Always read the fine print

*Fade in*

Front of the Coleman building on First Avenue

Me – “Good Morning Paul (doorman) how are things this morning?”

Paul – “Pretty good Carbunkle, I saw that your little baseball team won the wild card game last night and is playing with the big boys in October. (Paul is a HUGE Mets Fan)

Me – “You know that there is nothing prettier when the Ivy turns red inside Wrigley Field. Hey I meant to ask you, yesterday when I came home from work there was a flatbed trailer delivering a little tractor with a bulldozer blade on the front of it. Is that a toy for the kids in the building to play with? Where we lived in Memphis all the kids had battery powered carts and would ride all over the neighborhood.”

Paul – “No man, that is the buildings snowplow. They just had it serviced for the winter.”

Me – “You mean to tell me that we get that much snow up here to warrant a snow plow?”

Paul – “Dude, it gets biblical up here, especially since we are a block from the East River.”

Me – “Oh come on, quit jacking with me, what is it one or two snows a winter and then we go to spring right?”

Paul – “You didn’t read the fine print in your ‘New York for Dummies’ orientation manual did you?”

It was then that I immediately get on the horn and text my trusted New York Consigliere, Maria. 

The text went something like this; <picture of snow plow> What the Feck is this? *editors note – I admit that I find that I am swearing on a Richard Pryor/Andrew Dice Clay frequency up here. It really is a thing of beauty when I say it with a southern accent.*

Maria then confirms that the snowplow is not a toy for the kids in the building but to clear the sidewalk in front of the building.

Carbunkle Trumpet is not happy. 

Hey Uncle Kalb, we need a Red Tractor up here. Get that Green thing out of here. 

Anybody know if they sell a snow suit in ‘short & fat’?

By the way Nova I can hear you laughing from Turo. Don’t make me come up there to make fun of your free healthcare and shitty beer. 


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