Month: January 2017

Pictures of the Week – Memphis for Family

So last weekend we were in Memphis for a quick trip. Don’t get your nose out of joint, we flew in late Friday and were gone Sunday. We were there for a Family event as we like to celebrate Christmas a tad late. Like a month late. Anyway it was great to see all of our family and to even catch a Grizz Game with the family too. Oh and Happy 40th Birthday Janna, it gets better from now on!

img_0212This would be a nice place to open a Cigar Joint. Seriously what is going on here? They had ZERO inventory going. I should have driven down to Midtown Tobacco and seen Alan.

img_0214They played like crap but I do love my Grizz! Great to see Jessica at halftime!

img_0215Not with us but really kid? Just put your head down and go to sleep.

img_0216Nat needed some shut eye. Meanwhile Daddy is texting his wife who is in the UES telling her “DO NOT VISIT ANY OF THOSE BEER JOINTS THAT COUSIN CBT RECOMMENDED!”

img_0217C was texting AL who was in NYC asking her “How far are the expensive stores from your hotel?

img_0218Not sure what is going on here but it is funny

img_0219Me and Stev-0! BTW I am one shiny fucker in this picture

img_0221Karen we will take 2 with cheese to go please

img_0222Texted FZ and told him that this was the joint that reminded me of the burger joint he took me to.

img_0228I had to go visit Bardog. Bloom would have been pissed at me. Sorry I didn’t get to see Panda or Mel.

img_0229Proof that I am not a Vegetarian!

Great to see everyone, even you Butthole June!

Not much into words this week

I have been busy with all kinds of stuff going on. Here are some pictures that I have had in my iFoam.

img_0175S/O to my favorite AZ Barrister and St. Jude Mad Scientist! I told them that I knew you but they didn’t let me inside to pee.

img_0177Momma has been craving Taco Bell late night. I found this one way way up in the Upper East Side/Harlem.

img_0180Note to those who dine at the fancy joints in the Time Warner Building on Columbus Circle. This joint has ice cold Bud Lights that are cheaper than the meal that you just spent on.

img_0190I never really paid much attention to this multi use building on 3rd and 71st street before. They have been doing a ton of remodeling to it. Looks pretty cool at night.

img_0191This is what happens when you have an OCD person who lives in 535 Square Feet. Now all of our book bags have a home.

img_0204They always say that you should never venture onto the tracks to get lost items. Some poor bastard lost his iFoam.

img_0205Marley Spoon’s Version of Cabbage Soup with Pork. This was good. I added enough hot sauce to it to make my head sweat and my butt burn the next day.

img_0202Why are you bringing down the suitcases? Who has us this weekend? Is it Caroline’s boyfriend? Tater Chip Chelle? Carla or Alyssa? Damnit Man!

I am going to be home this weekend so I will have some stuff to work on.


Well that sucked – CBT survived a Nor’easter

I have said it numerous times; the weather in Dallas on Monday will be the same weather in Memphis on Tuesday and yep you guess it, it will be same in New York on Wednesday. This isn’t going to fit the above model.

Monday morning it was chilly here in New York to say the least. I didn’t really pay attention to the weather because everyone I know was too busy posting crap (pro and con) about the new President. I was heading out the door to meet a client and one of the doormen ask me if I have my umbrella. I ask him why because I had heard a couple times while I was showering; “Get ready for the Nor’easter this afternoon.”  I ask Paul what exactly a Nor’easter is and he tells me that it is rain or snow but with high winds. He failed to mention that it is also ball shrinking cold weather too!

So this afternoon we had some pretty brutal winds in Midtown East and the Upper East Side. Around 3PM we got some rain, I took a conference call at 4 and get done around 5:15. I walk out of the Atrium next to Trump Tower to head home and we have some pretty good rain coming down. Does anyone remember my post about Umbrella’s? I might as well have tacked a fucking sailboat sail to my ass because walking down Madison with an umbrella was useless.

Cutting to the chase, I say goodbye to S squared at 59th & Lex and take the 6 Train back to 68th street. By the time I got home to 1st Ave and 71st I looked like a drowned rat. I make my way into the lobby and one of the doormen looks at me and asks if this was my first Nor’easter. I tell him yes and what gave it away. He told me that it is easier just wearing a rain hat trench coat and rain boots.

So there I survived my first Nor’easter and I am not going to lie, they suck.

noreasterWearing a Puffy Coat and have to deal with an umbrella too? Oh.Hell.No.

windsThey don’t play with the winds up here. Think about Hurricane Elvis but with cold temps too!

il_570xn-613619868_mi29We have another one like yesterday and I am buying this sucker.

img_0226I get this snap from Mary G down in Belize. I hope she gets sand in her shorts.

Have a nice day and stay dry and warm!



Up to my ass in alligators 

Yeah I know I haven’t been posting. Got too many fires going now. I will do better next week. And please tell me that you have heard that phrase “Up to my Ass in Alligators?” I am starting to think that New Yorkers don’t use imagery when discussing things. I get that you don’t want to read this worthless dribble anyway, everyone is focused on Washington and the inauguration…both pro and con for the President Elect and the outgoing President.

More next week.

The Mean Streets of New York

Where Christmas Trees go to die….

So you recall earlier this season when we got our first standard New York Christmas Tree? It was a good tree; it didn’t fall down, it held the 800 lights that Mrs. Trumpet hung on it and it didn’t shed all its needles like a leper at leper colony. The downside to the tree was that it didn’t give us that “I smell the tree” when you open the door. Apparently the tree that we purchased wasn’t as aromatic and it was very fresh. In other words it wasn’t going to smell like the ones we had in the south who were cut down in August. It was a learning experience because we more or less told the tree hawker we wanted a tree that was 21 inches at its widest point. Still now that it is 12 days into the new year the trees that are on the side of the road are so aromatic and fresh smelling. Trust me when I say that you appreciate that walking down the street.

We decided to de-deck the tree the Saturday following Christmas on New Years Eve day. That day was the first day we had time and I had to keep with the southern superstition that trees have to be down by New Years Day. Before my Northern readership starts calling bullshit, I confirmed this with my fellow work cohort who also hails from the south that this tradition holds true in South Carolina. Then again we both agreed that this could be made up by parents so that kids have to help take the tree down before they head off to school. Anyway the tree was down and on the curb at E71st by New Years Day.

I walked by the trees on the street many times during last week taking the monkey heads out to pee. It wasn’t until this past Sunday that I noticed a spike in Christmas Tree carcasses. I was making my way back into the building from a trip at The Cigar Lounge Church that I saw 4 different people taking trees to the street. I asked the doorman why was everyone waiting till the 8th and they shrugged their shoulders. It wasn’t until a trip to get beer food that I found my answer. I asked an older UES W.A.S.P.’y lady walking on the street why everyone was waiting till this past Sunday to take down their tree. She, looked at me in her WASPey glasses and  remarked “My dear boy, any proper New Yorker knows that one does not remove their tree until after the tree in Rockefeller Center is down.” I thanked the woman with a “Bless your heart” and continued on my way with my 18 pack.

So there you go, New Yorkers are not allowed to take down their tree till after the tree in Rockefeller Center is down.

img_0176Tree Carcasses on E64th at Madison

img_0178Wonder when they do remove these suckers, anyone?

img_0182Lined up by our building

img_0183I bet that my former Asian neighbor still has her tree up! She had that sucker up in Mid August! But then again she had to live next to us so she did have to drink a lot of wine to cope.

I know, kind of a silly post but hey, it was a slow news week.

Random ‘ish’ On My Camera Roll

This new iFoam 7 has me all jacked up. I am back on Snapchat so I am now taking more pics than I know what to do. One of these days I am going to go Ass over Tea Cups down a Bilco Door Stairs into some produce like Samantha.

img_0152“Hurry your Drunk Ass Up CBT, I got to go home and Pee” Mrs. Trumpet is ready to go

img_0153Heading from the bowels of hell below E72nd Street.

img_0166I got called out by LZ about my new Subway line and I told her that it was a ‘game changer’. Here is my favorite chef in front of a mural of Daniel Boulud. Boulud owns a joint in the UES that is on our short list also. Hey AT – you know that I took this picture don’t you? #headexplodes

img_0156You win Nova, You win! I hate this shit! I prefer to sweat.

ba-and-annaThe woman on the left is Anna Hamilton formally of Anna’s Steakhouse in Bartlett. She was one of my clients when I slung groceries for D.Canale. She is now the night manager at the new Elvis Presley Guesthouse in Memphis.

img_2765Mrs. C and Ba with Mayor Strickland at the Elvis Presley Birthday Celebration

img_0124Wonder why they say don’t go into an empty subway car. Oh wait, what is that….OH GOT DAMN!!!!! I kid, it was empty by the time we made it to 68th street on NYE.

img_0158Still pisses me off for paying this for beers. And the fecking things were hot too!

Happy Bonus Post!



So You Going To Times Square?

I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater. Let that soak in folks. 

As I stated in the previous blog that we rang in 2016 with friends from Brooklyn we decided to do it again. We called up Murphranks and since Kanye had his nervous breakdown and wasn’t going to play the Barclay’s Center we decided to have dinner and then drinks out. Earlier in the week when I was talking about New Years Eve Parties with a coworker we did speak about what we were going to do. I told her that we planned on having dinner in an East Village restaurant and then we would go from there.

L’Apicio was the joint that the Murphranks and us dined at and it was a good time. We ate all kinds of fancy food but considering we just paid off the balance to “Homeless Tim” for our Per Se dinner we didn’t go all out and even picked up a Groupon. Afterwards we decided to visit a dive bar that wasn’t far from L’Apicio. You recall when we went to Milanos Dive Bar for some Bud Lights back in the summer. It was in our cross hairs and made our way there. We make our way to the back and naturally Mr. 3 First Names and I start pounding beer like it is was our job. We meet the owner of the joint who probably got beat up a lot as a child because of his first name. It was a good time and we rang in the New Year in high fashion.

img_0129That is Constantine on the right. ‘Stan’ owns the joint and is a nice fellow. He wanted to grab a pic with us.

img_0123Our last visit we didn’t notice the old ass Church lights above the bar. No Dickhead in the hat, I am not taking your picture. Pipe down, I know you are crushed you didn’t get to ‘hear’ Moriah sing.

img_0122I think they changed the lights since the last time we visited this joint.

Merry New Year!


2016 The Year in Review

Let me start right now and say that 2016 was a great year for the Trumpets. Sure our presidential candidate didn’t win but we didn’t ‘take to the streets’ protesting or putting up post it notes in the Union Square Subway station. If you don’t like the outcome you have one option – Move the Fuck Out!  As far as celebrity deaths; yes we will miss David Bowie, Nancy Reagan, Frank Jr., Prince, Leon Russell, and even Father John Francis Mulcahy but that is the life cycle. We won’t miss Fidel or even Harambe the Gorilla! Ok, enough with my political and current event posts.

2016 was welcomed with Jimmy Buffet and good friends in Brooklyn and it turned out to be a great one. It was great professionally for the both of us and even Mrs. Trumpet is currently (as I type this) studying for her NYU class right now. 2016 found me a permanent home selling tour bus tickets in the Upper East Side with a great team. Hell, I am even now sending money via Vinmo so I guess I am getting hip. We made trips to Belize, Tulum, Isla Mujeres (RJ has heard it both ways), Boston, and even Chicago to see the World Series. I made 3 trips to Memphis and Mrs. Trumpet snuck into Memphis too. There were trips to the other boroughs, trips to Atlantic City to see The Damn Neighbor, Philly, Fayetteville, AR, and Grand Rapids.

One of my former “Daddy’s” (boss) welcomed into the world his first son, my cousin had a girl, the Sparks have a boy with some wild ass hair, my fellow Snookie lover Chelsea & Josh welcomed a child into the world and I am sure I am missing some others. Even my fellow beer soft drinking buddy RJ got something in the water in Mexico and is going to welcome into the world another girl in mid May. That puts more on the line up to help wipe our asses when we get old so kids consider yourself on the Carl Lipbalm Scholarship List since we don’t have kids.

We got to see some really cool shit ish this year too. Have you ever seen 30 inches of Snow? Yea us neither, it was AMAZING! We got to see a guy from Long Island play at Madison Square Garden by the name of William Martin Joel who is the consummate performer. We saw a little America’s Cup Boat Race and even though we didn’t understand it, I hear the US team kicked the shit out of the other teams. I heard that they even said “Bring on Bama” between champagne chugs. I got to finally meet one of my top 5 Chefs when I got the book signed for Ms. Cat Dresser Upper in Dumbo. And we even got some Pool Time in Wantaugh with some friends of ours.

We did some great eating this past year. No I am not going to rehash the trips to Peter Lugar, Blue Hill at Stone Barns, Delmonico, Per Se, or some of those other fancy joints. I am going to talk about some good ole Memphis BBQ that we had at The Boogie Down BBQ in the Bronx with some Memphis Pitmasters. It was a good time this year and we didn’t even have to get another script of Lipitor.

2016 brought us some great friendships that blossomed over this year. I am not going to go over the names because it may confuse you aka THE ASIAN FIREMAN isn’t really ASIAN folks but you know who you are.

Lastly, we survived living on this rock for one year. We Look Back and it has blown by. We look forward to what 2017 brings us. I certainly appreciate the readers and the comments that you have said either on this thing, Facebook or in person. This worthless dibble gives me a chance to categorize and verbalize what is going on in our life. For those of you who got the chance to come visit us we appreciate it and hope to see some more of you this year. 535 square feet isn’t that bad folks, I promise.

Ok, so here are some pictures that probably didn’t make the posts but are funny to say the least.

img_5528Made the trip into Memphis in September and ran into T-Rex’s daddy and LVD. Good Times on South Main.

img_1892Sober as New Orleans Judges. At least Tucker got the smart idea to wear glasses. My dumbass have them on my head.

IMG_1902.JPGPay no attention to Mrs. Trumpet’s cans. This was right before the Grand Rapids Po-Po came by and told us “Creepy Old People” to go inside. I think they were afraid we would break a hip.

img_2045Attention Single Irish Men of Manhattan. This one is making her virgin trip to Manhattan in early April. No she won’t be wearing the monogram tank top, I know that this ‘ish’ don’t fly here.

img_2393Took LZ to the floor of the Stock Exchange because she pretty much saved my ass during my RSP days. Told her about the unwritten rule that on your first visit if the market closes up then you will have good luck for the year. By the way – ask her who is kicking arse in ticket sales to tourists in the Garment District.

img_5539Flew up one of our dog sitters when we went to Belize because a flight was cheaper than boarding them in the UES.

img_1603Maya – “No I am good, I am going to stay here with all those drunk eye-talians around”

img_1757Did you know that people come to New York for their vacation just to sit on line for the ‘chance’ they get a ticket for Hamilton. #poorbastards

img_01212016 was the year of the Coffee Drink! Or as Rock-Mo calls it “that coffee drink with the green stuff on it.”

img_1820I have to admit that the Garden is a pretty fucking cool venue.

img_1659Brother Joel McGraw, FSC wasn’t lying when he made us pray to Our Lady of Victory

img_5537Carbunkle Trumpet, no matter how famous you are with your blog you will never be as famous as this dog. This dog is UGA, the mascot for The University of Georgia Bulldogs.

img_1500My first celeb sighting in the West Village and who is it? Effin Anne Burrell.

Happy New Year, if 2016 wasn’t the best for you then I hope that 2017 is you year. Me, I plan on killing it; professionally, personally and in dive bar conquests.






Pictures of the Week

Hope you have your long underwear on today, it is ball shrinking cold. I still have some stuff that I need to post/even write from the holidays so I will post that next week. Have a good weekend and I hope that all those kids wearing pajama’s inside out and putting ice in the toilets in Memphis get their snow day.

img_0116Nah, I didn’t like the dessert at the Blue Ribbon in the UWS. The plate was almost clean.

img_0079For those of you wondering how much of a runt Maya is. This is Maxi who is Maya’s sister. She is 3 times the size of Maya.

img_0066Saw this bar when I exited a cab on 3rd Ave and it put a smile to my face. I bet they have great bourbon and a bunch of silverware art in that joint.

img_0075Didn’t everyone get a ring like this in their stocking?

img_0073We paid a Kings Ransom to fly home at Christmas. At least they gave us some leg room.

img_0090Love the old pictures at my mom’s house.

img_0089Stop laughing some of you. I bet your parents have baby pictures of you too!

holifsydNot trying to start a debate but I took some grief for not saying Merry Christmas. I told the person that was giving me shit that I would say Merry Christmas on Christmas Day.

img_0105BV was searching for my bag and was going to send it to Omaha after he put some dog biscuits in it for the drug dogs.

img_0078The Lady Killer in his natural habit. You want some grapes too West Coast?

img_0076Enough with the fucking therapy dogs.

img_0080Kind of got taken back when I walked in the grocery store in Memphis.

img_0084Our Tilapia Momma’s baby left his action figure at my mothers Christmas Eve party. We thought about taking it with us to NYC to make them come up to collect it but thought better. Good to see A & E.

Have a good weekend.

Gettin Kinda Bizzy….Yesssir…Foam Ringing!!!

noun: institution; plural noun: institutions
  1. 1.
    a society or organization founded for a religious, educational, social, or similar purpose.
    “a certificate from a professional institution”

So now that we have gotten our ‘learning’ done for the day let us talk why CBT posted that definition. If you have ever visited 1445 Jackson Avenue in the Crime- Free Cross Town/Evergreen district in Memphis you will understand what I am talking about. Located in that former Greek, Italian and Irish neighborhood is the oldest family owned Tavern in Memphis. Yes I am speaking of Alex’s Tavern owned by none other than my good friend Rocky Kasaftes. Rock-Mo’s father, Alex Kasaftes, opened the bar on November 13, 1953 as a place for the businessmen to socialize with a drink after work before dinner. Rocky’s mother, Eugenia, served as the bookkeeper when she wasn’t running the Weakly Dance Studio. Rocky took over the family business and has been running it ever since.

Rocky’s best friend was John McCormack who growing up would ‘sneak’ some of their music into the jukebox which naturally would anger Alex. Finally a deal was made and they would have 2 jukeboxes in The Tavern. One for Alex’s older music (Frank Sinatra, Temptations, ect) and the other would have Rockys and Bad Dog’s music (Cream, John Fogerty, you know the classics) both jukeboxes still remain at the Tavern.

Rocky had a long time employee by the name of Sonny Wilson. Sonny was something else. He is immortalized in the men’s room with his “World Famous Sonnyism’s” and if you have ever heard me say the phrase “Foam Ringing” well you can thank Sonny for that one.  Sonny was also famous for his bookkeeping skills in keeping the bar tabs. But that is probably why Rocky is almost bald headed and grey too. Another great longtime employee is Andy. Andy keeps the Sonnyism’s alive and well and keeps the joint going during the ‘lunch rush’.

The cuisine at the Tavern back when I was ‘drinking on a falsified ID’ was Wings, Chicken Tenders and Burgers with Chips. Rocky made some modifications to the kitchen and added Fries, Gumbo, Greek Wings and Ribs. It is the Ribs that Rocky is starting to get mad props for by various food critics. Me, I am a purist and stick to the Trifecta; Wings, Tenders and Burgers with some Bud Lights of course. I won’t go into the method that Rocky cooks his burgers or the secret spice that he puts in them but just say “Go get a damn burger and see for yourself!”

img_0093Yessir two good looking fellas there. Side Note – Rocky knew Mrs. Trumpet as a patron for years before we even dated and got married. The first time we both went into the Tavern Rocky told her “Watch out for this one *pointing at me*.” Her response was “Too late, I married him!”

img_0095Alex’s portrait still hangs over the Jukeboxes

img_0099The Classic Greek Burger and Chips

img_0094Andy lines up the Bud Light like Rockettes in the coldest beer fridge in the world. Seriously, half of them are frozen hence why the lid is open.

img_0098Rocky and Bad Dog in a pic that hangs behind the bar.

img_0092We were being Difficult that night, we asked for Ranch and Blue Cheese.

img_0096In that Skillet something beautiful happens. The Cake Topper is what melts the cheese

img_0100Of course we had to hang J-Bob’s baby picture behind the cash register. The Little Bastid wasn’t available for a picture. (J-Bob’s picture is to the left of the green Margaritaville Sticker dressed in that gender neutral smocked outfit)

img_0101My sister went to a football game so we got to babysit the Lady Killer one day. Naturally we took him to the Tavern to meet Sonny. It is very odd in that for some reason we never got asked to babysit again. I wonder why?

258sThe Sonnyisms

img_0102We love you Rocky, see you in late January!

Go see Rock-Mo and tell him that Carbunkle sent you!