The Memphis Water Cover Up of April 2014

Let me let you in on a ‘dirty little’ secret about my former hometown. I think that the statute of limitations have run out and since I don’t own a car anymore I don’t have to worry if it will blow up when I go to start it. You see Memphis had a huge cover up 2 years ago and still to this day they don’t talk about it. And this goes pretty deep too, like aquifer water well deep. You ready for it, Memphis 2 years ago had a huge water problem and now we are seeing the effects of it firsthand. No I am talking Flint Michigan lead in the water crisis, I am talking about baby making water. Seriously, first it started with favorite Tavern owner, then we assume that Pepe brought some water back to Philly for DP to drink, next was RJ & Mallory, I could go on for pages…..

Memphians who were on the front lines knew what was going on, I told Mrs. CBT that she was no longer allowed to drink water from the tap so she switched over to Wine and Beer. Double Bird MS switched over to Miller Light and our Ponzi scheme home owner started drinking Fireball like it was her job. One night we were at our local sports bar solving the world’s problem and out of the corner of my eye I see my Bar Wife about to choke down a birth control pill with a glass of water and I had to slap the glass out of her hand. I told her that she had to take her chances because I wasn’t going to let her raise a beautiful child that sadly would never get to ride the adult rides at Disney World. *Editor’s note – For those of you wondering WTF I am talking about, I have a bar wife, she and I were married by Elvis Priestly from Canada on Beale Street. Oh and my Real Wife we had our vows renewed by an Elvis Tribute Artist in Vegas for our 5th Anniversary.

Ok, I am cutting to the chase because I am nearing 350 words. So this Saturday morning Mrs. Trumpet and I get our happy asses up and head down to Penn Station to take a train ride over to Philly. The occasion…..A one year old’s birthday party. I do have to hand it to the city planners up here in the North East. You guys know how to move people around and in bulk too! Getting to Philly, more specifically Glenside was two shakes of Lamb’s tail and we were there! We get up there, get us a cold beer in us and watch Pepe wrestle with his smoker since they had a rain storm. Pulled Pork, Ribs, Chicken, Kielbasa and Smoked Mac & Cheese were on the menu. I must admit it had been a while since I saw multiple charcoal and stick burners going on at the same time and it made me feel nostalgic.

It was good to see everyone and yes, I watched the 1 year old destroy the obligatory birthday cake.

I don’t really understand that practice but hey, I did my job. I kept my real and bar wife from drinking the water 2 years ago!

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She would’t drink beer with me in the morning! Not my fault there is a Pinot Grigio Grape Shortage now.

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Got up at 4AM to get the Smoker going and still going strong!

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If the Rib Bends then like a Rainbow it is good – Rib 101 rule

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Glazed up and ready for cutting! Sadly the Jewish folks who were heading out for Passover festivities didn’t stick around.

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There is nothing better than putting your hands in Pork Meat and pulling  it apart.

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For those of you who were calling Bullshit on My Bar Wife and I being married by Elvis Priestly. Here is his card that I keep in my book.

Let me guess, you went to Hot Wing Festival and then Wine Race this weekend didn’t you? Fuckers!

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