This past weekend we made a trip back to Crime-Free Memphis for the holidays. We had a good time and enjoyed ourselves, got to see some family and friends during our abbreviated trip and wish that we would have seen more but maybe next time. While we were in town at least a dozen friends would pull one of us aside and ask us the same question; “So do you really like living up there?” After we would explain to them that we are indeed having a blast we would get the next question; “But when are you moving back?” Well currently we don’t really have plans to move back right now but we don’t want to be one of those couples who ‘never say never’ but thanks for inferring you think we will fail living up in Gotham. Anyway, I came across this LIST from Time Out and let me tell you, it hits home on a couple of things. Probably the biggest thing that I have not gotten used to is people talking on their cell phones VERY LOUD! I mean lady I am glad that your pap schmear (you see what I did there) was normal but I really don’t care about the burning sensation you have but does this conversation really have occur on the Crosstown bus? Oh well, at least I am used to the humidity and we shall see if I can manage my first New York Winter.
26 signs you’re not gonna make it in New York
1. You complain about the smell every summer. Go move near an open meadow or a forest if you can’t take it, weak-nose!
2. You think your art is so important that you shouldn’t have to have a day job, and yet you can’t support yourself with your art revenue. Portland, Oregon, awaits you!
3. You’re afraid to go outside looking less than great. If you can’t go to Key Food or Duane Reade without makeup and cute shoes, you need to move somewhere with giant air-conditioned malls.
4. You think you have a right to privacy. There’s a shack in the woods with your name on it.
5. You haven’t learned how to use the subway within 30 days of moving here. If you don’t by then, you likely won’t. This is trial by fire, people!
6. You’re not a natural adventurer (see above). There are five boroughs filled with amazing stuff that you’ll never find unless you’re prepared to get out there and explore.
7. You have severe claustrophobia. Why torture yourself in a crowded city, in crowded subway cars, on crowded streets, on crowded elevators?
8. You’re sidewalk-shy. Not a walker? Not a New Yorker.
9. You can’t handle living with a roommate. Sorry pal, but you’re going to have one (or, like, three) until you get married, win the lottery or move away.
10. You actually let someone push past you and steal your cab—you’re never going to make it here if you can’t fight for what’s rightfully yours. (Unless you’re upstreaming. In that case, release the dogs!)
11. You raise your voice when speaking to people who don’t speak English well, as if that will help them understand you and not just make everyone think you’re a crazy yelling person.
12. You actually take flyers and CDs from the guys on the street. Lugging around a bag full of trash is no way to live, metropolitan aspirant.
13. You regularly succumb to sales pressure and upsells. You have to be (mostly) immune to that shit here.
14. You’re not into the arts. Besides the bazillion amazing events happening 24-7, there are beautiful murals on the streets and buskers on every corner.
15. You get outraged every single time you go grocery shopping. Either learn to deal with the ludicrous prices here or move on, good sir/madam!
16. You don’t drink coffee. Sure we’ll stray to macha or hot chocolate from time to time, but there’s only one brew that truly makes us tick.
17. You think “real New Yorkers” don’t shop or eat at chains. Yes, they do. And if you don’t, you’re going to run out of money really fast. And Five Guys is really good!
18. You regularly shush people in any context. We’ve all wanted to do it (and occasionally do), but if you can’t put up with a little extra chatter at a concert/reading/movie/comedy show/whatever, you probably don’t have the focus required to live here.
19. You’re scared of screaming people on a crowded street instead of just irked by them.
20. You lose your place in the book you’re reading on a crowded subway platform.
21. You can’t eat and walk at the same time.
22. You complain about the weather. Yes, we have snowstorms, and yes, we have the worst humidity known to man. But it’s worth it for those blissful four days of spring and two days of fall we get every year. If you don’t like seasons, move to L.A.
23. You think it’s dirty. And crowded. It is, but the sky is also blue! People who love it here don’t mind those things.
24. You still haven’t learned how to fold your pizza slice.
25. You’re not a romantic at heart. That springtime blossom! Those snowy brownstones! The sight of either of our two beautiful rivers. If these things don’t make your heart soar in the midst of the chaos, we suggest you move to the ‘burbs.
26. You’re not prepared to help out your fellow Gothamite. We may be a surly bunch, but when the chips are down, we are so there.
Yeah, we shall see if CBT can do this or will my friend in Nova Scotia be laughing her arse off!
Not sure if I will post again before the end of the year as we have OTB & Ziggy in town and have dinner plans every night. Then for New Years eve we are ringing in 2016 with Jimmy Buffet and Huey Lewis! Happy New Year!