Month: April 2018

933 Days and I got it done!

What did I do that took almost 2 and half years to accomplish you ask? I am proud to report that I have the Entire Upper East Side of Manhattan (North of E60th Street to E96th Street,  West of 5th Avenue to the East River) speaking Southern!  It is a thing of beauty, I have everyone saying “hello” and “good morning” on the streets. Snapple and fizzy water has been replaced with freshly brewed Lipton Iced Tea. Bacon Lettuce and Tomato with Pimento Cheese has replaced the Gyro carts on the streets. And Finally the first Friday after Memorial Day everyone will be wearing Seersucker!

I am pretty proud of myself, I didn’t think I could do it. Hell, I even have my work family now issuing “Bless Your Heart” to people instead of saying “F You!”  So what is next for Carbunkle Trumpet you wonder? WE ARE TAKING OUR SHOW IN THE ROAD TO DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN! Yep! We are moving out of the UES and heading to the borough of Brooklyn! Home of Jay Z, Manbuns and Hipsters and I am putting all of you on notice! Ok, so the real reason could be that Momma has taken a new job so we have to move out of her employers housing but we are excited for the new adventure.

We looked at a number of different locations on this rock and other rocks and decided that we needed the following things;

  • One or two subway stops back into Manhattan and easily walkable
  • Multiple Subway Lines for when there are delays, cancelations or weekend repairs
  • Full Service Building so they can accept our Vodka & Wine fruit & vegetable deliveries
  • Office or business center shared space in common area
  • Outdoor space and maybe an outdoor grill for daddy to burn red meat
  • Had to be cool and have a neighborhood tavern (or two)

Downtown Brooklyn checked all the boxes so we started to find a new home in that area. We looked into one building but they would only allow one dog and since we have two that collectively weigh 11 pounds that was out. We found another joint that is just as good and pending the vetting process we are in. We are shooting for next week to move so don’t be surprised if this sucker is quiet next week.

data=2M2OiB_yxfn5DcdjDRgvI6wr69jNRy3suS-zfNpCNuuMB_IbWMxsjfy6d2reA7Kcv5tiy7Pqdj1XX4k_InfgQqIgpJBUQt63NdtgsnjRhj--JFktXUBjgvOMCIXHj8hTyuyOWe are smack dab in the middle of everything. Walking distance to the Barclays Center, right next to a University that we may know the head men’s basketball coach, it is a quick Subway ride to the Murphranks and there is an IHop on the Fulton Mall!

IMG_3004Roughly 13 subway lines I can jump on to get into the city!

imagesHere is the front of our Non-Hipster Building

Dattner-Architects_HubOasisAll186_web-1-840x580I mean this isn’t too bad for those 30 nice days of summer for us to enjoy!

IMG_3011Maya is saying “Wait, I like the UES! People tell me that I look cute and want to pet me! I don’t even like the Beastie Boys”

IMG_3012Maddy is looking forward to taking a wiz on the artificial grass in the dog run that they have. Yep she will peeing on Brady Bunch Astroturf!

IMG_3070This part sucks, basically because we don’t have much room to put shit

IMG_3069Office and Holiday Crap is in boxes!

IMG_3068You will notice that the Cigar Humidor and the Steve Bartman Bobble Head are still here. I will pack those last of course!

IMG_3067Blue Dogs are packed and ready to move to Brooklyn

IMG_3065Not to say that we don’t have a lot to offer but do any of your future residents make Logo Cornbread? Please accept us and can you make it quick, we are starting to get nervous!

We will keep you posted, till then I will be busy growing out my hair for the Man bun!

 

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Monday Lunch Club Philly

Fade In – Fancy Bougie Gift Shop in a downtown Philadelphia Hotel

A somewhat haggard looking customer places on the counter 2 Gatorades, a liter of water and diet coke. He scans the back counter where the Over the Counter medicines are located.

Customer – “May I get 2 packages of Advil and some Imodium AD please?”
Cashier – “That will be $39.75 will you be paying cash or credit?”
Customer – “Credit and I don’t need a receipt.”
Cashier – “Sir, I hope that you get over your ‘Flu’.”

Way back when the Monday Lunch Club was in full force each Monday at lunch we would convene at Heavenly Hoagie on Union Avenue to recap the weekend, brainstorm new business ideas, and bust chops with Pete the owner. We were convinced that Pete was either in the witness protection bureau or the personal bookie for The Mob. I mean no disrespect to Pete but the man couldn’t remember shit or a food order to save his life. I mean I ordered the same thing week after week and he never got it right.

Pete’s specialty sandwich was a Philly Cheesesteak since he was from South Philly. Prior to when we moved up here I had never visited Philadelphia nor had an “authentic Philly Cheesesteak wit wiz.” The bread, the steak, the onions, the cheese wiz, it was a good thing and it kicked the ever-loving shit out of Lenny’s sandwich or other deli’s that have a Philly on the menu.

This past weekend we were in Philly for Pepe and D3’s child’s birthday. On Sunday we awoke in the hotel and were needing grease, cheese and bread and cheese fries. I confirmed with Google that we were close to Geno’s and Pat’s but on the list was Steve’s Prince of Steaks. We decided that this was going to be our choice as it was the closest to our hotel.

I opted for the double meat – double cheese and went with “wit wiz” and it didn’t disappoint at all. I knew that this place was going to be a good one because anyone who has Cheese Fries has to be good. Hey I just got back good results from my blood work last week so I figured that I could ‘go off plan’ a tad.

The Cheesesteak and fries didn’t disappoint. It was spot on!

IMG_3051The Center City Location

IMG_3054The Menu was pretty much like Pete had minus the Fries. I always wondered why Pete would sometimes put Marinara Sauce on my hoagie. It was “Pizza Sauce”

IMG_3053Where the Magic Happens

IMG_3024_LIWhen you get >45 you appreciate getting good results like this

IMG_3055I didn’t know if I should salute or eat it!

IMG_3056It would be considered rude to show an empty wrapper so I am going to post this one halfway through.

IMG_3058The Neighbor is probably drooling on her iFoam right now

No Disrespect to Pete, Geno or Pat but Steve’s Prince of Steaks is on point! And it helped my bad case of MPH.

Pictures of the Week – Who doesn’t love cold and rain?

Yeah, pretty much this weather sucked balls. If it wasn’t blistering cold it was a gully washing rain. Here are some pictures from the past weeks.

IMG_2988_LIDon’t you hate waking up the morning after a couple of beers and you text your drinking consultant? Oh come on….you know that you have done it. Stop judging me RJ and JL. You too LVD we have all done it!

IMG_2987“Why is there a bunch of crap in the sink?” – said the next morning after aforementioned drunken bender.

IMG_2976Sober….ish

IMG_2951Oh.Hell.No! If he wasn’t over 6 feet I was going to go over there and tell him that it wasn’t capri pant season yet!

IMG_0935Happy Birthday to this little Devil! Back when you were little and cute and didn’t have hair on your pencil.

Carnegie Deli pastramiThis always helps when you over serve yourself.

We are heading over to Philly this weekend for a 3year old birthday party. I bet it is going to be cold.

 

Hey CBT, I got something for you….

That was a text message that I got from LJZ last week.

****Disclaimer, I was in a foul mood that afternoon. Seriously, I would have just as soon masturbated with a cheese grater than visit the home office during business hours that day. Regardless, I pulled up my socks, put on a fresh smile, and agreed to swing by to get “said gift.” When I arrived I found out that my boss was there…..I found out that her boss was there……I found out that her wanted-her-to-be boss was there..

Seriously, I would have just as soon sat in the backseat of an un-air conditioned station wagon between two 15 month olds kids in car seats sucking on pixie sticks of sugar than be there. Did I mention that I was on a 14 hour road trip to Florida and said kids hadn’t been out of those chairs for 7 hours? It was that bad of a day for me.

Hopefully I have given you enough imagery to tell you how pissed I was that fateful day when LJZ asked me to come to the home office for a gift she made for me.

IMG_2953This was the gift that LJZ gave me. *SECOND DISCLAIMER – No I don’t use elicit drugs, I got 99 other problems than this one. (booze, beer and cigars are still ok right?)

IMG_2962I was floored. I loved it!

The fact that LJZ cross-stitched this in the airport on a work trip makes gift so much more special. Oh what is the big deal about “Not Doing Coke in our Bathroom” you ask? (see next picture and comment)

img_0267This is the original cross-stitch that sits at a bar a couple of steps away from our soon to be former apartment and we have a funny story about it. I guess Shobo and I need to go back into the bar business.

HEY RJ – You listening…… #NextYearCoozie

For those of you who are wondering what storyline you missed please don’t read to much into this post. I appreciate this gift for a many reasons.

Thank you LJZ you really are a treat!

 

Spring Like Weather and Then Hurricane Tucker

Hope you guys had a fun weekend. I am sure that there a some of you in Memphis who didn’t heed my warning on Twitter and blew it out hard at Rajun Cajun yesterday. Here is to hoping that your hands aren’t shaking too bad as you read this. Finally the weather broke on Friday and Saturday till 5PM. It actually was ‘bead of sweat’ warm on Friday as I joked with the doormen that people will probably be bitching about the heat. Saturday didn’t disappoint until the front moved in and it got chilly on our ride home from Brooklyn.

Friday I got home and we had our Midwestern friend Tucker heading in from New Jersey. She was across the Hudson for work training and decided to spend an evening with us and fly out Saturday. This was just fine with us as we knew we were in for a full fun night. Since she was rolling into town I was able to find 3 tickets to Losers Lounge Friday night as they were giving tribute to “The Last Waltz.” We met up at the apartment and then had dinner at a Geoffrey Zakarian joint in Midtown East.

If you have been paying attention you will know that I have been doing some juice cleansing and clean eating. Well that shit came to a tumbling halt on Friday as I switched over from green grass and tree bark drinks to Potato based liquid and what the hell. I got me a GZ burger and added bacon to it too! The show didn’t disappoint and the post show drinks were good (?) and before Tucker’s hair could deflate she was headed to LGA.

Saturday we went over to Downtown Brooklyn to check out apartments and had drinks with lady barrister since Mr. 3 First Names was out of town.  Walking into The Commissioner was warm and sunny and temps in the 70’s. Walking out the bottom dropped out of the bottom and it was around 50 with a good wind. Thankfully we had some jet fuel in us but that walk to the subway was brutal!

IMG_2970Sadly I never saw the movie and the second act didn’t dissapoint

IMG_2968Yep all the favorite were preforming tonight

IMG_2965But first lets take a selfie!

IMG_2980Yep he did a Van Morrison song and for those of you wondering that is the same person who sang George Micheal

national-gallery-images-7The interior of GZ’s National – Nice dinner

untitledPretty much it starts out nice here then goes downhill very soon afterwards!

IMG_2986More on this later but we went to Downtown Brooklyn on Saturday

 

Thanks for a fun weekend Tucker and hope everyone behaved this weekend. Its going to be a shitty couple of days up here weather wise.

Pictures of the Week

Hope you had a good week. It is supposed to be actually warm today with a high in the low 70’s! Of course my arse is going to be in a training this morning and Hurricane Tucker rolls into town this afternoon. Here are pictures from a couple of weeks back. Have a good weekend, we are heading over to Downtown Brooklyn to check things out and maybe see the Lady Barrister.

IMG_2928So what that I have a diet rich in salted meats, cheese and you have to unhinge your jaw to get this thing in your mouth. (That’s what she said)

IMG_2942Oh look here is where Mrs. Trumpet goes to everyday

IMG_2908Great bar on the West Side and when you walk in it is like you stepped into a time machine

IMG_2910I am sure a penthouse on 5th Avenue overlooking Central Park isn’t that expensive. Lets buy two!

IMG_2946So I decided to do a little Juice Cleanse to “study” for my blood test for my yearly physical. Shout out to my cousin for suggesting this Bermuda grass and Tree Bark company.

IMG_2950Actually it isn’t as bad as one would think. Expensive and I am having some wild food cravings but I guess it will pay off.

IMG_2932Of course when you go Vegetarian (stop Laughing Amy Farrah Fowler) you do start cramping up so I suggest you get a couple bottles of this life saver. HEY AJ – Get these ready for the bar would you?

Have a good weekend

 

“Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd….”

Buy me some Peanuts and Cracker Jacks who the Feck am I kidding buy me some friggin long underwear and call my ass in May for tickets opening weekend in the North sucks! Yep yours truly attended a baseball game north of 160th street during opening weekend and it was cold to say the least.  The tourist bus company that I work for has 4 seats in Yankees stadium for all 81 home baseball games. I have to share the hosting of the tickets with the other ticket sales reps and naturally because I am low man on the totem pole I don’t get first dibs. On Thursday the word came down that there were some seats open for Sunday’s game because LJZ was nice enough to take a day off from her residency at Yankees stadium so I raised my hand.

What I should have done first is look at the friggin weather report. Ah, it was at least sunny and not raining but albeit it was kind of chilly. The game was fun, the Yankees went up 5-0 in the first and we were spitting distance from Aaron Judge and of course….beer so it was a good day. The clients enjoyed themselves and after some extra innings at the Yankee Tavern we headed home for the evening.

IMG_2934Puffy Coats being worn in a baseball game. Friggin Puffy Coats!

IMG_2935“Not my seat or my beer” No Man Ever

IMG_2938That boy is a grown ass man! I can’t wait for the Cubs to play them in the World Series this year! It is going to be fun!

Have a good day and go support your local baseball team. It is supposed to mean that spring and summer is here.

 

What is a Trip to Brooklyn without visiting Smorgasburg?

So we loaded up the double wide stroller for the dogs. I got my Man-Bun looking tight and we headed across the bridge to visit Prospect Park. Not sure what I am talking about? Consider a food truck rodeo/street fair but it is only food vendors selling their offerings.

Oh and it was probably 100 tents set up in the middle of Prospect Park! One could bring the family, a blanket, smuggle in a bottle of wine (not that I condone that type of behavior) and spend the afternoon eating their asses off. We walked around the circle once and determined that we needed some grease in our systems considering last nights debauchery. What is neat about Smorgasburg is that they are pretty vigilant about recycling and trash. Nobody sells plastic bottled water, they have paper cups instead. No Styrofoam containers, all the food containers are either that hard paper boxes or I saw a lot of people drinking drinks out of pineapples which was cool.

Probably the wildest was the native country food offerings here. Sadly there wasn’t a Pronto Pup or Funnel Cake vendor in the mix but we saw lots of food stalls that you see typically on Anthony Bourdain or Andrew Zimmer travel shows. Next time when I am not suffering from MPH we will have to give them a whirl.

IMG_2889Wait, you have a double double with Caramelized Onions on a flat top griddle? You guys ever been to Memphis? There is a joint at the corner of GE Patterson and Main….

IMG_2894Like I have always said, if you see a huge ass line for a food vendor you go stand in it because it has to be good.

IMG_2893Its like a Crepe but with Egg, Cheese, Pork and Green Onions

IMG_2892Very interesting to see them make this. Hey Gardo and Boo you guys are over there what is the deal with this and why is it so popular?

IMG_2895Hey I know what that means! Melted Cheese on things

IMG_2896If the Damn Neighbor were here she would have put up a chair right here and given them a credit card saying “Keep it coming!”

IMG_2891What a lovely day for a picnic I could only imagine how Maddy and Maya would have hated it.

IMG_2890Rolling Luggage at Smorgasburg? You guys are serious about eating some food aren’t you?

I would be remiss to say that the longest lines were for BBQ tents. I guess they love that Brooklyn BBQ scene up here.

Pictures from the Week

As we close out the week with yet again shitty cold weather I think back to when it wasn’t ball shrinking cold here and there were leaves on trees and such. Is it obvious that we are growing weary of Ole Man Winter? Daily I cure RAB’s name for calling Mother Nature a crack whore because this is for the birds.

IMG_2899Who ever heard of Opening Day getting Snowed Out? It has happened twice since moving up here.

IMG_2885Made a trip to Patrizia’s during Holy Week.

IMG_2886See I had my recommended daily allowance of Fruit!

IMG_2884Took the College Kids to a Burger Joint in a Hotel. I think they were impressed

 

IMG_2911If I had known that this joker were in town I would have met up with him for a drink. One of these days I am going to sit down with him and drink some Vodka!

IMG_2879Was able to grab a Pastrami the other day since these guys weren’t closed for Passover

IMG_2866Nobody notices that you are doing the walk of shame lady! You hold that head high with your smudged make up and your dignity wadded up in your purse.

Have a good weekend!

What do you do when you circle the Sun 48 times?

You celebrate it just like you came into this world: Naked, Confused, and Hungry.

One of the positive things about Facebook is that Facebook Birthdays ARE FRIGGIN AWESOME! I have been having a love/hate with this social media platform as of late but to all those who sent me a message (even some of inappropriate ones) I appreciate you and them!

So for this birthday I decided to cash in on one of my personal days and I am really glad I did because the weather sucked balls. I started the day off by heading over to the West Side for some work shoe shopping. Following that I decided to pamper myself and got myself a “Royale Shave” from my barber Mark. I figure that I started shaving around 14ish so 34 years is about time to have someone else give you a decent shave and hold a straight razor at your neck. For those of you who are wondering what all this is, it is pretty much a facial but with a shave. Any my face feels fabulous!

When you have a 48 year old face that feels like a baby’s butt after a shave what do you do then? Why you get a cheeseburger at Finnegan’s Wake! I have heard ramblings that this Irish UES joint in addition to serving a proper pint of Guinness also has a great burger. It didn’t disappoint.

To finish out the afternoon I headed up to Adult Daycare on E73rd street where I was welcomed by some of the boys while we watched the Yankees Home Opener. I smoked a $30 dollar stick, drank a Nespresso and busted balls with the best of them.

I assure you that a Royale Shave, Burger from Finnegan’s Wake and fancy cigar and all of your shout outs was the best damn birthday I have ever had! Thank you!

Oh and I have 2 more years on the warranty until I have to start to find a General Practice doc who has the smallest hands in Manhattan! Anyone got the number of “The ASSMAN”?

MW40_40ZC_03_COLE_HAAN_BROWN_SETI got to be hip is what they told my old ass today at the shoe store. They look funny and my former boss is laughing at me right now!

best-world-wide-barber-Old-School-Barbershop-tattoo-ink-Gdynia-PolandLie back and have a hot towel on your face while you DGAF > a good day at work

5887911559_7c6b1da84b_o.0We drank here one time and for some reason it didn’t click. Granted half of the patrons are old(er) than us but they serve some good food here.

IMG_2912Disclaimer – I attempted to get a full Pastrami sandwich but I forgot that it was RAB’s holiday!

IMG_2914Cigar Inn on a cold rainy afternoon with the boys watching the Yankees Game while smoking a $30 stick and (allegedly Embargoed) cigar from a country that is 90 miles from our border KICKS THE ASS OF YOUR DAY!

IMG_2907I miss my favorite Mixologist who is older than me by 1 day. This was the greatest!

Again Thank You for all the E-Mails, Texts, Calls and Obscene videos!