Month: February 2016

You want to hear who my Grandfather is?

“Have you met any famous people yet?” This is a question that we both get from time to time from our friends. My smartass canned response is traditionally “Well yes, every time I see my reflection in the mirror!” What I love about the people of New York is that famous people are just normal people getting by in the big city. I recall a story that my friend RJ told me when he was on the foam with the Asian Firemen who was walking on the street in Manhattan one day. The Fireman tells RJ that he is about to walk pass Drew Barrymore at the intersection and RJ hears him say “I loved you in ‘Something about Mary” as they pass. Naturally it was a joke and I don’t know if Ms. Barrymore responded to him but you got to love it.

There are plenty of famous people living here in New York City and I really think it is cool that it isn’t that big of a deal. Where we live, the mean streets of the Upper East Side, we are next building neighbors to Grainbin Girl’s favorite chef, Eric Ripert, and his wife. My main man crush Anthony Bourdain and his wife Octavia live at 94th and Madison Ave in Carnegie Hill and even though we haven’t slung beers it is just in time. Now when I do see them on the streets will I freak out, hug them, and dry hump their leg like a rabid dog? Time will tell but I do hope that I don’t make an ass of myself.  To date we have seen on the streets; Chris Robinson, Jackson Browne, Tina Fey, Alex Baldwin and I could have seen Pamela Anderson but I didn’t want to wait for her to exit ABC’s studio because, well I have already seen her video… (sorry for the bad pun) I am sure that my 3 readers have someone in their network of friends who “knows X the celebrity” and they share that information for validation. Bless their hearts.  When I say that New Yorkers are very nonchalant about famous people here is an exchange with one of my work compadres that I am still in shock and awe.

One of my work cohorts and I were talking about him borrowing my iFoam power cord and I tell J.S. to give it to me later when we all meet up for drinks later that evening. I joke “Hey both of our last names end in a vowel, I know you are good for it and won’t squelch.” That gets the conversation going toward Mob based movies and he tells us that his grandfather had a part in HBO’s “Boardwalk Empire”. He named the character’s name but unfortunately I quit watching it when I saw Steve Buscemi’s naked ass in the first season and that was enough for me. The next statement that J.S. said was a classic nonchalant New Yorker comment. “He also was in The Soprano’s show as he played one of the mobsters.” *MY EARS PERK UP*  “Did you say The Soprano’s, as in HBO’s award winning show The Soprano’s?” I ask. The next comment rolls off his tongue like it is no big deal; “Yeah, he played Junior Soprano or Uncle June. He has an apartment up near you CBT, he lives at 59th and First Avenue.” I was without words,  my mouth immediately goes dry like I just swallowed a bag of sand. “WAIT! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOUR GRANDFATHER IS FUCKING DOMINIC CHIANESE!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!”

No big deal to my work cohort, just another day sitting down with the family at Thanksgiving. Dude how cool would it to sit down with Uncle June and have a glass of wine and shoot the shit. That is what I love about this town.

junior-soprano-1024Yeah, my grandfather, he was in some movies and also is an accomplished Opera Singer too! #JSSandbaggedme

552461_10151349983739928_851859404_nIt was a good couple of days of stalking our favorites with SR

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He ends up missing, I am calling the tip line and telling them to check out an apartment on Georgia and Riverside Drive

And NO I won’t be stalking Matt Lauer or Al Roker anytime soon!

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The Week in Pictures

Hope you guys had a good week. Not sure about Memphis but New York is supposed to have a great weekend (above 40 degrees) with some sun. Dare I say Sunday Funday on a PATIO?

IMG_0418Love me some ole time cash registers in the joints that we frequent.

IMG_0419Did the “Damn Neighbor” move to 1330 First Avenue? I think so!

IMG_0842Here is a reminder of when we lived next to the “Damn Neighbor” what can I say, at least she recycled!

IMG_0420Shout out to “My Friend” Rock-Mo Kasaftes from my favorite Tavern. *DISCLAIMER – I texted Rock-Mo this pic earlier this week and he said that he was proud of my Greek Burgers*

IMG_0422And my 3 readers wonder why I don’t drive anymore. IMG_0427Shout out to my friends at 17th Street Barbecue for a killer slogan. Can’t wait to see you in the Big Apple as a former Memphian and now New Yorker!

IMG_0424So I was watching a training video today and check out dude’s left hand. Is he really flipping me off?

Have a good weekend folks!

Grizz Nation takes the Q Train

When we moved up here the first thing we did was circle the dates the Grizz were playing the away games against the Knicks and Nets. The Grizz beat down the Knicks in MSG and then came back the next week to play the Brooklyn Nets in Barclay’s Center. Tickets for the Knicks were fairly expensive considering well….it’s the effin Knicks. Thankfully the tickets for the Brooklyn games were a ‘tad’ cheaper so we were able to grab some ‘baller status’ seats to cheer on our Grizz. Big Spain got injured the game prior and was ruled out for the season so seats were a plenty. It was nice to see Courtney Lee and Jeff Green in Sounds Jerseys one last time and the Grizz beat the Nets down.

I have heard that the atmosphere in a “Large Market” arena is much different than in “smaller or medium markets” and it was very evident on that Wednesday night. For starters during pregame there isn’t a house band like that plays in the Forum. No Pyro for home team introductions. No Mascot for the Nets, Zero Bongo Cam contests, and you can forget any halftime shows.  The next day I was talking to one of my coworkers who attends Nets games on a frequent basis and he said that it they have never had anything like that. So I guess large markets feel that they don’t have to entertain the fans as the game will do that…..yeah how many games have the Nets won?

IMG_0363No offense to Joey Thorsen, the Grizzlies in arena host but Ally Love, Brooklyn’s announcer, is pretty hot. Sorry @MemphisKingJoey

IMG_0356Had to represent!

IMG_0361First Team All Defense! I miss Tony!

IMG_0358Look up in the crowd and you can see a yellow shirt. There were a bunch of Grizz Nation fans in attendance.

IMG_0359Whatever Vincent Chase from Entourage, in Memphis  we have the Cracker Rapper, the “It’s all Good” guy, Drummer Boi, and shout out to Bongo Lady!

God Love the Brooklyn Nets fans, they were good folks considering their team could possibly beat the Memphis Tigers as long as Josh Pastner is coaching them.

 

You won’t believe this one folks!

We have all heard the comment “Photo or it didn’t happen!” when you hear or read something that is hard to comprehend or don’t believe. I admit that I was glad I had my iFoam handy when we were walking down the street in the Garment District the other day. I for some reason glance to my right and see two guys trying to use a Slim Jim to get into their locked van. I look away but something in my head clicks and says “Hey CBT what logo was on that van?” I look again towards the two guys and what do I see on the hood of the van? Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is Locksmith Company Vehicle…Good Night New York!  You were a great audience!  Please tip your server!

IMG_0379You can’t make this shit up folks!

Keep it light and have a good one!

“Dressing for the Day” vs “Dressing for the Weather”

So I have heard that if you don’t like the weather in New York just wait an hour and it will change. Case in point this past Friday it was a ball chilling 36 degrees and yet on Saturday it was beautiful, 61 degrees and sunny!  Seriously, it was killer!  I started the morning taking the dogs out wearing track pants, Grizzlies zip up jacket and realized that it was a tad too much. My midmorning errands; dry cleaning, shoes shined, and beer run I was rocking a Northface vest and t-shirt and it was perfect. I went to the Cigar store and started noticing that all of the patrons were coming in wearing their winter coats, hats and gloves. I ask one of the regulars if all New Yorkers have blood any in their body because today was a day you could go sans the coat.  My friend informed me that the majority of New Yorkers dress according to the day and not what the weatherman predicts. “Dress for the day” that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, who the fuck dresses for February 20th and doesn’t look at the weather report? I would sweat my arse off if I were wearing the same clothes on Saturday as I was on Friday. Secondly, again, who the Feck dresses for the day and not confer with what the weather dude says….New Yorkers, I guess.

I did made certain if I had any projects or things I needed to get done that they were done today because it was great being outside only wearing a NF vest. Meanwhile my fellow New Yorkers were donning sleeping bag jackets, toboggan hats and wearing scarves like it was 20 below. I mean come on guys! Last week it was Artic Blast from hell and today if it were 5 more degrees, I would have been calling AJ asking him if we could have a Board Meeting via Skype. Now it was too bad that none of my favorite local drinking establishments stored all of their sidewalk tables and chairs for the winter. If they did I sure as shit would have been there having many beers.

IMG_0406Yep, I knew it was going to be a good day when I saw that the sun was shining on my walk to get my Bagel for breakfast.

IMG_0413You can’t really tell because  of the shadows but that playground is packed with kids playing their hearts out. Enjoy it kids and parents, it is supposed to be crappy by mid week next week.

IMG_0414The Citi Bike station on E68th street was out of bikes and who could blame people? It  was a great day to be roadkill on the hood of a NY Taxi

IMG_0412Come on Grandma, it is 60 degrees out, shed the coat and enjoy some Vitamin D why don’t you?

I guess I am really getting older since now I am talking about the weather as compared to being in a pub.

 

The Week(s) in Pictures

Going to put together a “greatest hits” compilation of pics from the past two weeks.

IMG_0381Got to love the West Village Bathrooms and their Graffiti!

IMG_0381How does one bring in a paint brush and do this? I can’t even keep up with my house keys

IMG_0387I asked the boys in the Rig if they had an “Asian Fireman” and they said he was off. #howodd

IMG_0388We had snow on one evening and then the next day we had 50 degrees and rain.

IMG_0394Wine Bottle down! Wine Bottle Down!

IMG_0404They hate each other, yeah right…

IMG_0353Showed them the previous pic of the dogs and they giggled at me.

IMG_0409I do love me a lox and cream cheese bagel from these guys.

IMG_0411This picture just makes me happy! It is my new screen saver on my iFoam.

Have a good weekend! We are supposed to have killer > 55 degree weather tomorrow!

 

 

CBT’S Take on NYC Strollers

While I was back in Memphis, I went to the ‘soft opening’ of Lyfe Kitchen on South Main with some friends of mine. Their daughter, her husband, and granddaughter also attended and baby Kenzie wasn’t too sure how to take Uncle CBT. The kid was fine, she played at her seat and when it was time to head out she even blew me a kiss. We were leaving and they put Kenzie into one of those basic folding strollers. It took me a minute to comprehend what that contraption was and I could sense that Kenzie parents were wondering why I was looking at them with a puzzled look on my face. I tell K & K that I have not seen one of those folding strollers ever since I moved to New York. I inform them that on the streets of New York the strollers that the moms/nannies push are monsters and pretty much are rolling shopping carts.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love kids but does a 20 pound kid really need to ride around in a push cart that takes up roughly the width of half of a city sidewalk? My parent friends in Memphis have some of these carts but as mentioned before, Memphis is not New York City!  Pretty sure that my Memphis parent friends will be sending me shitty text messages right about now, but come on! We all know that when you are pushing baby Shamus into Barbeque Fest somewhere in bottom of that cart are many bottles of wine! *Yes I am looking at you D.R.* What drives me crazy is that up here in NYC, those double wide carts are carrying empty space or a bag of biodegradable diapers with organic breast milk.

Now here is my main bitch – those carts are great for the park and wide open spaces but leave those damned things at home if you have to shuttle the kid down 5th Avenue at say rush hour! Walk down a packed subway platform with a double wide…..you may get a “GFY” look by a short blonde haired guy from Memphis. Do that shit in Park Slope with 2 mommies’ walking side by side with double strollers like a snow plow….you may get throat punched!  So, again and don’t get me wrong, if you have to push junior mint down the street please try to do so in a single wide cart that you won’t need to hang a “WIDE LOAD” banner on your ass if walking down a Manhattan street.

61yCqhlx2HL._SY355_Here is the type of buggy that K&K were pushing Kenzie around in Memphis. Small, compact and foldable.

IMG_0459Stock Photo because parents kinda wig out if you take pictures of their kid on the street. Here is what I am referring to, this thing is the Soccer Mom SUV of carts. They are all over the place here in NYC

IMG_0308Snagged this pic in our laundry room of a cart. The owner was in the playroom next door but carts are not allowed in the playroom. This sucker is HUGE

IMG_0309See this plate? This is for the older sister/brother to stand on while Mom/Dad/Nanny is pushing their younger sister/brother down the street.

IMG_0310Not a bad idea, these are hand warmers for the cart for during the winter. Why didn’t I think of  that?

britax-double-stroller2Here is the cart that pisses me off to no end. I promise that you put two of these carts next to each other and there is no way you can walk down the street. Then the mommies get bent out of shape when people yell at you for clogging up the street.

otto_strollerparkingThe Majority of restaurants, museums, synagogues, and mothers day out don’t allow carts inside so it is not uncommon to see these things parked outside free for the picking.

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 Here is Mrs. Trumpet pushing the Asian Fireman’s cart while Baby C & F were out riding the rides. I prefer this type of cart because it is single wide but double decker.

Hope you had a good laugh on this one.

Welcome to the Russian Front

DISLAIMER – If you have never experienced below freezing temperatures, go ahead and click over to see what Donald Trump did today. For me to try to explain this ball shrinking experience is like explaining hockey to a Belizean.*

So Carbunkle Trumpet got to experience some below freezing temps this past weekend and guys let me be the first to say it Fecking sucks. For the past 3 days when I would go outside of our building I would see our doorman dressed (he is inside folks) in full winter gear. To break the ice (see what I did there KLC Man) I would say “don’t open that door unless it is 72 and sunny” and those assholes would do it and snicker. First impression of subzero temps is “WHOA! Who is stepping on my chest and why is it so hard to breathe!” Then as I get to the corner (guys, I live in the middle of a short block) and my hands which are inside gloves are now cold. Now let’s talk about my face that is not under a hat or scarf, well any exposed flesh is now stinging and that shit hurts. Yep, we walk to the 68th street station and by the time I get there I am shivering. Please trust me when I say that I have more clothes on than I ever had and still it doesn’t cut it.

So as I have found out from New Yorkers who are faced with subzero temps you have two options; press on and hope you don’t get frostbite or pack it up and head home like a P word. Yep, I pressed on and made the subway station and for the first time in my life, I was happy to be standing on the 68th platform. Here is the main bitch about the cold. You dress for Artic temps outside but walk into a building without a coat check and you are sweating like they opened the cabin door landing in Belize. So here is my problem, freeze your ass off outside and sweat your ass off inside. You can’t win this temperature variance folks, it sucks.

So, what are you saying CBT, your dumbass moved up there, you can’t bitch. Trust me in that I am not bitching but if I now know what I knew then….I may have bargained for more winter trips to warmer climates. Anyway, we got rid of the freezing temps for snow and now have 50 degrees with a heavy rain forecast. Anyway, if you don’t like the weather in New York just wait for a couple of hours.

IMG_0372I make fun of the messages from NOTIFY NYC a lot but this one got the best of me.

IMG_0384This shit sucks. It sucks balls. It sucks big balls.

IMG_0377Shout out to my Canadian Sister and Brother Nova and Ted! We win/We lose!

IMG_0385Kid says “Hey Mister sitting in the bar, can I take your picture? I have never seen someone wear all those clothes at one time. Can you feel your underarms?”

I can’t wait to bitch about SWAMP ARSE!

“Bend over and say Ahhh” CBT went to the doctor

One of the biggest adjustments moving to a new city, other than living amongst 9 million more people, is getting new doctors, dentists, liquor store clerks, and even a bookie. So far everything has been pretty good and checked off with the exception of finding a new primary care physician. I followed the advice of a good friend of mine who told me to find a doctor who is the same age or younger than you. The reason is very simple; you don’t want to outlive your doctor. I find a doctor on the Upper West Side and go to meet her for my first visit. Below is our exchange;

Doc – “I see by looking at your previous physician’s notes that you have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, elevated liver enzymes and high levels of triglycerides. You also were 28 pounds heavier and were lectured by your doctor to lose weight.”
Me – “My former doctor was also my cousin so she had family authority to chew my ass out because I ate like crap and didn’t exercise. She also had the smallest hands in Shelby County in case she needed to check my prostate.”

Doc – “Well I am happy that you lost the weight and I am happy to report that your blood pressure is normal. Did you lose the weight by changing your diet?”
Me – “I admit that walking everywhere up here in New York has contributed to my weight loss that and breaking up with Chef Charity who cooked southern food that was to die for helped my cause. I have not eaten fast food since moving up here and my fruits and vegetable intake has gone up substantially.”

Doc – “Let me ask you some questions that you said yes on your medical history. You said that you drink alcohol, how many drinks do you drink in a week?”
Me – “How about we make a deal doc. I won’t tell you the number of drinks, you won’t ask again, and in exchange I will pay your bill upon leaving the clinic. Capiche?”
Doc – *marks down ‘Social Drinker’ with the understanding that I am very social*

Doc – “We will need to take some blood so we can run a full battery of cholesterol, lipid, and triglycerides and make sure everything is going well on your insides. Have you had a colonoscopy or EKG in the past 5 years?”
Me – “Doc, look this is our first date, I don’t know what preconceptions you have about the south but we aren’t ready to go ‘there’  just yet. Also I am only 45 so I have 5 more years before we take it to the next level. We can still be friends right?”

Well I am happy to report that I am taking one pill off my morning routine and I am 5 pounds shy of needing a step down BP med! I do miss Chef Charity’s cooking and hungover Chick-fil-A with sweet tea but I am healthier!  I do like my new doctor and as long as she and I don’t talk about my cigars then we will have a long professional relationship.

results

Of course my Vitamin D is low, this is FUCKING New York! I haven’t seen the sun up here in a month!

I hope that you enjoyed this, yes it tongue and cheek but I am healthier living up here. Who would have thought that New York gave me a clean bill of health!

“You are so good looking!”

It happens each and every day here in New York City. If I have learned anything by living on this rock it is that New Yorkers like to get into a routine and stick to it. Case in point, if I want a non sardine subway experience for my commute to Times Square my big arse better be leaving the apartment by 7:45AM. Anything later than that, I might as well get a shoehorn and pray to 9lb 8oz Baby Jesus that the person I am going to be crammed up next to took a shower. I have noticed that with my physical routine, you get into the same verbal routine. Now if you are wondering what the hell I am talking about, let me tell you about a game that my friend O.T.B. (Old Tired & Bitter) and I play when we get people who we are friends with on the phone.

How many times have you asked the standard “canned” question or comment when you get someone on the phone or see on the street? I bet that you do this automatically and don’t even know you are doing this.  The game that OTB and I play is that when we get friends or people we know on the phone we ask “So what are you wearing?” given that normally the question would be “What are you doing?” Naturally when they respond “nothing” we know that we zinged them and quietly giggle. Now is it childish? Sophomoric? Stupid as Feck? Hey you are still reading this aren’t you?

Ok, I will cut to the chase; when I get on the elevator in our building or see the same people on the street it is as if people are zombies. You have heard me discuss how people sometimes are so self-absorbed in their own little world that they don’t even say hello or good morning.  Well to change things up, I play a little game and ask a question or make a comment that is off the beaten path and so far I haven’t been called onto the carpet yet. (This is kind of sad)

  1. “So how about the weather? Did you know they are forecasting sunny skies and rain tomorrow?”
  2. Rather than “How are you doing?” I throw in a “How is your Momma and them?”
  3. Someone sneezes, I pull an Elaine from Seinfeld and say “You are so good looking”
  4. The Metro News lady at Times Square is really angry because I don’t take a paper so I always give her a “You do something different with your hair?” She has yet to respond.
  5. “How about those Iran Contra hearings?”
  6. “No thanks, I gave at the office.” when a tour buss hawker wants to give me a flyer.
  7. “Well bless your heart my friend!” That is issued when some asshat cuts me off at the turnstile.

Have a good day and you better watch out if you see me coming.