The $hit you see on the subway

I have to admit, I am a huge fan of the public transportation here in NYC. Hell, any public transportation is better than what we came from in Crime-Free Memphis, TN. Not to knock my old hometown but they can’t even get the friggin trolleys back on Main Street and are passing off busses that are made to look like trolleys and they still don’t run on time. But I digress, no they don’t mess around here with the busses, subway or light rail in NYC. One of our deciding factors on moving up here was that we were going to sell the cars and use public transportation and that hasn’t bitten us in the ass yet. Parking for a car in our building is around 600.00 a month and that is rate reduction because of the hospital as I think the cost in Midtown or lower Manhattan goes in the 1K range. Then you tack on the taxes, vig, insurance, and all that other stuff and you have to scratch your head and wonder if having that car is really worth it. Sure you could park it on the street but then you have to mess with alternate parking for street cleaning and lets not forget the dinged up bumpers that you will have so what is one to do? Naturally it makes sense that you use public transportation up here as it costs $2.75 and if you get on the right express train, you are at your destination in no time.

Now with the good comes the bad in any story. So of the 8.5 million residents of New York you are bound to have a couple of well how do I put delicately…we will just call them “special”. These special people are those who you don’t make eye contact with, pretend that you are listening to your ear buds even though there isn’t any music playing and silently hope they go away. Now in New York’s defense, they have really cleaned up the subway problems from way back and things are much safer than they were pre Rudy days. Below are some of the ‘special’ people I have met this past month;

  • The “Excuse Me, I am homeless and need money” people – These are the ones who pop in your subway car and give you the sad excuse how they are broke, hungry, trying to get into the shelter, yada, yada, yada. Dude we all are one paycheck away from being homeless, take your ass somewhere else. If you really are that bad off I bet that there is someone in your life you could get help from. Unless you have burned those bridges already.
  • The “This is the dining car right” people – Thankfully I am not a germ freak but I do find myself using hand sanitizer a whole lot more after riding the subway. Yet there are those who will have a light snack and actually lick their fingers clean after sucking the bone marrow out of the chicken wing. In a word – NO
  • “I must not have a mirror in my apartment” people – Dude I don’t care what the latest boy band is wearing, don’t be wearing that out in public. Or my favorite is the females who must be feminists because they decide not to wear a bra and their nipples are dragging the ground. Holster those puppies up girls.
  • “Can I lay my head on your shoulder” sleepers – Sure you drank the bar dry of Bud Light and have 14 stops till you get home but that doesn’t mean I want you to spoon with your drunk ass.
  • And my favorite “It is 9AM on a Friday and I am heading to work in my suit and pounding a 24 ounce tall boy in the paper sack” guy – I saw that last week on the F train. Dude I want to party with you.

249B21EB00000578-0-image-a-4_1421026354465I have many questions but first “Where are your pants?”

IMG_8725I guess the previous owner got Jesus and was able to walk up out of that subway!

USA-NO PANTS SUBWAY-NYCIncidentally I have pulled a bunch of these off the internet as I don’t have the balls to take some of these pictures. But again, where are your pants?

Subway-Guy-Fugly-Guys-Around-The-WorldThis will be a whole new topic that I can talk to my shrink about.

funny-subway-people-wildammo-22Hey Dude, The Grateful Dead called and they want their concert merch back.

funny%20people%20riding%20(4)He isn’t passed out, he is merely regrouping.

IMG_8832Hey look a white woman!

snake__3075502bOh hell No *putting on my backward Kangol Hat and channeling my inner Samuel L Jackson*

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“There better not be no Mudda Fecking Snakes on My Mudda Fecking Subway Ride HOME!”

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