I did my top 10 for Surviving WCBCC so I would be remiss if I didn’t pen something for some of my fellow New Yorkers who are down in Memphis right now drinking beer like it is their job. Oh wait, those assholes never work so Memphians feel free to read along too. Since I have lived on this rock for 9 months I now have a different view and can really see the difference between living in the North and living in the South. Case in point, I would rather enjoy a 40 degree day in the sun as compared to a 70 degree overcast day. Yes I typed that, yes I am serious, don’t hate me because I am a sexy mudda fecker, hate me because I miss the sun. Ok, enough with my banter, here are Carbunkle Trumpet’s top 5 suggestions for New Yorkers visiting WCBCC.
5. Enjoy those 2.50 domestic beers that you are drinking in the south boys, those same Bud Light soon will cost your ass 9 bucks in Manhattan. Drink up Johnnie!
4. The girls who keep asking you if you could “say that again” yeah they aren’t really into you that much. They just want to hear you speak and are secretly making fun of your accent behind your back. WELCOME TO A DAY IN MY LIFE LIVING HERE IN THE NORTH WITH A SOUTHERN ACCENT!
3. While we are talking about North vs South let’s talk about Swamp ass shall we? I did enjoy the texting thread on how ‘we’ (notice I said we) were searching for different swamp ass medications? Spray, roll on, keep texting nut there is nothing better than Gold Bond powder. Go ahead and make that spare bathroom at 595 look like a Columbian disco party. The Pottie Queen comes next week. *LADIES – I can see that blank face again regarding swamp ass so let me give you a similar shitty sensation – Boob Sweat!
2. Feel free to make fun of Graceland, may I remind you that there are illegal aliens wearing superhero costumes in Times Square. Oh and that guy named Trump has his name on a couple buildings up here too………*Drops mic
1. For the love of CHRIST, there are other bars than The Flying Saucer Downtown. Don’t get me wrong, finally we have “a guy” at the Saucer (RJ, tell T.Rex’s dad to take care of the boys) but please go visit Panda at Bardog, go see Lisa at Majestic (Sunday brunch boys) visit with Michelle at Max’s Sports Bar, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention La-Dash-A at Blue Monkey, but spread the wealth. They will take care of you and tell them that “You know Benjie!”