And then there is “That” Guy

This past weekend doing tourist stuff it was interesting to say the least. I spend 5 days a week in high tourist zones walking to appointments and instinctively the first thing I do is avoid anyone with a flag or umbrella. You have no idea how many times I have to side step, jaywalk, step into oncoming traffic to avoid tourists who are walking at a snails pace. Saturday morning Mrs. Trumpet, AK and myself head down to the one place that I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than visit….Times Square on a Saturday. We were to get our double decker bus tickets over on 8th Avenue and end up having to wait on line right next to the Red Lobster at Times Square.

The bus tour actually is pretty good and I recommend it highly if you have a chance to do it. Those things are a great way to get around and see all the big sites and naturally the chance to get nailed by a traffic light makes the experience even better. We make our way down to Wall Street and I take AK to see the Bull, Stock Exchange, Stone Street and the Federal Reserve Bank. We then head over to the Staten Island Ferry for our ‘drive by’ of the Statue of Liberty. We get to the lobby and naturally there is a crowd of people and we are packed in like sardines on the Brooklyn Bridge bound 6 train. We make our way onto the ferry and head up to the back of the boat up to the second balcony. That is when we encountered the Douche Nozzle.

We get to the mezzanine and walk out onto the deck and decide to grab a seat on the bench. Next thing I know this man in his mid 50’s runs up and lays down on the bench stretching out like he was at the beach next to us. I look over at him with a look of “What the Fuck are doing Jackass?” and he informs me that he is saving seats for his family. I am dumbfounded and really can’t believe that a grown man is ‘saving seats’ on the ferry. An older couple come up and here is where I almost lose it. Douche Nozzle informs this older lady that he is saving seats for his family and actually says “I was here first!” By now Mrs. Trumpet is witnessing this asshat and I can tell that she also is dumbfounded. It was then that I decide to stand up and offer my seat to the older lady and loudly say “AK, lets go stand on the rail and let the Dickhead save his seats.” So DN finally gets his family to sit on the bench long enough for the son and daughter to go over to the port side of the boat and snap pictures out of one of the open windows.

Here is where Karma can be a nasty crack whore to people who are inherently bad. The son was taking pictures out of the open window and guess whose phone accidently falls from his hand and ends up at the bottom of the Hudson River? Yep, that should teach Douche Nozzle to take seats from old people. GFY and go back to Iowa!

IMG_1657So close you can touch it with your hand!

IMG_1664They even have a friggin rule not to lie down to save seats. What a Douche!

IMG_1660What an Asshole!

Moral to this story. Don’t be a Douche and if you are, Get the Fuck out of My City!



  1. Bwahahahaha! They invade like an army of terrorist red ants and take over like they own the place. My personal favorite is when they congregate in the middle of the sidewalk en masse and refuse to yield or disperse. The holidays in NYC aka: prime tourist disaster season.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s