Subway Etiquette – AKA…Don’t be that guy

New York Magazine published a “Urban Etiquette Handbook” for those who use Mass Transit more specifically MTA’s Subway. I am ‘below ground’ at least once a day if not more depending on the weather or distance. I have noticed a definite difference between those that use the subway Monday through Friday and those who use it on the weekend. Monday through Friday people for the most part play by the rules and everyone gets along. On the weekends it is Mudda Fecking Thunderdone….all bets are off and this is probably why Tourists think that New Yorkers are rude and brazen. Below is the list that they published for those who will be visiting New York this Spring;

  • Knees may no more than 6 inches apart. Dude control the spread and make room for everyone. This is a subway car not your living room!
  • If you can’t control your offspring, watch as a stranger does it for you. Normally kids get seats because it is easier to corral them but you would be surprised at young kids who think it is ok to try to walk around a packed subway car.
  • Don’t gawk/stare this isn’t a bar! Want to be called out by someone’s boyfriend/husband? Go ahead and stare at a female for more than 2 seconds. It won’t end well.
  • The Post is only a buck- go buy your own! This almost goes with the Don’t Gawk rule because nobody likes it when you are reading over someone’s shoulder. You may get kicked in the baby maker!
  • Holding the door makes everyone on the train love you. I get that you are important and ‘have’ to get on this train but there is another one coming in less than 4 minutes during rush hour. Seriously I have seen people push arms, and bags out of the closed doors for those who think they are a doorman.
  • Loud music will also make everyone on the train love you. This should go without saying but there is at least one jackass on the weekend who is jamming some tunes. This also applies to parents who give their phone to a kid so they can watch a movie. Don’t be surprised if the kid ‘accidently’ drops the iFoam that doesn’t have a case on it.
  • Lie down on the subway only if you are dead. Personally who in the hell wants to put their head where millions of people have put their asses on but hey enjoy that skin infection.

spreadI mean it is going to be GoldBond season soon but come on Francis!

really

The Backpack part pisses me off to no end. I make it a point to ‘spin’ someone when they leave their pack on their back. So far I have survived living up here by doing this. Of course I am a rebel.

blowjobsWait there is a BJ subway line? I bet it is in Brooklyn. They try to act like they have all the cool stuff there.

dudeDude, I don’t care if you ‘think’ you can get in here. Your big ass is going to stay on this platform.

PeeThankfully I haven’t seen this yet.

I hope you had fun reading this. And don’t be thinking you can break any of these rules w/o getting yelled at.

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