“You are so good looking!”

It happens each and every day here in New York City. If I have learned anything by living on this rock it is that New Yorkers like to get into a routine and stick to it. Case in point, if I want a non sardine subway experience for my commute to Times Square my big arse better be leaving the apartment by 7:45AM. Anything later than that, I might as well get a shoehorn and pray to 9lb 8oz Baby Jesus that the person I am going to be crammed up next to took a shower. I have noticed that with my physical routine, you get into the same verbal routine. Now if you are wondering what the hell I am talking about, let me tell you about a game that my friend O.T.B. (Old Tired & Bitter) and I play when we get people who we are friends with on the phone.

How many times have you asked the standard “canned” question or comment when you get someone on the phone or see on the street? I bet that you do this automatically and don’t even know you are doing this.  The game that OTB and I play is that when we get friends or people we know on the phone we ask “So what are you wearing?” given that normally the question would be “What are you doing?” Naturally when they respond “nothing” we know that we zinged them and quietly giggle. Now is it childish? Sophomoric? Stupid as Feck? Hey you are still reading this aren’t you?

Ok, I will cut to the chase; when I get on the elevator in our building or see the same people on the street it is as if people are zombies. You have heard me discuss how people sometimes are so self-absorbed in their own little world that they don’t even say hello or good morning.  Well to change things up, I play a little game and ask a question or make a comment that is off the beaten path and so far I haven’t been called onto the carpet yet. (This is kind of sad)

  1. “So how about the weather? Did you know they are forecasting sunny skies and rain tomorrow?”
  2. Rather than “How are you doing?” I throw in a “How is your Momma and them?”
  3. Someone sneezes, I pull an Elaine from Seinfeld and say “You are so good looking”
  4. The Metro News lady at Times Square is really angry because I don’t take a paper so I always give her a “You do something different with your hair?” She has yet to respond.
  5. “How about those Iran Contra hearings?”
  6. “No thanks, I gave at the office.” when a tour buss hawker wants to give me a flyer.
  7. “Well bless your heart my friend!” That is issued when some asshat cuts me off at the turnstile.

Have a good day and you better watch out if you see me coming.



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