Month: August 2017

How Many Effin Times do I have to tell you…..

I am not from fucking Texas, I am from Memphis!

This happens to me at least 3 times a week. I will be speaking to someone for work, pleasure, whatever and they ask me the same question. “So what part of Texas are you from?” Don’t get me wrong, Texas is having a going through a bunch of shit right now and my thoughts are with you. But can someone from the South explain to me in 140 characters or less why everyone thinks I am from Texas?

It happened to me just yesterday when I went to The Cigar Inn Robo Daycare. I went for a break, a cigar, and some light ball busting with the boys. One of the Goombas *Editors note – I am a 4th Generation Italian and have earned the right to ‘politely’ but also ‘respectfully’ bust the chops of my fellow Italians chops within reason* asked me if everything was ok at home. I asked him what he was referring to and this was the exchange;

Paulie – “Kid, I figured you were from Texas and that’s where that Hurricane hit.”
Me – “Hey Paulie (not his real name) what makes you think that I am from Texas?”
Paulie – “Kid, you mean that accent isn’t from Texas? Where you from? You say Sir and Mam like you were raised by Dominican Nuns with a 3 foot yardstick.”
Me – “I originally from Memphis, but why does everyone think I am from Texas?”
Paulie – “We never met anyone from Memphis who put up with our shit and didn’t piss us off at the same time. Hey kid, if you ever want to come to the Trump back room let us know. Just wear slacks and ignore Joey Pots and Pans.”

Now I could fill this worthless dribble with numerous stories like this but I acknowledge that I would lose my 12 readers. That and since UWS Holly is moving WAY south, I need to keep it real. First of all, my thoughts, prayers, good ju-ju to all my friends in Texas, Louisiana, and all parts south. May God Bless the Cajun Navy and all volunteers who have driven south with a boat in tow to help a complete stranger in dire need. It makes my heart happy seeing things like this.

*cutting to the chase now*

Now depending on when you read this worthless dribble….Friday is sadly the ‘unofficial’ end of summer with the Labor Day weekend starting at noon. In Memphis all of the old school attorneys *looking at you Ziggy* would gather dressed in their finest Seersucker suit at the Peabody Hotel to have a ‘libation’. I have always believed that any true southern gentlemen should possess a Seersucker suit and if it isn’t ruined by Labor Day one should wear it with pride. *FZ – you taking notes* For on Friday I shall celebrate my southern upbringings, funny sayings but most importantly……By Gawd…..Get ready for Southern College Football.

Below is a meal we cooked this past Sunday for no other reason than to celebrate the south!

IMG_1545Shout out to my favorite Food Photographer for this killer recipe.

IMG_1541Had to make this one for Nanny. She will be missed and we are glad to have known her.

IMG_1543Rock-Mo is going to give me some shit because I am not using freshly ground meat but I was in a bind on Sunday. At least I labeled the seasoning….

IMG_1542Roasted Corn and Long Island Tomatoes with Balsamic Vinegar and Fresh (like 4 hours old) Mozzarella Cheese

IMG_1547So yes, I am adding Ashley’s Pimento Cheese with Rock-Mo’s Burgers and Russell George’s Sautéed Onions. You fuckers in the south can eat Panchos Cheese Dip everyday and have Fried Green Tomatoes.

 

IMG_1548I am not going to see my GP doctor for a couple weeks after eating this meal.

Have a good Labor Day Weekend.

 

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Rockaway – The Beach within Reach

My non Memphian readers are probably scratching their heads wondering what that means. I was referring to the old Maywood Beach that is now a residential community. So last week we went to Long Island and hung out at Jones Beach with friends. This weekend, after we made a purchase from Tommy Bahama, we decided we would keep it local and head to Rockaway Beach. Our trusted mixologist who is a beach bum at heart was touting up Rockaway Beach at the beginning of the summer. After a couple quick “where should we go…aka drink” messages we took our show on the road and headed on the A Train. Door to door it takes roughly an hour and a half to get to Far Rockaways and there is nothing better than toting your beach chairs and cooler on the Subway because you know people deep down are jealous.

I confirmed with Time Out and we decided to head to the Beach 67th Street stop. We arrived and the beach was pretty much empty. At first we were wondering if we were in the right spot. I mean we had the pick of the beach as the only people on the beach were surfers or surfer families. It was after a couple of hours that we realized why this beach was almost abandoned. The beach were on was a “Surfers Only” beach. Meaning that you are not allowed to go swimming. You recall last week when I spoke about the water temperature? Trust me, unless it absolutely necessary (aka I have to go pee) I am not getting in that water anytime soon. Pretty much you waited until the ‘life guard’ who would ride by on his ATV was gone to go stand waist deep in the water. We liked that beach and plan on going back.

Bikini’s R Forever suggested that we head to Connolly’s for after Beach frozen drinks. There is nothing better than having frozen Pina Coladas in an Irish Bar (what are the odds) in bathing suits and smelling of suntan lotion. Oh and the Pina Coladas that they serve? You want to make sure you ask for “a sinker” which is just a dollar extra. After ‘running out of money’ (Connolly’s is cash only) we decided to try the NY Ferry and unfortunately it was a bust. The line was too long and we were risking not making the ferry before they stopped the shuttle. We ended up taking an Uber which will sting the pocketbook but it was getting dark and the Monkey heads were waiting.

All in all we loved the Rockaways and Far Rockaways. Great little beach town and if we didn’t have this place here in the city we would actually think of moving out there. Sure it is cold as balls on the water but for 100 days it would be killer. Thanks Andi for the suggestions and we got the first round at Connolly’s next weekend.

image1Got to love that Q Train!

IMG_1504This was the view when we arrived at 11AM on Saturday. Nobody was here!

IMG_1507Interesting choice of Beach Umbrella

IMG_1508Waiting on the Life Guard to leave so they can go Pee swimming

IMG_1509Overlooking the Beach from the 67th street Boardwalk

IMG_1510Don’t let the Cherry Fool you – These are deadly!

IMG_1535After we decided the Ferry was not a viable option we had a drink at bar near the Bay

IMG_1506I mean who doesn’t love a good Surfing Beach.

Two weekends in a row and 2 beach trips. Notice a pattern here?

Pictures of the Week

It was a great week last week and I have the bank statements to prove it!

IMG_1491What this really means is that you should double up on Gold Bond

IMG_1476Friends of ours were in town on Saturday so we met up and had a drink. It was so great seeing them.

IMG_1468Anyone need some Corn? The Farmers Market at Union Square is legit!

IMG_1469We tore it up at the end of Restaurant Week.

IMG_1471Then we tore our livers up!

IMG_1466You can’t tell because of the shadow but “The Water Line” on my pants was up to my knee. The Friday Rain was a bitch!

Have a good weekend folks!

Sunday Funday – we made it to the Beach

2 years and 15 days – that is how many days it took us to get to the Beach. This Sunday we ventured to Jones Beach and let me tell you, it is pretty easy to get there. Q Train to LIRR, Car to the Beach and roughly in an hour and a half you are there. Now we haven’t tried Rockaways beach yet but that is on the short list for this weekend.

Now for those of you who are wondering. You recall when we went to see the neighbor last August and we mentioned that the water was somewhat chilly? Well the water in New York isn’t any warmer. This may take a while for us southerners to get acclimated because they tell me that this is the warmest it will get. Oh and it was 70 degrees too!

IMG_1485Sunday was a great day to visit the beach!

IMG_1484Towards the end of the day looking to the parking lot

IMG_1483The Rip Tides are tough here so Lifeguards are always in place.

IMG_1482And yes we are getting some gear this week too!

IMG_1486I had to pee so we ducked into the bar at Penn Station. Never noticed these shelves for patrons to put their stuff under. Pretty smart to me.

IMG_1488There is nothing better than smelling of Suntan lotion on the train ride home I tell you!

I have a feeling we will be doing this a lot more now.

Closed until further notice

You read about it all the time up here. “After X years of faithful business we regret to inform you that we are closing.” I am fully aware that the margin to operate a restaurant is razor thin. You have the pressure to have a consistent menu, a decent wine list, servers that won’t sabotage you, and bartenders who won’t rob you. Then you have to worry about the health department scores and if you are a fancy restaurant those pesky Michelin Star ratings can make one a tad crazy. But now you have to worry about rent that can go in upwards of 60K a month depending on your location. Yes I said 60K, that is rent for one of the mega chain restaurants in Times Square.

The other day I read where Philippe Lanjaunie closed the downtown Les Halles restaurant where Anthony Bourdain got his fame. He closed the one on Park Avenue about a year and a half claiming soaring rent. I looked up some stats and the cost of running a restaurant in New York as compared to in LA and it was shocking;

  • Rent in New York costs roughly $120 a square foot as compared to $52 a square foot in LA.
  • Produce and Meat is more expensive here in Manhattan as owners of restaurants in both LA and NYC say that it is 44 percent less to operate in California.
  • Hiring staff is a bear here in NYC, the average salary for a cook in NYC is about $30K where in LA it is about $25K. With minimum wage going up you can expect margins to go even tighter.

IMG_1272I know that GrainBin Girl died a little the day that this sucker shut their doors.

10583294_GYou would be surprised how many of these you see up here.

Bottom Line – Go out and eat Local. Tip your server and send back a $20 for the dishwasher too!

 

 

 

 

Drinks on the Water – Sunday Funday Pictures

Two Sundays back the Murphranks, the Work Wife, EA, Mrs. Trumpet and I decided to take advantage of a nice day and went down to Pier A in Battery Park. The weather was classic and here are some pics from our trip.

IMG_1434Found this Gem at Stone and Broad down in the Financial District.

IMG_1437Shout out to my favorite Coors Light Drinker!

IMG_1439Here is when Mr. 3 First Names started spewing hate – I reminded him that Staten Island had it’s own Ferry.

IMG_1436The Statue of Liberty

IMG_1440The Sunset was spectacular that Sunday

IMG_1441It doesn’t Suck down here

IMG_1442The Statue at Sunset

IMG_1443Ellis Island at sunset

How was your Sunday Funday?

 

Katie Mac is going to kill me – The Campbell Apartment Bar & Lounge

Yeah, she is over in Europe right now according to her Snaps but when she reads this she may fly direct back to JFK just to whip my arse. You see when I moved up here Katie Mac was the first to tell me about The Campbell Apartment in Grand Central Station and how cool it was. I visited it once to meet up with a former client of mine from Memphis (think “Thank You Cattlemens”) but she had to bag at the last minute. It took me a while to find the joint. I mean I have lived up here now 2 years and I finally can make my way around Grand Central without difficulty but it is still huge.

So when RJ and JL (not Social Media JL, Ponzi Scheme JL) were in town this past weekend we made a trip with the Asian Fireman to The Campbell Apartment for drinks. I was in work clothes but I recalled that when they were with old management it was slacks and dress shirts. Thankfully the new ownership relaxed the rules just a tad.

Drinks at the Campbell are old school New York; manhattans, classic martinis and upscale bourbons and scotches. Our group chose Red Wine, Manhattans, a Martini and someone had to keep it real and ordered a Bud Light. The service at The Campbell is impeccable and we had a good time and left after having 2 rounds. Thank God we left when we did, to drink in Midtown Manhattan you pay to play.

Katie Mac – Don’t worry when you come up I promise to take you there.

the-entranceEnter off of the Vanderbilt Pass which is on the West side of Grand Central. To find it inside the terminal is tricky.

plaque-for-the-campbellYou can also look for the sign too.

IMG_1462 (1)Picture from Ponzi Scheme JL – Of the Main Bar and the huge ass ceilings

IMG_1446The Asian Fireman and I win the award for the most expensive drinks in the joint

IMG_1464Even the coasters are fancy

IMG_1465Gold raised lettering too! Patrick Bateman from American Psycho would drink here

Don’t bust my chops, some of you guys drink on Beale Street or the Peabody Hotel.

 

Pictures from the Week

These pics are in no particular order. Have a good weekend.

IMG_1449Why Hello Jeffrey the Husband of Barefoot Contessa. Yep Grainbin Girl is now really going to hate me!

IMG_1400So when you don’t wash your hair for at least a year this is what happens to you.

IMG_1457I am so with this! They did it to me and I couldn’t walk for a year!

IMG_1414I bet that this would be great at the Board Meetings in South Bluffs

IMG_1408Picked up a 36’r for the trip home from the Bronx.

Have a good weekend folks. Be nice to each other!

The 40th Dead Elvis Week

I was with one of my colleagues yesterday and he glanced at my personal iFoam and asked who the guy in the funny glasses was. I literally stopped in the middle of 5th avenue to ask them if he were joking because one does not mock “The King”. They didn’t know and I really felt sorry for this person because not only did he not know who Elvis was he didn’t realize that today starts Dead Elvis Week. I explained to my friend about all of the pilgrims and the ETA’s (Elvis Tribute Artist)  and that they prefer that term instead of Elvis Impersonator. I explained about the ETA’s that come from all over the world from El Vez, to Indian (dot not feather) Elvis and everywhere in between.

So welcome to Memphis my fellow Pilgrams, Save travels to Georgia Peach  as she makes her way to Memphis today and hopefully it won’t be hotter than 2 rats fucking in a wool sock hot next week.

IMG_1417My Jam on the Q train the other day!

IMG_1421Happy Anniversary to my Bar Wife/soon to be Bar Wife MILF.

IMG_1422One of the better pics I took at Graceland many moons and pounds ago!

11888084_10153739786199928_7891063820881814216_nWho doesn’t love Midget Elvis. And yes I will be wearing my TCB ring next week too!

Elvis has left the Building!

 

Memphis and MiniBar

So Memphis got Minibar Booze Delivery Service, if I may please issue a word of caution to my 10 readers from the Bluff City.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not a professional on delivery services. I still drop off and fetch my dry cleaning. I still do my own washing of clothes in the communal washing room (stop yelling LZ). I still go down to the corner produce stand and pick out my tomatoes but the rest…I let ‘my guy’ handle the heavy lifting. Here are the top 10 rules for Booze and Food Delivery in my humble opinion;

  1. If you are ordering for a booze/beer delivery to a pool party you may want to re-think this. Fireball, the comment “Hey Y’all watch this” and deep water don’t always mix.
  2. Uber Eats is a great service but do you really need someone to bring you 30 dollars of Taco Bell?
  3. If you only order a 6 pack of Bud Light and a slim Jim then we can’t be friends. No seriously, get the fuck off this page. We are done.
  4. Yes the prices are going to be higher than what Josh at Busters or Dan at Arthurs can offer you but you have someone bringing your hooch to your front door. Get your lazy ass up if you are just going to bitch about it. We (not so much me but the knuckle heads at the Cigar Inn) order high end bottles of scotch and bourbon all the time while we are enjoying a cigar. The rule is simple – If you have to ask the price then you can’t afford it.
  5. Tip the Dude and if he knows your house number by your order then you may have a problem.
  6. Seriously if you have your booze/food delivery guy’s cell number programed in your phone you may want to get out a little bit more and stretch your legs.
  7. Don’t bitch if it is raining or there is an event downtown (for my downtown readers) and dude is late. Don’t be that guy.
  8. For you females/soccer moms – If you have more than 2 Rose deliveries to a ‘house party’ in one day then you may want to get a case.
  9. Same goes for Sangria and Chips & Salsa.
  10. Enjoy your newest additional service in your quest to never leave the house. But it wouldn’t hurt to get out every once in a while and get some exercise or off the couch.

And no I am not looking at you Grainbin Girl, Theo’s Momma or even you Bender. Well yes I am going to judge you RAB if you can’t stumble down the alley to get your brown water.

#CarbunkleCares