Dressing the Monkey Heads

Mrs. CBT – “I think we need to get the dogs raincoats and booties.’

Me – “Sure no problem, while you are ordering that on Amazon can you get me a  Small T-shirt that reads ‘I am not gay but my boyfriend is’ so I can wear that when I am walking my two unmasculine dogs down First Avenue?”

Mrs. CBT – “Why do you have to say it like that, I see tons of dogs wearing coats, shoes and rain slickers.”

Me – “True but they also think that I am from Texas every time I open my mouth and say something.”

You have no idea how many times this debate goes on here in our 535 square foot studio. Don’t get me wrong, I love my two tiny toy poodles but it sure is a kick in the baby maker when I am walking them down the street and here comes a girl weighing a buck and change walking a Great Dane. Sure both of the Monkey Heads (what we affectionately call them) are small but they are the perfect breed and size to have in a NYC apartment. They don’t shed, they are great with children and as Baby Fine Hair always says “the perfect size for the microwave.”

It is funny as you walk down the street and see all breeds of dogs walking down the street in clothing. We aren’t just talking a sweater I mean to tell you some people up here put their pups in hundred dollar Canadian Goose coats. Granted Maddy’s paws get a tad dirty since she is a white dog but we can cure that by taking her stinky ass to the Russian groomer on 78th street. Maya on the other hand would probably shit on our head if we tried to put booties on her, I can almost guarantee it!  Before one of my readers drops a dime on us to the ASPCA (which has an office in Manhattan) we do clean their paws after walking the streets with Baby Wipes as this practice started when we lived on Main Street. Our entrance was in Barboro Alley where lord knows the countless numbers of Bums would take a leak so we had to keep their paws ‘de-funked’. Now Mrs. Trumpet has always been a fan of accessorizing the Monkey Heads. From angel wings to jack-o-lantern hats those dogs have been terrorized plenty. I am ok with it as long as I don’t have to take them out in public but I draw the line at winter or rain coats.

During the only blizzard we had this winter it did occur to me that we might have a problem with the salt and de-ice stuff they put on the sidewalks that it would hurt their paws. When I took them out on that Saturday morning it appeared that there wasn’t going to be a problem. Both dogs were fine to walk around and never once did I see them shivering or act like they were cold. This past weekend we had light rain on Saturday morning as I went about doing my errands. The temp was in the mid 60’s and humid as hell yet there were tons of dogs wearing winter coats like it was freezing out. Meanwhile Maya was happy as a clam walking around the Upper East Side with no coat or booties. Maddy on the other hand was still in the rack as she doesn’t do mornings.  So if you hear that Mrs. Trumpet and I are getting a divorce it is because she made me walk the Monkey Heads in rain slickers.

IMG_1037All I want is a treat and for Tater Chip Chelle to come visit us again!

IMG_1038The dog is from Memphis after all!

IMG_1039Seriously, the thought of me wearing an outfit daddy makes my hair stand up on end.

Have a good one!



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