Month: November 2015

Carbunkle Trumpet Does The Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade

“You Fecker’s have done more in 4 months than 60 year olds who have never left 5 boroughs of New York?” declared one of our friends when we told them we were going to the Parade on Thursday. Attached are 30 of the 168 better pictures that I took.

I will have other posts about the parade and will upload them to my Book of Face Account too! Thanks to the Asian Fireman for the tickets and to his wife and family for letting us horn in on the fun. It was cool!

 

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Behind the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade from Someone on the Street

“Did you see the cast of X perform their act? How did Daughtry sound? “Did Pat Benatar really lip-sync her song? How hot was Eva Longoria?” Yeah, these were the questions that I received during the Parade and the answer to all of them was “Never saw it, that was the TV broadcast.” You know when you go to a live Nationally televised game and it takes longer because of the airing network and the commercials? That is what you get with the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I am not dogging the experience we saw because it was killer! Growing up watching it over the years, oh yeah, it was a bucket list item.

First of all, many thanks to the Asian Fireman and his family for inviting us as the NYFD Pipes and Drums were marching in the parade for the first time since it is the 150 anniversary celebration of the NYFD. We scored grandstand tickets so rather than sleeping on the street the night before like a bunch of people did, we strolled up at 7AM and hung out till the parade started. The weather was perfect and you couldn’t have asked for a better day. Here are the top 10 things that I learned from attending the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

  1. The Parade starts at 9AM from W77th and Central Park West and ends at 7th and 34th Street. The Parade route is roughly 3 miles long and takes 2 hours from start to finish.
  2. We were at 7th and Central Park South (halfway on the crosstown route) and the parade started for us at 9:30 and ended at 11:30. The TV show starts I think at 9AM so all those Broadway Musicals you saw? Those were the filler acts before the floats arrive.
  3. The clowns, roller blade people, float holders, and various parade people – Nicest people in the world, if I heard “Happy Thanksgiving” once, I heard it a million times. Great interaction that you don’t see on TV.
  4. When the clowns come by the barricade they sprinkle confetti on the kids and parents who aren’t paying attention.
  5. Those Floats and Balloons how high are they? Probably the rope from the ground to the bottom of the float was 3 to 4 stories. I imagine they use boom cameras for the visual effects.
  6. The float handlers wear the same colored jumpsuits and they group 3 people around a rope so nobody gets tired. Each float has a “Marshall” that tells them to hurry up or stay in the middle of the street.
  7. Speaking of staying in the middle of the street, did you know that they have to remove all the traffic lights that hang over the street? Any flagpoles that jut out over the street have to come down too. Our office is on 7th @ 37th street and I wondered why they were yanking the flagpoles on Tuesday.
  8. Counter Terrorism Officers and NYPD – Yes they were very present and did I feel scared for my life……I am a fucking New Yorker, I ain’t staying home and letting those jokers win. If Police Commissioner Bratton (who I love by the way) says that it will be safe so “get your coat on Momma, we are going to 59th street!”
  9. The musical acts (except for Cirque du Solei) basically sit on the float and wave to people. The Cirque folks do their act the whole route and even while the float is jumping.
  10. You start the parade with “Happy Thanksgiving” and to the end it changes to “Merry Christmas” and no LVD, Mariah Carey isn’t the end of the parade, it is and always will be SANTA.

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Here is the Route, we were on Central Park South (59th Street) near 7th Street siting with our back to the park.

IMG_9648Again, thanks to the Asian Fireman for the Tickets! They were much appreciated.

IMG_9650You do have to get there early (2 hours prior) but at least we didn’t sleep on the street like the people across from us on Central Park South did

IMG_9647We assume that they yank the traffic lights the night prior or there will be all kinds of wrecks around Central Park. Oh Maria, aren’t you happy that the Citi Bike Stand is “Out of Service” when I become mayor….

IMG_9654Street Light look a little Cadi-Wampus? They swiveled the light towards the park so they didn’t have to remove it.

IMG_9655We were right across from the Essex House and I kept wondering what that was…It was a flagpole that got removed.

IMG_9656C-Man got cranky but I don’t blame him, he got woken up at 5AM, gets to see Uncle CBT and Aunt CBT then has to sit in the cold for 2 hours doing nothing waiting on the parade. He took a little nap on Grandma and was fine once the parade started.

IMG_9659Kudos the to the Crowd for the clapping & cheering and thanking the NYPD for their service today.

IMG_9687Here are the Ronald McDonald Float Handlers, all dressed alike so it blends in with the float.

IMG_9745“Hey Ian! Look to your left, that is the World Famous Carbunkle Trumpet and his Smoking Hot Wife!” mutters one of the members of the Pipes and Drums.

IMG_9712It was kind of funny watching the Floats hang a right onto Broadway

IMG_9774Poor Nan didn’t realize she was getting Confetti’d each time the Clowns came

IMG_9678Calling All Cars…Be on the lookout for Hello Kitty riding in an airplane. She was last seen heading south on Broadway from Central Park South.

Again, thanks to the J&E L for letting us horn in on the fun. We had a blast and this is one for the wall. Happy Holidays!

The Week in Pictures

IMG_9612Went over to H&H Bagel on Second Ave & East 82nd Street for a Nova Scotia Salmon, Light Cream Cheese on a Salt Bagel. And Scoop I will have you know that I no longer have my bagels toasted per your advice.

IMG_9602Tree down in the Financial District Going up

IMG_9585The Tree at Rockefeller Center – Did you know that they insert branches into the bare spots to make it look more full? The things you learn being a New Yorker.

IMG_9601I would rather my wife become a whore than wear that! Thankfully the Grizz have woken up and are now playing basketball. I can wear my Grizz gear and not feel ashamed.

IMG_9496Need a house or Apartment in NYC? Give this lady a call. #shamelessplug

IMG_9582They sure do plant a bunch of stuff up here in the planters

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and be nice to each other.

Robopalooza in NYC

 

Momma Trumpet left my ass this past week. She left me for the warm and sunny bars of Key West Florida for a girls trip. I joke that when I am left alone that we celebrate “Robopalooza” where it is wild parties, eating peanuts on couch while throwing the shells on the ground, and the toilet seat remains up at all times. I also have been known to do some type of a project in her absence because I don’t want anybody to hear me curse when I screw something up because I didn’t read the directions. One trip when we had the house on Monteigne I painted the bar and my best friends mother still to this day curses me when she re-painted it Seattle Seahawks colors. This trip we hung some pictures that we had been meaning to hang and I did some organizing of the spices after a trip to IKEA.

 FullSizeRenderI may have visited the Cigar Inn on East 73rd Street maybe once this past week…. Ok it was 5 times, are you happy now?

IMG_9599I may have had one beer while momma was out of town. Ok it was two are you happy now?

IMG_9613I finally got around to getting a frame for the “Thomas Crown Affair” print that we never got around to hanging. Coincidently, this print covers our electrical box so it is a win-win.

IMG_9615Hung the Playbill’s that Mrs. Trumpet’s plays that she attended. I also figured I would hang our notable NYC events on the wall. Here we have, in order, The Pope’s Visit, Hamilton, and Rotten Tomatoes

IMG_9616Visited that fancy Seafood restaurant and then saw Saturday Night Live

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Our visit to the Rubin Museum to hear Damien Echols

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At IKEA (feel free to make a comment Tia) I found these spice jars and picture ledges so I got out the drill and went to town.

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I missed her ass!

Also shout out to our favorite Russian, Alexia, and Maria for drinks and dinner this past week. I found a new Thai restaurant that I can take my mother to when she visits again.

Umbrella Decorum

We have had some annoying rain here in NYC for the past couple of days. You know the rain that I am talking about, it isn’t hard enough to mess with getting out the umbrella but when you get to your destination your clothes are  moist. (KC & LG, I had to go there, HAPPY FRIDAY) I have found out there are some umbrella rules that you better follow or prepared to get screamed at by an old lady;

  1. The umbrella that you use on the streets of Manhattan better be one of those smaller models and not for use on a golf course.
  2. When walking in traffic please exercise courtesy and tip your umbrella away from each other as to not poke people who are dumb enough not to use one.
  3. Those cheap models that they sell at the newspaper stands, they won’t withstand the breeze from a fart.
  4. On a 40MPH high wind and rainy day (like we had yesterday) be prepared to purchase a couple of umbrellas that day because you will have a blow out.

Unlike the University of Arkansas, it is strictly taboo to use one of those Golf Umbrellas in midtown, downtown or in the tourist districts. Seriously, tourists get yelled at for pulling this faux pas. Don’t be that guy…..

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Here is the one that I am using as of Friday, November 20th. I give it the Over/Under of 2 more rainstorms before she ends in the trash.

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As you can see it covers my head but with the rain we had yesterday, from my waist down was wet.

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Here is the umbrella that Mrs. Trumpet uses, she is fancy like that.

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This is an example of what NOT to use when in Midtown but here on the safe streets of the UES it is allowed. Especially when you are walking the Monkey Heads in a rainstorm.

IMG_9592My old Fraternity Brothers will get a kick out of this. Yes this umbrella by the grace of GOD has stayed with me since my days of being on the hill. I figured this would have been left at My Pleasure Bar and Grill one night during a “study session”

umbrella

Many Dead Soldiers here along 7th near 40th

Stay dry folks and have a good weekend.

 

 

 

 

The Week in Pictures

I am getting more hits when I post just pictures. Do I need to find a proofreader? Hey A.F.F. you want to come up here and read my shit for me?

IMG_9565Robopalooza is in full effect as Momma is down in Florida for the week. Everyone from NYC goes to Florida, I hear. Here is a Triple Decker Pastrami, Corned Beef and Salami from Pastrami Queen on 78th & Lexington. The sandwich costs 25 bucks but you can eat on it for 3 days.

IMG_9564We are going to see Boo from OITNB in January for brunch. We are pumped!

IMG_9563Like I said, Robopalooza is a joyous occasion, I was in bed at 10:30 on Saturday night.

IMG_9558Our favorite Pizza Joint on First Avenue

IMG_9552Lots of color today at the fruit stand

IMG_9549This lady sells Churros down at the 7th street subway line at Grand Central. One of these days I am going to get me some of that!

IMG_9546Flower stand on 3rd Ave

IMG_9545Interesting color choice of shoes. She trumped my sock game that day!

IMG_9540We got the NBA League Pass to watch the Grizzlies. My comment before they won Friday night was “If I wanted to watch someone suck at Basketball, why did we waste money on the NBA League Pass and just watch the Nets or Knicks on free TV?

IMG_9538I had a busy day on Veterans day and this is the only pic I was able to take

IMG_9516Filming some commercial on the street near my office.

Have a good one and be nice to each other.

“You have to go visit the mens room and see the size of these things!” #TWSS

What can I say, I have to create some funny taglines to get you jokers to click on my little page. No I haven’t gone the way of Birdcage, I am referring to the Men’s urinals inside the bathroom of Old Town Bar. Let me back up first, last week Mrs. Trumpet and I were going to be down in the Union Square area to see the Christmas pop up shop that we were a week early for and needed drinking establishment advice. I conferred with my drinking consigliore’s and were directed to a joint called the Old Town Bar on 18th street. We ventured inside the joint and immediately said to ourselves “Hello Alex’s Tavern” because this joint screams history.  The bar opened in 1892 and was a speakeasy during the Probation under the aegis of The Tammany Hall. The Bar is 55 feet long and the tin ceilings are over 16 feet tall. We parked ourselves at the bar, introduced ourselves to John the bartender (could have been Andy from the Tavern) and drank a couple of beers. We ordered some wings and seriously they serve drumsticks just like the Tavern does! After a couple of beers I inquired to John where the bathroom was, and he directed me to the back. I walk through the door and there they were….

If any of my readers were ever to frequent Newby’s and more specifically the music venue next door you may recall the huge four foot floor mounted urinal that they had in the men’s room. Well the Old Town Bar has two of them. I get back to my beer and inform Mrs. Trumpet about the urinals and naturally her comment was “So I guess you didn’t pee all over the place like you do at home eh?” *Editors note, just for that comment I whizzed all over that toilet seat that night for her so I could warm it up for her* John the bartender overheard me talking about the urinal and he piped in that the one on the left was date stamped with the date 1910 and have been talked about for years. Seriously this place is great, we shall be back.

old-town-bar-amp-restaurant01We found it right off of Union Square

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Have you ever noticed how hard it is to take a picture inside a dark bar?

IMG_9511Bathroom humor CBT? This is pretty low of you, I can’t believe I am still subscribing to your potty humor (get it)

IMG_9512Not much privacy here

IMG_9513Can you imagine the amount of urine this joker has seen? Ok I will stop!

IMG_9514Got to love the new throwback Miller Lite Bottles.

Before you say it, how old is the urinal at your bar?

The Mean Streets of NYC – “Hey buddy you need some bike parts?”

Given that Mrs. Trumpet and I are now slaves to Mass Transit since we are sold our cars, we had many of our friends mention to us that we get bikes to get around town. In Memphis actually we had two bikes, they collected dust so we sold them before we moved up here. And to be completely honest, the thought of riding a bike in Manhattan scares the complete shit out of me. If we need a bike we can always grab one of those shiny Citi Bikes (right now Maria is shaking the finger at me) if we really want to take our lives into our own hands. Even if we did want to have a bike we don’t have any room in our condo to park that joker. Remember the bike in Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment? Did you ever see him ride that thing and did it ever come off the wall?

Oh park it on the street you say, it will be fine……sure and I have a bridge to sell you. The bike thievery up here is something fierce. Walk around the streets and you will find many bike skeletons still locked to bike stand. To be honest, I don’t understand the need for a tire and rim unless they are selling them to recycling centers for money but who the Feck needs a bike tire? We were having drinks with Maria one night and she was telling us how some Brooklyn hipsters chained their bike to a newly planted tree and  thieves cut the tree in half to get the bike and fancy Kryptonite lock. Wait till I get my golf cart up here, then NYC will love me!

IMG_9560I will just ride these till I become Mayor and outlaw them

IMG_9550Bike Messenger guys park their bikes in packs, makes it harder to steal I guess

IMG_9559They use the serious locks and serious chains up here

IMG_9551Damn, they went medieval on that one

IMG_9561I mean who the Feck needs a front tire?

StolenSomeone hit the Bike Lottery.  Looks like they got 4 bikes since there are 4 chains still there

bike-thief-sata-01_jpg_650x0_q70_crop-smartFound this image on The Google when I was looking for my cover picture. I think this is from Chicago hence the Wicker Park comment but it is funny.

Have a good one.

“Well that doesn’t feel natural” #twss

To get to my new job selling Tour Bus tours to the Tourists I have to take 2 Subway lines to get to Times Square. The office is on 7th Avenue so I have to exit the subway at Seventh avenue & W40th or walk through the throngs of tourists in Times Square. There are roughly 15 different subway entrances/exits for Times Square because that sucker is a vast maze of tunnels and steps. I have been making this trip now 9 times and still haven’t gotten it right. One trip last Friday when it was Africa hot I ended up at 8th & 42nd so you can understand my frustration and need for Gold Bond. On this day we had one of those annoying cold NYC rains so I wanted to get this right.

Well I nailed it, turned at the right post, took the correct stairwell by the elevator and exited at 40th & Seventh. I was pumped! I exit the subway and make the 1 block trip to the office and let me tell you folks things were going good for Carbunkle Trumpet. Then it went to shit……I am walking along and feel something unnatural on my right foot like I was dragging toilet paper so I glance down. My freshly repaired $150.00 Bostonian lace ups had a blow out from the sole to the shoe. I keep walking along and naturally it falls off, so I throw the sole in the trash and limp into the office. After some select curse words I find a shoe store a couple blocks South of the office and limp there now, with a wet sock.

Guess that will teach me to claim a victory against the NY Subway system.

  “Hey Gloria, I need to be late to my 10AM meeting. Also can you direct me to the nearest Men’s dress shoe store?”

 Closest store that was open at 9AM was Sketchers. I was desperate as my sock was literally poking through the bottom of the shoe.

 Not my first choice but I got them and thank God they have good arch support for my walking. The sales rep did laugh when I told her I didn’t need the box and could she dispose of my old shoes.

I hope you had a good laugh and thank goodness I didn’t have a fart that failed me!

The Week in Pictures

Congrats to us on living 3 months on this island and we haven’t gotten run over by a cross town bus yet. Ok, enough with the words, here are the pics that I have snapped up during the past week.

IMG_9443My fellow Chef Stalker @Grainbingirl started giving me crap for not going downstairs to stalk Eric Ripert. I don’t have the heart to tell her that he and his wife live next door to us.

IMG_9446Marathon Sunday was pretty cool, next year we will do better.

IMG_9453Can someone please pick this $hit up?

IMG_9421We celebrated getting a Fed Ex package

IMG_9460New view during my lunch hour

IMG_9465Tall ass buildings for days

IMG_9470Found a new Primary Care Physician up here

FullSizeRenderShout out to @Gurleygurl as here is her and my boo Lionel

IMG_9482I still miss me some Tony

IMG_9483I could pull this off in NYC but Justin and AJ would beat me with these if I wore them in Memphis.

IMG_9484So here is where Gypsies shop for those outlandish outfits

IMG_9487Ping Pong in Bryant Park

IMG_9488Bryant Park

IMG_9490As seen in Bryant Park

IMG_9491From the depths of hell we emerge from the subway

IMG_9492The boys at the Cigar inn put some college football on for me.

IMG_9494We do love our “coffee” up here!

Hope you enjoyed the pics