Month: March 2016

Gone Drinking! Happy Easter!

Sorry folks but the Blog will be on Hiatus next week as we will be drunk visiting with friends of ours down in Belize. Be good and Happy Easter Spud!

I borrow this picture grouping from the Late Colin Gage aka KC Jayhawk. He would post this right before he was to head down to San Pedro. He called it “Transitions” as the photo on the left is our hallway in New York and the photo on the right is a dock on San Pedro. Damn this trip is going to tough not having him down there.

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Can’t wait to see these two!

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Tropic Air Gate Agent in Goldson International Airport – “Ladies and Gentlemen, we apologize but all flights to San Pedro are now cancelled as some drunk Gringo did a Cannonball and flooded out the Runway in San Pedro!” *the airstrip is right behind the chain link fence

Joe

Shout out to Didi as sadly we won’t be able to call you on Easter Sunday with our “Happy Easter Spud!” Foam Call!

See you when I get back and am a year older!

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Pictures of the Week(s)

IMG_0581Brad Pee – This 25 caliber joker was only 10.50 at MSG. How much are they screwing you guys at the FEF or AutoZone.

IMG_0540Um Excuse me Marcus how many carets is that rock in your ear?

IMG_0567I hear that they filmed that movie where she ‘faked it’

IMG_0568Got to love those East Village Bars. I think his name was Gerald

IMG_0570I have a couple of questions and I would prefer to have a draught beer for fear of you opening my beer with that thing!

IMG_0571Men’s Room door in the East Village – “Here is Johnny!”

IMG_0573I want to sit on a patio with balloons please.

Have a good day!

What Part of Texas You From Kid?

I saw this article on the Book of Face about struggles of having a Southern Accent here in the North. Talk about a kick right in the baby maker, that thing was spot on! While I am reading the list I couldn’t help but laugh because almost daily I get asked “What part of Texas you from Kid?” It is funny because I have listened to recordings of myself and declared “I don’t have an accent, you New Yorker’s are just fecking with me!” Please don’t get me wrong, I am not busting chops here, I realize that my accent how subtle or not is a tad different. Add to that with over 200 nationalities living here in New York, I find it humorous when I get called out by someone who don’t speak English as their first language.  Living here some almost 8 months I “think” I may have found that there are 5 different style of accents here in Gotham.

  • The ‘Heavy’ Long Island Accent – IMHO this accent can be confused with a Boston accent as they roll their R’s and talk very ‘nasally’.
  • The English as a Second Language Accent – Walk into any bar in the Upper East Side and you may think that you are in Ireland. These accents are pretty easy to spot and I do take great humor when they ask me what part of Texas I hail from. I always tell them “I am from South Dublin!”
  • The Neutral Accent – These are the non-accents and I have found that 75% of the people living here speak. They can blend into pretty much any corner of the US and go unnoticed.
  • The “Well Bless Your Heart” accent – This would be me. Now I don’t consider my accent to be  like Tom Hanks’ from “Forrest Gump” or even Kevin Spacey sounding from “Midnight of the Garden of Good and Evil” heavy but somewhere a tad lighter. *Quit Laughing – Asian Fireman, Murphranks, Maria, Peppers in the Washing Machine, LZ, or Baby in Longbeach*
  • The “What Did You Just Say” Northern Accent – This category is where a lot of New Yorkers fall into. “Hey Carbunkle, you want to go for a cup of Cawfee?” Here they change the “o” to “aw” and say How-ston street.

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8 Struggles Of Having A Southern Accent

The struggle is real, y’all.

Emmie Meadows in Humor on Mar 14, 2016

Recently, I was at work, and I was talking to a customer when he said, “I love your accent. It’s going to take you places.” Taken aback, I thanked him, and he went on to say that people “underestimate” people with Southern accents. At this point, I was seriously blushing, and it made me start thinking about some rather unfortunate (but humorous) things that are daily realities for those of us with Southern accents

  1. It is a genuine surprise when you find out you have an accent.

Until I went off to college, I never knew I had an accent; I’ve always thought I just talked like everyone else. Talk about a reality check.

  1. People don’t always understand your name.

Okay, maybe this is just a personal thing, but my name is Emmie. I have, in my opinion, a pretty simple name, but people think I’m saying Amy, Evie, Ivy or (my personal favorite) Eeeeeemmie. This makes introducing myself on the first day of class mortifying.

  1. “I didn’t expect you to talk like that!”

Apparently, I don’t look like I would have a strong Southern accent. I’m not really sure what this means, and I have yet to figure out whether this is meant as a good or bad thing.

  1. People ask you to talk.

“Emmie, say something so they can hear your accent!” This has happened on numerous occasions, but it still catches me off guard. What can I say that would sufficiently showcase my accent?

  1. Everyone will ask you the legendary question… “WHERE ARE YOU FROM?”

I want to reply that I’m from heaven on earth, but if I’m in a different state, I say I’m from Georgia. If I’m in Georgia, I say Cochran. People typically think I’m Honey Boo Boo’s neighbor or from another world. It’s usually one or the other

  1. Siri has a difficult time understanding you.

Talking to Siri is literally one of the most painful things I have to do. If actual people can’t understand what I’m saying, a machine definitely has no chance either.

  1. Some question your intelligence.

This is common and pretty self-explanatory, There is a pretty nasty idea that a Southern accent is indicative of low intelligence. It’s frustrating to say the least, particularly when the South hails big thinkers such as William Faulkner, Harper Lee, Martin Luther King, Jr and Flannery O’Conner

Did you notice that there are only 7 items listed yet the title says 8

Fellow Bloggers You Should Also Read – Rebecca Coutant aka San Pedro Scoop

Scoop

Rebecca may ‘bop me on the head’ when she sees me next week for this picture. No she didn’t get into a fight painting her fence, this was taken during Carnival when the kids would paint each other. I like it and it make me smile!

I know that you probably forgot my new feature that I unveiled back in January. I am happy to report that my friend Rebecca sent back her questionnaire (minus the curse words for making it too long) and was a good sport. You have heard me mention her before in my posts. Rebecca is a former New Yorker who now lives in my second home, San Pedro Town, Belize and is a full time blogger. Prior to that she ran a bar San Pedro that was next to the Holiday Hotel where was stayed. Being a former restaurant manager myself I can empathize with her in that you pretty much are raising someone else’s baby and it pretty much sucks balls. Rebecca is a very good writer and she and I have a lot in common. Traditionally when I am around new people I am reserved and quiet (me quiet, bullshit you are saying) but it is true. It doesn’t make you a bad person but it can make people who read your blog wonder if there is something wrong with you if I get a little spooked when someone makes real life introduction.

Rebecca just got back from India after winning a contest and if you get a chance, go read her stuff. She is a good egg.

  1. Name of your blog, hyper link, twitter handle, Facebook page and your Pen Name.http://www.sanpedroscoop.com @sanpedroscoop SanPedroScoop.com  Pen Name?  Rebecca Coutant
     
    Going forward:  San Pedro Scoop – My Opinionated Guide to Ambergris Caye, Belize and BEYOND!

    San Pedro Scoop
    http://www.sanpedroscoop.comMy guide to Belize. Restaurants, hotels, bars, nightlife, tours and my daily expat blog of life in San Pedro & my travels around Belize.

2. How did you come up the name of the blog and or your Penname?

Fairly randomly…I had just been fired from the Tacklebox when the *EDITED TO KEEP PG-13 RATING* owner decided to retire and moved down to San Pedro full time.  I was fairly negative on life on the island – I’d just spent almost 4 years as manager, babysitter, money lender, security guard at a major bar and all my time off was used for sleeping.  I decided to write this to get myself out more…to remember what I loved about Belize.

3. Describe your blog/brand in 5 sentences or less.  No.  I mean yes.  A soapbox for one about Belize…my life, gossip, changes, and lots of talk about the weather.

4.Did your blog change direction over the course of the life of it? If so can you explain?  Totally.  I started out to tell the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.  The whole truth…and was shot down pretty quickly. I think in my first week I made fun of the decrepit rides at Dia de San Pedro.  The kind that chew kids up and spit them out.  I was told by 2 young San Pedranos to go back to my country.

It made me think about making flip comments…and making it clearer when I was kidding.  I also leave the “ugly” like murders and politics to the newspapers – unless it’s something that I feel VERY strongly about and it is something that I think I can influence.  Even if in a very small way.

5. Number of times you try to post something in a week? I go for 5…and I make it most weeks.

6. Where do you get your material and how hard/easy is it for you?  Mine is mostly MY LIFE and then a scattering of “articles” – 10 Best Adventures in Belize, stuff like that.  There are endless pretty pictures to take on any walk around this town.  Plus, it is filled with a large number of nuts…there is always something entertaining.

7. What countries are your readers coming from?  Primarily the US, Canada and then Belize…

8. How often do you encounter readers on the streets/social media and does it still freak you out when they say that they read you?  I am an introvert extradonaire…so it usually freaks me out and amuses those who I am with.  It’s SO freaking nice…and I hope that people know that I think that.   That I recover quickly.  That they read my stuff…and some can reference things from last year or the year before is ridiculously flattering.

9. Got any good “hate mail” comments you want to share with the class?  I try to keep it positive.  It’s a small country…so once in a while I get something crappy…but mostly people are great.

10. Any particular blog post that you are particularly proud of? Please include the link if you like.   I liked writing about my 24 hours in the Chiquibul…the DEEP jungle of Belize and the people that defend ONE BABY scarlet macaw from poachers.  It was incredible to see.

Let’s Talk about you shall we?

11. Who you be?  I am a white girl from New Jersey.  Went to college in Massachusetts and my junior year in London.  It changed my life.

12. Where you be?  San Pedro, Belize – the first place I ever visited that I thought “I would like to live here”.  So I did.

13. Where did you come from? (Please don’t say hospital or parents)  Ridgewood, NJ

14. Care to talk about your family or if you have any ankle biters/pot lickers (pets) where you charge your laptop/tablet?  I have three cats.  That uses my laptop as a bed when it is open.  My boyfriend and I have a three legged pot licker from Dangriga that is the best dog that ever existed.

15. Name up to 5 countries/places you visited, loved and recommend to my readers?  Mexico.  Best closest country in the world.  Croatia.  Kerala, India!  Paris is the second best city I know, And Punta Gorda, Belize.

16. What countries/cities you have on your radar for future travel locations?  I just went to India, I won a trip and it was a huge shock to my system…in the best way possible.  Everything is different.  Smell, taste, language, people…colors.  I loved it.  I’d love to go back next year for a month or two…and then every year after that.

17. If you had the financial means to do so, where would you like to live and why?  I love Belize.  It’s changing like crazy…growing up without restraint and way too fast but I feel so at home here.  Each day is like a crazy fun challenge…and with a sense of humor and a fairly easy going attitude, I can’t think of somewhere better to live.  But I’d also want an apartment in NY and perhaps a house in Italy…

18. When you aren’t banging on a keyboard what do you like to do for fun?  Bang on the keyboard and read other people’s blogs.  I like to travel.  I LOVE to travel.  I love to eat…

19. We know that you read carbunkletrumpet.wordpress.com (who doesn’t?) but who else do you read/stalk on a daily basis?  My only everyday blog is cupcakesandcashmere.  I am really into fashion blogs.  Strange but true.  And I’m kinda Instagram-obsessed.

20. Could you get me an introduction with that author so that I can send them this questionnaire?  I wish.  She’s like real deal.  Has a staff and everything.

Fun/Random Stuff that you would like to share with the class

21. What is your favorite food and restaurant (doesn’t have to be in your current location) NY Bagels and Murray’s on 23rd and 8th.  Sesame with maple walnut cream cheese.

 22. If you are living abroad, what is the one thing that you miss the most?  See previous question.  That with the Sunday NY Times.

 23. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? (Please don’t say older)  That’s a tough one.  I still think that I will be blogging.  I absolutely love it and I think it’s an industry that is on the upswing.  Companies, cities, destinations are looking for “web influencers” – people that others trust to recommend and endorse things.  Netflix just had a contest for paid instagrammers…right now travel bloggers are being invited to Helsinki to Italy…its good stuff.

24. What’s on your bucket list?  I won’t bore you with all the places I want to travel.  Near term…Nicaragua.  *EDITOR’S NOTE – Hey Scoop, I literally just met someone this past weekend from Nicaragua. Think that he left when he was young but you I may have “a guy” 

25. What is the question do you want to ask Carbunkle Trumpet (I promise to answer honestly)  When will you admit that being a New Yorker is SOOOOO much cooler than a Southerner and that NYC is the best city in the world? 

CBT – Fair Question, I will say that the first two months we were living here we both were saying “I can’t believe we are living in New York City!” Now we say “I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner!” The South is where I was born and raised and I will never dog it but yes you are correct. Living up here is an unbelievable experience and we love it here. It rocks!

Thanks for playing Scoop! I promise to bring you some New York happies down to you this weekend. You know where I be staying! We arrive on Saturday!

Pictures from the Yonker’s Parade

Bonus Footage from the Saturday Parade or as a new friend that we met this past weekend declared “I have to go to Yonkers for a parade? I am not exactly sure where that is!”

IMG_0634“Wobo I have been waiting for you!” So why are you taking a nap there C-Man?

IMG_0635You recall that Post about a Marathon? This reminds me of Memphis Festival Season!

IMG_0638Whatcha burning there Asian Fireman? Oh wait let me guess…..

IMG_0639I swear that these briquettes put out the same scent that I encounter on the 40th Street and 7th Avenue Times Square subway station.

IMG_0641Only does the Asian Fireman hire a band to play for the band.

IMG_0642And we have some DCFD Pipe and Drum boys arriving!

IMG_0684Mommy The Bag Pipers are Here! I freaking love that Kid!

IMG_0651Sent this over to CJ as I know that she loves some Ginger Babies

IMG_0652Mrs. CBT said and I quote “I am always a sucker for the band guys!”

IMG_0654Here is Mrs. CBT’s man doing work.

IMG_0657Here is the NYFD Pipes and Drums Emerald Society doing work.

IMG_0669Love me some step bands and this little guy. Yes that is a snare drum turned sideways used as a bass drum.

IMG_0678Good to see my Brother from another mother AB and his wife

IMG_0645*Disclaimer – That isn’t my beer! I promise!

Have a good day!

Easy on the Starch on the boxers please!

“What do you mean you actually do your own laundry?” exclaimed a friend of mine who also lives in Manhattan. You recall that episode from Seinfeld when Jerry misplaces 5K and suspects that the laundry guy took it?  Jerry had laundry facilities in his building but he used a service because as he said “it provides jobs to people” and I kind of agree with him. One thing that we found very quickly is that in NYC, that those 24 hours in a day it is damn near impossible to get all your shit done.

Case in point last week; two weeks ago we had the A10 Basketball tournament in town. On Wednesday night we headed down to Battery Park for drinks with our friends. Thursday night we went to Brooklyn for the game and Friday night made another trip to Brooklyn for the semifinal game. Pretty much those 3 nights we got home past midnight but still my arse was up at 6AM each morning because someone has to make the donuts. Due to the location of the Barclay’s center and my office, it would have been asinine for me to venture home only to turn around and head back.  On Saturday I spent the first 3 hours doing some grocery shopping, taking my dress shirts and suit to the cleaners and picking up a couple of prescriptions. Typically I do that shit during the week and it got me thinking that having a laundry service wasn’t a bad idea. I mean I had one when I was in college when I was on the road with the tennis team and it was great. On our laundry nights we typically clean the apartment and clean the bathroom. Thankfully only having 535 square feet it doesn’t take a long time and since we don’t have any carpeting, it can be done pretty fast.

When we lived in Memphis we had Anna the maid. She was great, she cleaned the house, de-funked the bathroom, and put clean sheets on the bed. We had an inside the unit washer and dryer so doing laundry was a breeze and would leave stuff in the dryer. With our in building washroom we have to pay attention to washer/dryer times because the sock thief will steal a dress sock and that is rude to do to other people using the laundry room. So who knows, maybe we will become like the rest of New Yorkers and have our dirty BVD’s cleaned by a trained professional and then get a maid for our 535 square feet of living.  Quit laughing!

IMG_0477If it is not written in TIME OUT NYC then it isn’t important.

IMG_0541Great to see Nicole and the last time I saw Max he had just been born. Joker will be taller than me next year. (Stop laughing Katie Not Mac)

NextCleaners Green Dry CleaningThis may be an option for my soiled socks

Any of my NYC peeps have any favorites?

 

Just the Pics from the St. Patrick’s Day Post Party

IMG_0609Welcome to the Asian Fireman Reality Show

IMG_0610Hey CBT and Lady Lawyer – “How did we sound on 5th Avenue?”

IMG_0611Is that on backward? You are turning a different shade of green.

IMG_0616Next Time – We need Motha Fecking Swords!

IMG_0621Congrats to AS on being honored as a Member of the NYFD Pipes and Drums! You certainly earned it!

IMG_0615Brother AB during the lull in the speeches.

A huge thank you to the Asian Fireman for the tickets!

 

Act your shoe size not your age!

“My God, the drunks are already here! I should have worked from home today!” explained someone in my office on St. Patrick’s Day at 8:45AM.
“Oh come on they are just having fun, leave them alone!” I said.
My office is on 7th Avenue and is down the street from Penn Station where all the Long Island and New Jersey trains originate and end. Now you could be saying what’s the big deal Carbunkle, leave those old people alone in your office. This is what is strange in that the person who said it is, I believe, shy of 25 years old! I inquired to this person if they were allergic to drunken crowds and really couldn’t get a straight answer out of them. They in turn asked me why I was so tolerant of the crowd walking by our office drunkenly singing off key. I told this person that everyone has their day in the sun and if drinking at 0700 which would almost solidify being passed out by 2:pm was their goal, then by GAWD THIS IS MERICA and they should do it! This person didn’t see my humor and muttered something about me not being responsible.

Back up 2 weeks prior and I am with another rep and as we walk by one of the jewelry stores in the Diamond District they make mention that I should re-up and get Mrs. Trumpet a bigger diamond ring. I tell the rep to kiss my arse and that I already went deep in debt for our 10 year ring and we have 1 more year till we hit 20 years. I see that puzzled look that I get a lot time when my southern speak evades the northern brain and I get the ‘very serious question’ facial expression and they ask me. “Um CBT, did you say almost 20 years of marriage? Um may I ask you how old you are?” I laugh it off and tell my cohort that first, my wife is a saint for putting up with my old arse for these many years and that I have only circled the sun 45 times and next week I will have circled it 46 times. My cohorts face goes from ‘serious question’ face to ‘amazement face’ in that he compliments me by saying that he didn’t think that I was that old. I tell him that the secret to my devilishly good looks is good cigars and cheap beer.

Let me get to the point because I can hear my now 4 readers about to tune out and see what Trump did last night. When we were at the NYFD “After Party” I was complimenting one of the bag pipers for rocking a killer mustache when Mr. 3 First Name asks me how old do I think the mustached mentioned man is. I tell him that I haven’t a clue and he informs me that he has walked the parade 41 times. You do the math and that man has walked 70 miles of parade route. I tell the Murphranks how impressed with the longevity of New Yorkers. They go further to tell me how there is a retired bag piper, who is 80, and still is rocking the free world and I am blown away. I ask the mustached piper what his secret was and he looks me dead in the eye and tells me. “Son living isn’t all that hard, you get up, you wash your ass, you go to work, and the day that you say I can’t do something is the day that you might as well move to Florida and go die.”

Case in point, my friend Wonder Woman who lives down in Belize. You see she and I share the same date of birth. She is “hair” older than me but don’t let those rings around the trunk (is that really how you can tell how old a tree is?) fool you, she is a 18 year old kid at heart! I have known Linda for as many years as I have been going down there. She has the personality that will make you smile, laugh and the human spirit that I so appreciate and cannot wait to get down there to hug her neck. I guess my point is that sure your physical shell can circle the sun many times but that doesn’t mean that you have to act like it. If you keep yourself mentally engaged, in some type of physical shape, smoke those good cigars and cheap beer then you can live to a ripe old age. That is why we love living up here, we are constantly being exposed to things that you don’t normally see and it helps that we both are very open to change, other views and not afraid to ask questions.

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Love me some Wonder Woman Linda Carter!

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With the hat she is 6’8” inches tall!

In closing to quote Dr. Sidney Freedman from M*A*S*H* “Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice – pull down your pants and slide on the ice.”

“The World is Yours”

Sorry for the Scarface reference there folks, you see when I get home I like to watch a movie that makes me unwind. The number of F-Bombs said in the movie, 207 or 1 every 1.21 minute, relaxes me after hearing numerous times walking past the convent on my way home. When we moved up here to Gotham we said that we wanted to take more trips. With our new locale we can take advantage of having 3 airports to grab those cheaper flights rather than the ass rape you get at Memphis International. Also that with more direct flights it helps save some of my precious vacation time that I am allotted by the Tour bus company. This year we currently have on the books; Belize, Tulum, and Isla Mujeres (or is it Muerte) and there is a rumbling of another trip over New Years but that doesn’t look good right now.

The trip to Belize that we are taking next week has us flying chicken bus coach on the Columbian Airline, Avianca, and we are flying direct into El Salvador. The fare was cheap as crap but the drawback is that on the return we layover in El Salvador for 6 hours and get into JFK at 2:30AM on Saturday morning. Mrs. Trumpet will have to carry some small balloons but enough on how CBT was able to get himself bumped into first class. I am not going to rub it in (ok I lied, I am rubbing it in) but the cost of this trip is half what we would pay if we were still living in Memphis. We haven’t booked the Tulum or Isla trip just yet but we can fly direct so how effing nice is that?

Next week is Holy Week and Passover and there is a mass exodus of Manhattanites to various points of call across the globe. Some of our friends are going to Jamaica, Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Maywood – the beach within reach, Fiji, Aruba, Bequia (I had to look it up too) and I think Vegas.  Other than Fiji and Bequia, I think that everything else can be reached via a direct flight. Again, not to bust on Memphis but I think that in Memphis you can fly direct to Atlanta, Destin or Orlando.

My friend Travel Queen, who lives in H-Town, travels all over the world and is someone who Mrs. CBT and I are trying to emulate with cool trips. Every time I look up she is in some foreign country and living the dream. I think she has been to Belize 55 times and has yet to declare residency down there. Granted the flight from H-Town to Belize is shorter than the flight from Memphis to LGA but Damnit woman! TQ probably has been to Belize more than I have and I started going back when I was young. I do kid, we love us some TQ and know that she is getting all this travel out of her system because when Bug-a-boo starts to date and then  she will be busy sewing low jacks into J’s outfits.

So, where would you go if you could? We have 110 different airlines to choose from.

transconwars.pngThat is a lane map from JFK. RJ – You better make sure we get down there FAST!

World-airline-routemap-2009Kinda puts all of this into prospective ya know?

Avianca%20(Colombia)%20787-8%20N780AV%20(13)(Ldg)%20PAE%20(SBY)(46)-MI am betting that the first language they speak on the onboard announcements will be in Spanish.

 

 

CBT’s Public Service Announcement for Drinking on St. Patrick’s Day

“Wait, is a Southerner about to lecture The Irish and Honorary Irish New Yorkers on how to drink for St. Patrick’s Day? Jackass, please continue.” said every New Yorker this morning who just read that title while having their cornflakes and Guinness beer.

Now allow me to quickly retort before I get a shamrock shoved up my ass. I am not telling you how to drink; I am merely giving you some suggestions so that you won’t end up in the pokey or curled up next to some ugly arse girl/guy tomorrow morning. You are reading from someone who on a yearly basis survives The Memphis Festival Season so put that in your bagpipe and smoke it why don’t you. Memphis festival season starts in Early April and runs for 6 weeks till the week following Memorial Day weekend. Just to show that I ain’t afraid and still have the Big Balls, I schedule a yearly liver enzyme exam the day following Memphis Italian Festival. Oh and I pass that exam easier than I did College Algebra. No disrespect to you New Yorkers but if you think you got it in you, head on down to Memphis and get you some. I have seen more cases of MPH from out of towners after a big weekend than I care to think about. *DISCLAIMER – I normally do the same list for Memphis in May BBQ fest each and every year but this time I shall tweak the list. Without further ado;

  • It is a marathon, not a race. Sure we appreciate you drinking Irish car bombs 2 at a time but dude it is 6:30 in the morning. And those people who are in the same subway car with you are actually going to work and not the parade.
  • Her shirt may read “Kiss me I am Irish” but her boyfriend who is fetching drinks  won’t take too kindly when you lay the kiss of a lifetime on her. Oh and the boyfriend probably is on probation for anger management.
  • Your 4 year old son may love to take a whizz outside the house in Woodlawn but that doesn’t make it ok for you to do it on 5th Avenue.
  • Girls, they really are not wearing any underwear under that kilt. So if you are brave enough to take a peek you may see something you don’t want to see. I bet they haven’t ‘manscaped’ yet this season.
  • She may have the tits of a 20 year old but I bet she is actually 16 years old drinking on a fake ID. I bet there is a similar law up here to what they have in Memphis. If 1 goes into less than 18 that equals 10 years in Jail.
  • Ladies, they played for 4 hours and walked 100 city blocks blowing into a dead animal bladder. Let the Pipes and Drum boys get their drink on before you want a selfie.
  • Boys, I bet that she really isn’t into you that much but simply wants to cut in line for  the bathroom.
  • FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – PUT THE “APPROVE TAGGED PICTURE” OPTION ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE. There is always “that guy/girl” who takes a less than flattering picture. And if they still do, you may want to rethink your life choices and friends.
  • In general, leave the phone/camera at home. How many pics of a hot ginger female with nice boobs do you really need?  Shout out to Missy!
  • Eat a sandwich every 4 hours. They say that 90% of alcoholics die of malnutrition. Of course not my big ass. I eat another slice of pizza from my boys on 67th I may need a new zipcode.
  • If you get into trouble during the parade, just tell them you know The Memphis Fire Chief Benjie and that should do the trick.
11081406_10153241446113783_5314293710407631281_n
Cannot believe they are going to let an Asian Fireman lead the Parade for the second year in a row. Talk about diversity! Good Luck Boys see you at the end of the Route!
guiness-beer630
Yeah I probably am going to have a couple of these today!

#CarbunkleTrumpetCares

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