On Saturday morning I had to head into Midtown to grab a couple of last minute Christmas gifts. The MoMA store is on 53rd between 5th and 6th and is smack dab in the middle of the Tourist Zone. To venture into this area on the weekend….well let’s just say I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than do this. My plan was to be at store the moment that they were open which was 9:30AM. It was a surgical strike, I was in and out of the store and on my way to the 51st Street subway station in 10 minutes. As I get to the Subway entrance I had to refill my Metro Card so I get in line for the automated kiosk. As I was punching in my stuff I overhear a southern accent that was very easy to spot. Mary Margaret was about to purchase 3 Metro cards for her party when I inform her that she can purchase one card and swipe 3 times. Needless to say she was appreciate of my suggestion so off I went. As luck would have it, I found myself in the same subway car with the 3 Southern Belles and Beth Ann asks me which subway stop would be best to get to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I inform her that the 86th street would be their stop and they would have to walk East for 3 cross streets to 5th Avenue.
The women thank me again and inform me that I was the first New Yorker to be nice to them since their arrival yesterday evening from Jackson Mississippi. I bite my tongue and don’t divulge that I too am from the south but my curiosity about her comment got the best of me. I inquire as to why they feel that New Yorkers are rude and mean. Beth Ann informs me “We were walking in Times Square last night and decided to take a selfie at the NYPD station. There were 3 businessmen who yelled at us because they were in a hurry. I told them that I have as much right to stand on the street as they did and he told me to Go Feck myself. He was rude.”
I couldn’t help myself but I asked the ladies if this ‘selfie’ was in the street or at a corner and sure enough that was the case. I then inquire as if they have ever driven their SUV on I-55 and I get 3 heads nodding yes. I then ask them what would happen if they decided after driving 65 MPH they came to an abrupt stop on the highway. Scarlet blurts out as she takes a sip from her extra large Starbucks coffee cup that you would probably get rear ended. I ask them if the cars behind them would honk their horn and sure enough I get 3 nodding heads.
Thankfully I got to the 68th Hunter College stop before I could inquire any further or they figured out where I was going with my line of questions. I do hope they got a chance to get down to Canal Street and pick up some fake knock off Michael Kors purses.
Here is the damn Tree as seen from 5th Avenue
Have a nice day from the only New Yorker who is nice.