Recall the post when I was bitching about cooking for one person? Well Geranium did it to me again…..she ordered another Marley Spoon on her way to Seattle. By the way L.J.Z. – I have supported your ass now for 3 years….. When are you going to send “Banker Man” to one of my eye-talian suit guys? *If you are wondering what I am talking about. There is an un-written rule for us fellow sales reps that sell tickets on the double decker buses. You always support your own*
Anyway I informed Jackie, our evening desk person, that I would be cooking for her because I had 3 meals to either cook or trash. She was excited and didn’t bring dinner last night. The order that you have to cook proteins for Marley Spoons are in this order; Seafood, Meat/Pork and Vegetarian. ****Imagine that, the food that the cow’s shit on can last longer****
Last night I made the grilled salmon and grilled vegetables with a red pepper pesto sauce. I cooked it to the recipe directions (ish) by using a cast iron skillet plate that I have had for years. If you are not sure what I am talking about it. This is a cast iron rectangle plate that has a flat side and on the other side is ribbed for her pleasure. TRANSLATION – This gives you the open flame grill marks if you are not cooking outside on a Weber charcoal grill. I made the dish to the directions and grilled the Broccoli, Squash, Red Onion and Salmon in the apartment using the plate. I take it down to Jackie and fellow peer and they are freaking out on the grill marks.
- “Did you go down to the 3rd floor and use one of the outside grills? (By the way those fuckers are electric) I inform them I made it in the apartment and used a plate.
- “Oh, you made this on a special plate that I will never need unless I have to cook inside, I will be fine ordering from Seamless or Uber Eats.”
I look at Jacky and ask her if she has never cooked on an open flame before. *She is originally from Barbados* and she says that she has. I told her that if I didn’t have a plate I could have made due with a bakers cookie cooling rack and my stove. It was right then that I lost the poor girl and realized that the millennial generation needs to step it up. Seriously you fuckers may starve to death if the microwave gives out or Uber Eats can’t deliver.
*Back History – I grew up in the time when there wasn’t a food network. There wasn’t a cooking demonstration at William Sonoma. There certainly wasn’t a cooking show on TV. I mean I pretty much learned how to cook watching my mother/father or the maid. However in this case, I learned how to cook at the ripe age of 23 years old from the chefs at the 4-star Chez Philippe Restaurant in the Peabody Hotel Meanwhile I while living in the Shrine Building in downtown Memphis.*
I have said many times that I am little shit. No seriously, I admit it openly. Poor Geranium, while we were dating, grew tired of eating all the Heavy Cream dishes that I would make each weekend. To my defense, I would watch the guys on the line make these dishes nightly. I would think “I could do this!” Actually, I am surprised I didn’t kill her because I later realized that the chefs would par-cook the proteins and I just watched the finishing moment. In other words, my shitwas half cooked.
Cutting to the case – Bourdain would always preach that one should learn how to made an omelet.
“The way you make an omelet reveals your character.”
He was referring to if you bring a person home for the night you at least owe him/her a decent meal before they are about to do the “walk of shame.” Millennials you need to start paying attention. You need to go buy you some items to put in the kitchen before you buy that Cross Fit membership. Then you should start playing around with cooking by watching You Tube or a cooking show. Try your dishes on your friends or that roommate that you always hate. This way when you are ready to cook for someone special you will be ready and not burning an a simple omelet for that one-night stand. Seriously folks, eggs are sold by the dozen. I even taught the Lady Killer how to break an egg without breaking shell. I mean, you need to do this and do it with grace. Wait till his mother, *who is the author for the title of this worthless dribble* finds out I have made the lady killer more marketable.
Changing the Subject yet again – My nephew when he was 12 fucking years old made Philly Cheese Steaks for Geranium and I. He was self-taught and figured it out from watching YouTube. *Of course Geranium was right behind him but he wanted to cook and by GOD he made dinner with little to no help…..And it was good too!* People, this is not brain surgery. Go forth and learn how to feed yourself! I am not asking you to field dress a deer, I am asking you to cook a decent burger and then serve it to someone.
So, in no consequential order this is the list of items that one should have in their kitchen. Jose Andres goes big baller with a Juicer but I say do this in baby steps. So here is what I say you need;
Bottom Line is Try Different Stuff.
Try to cook something other than your normal drunk food.
And if you have a new Kitchen Toy or recipe please don’t be bashful. I love things that are different.