Welcome to the Russian Front

DISLAIMER – If you have never experienced below freezing temperatures, go ahead and click over to see what Donald Trump did today. For me to try to explain this ball shrinking experience is like explaining hockey to a Belizean.*

So Carbunkle Trumpet got to experience some below freezing temps this past weekend and guys let me be the first to say it Fecking sucks. For the past 3 days when I would go outside of our building I would see our doorman dressed (he is inside folks) in full winter gear. To break the ice (see what I did there KLC Man) I would say “don’t open that door unless it is 72 and sunny” and those assholes would do it and snicker. First impression of subzero temps is “WHOA! Who is stepping on my chest and why is it so hard to breathe!” Then as I get to the corner (guys, I live in the middle of a short block) and my hands which are inside gloves are now cold. Now let’s talk about my face that is not under a hat or scarf, well any exposed flesh is now stinging and that shit hurts. Yep, we walk to the 68th street station and by the time I get there I am shivering. Please trust me when I say that I have more clothes on than I ever had and still it doesn’t cut it.

So as I have found out from New Yorkers who are faced with subzero temps you have two options; press on and hope you don’t get frostbite or pack it up and head home like a P word. Yep, I pressed on and made the subway station and for the first time in my life, I was happy to be standing on the 68th platform. Here is the main bitch about the cold. You dress for Artic temps outside but walk into a building without a coat check and you are sweating like they opened the cabin door landing in Belize. So here is my problem, freeze your ass off outside and sweat your ass off inside. You can’t win this temperature variance folks, it sucks.

So, what are you saying CBT, your dumbass moved up there, you can’t bitch. Trust me in that I am not bitching but if I now know what I knew then….I may have bargained for more winter trips to warmer climates. Anyway, we got rid of the freezing temps for snow and now have 50 degrees with a heavy rain forecast. Anyway, if you don’t like the weather in New York just wait for a couple of hours.

IMG_0372I make fun of the messages from NOTIFY NYC a lot but this one got the best of me.

IMG_0384This shit sucks. It sucks balls. It sucks big balls.

IMG_0377Shout out to my Canadian Sister and Brother Nova and Ted! We win/We lose!

IMG_0385Kid says “Hey Mister sitting in the bar, can I take your picture? I have never seen someone wear all those clothes at one time. Can you feel your underarms?”

I can’t wait to bitch about SWAMP ARSE!

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