Gennaro Festival in Little Italy. This thing is 6 blocks long of food vendors, beer gardens, and seriously it is off the hook and fairly crowded on a Friday afternoon. Below is something that I nipped off the website about the feast day of San Gennaro and what the festival means to Italian New Yorkers.

The 89th Annual Feast of San Gennaro will be held in Little Italy for 11 days from Thursday, September 10, through Sunday, September 20, 2015, on the streets of historic Little Italy, the lower Manhattan neighborhood which served as the first home in America for hundreds of thousands of Italian immigrants who came here seeking to improve their lives beginning in the early part of the 20th century.

Presented annually since 1996 by Figli di San Gennaro, Inc. (Children of San Gennaro), a not-for-profit community organization dedicated to keeping alive the spirit and faith of the early Italian immigrants, this year’s Feast is expected once again to attract more than one-million people from the four corners of the globe to the streets of Little Italy to participate in the annual Salute to the Patron Saint of Naples.

We are walking down the street and I see a familiar sign for an Italian dish that I could only get at the defuct Giovanni’s on Cleveland called Braciole. Beef Braciole is a stuffed with cheese, herbs, Italian flat leaf parsley and normally is cooked in a red sauce or baked. I ordered one from a vendor and get a sandwich with peppers and onions and a braciole roll.  This was not the version that I was used to but I say what the hell and bite into it and get another surprise. Not only did they grill the sucker as compared to the baked version that I was used to but it was a pork cutlet rather than beef. Not bad if you ask me. After eating in the street we said our good bye’s but I stuck around and snapped some pictures.

IMG_8980Sadly Little Italy is getting squeezed out by Chinatown but God Bless them, they are still there!

IMG_8967Here is a street shot and you get the picture of how crowded it is on the street.

IMG_8972You know you are in Little Italy when they paint the hydrants

IMG_8965Braciole! I know that name!

IMG_8977Here is papa manning the grill

IMG_8984I bet my Rodizio grill owner could do something like this. Please name it “The Robo”

IMG_8983They had Chicken and Beef on the Grill also

IMG_8978I was excited that I knew what a Braciole was, or at least “thought” I knew.

IMG_8975Here it is before I dived in to it!

IMG_8976What the Hell? Pork? Thank God I am not Jewish!

IMG_8982Cannoli’s in the Fridge made fresh that day

IMG_8987Got to remember this joint for future events

IMG_8986Any good Italian kid remembers these at Christmas

IMG_8985God Bless them, anytime we would make Ravioli there was always a fight.

IMG_8979What the Junk? Are you kidding me?

IMG_8973I bet my cousin would be pissed to know that his balls are being copyright infringed

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Who doesn’t love a good Gelato?

And to think that I walked the entire festival and didn’t miss not having a Pronto Pup.

“Foam Ringing!”

I am sure that a couple of you are laughing because you know what the title means. So living in New York has good and bad parts but hopefully you are a person who see’s that glass of wine as ‘half full’ rather than those who say ‘I need a refill.” Good news if you are one of those who need to speak loudly on your cellphone as you navigate the streets of Manhattan as cell coverage is top notch here! When you look around at the tops of the 4 story buildings you will see cell repeaters and all kinds of equipment to make sure the network stays running. Even some subway lines have great WiFi and cell coverage if you are one of those who ‘must speak to the office’ at all times. Sadly, with the good comes the bad, because our building is built out of steel and concrete which means cell coverage sucks like a big dog here in our palatial 535 square foot studio. This isn’t bad but considering that Daddy is sill job searching and has phone interviews from time to time….you get the picture. I was combating this by going down to the ‘common outside area’ and take my calls but I hear we should have snow at any moment so we needed to do something.

Thankfully our trusted consigliore, Maria, was over last week having dinner with us and we mentioned our problem. She said that she had the same problem in her office but that we should take advantage of our internet/cable/phone bundle and get a land line. “A Land Line? The last time we had one of those was when Bush was in office as the telemarketers were wearing us out!” We sat there for a minute and realized that it made sense and we could turn off the ringer as if anyone needs to reach us knows that we ignore our cell phones. “That was a fantastic idea Maria, we are going to keep you around not just for your good looks and mad parking skills!”

Back when I was in college at the University of Arkansas and before cell-u-mar foams, we had land lines in the fraternity house. We didn’t call them phones but we called them “Horns” for some reason. When I was looking for a suitable ‘horn’ for our joint, I went to my favorite department store, Amazon, and found the perfect horn. No it isn’t a rotary joker as we have to dial area codes and that could take forever but I went with the next best thing. Think Seinfeld and my old boss from my Carnie Days!

22sonny_4929599_ver1_0_640_480“Foam Ringing! Now before I answer this thing, are you hears or not?”

889229_3559192_ver1_0_640_480Miss you Rock-Mo, we will see you at Christmas

alexs-tavern-51b8e1a754b9726dba000cbfSo last week I went to the oldest Ale house in New York, here is the oldest Tavern in Memphis for you non-hipster New Yorkers who are wondering.

angrycust-001Hello, Hello, Hello, are you there? Seriously, who doesn’t hate that!

post-26307-Seinfeld-answers-phone-gif-Img-TCmSYep, pretty much the TV show Seinfeld has new meaning since we now live up here!

IMG_8956You Damn Right I got one!!!! I went with the Executive! And for those of you wondering why I blacked out the number, Don’t get me wrong, I love you but I also know what you will do if you got the number. If you really want the number it is (212) 526-5261

Have a good weekend! We have some Memphis Peeps in town so we get to play tourists in our own city!

They Do Watch Repair Where?

Back in my rock n roll days where everyday was a different town and a different airport, I was taught that one should never display expensive jewelry, cash, or anything of value to prevent petty crimes abroad. Now unlike my pilot friend who coming out of an ATM in Belize declared loud enough that even the convicted criminals in the Hattiesville Belize Jail could hear “I HAVE AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF CASH ON ME!” That being said I figured it was time to quit wearing my 30+ year old Rolex watch that is on loan from my father every day. I mean, I am on the subway, I got to hold on to the rail, people check out watches and rings, it makes sense. I went to my jewelry box and pulled out ‘Obnoxious Orange’ the festival watch. This watch is saucer plate big and got lots of wear during my Carnie Days on the River and is Bright Orange. The current condition of the watch was “It told time correctly twice a day” as it needed a new battery. I got on Yelp and found a great watch repair, barber shop and shoe shine store at 86th and Lexington so off I went.  I am very familiar with that area as that is where my grocery store is, the Papaya King, and a couple other stores I frequent but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Finally after making 2 laps around the intersection I called the number and asked where they were. His response in a deep Russian Orthodox accent “We in Subway” and sure as shit as I type this they were down the steps in the 86/Lex Metro Station.

Because I had already been on a job interview earlier in the day I splurged and picked up a new band for “obnoxious  orange’ in an attempt to dial it down a tad. Since it was a nice day I went over 5th Avenue & East 90th for a cigar and to watch the crowd walk by on 5th Avenue. Now if anyone knows me well enough that in addition to Midget Wrestling that I love to sit on a bench and watch people walk by. Seriously, it is better than TV, cheaper than therapy, and since it was a nice day out, the crowd watching was very good that day. If you don’t know this area it is the heart of the Upper East Side where as I was told that is cheaper to live than in Brooklyn and in it’s heyday was where if you were anybody you lived in New York. Granted I have only been here a month and change but I like living up here on the UES. The streets are not crowded with tourists, lots of ‘locals bars’ and as soon as they get my 2nd Avenue Subway station online I can go anywhere (STOP LAUGHING – JL, EL, ML, JM, DS). Add to that I can walk 7 long blocks and I am at the Met, hell that is bonus if you ask me. Anyway here is what I saw;

IMG_8940Mural I saw over at JFK when I went for my interview

IMG_8935I kept wondering why the agent would only show us the place in 15 minute time slots. – Remember the movie “Seven”

IMG_8942Go see my buddies at the New York Cigar Inn on 73rd Street. They sell a good stick

IMG_8941Lots of Dog Walkers on the UES. He must be the Poodle King as all he had was Poodle and Poodle Mixes

IMG_8944No this isn’t England or Paris with the double decker buses. They have them here too. Actually we are going to ride one of these suckers in a couple weeks when the Lady Killer comes up to see and stay with us.

IMG_8945“You are in for a treat today folks, look over to your right, you will see sitting on the bench in the all black smoking a cigar, the World Famous Carbunkle Trumpet formally of Memphis.”

IMG_8947I didn’t want to get his face (yes I said he) but this Man Bun wearing hipster is sporting rolled up pants and Birks. #throatpunch

IMG_8943Every kid in the UES rides the razor scooters. Thankfully you can hear them coming down the street with the wheels on the sidewalk and the screams from the Nanny or Mom “Stop at the corner Spaulding!” Sadly the dogs hate these guys because they scare the crap out of them. I have seen adults riding these things – Bless their hearts!

IMG_8948Ahh, here is ML’s most hated thing in the city, the Citi Bike. They are all over the place now and have many stations in the UES.

IMG_8950Y’all act like the Pope is coming into town next week. More on that later.

IMG_8953I know what you are saying, I hope you didn’t spend much on the battery or the band, CBT. Don’t be hating on Obnoxious Orange!

Have a good day and if you see me sitting on a bench, I may be talking about you tomorrow!