New York Etiquitte 101

 

My Bless Your Heart post got a lot of traction and not just by my friends who have 2 first names either. I got some good responses and naturally some negative; *Oh by the way Anonymous 384 it is “You’re a dumbass, not “Your a dumbass” but thanks for playing* So for my 3 readers I figured I would put together a list of those things that New Yorkers find annoying or have scolded me in my 4 short months living here;

  1. Walking on the streets – Yes we walk fast up here. Want to see a fight between me and Mrs. Trumpet, who only walks a block to work each day? Watch us walk together on the streets. Now she claims “I drag her” but I say that she is just lollygagging. In seriousness here is the skinny on walking – treat it just like you are driving. Stay on the right side and you pass on the left. Walking in New York is much like driving in Memphis, you will get scolded if you are going slow in the left lane so hurry the Feck up!
  2. Subway/Elevator passage – “Stand to the side and let the people off the subway/elevator first!” It ain’t rocket science folks yet countless trains are delayed because someone ‘has’ to get a seat.
  3. Texting and Walking – It is the same as Texting and Driving, if you do it plan on getting scolded, bumped into, or fall down a Bilco hatch into a shop basement. In the Tourist zones there are scammers who will ‘bump’ into people who are buried in their phones and fake an injury. Don’t do it folks, it is an easy trap to fall into.
  4. Selfie’s on the street – Just be aware of your surroundings and don’t create a traffic jam.
  5. Ordering in a deli/bagel shop – The terms, “Extra, Light, Little Less, and Sauce on the Side” do hold merit up here but only should be used once when placing a sandwich or bagel order. If you plan on using more than one of these terms when placing an order and you risk being scolded by the illegal alien deli worker.
  6.  Courtesy does actually count – I walk past many carnival barkers/newspaper & flyer pushers each and every day. A simple “No thank you” goes a long way and they get the picture. Now if those pesky Planned Parenthood feckers keep on, feel free to yell at them when they persist after you have issued a “No thank you.”
  7. Use the Bathroom every time you walk by one – I can’t tell you how many times I have done the “Pee Pee Dance” on the subway because I didn’t use the can before leaving the previous bar or establishment. Even if they did exist you don’t want to use a subway bathroom and don’t even think about taking a whiz between the subway cars, I hear that they will lock you up and throw away the key.
  8. Dog Walking/Petting – Just because you see a cute doggie wearing a sweater that probably is more expensive than your first car it doesn’t give you the right to pet him/her without first asking the owner. Let me put it to you this way, try to pick up a baby out of one of those strollers and see the response the person pushing the stroller gives you.
  9. Nobody cares how important or how much of a hurry you are, your ass ain’t going to the front of the line.
  10. New York is made up of many different cultures, religions, beliefs and opinions. If you don’t necessarily agree with them it doesn’t give you the right to try to put them down.  Embrace it or GTFO.

Metropolitan-Etiquette-Authority_Pay_Attention_While_Walking

Seriously this is a huge problem on the streets of Manhattan, someone will end up getting killed.

subway

Some signs they have in the subway cars which hit the nail on the head

subway 2

Not necessarily approved subway signs but they bring up a good point.

Now go be good to each other!

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