Author: Carbunkle Trumpet

Former Memphian who is now living on the mean streets of Downtown Brooklyn/Boerum Hill depending on how you ask Siri. Happily married to a bad ass cancer survivor and celebrates having no children except for some poodles.

Pictures of the Week

It was a good week. Geranium returns tomorrow morning as she is catching the red eye from Seattle.

Geranium made the crapper smell nice
Bloomingdales….Oh the Shame! Its a Union Thing.
Going to see one of these jokers next month. Another one in this picture also celebrated his Divorce. “Second Happiest Day of my Life….Divorced!”
Summertime means breaking out the fun suits!
Decided that the Chuck Taylors needed a bath and cleaning.
Had the owner of the Madewood Flop House Sneak into town!
GurleyGurl, Doty and Mel – You want to come into town on September 11th and go to an old tennis stadium?
Yep, I was in Brooklyn on Sunday. Matching Buns
“Hello 911 – There is a plane crashing into the East River.” – you would be suprised how many of those calls happen in a week.

Have a good weekend Folks!

Advertisements

Four Years Ago To this Day

7 people went to dinner at Lilies in Union Square. What would happen later that evening in Koreatown is forever ingrained in my memory. For not only did some livers take a beating but so did a set of Bongos!

No disrespect to the Bongo Lady but the Asian Fireman that evening put your best performance to shame.

Good Times that night! I think the next day when I texted The Asian Fireman he said his hands were black and blue.
One should really experience Koreatown Karaoke.

Good Times with Good People! Who would know that a week later we would find out that we were going to move to NYC.

How Do You Reheat A Pizza?

Recall the post when I was bitching about cooking for one person? Well Geranium did it to me again…..she ordered another Marley Spoon on her way to Seattle. By the way L.J.Z. – I have supported your ass now for 3 years….. When are you going to send “Banker Man” to one of my eye-talian suit guys? *If you are wondering what I am talking about. There is an un-written rule for us fellow sales reps that sell tickets on the double decker buses. You always support your own*

Anyway I informed Jackie, our evening desk person, that I would be cooking for her because I had 3 meals to either cook or trash. She was excited and didn’t bring dinner last night. The order that you have to cook proteins for Marley Spoons are in this order; Seafood, Meat/Pork and Vegetarian. ****Imagine that, the food that the cow’s shit on can last longer****

Last night I made the grilled salmon and grilled vegetables with a red pepper pesto sauce. I cooked it to the recipe directions (ish) by using a cast iron skillet plate that I have had for years. If you are not sure what I am talking about it. This is a cast iron rectangle plate that has a flat side and on the other side is ribbed for her pleasure. TRANSLATION – This gives you the open flame grill marks if you are not cooking outside on a Weber charcoal grill. I made the dish to the directions and grilled the Broccoli, Squash, Red Onion and Salmon in the apartment using the plate. I take it down to Jackie and fellow peer and they are freaking out on the grill marks.

  • “Did you go down to the 3rd floor and use one of the outside grills? (By the way those fuckers are electric) I inform them I made it in the apartment and used a plate.
  • “Oh, you made this on a special plate that I will never need unless I have to cook inside, I will be fine ordering from Seamless or Uber Eats.”

I look at Jacky and ask her if she has never cooked on an open flame before. *She is originally from Barbados* and she says that she has. I told her that if I didn’t have a plate I could have made due with a bakers cookie cooling rack and my stove. It was right then that I lost the poor girl and realized that the millennial generation needs to step it up. Seriously you fuckers may starve to death if the microwave gives out or Uber Eats can’t deliver.

*Back History – I grew up in the time when there wasn’t a food network. There wasn’t a cooking demonstration at William Sonoma. There certainly wasn’t a cooking show on TV. I mean I pretty much learned how to cook watching my mother/father or the maid. However in this case, I learned how to cook at the ripe age of 23 years old from the chefs at the 4-star Chez Philippe Restaurant in the Peabody Hotel Meanwhile I while living in the Shrine Building in downtown Memphis.*

I have said many times that I am little shit. No seriously, I admit it openly. Poor Geranium, while we were dating, grew tired of eating all the Heavy Cream dishes that I would make each weekend. To my defense, I would watch the guys on the line make these dishes nightly. I would think “I could do this!” Actually, I am surprised I didn’t kill her because I later realized that the chefs would par-cook the proteins and I just watched the finishing moment. In other words, my shitwas half cooked.

Cutting to the case – Bourdain would always preach that one should learn how to made an omelet.

“The way you make an omelet reveals your character.”

He was referring to if you bring a person home for the night you at least owe him/her a decent meal before they are about to do the “walk of shame.” Millennials you need to start paying attention. You need to go buy you some items to put in the kitchen before you buy that Cross Fit membership. Then you should start playing around with cooking by watching You Tube or a cooking show. Try your dishes on your friends or that roommate that you always hate. This way when you are ready to cook for someone special you will be ready and not burning an a simple omelet for that one-night stand. Seriously folks, eggs are sold by the dozen. I even taught the Lady Killer how to break an egg without breaking shell. I mean, you need to do this and do it with grace. Wait till his mother, *who is the author for the title of this worthless dribble* finds out I have made the lady killer more marketable.

Changing the Subject yet again – My nephew when he was 12 fucking years old made Philly Cheese Steaks for Geranium and I. He was self-taught and figured it out from watching YouTube. *Of course Geranium was right behind him but he wanted to cook and by GOD he made dinner with little to no help…..And it was good too!* People, this is not brain surgery. Go forth and learn how to feed yourself! I am not asking you to field dress a deer, I am asking you to cook a decent burger and then serve it to someone.

So, in no consequential order this is the list of items that one should have in their kitchen. Jose Andres goes big baller with a Juicer but I say do this in baby steps. So here is what I say you need;

$4.00 Bakers wire Rack and you have a grill. Yes it is going to get dirty but whats the point of cooking if you aren’t going to get dirty. Oh by the way I see this get up all the time in the Korean Joints in Manhattan. Anyone Can Grill indoors.
This was the plate I used for cooking dinner tonight. If you don’t have one, it is fine.
The racks that are soaking in the sink. – I am cutting to my chase guys I promise
I did get some good grill marks tonight!
Get a Decent Knife and sharpen it every time. Yes I am an asshole and have all kinds of knives but I assure you they are sharp and ready to go.
Buy you a decent saute and and skillet pan.
BTW – Those pots and pans are 20 years old. Yes they are expensive but when you pay top dollar for stuff you will treat it differently.
The beauty of quality is that it will last forever.
Whatever you have that is your own I assure that you treat it with dignity and respect. Yes I acknowledge that I am anal retentive
You may lose a finger tip but get a Mandolin.
Always buy spices and seasonings. Try them all the time. Worse Case is that you have to order take out pizza!
Case in point, I found this recipe for Grilling Salt on Garden & Gun. Tried it one time and called my grilling concierge and told him I am sending him some goodness. He loved it and gave some to RJ
These baking pans are over 22 years old. We got them when we got married. Don’t ask for money. Ask for good cooking equipment!
Not the first item you have to get – I still don’t know how to use this fucking thing.
I know that Geranium loves it so it has a shelf to it’s own. Carbunkle Trumpet Says to master a knife, a Saute Pan and a stock pan then when you want to burn money get one of these.
#RoboCares
Gathered Dust Since we got it!

Bottom Line is Try Different Stuff.

Try to cook something other than your normal drunk food.

And if you have a new Kitchen Toy or recipe please don’t be bashful. I love things that are different.

Street Fair Food Fail!

Saturday was Monkey Head Maya’s beauty appointment with Not Yolanda in the UES. Yes my dog is so bougie that she still keeps her regular girl in the Upper East Side even though we live in Brooklyn. I guess she doesn’t want a bun or wear a pork pie hat. Anyway after I drop off Maya I then head down to have a cigar at my old stomping grounds at Cigar Inn.

A couple of hours I am heading back to Brooklyn with a clean and nicely cut dog. Now while I was leaving the Cigar Inn to get the dog I noticed that the First Avenue Street Fair was in full effect. Considering I was a tad hungover from the night before I thought that Geranium and I should come back and walk around. Considering I didn’t have anything planned for the day and I was craving a Pronto Pup and an Italian Sausage sandwich.

I am guessing the Pronto Pup and Sausage guy didn’t get the memo because for 12 square blocks there was none of that to be had. Corn Guy, Arrepa, Gyro and a bunch of other non-fair food tents but What The Fuck First Avenue Festival planners? You going healthy on us?

A Gyro on every corner
Crowd was light too
Cajun Nut Meat…I think I will pass
What the Cornbread Fuck
What did you do? BBQ a shoe?
This one is for you FitzJohn.
Needless to say we high tailed it out of there.

Would it kill a Street Festival to get a Pronto Pup Stand Up here?

One Year Ago Tomorrow – We Lost A Great Traveler

I recall it like it was yesterday. The first text came from GrainbinGirl at like 7:AM (6:AM Memphis Time) then the next came from Pepe. “Anthony Bourdain was gone and by his own hand.” *Disclaimer – I have lost many a good friend and family member by their own hand. This post is not in any way shape or form trying to speak of this horrible disease. Sadly it takes too many good people*

Best Friends

So the loss of Antony Bourdain has bothered me for a while. Now that I have just finished up on a whirlwind tour with Shawna (yeah, I am serious when I use real names) I miss him even more.

Tunisa

For this post I plan on speaking about some of Tony’s quotes that I hold dear to my heart.  His friend Jose Andres said it best in his latest book in the tribute;

To our friend Anthony Bourdain, who spent his life planting seeds

That man put a bunch of seeds in my head and I owe it to him to make them grow and experience some of what he got to see. Let’s be honest….the Cock Sucker had the best life in the world and I am so grateful that I can try to do as much as I can!!! Enough with the chatter. Here are my favorite Bourdain Quotes in no sequential order and some notes;

  • “Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life — and travel — leaves marks on you.” – Loved my trip to a small town in Switzerland. You don’t get the same experience in the larger towns. Here I was just an American who couldn’t speak French and didn’t know I needed to bring a bag.
  • “If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them — wherever you go.”Or if you are 49 years old do this and load up on the ADVIL! I am not going to lie, the travel I did to see Shawna was tough but I look back and loved every minute of it!
  • “The journey is part of the experience — an expression of the seriousness of one’s intent. One doesn’t take the A train to Mecca.”I landed at Heathrow exhausted but figured out the Tube Schedule, walked my ass through the rain and got to the hotel. I could have wimped out and paid a King’s Ransom for a Black Car but what is the point if you aren’t going to see and experience Rush Hour into London on a Friday?
  • “I’m a big believer in winging it. I’m also a big believer that you are never going to find perfect city travel experience or the perfect meal without a constant willingness to experience a bad one. Letting the happy accident happen is what a lot of vacation itineraries miss, I think, and I’m always trying to push people to allow those things to happen rather than stick to some rigid itinerary.”This was 100% Barcelona! I only had a list from The Notorious NFG but it was going to be a total wing it. I love that town. I want to go back and I want to go back now.  
  • “Drink heavily with locals whenever possible.”No Comment
  • “You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.” – Loved our visit with English Mike & Ellie as well as our visit with The Tour Agent and Curly Sue in Switzerland. I know that our paths will cross again and when it does. I plan on picking up from where we left off.
  • “Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”It is very well documented that I smoke cigars, drink alcohol on occasion, and need a cholesterol pill. Sure, I try to keep myself leaning towards the cleaner side of life but what’s the point of living if you can’t slide down butt naked on a sheet of ice. Yes, I ordered the damn goose liver and I loved it!
  • “I learned a long time ago that trying to micromanage the perfect vacation is always a disaster. That leads to terrible times.”I am hoping she never reads this but I so disagree with Z-Squared and her guerrilla vacation tactics. I love her to death and will be that “3AM phone call guy to come bury a body” guy but I can’t vacation with her. Let that shit roll off the back.

And will I finish with this one. I will always have the deepest respect and love for Ernie and Lynn Mellor for giving an out of work carnie a job.

  • “Barbecue may not be the road to world peace, but it’s a start.” – Nothing is better than standing over a hot smoker busting balls and or discussing life. I am always appreciate of the visits with the Asian Fireman in Woodlawn.

So, if you have not figured out by my already 900 words this is telling you to go out and explore. It doesn’t have to be in a different country. It can be in a different part of your home town.

All you have to do is be friendly, be respectful and always be humble.

How cool would it be if you were having a lunch on this beach?

Rest in peace Tony. I am still pissed I didn’t get to drink with you at Billy Mark but that is more for a selfish reason.

To honor you I will try to see as much of this world as you did.

Pictures of the Week on Thursday…

Got something special for Friday.

Got the whole house to myself while Geranium was getting her hairs did.
Fried some Polenta for Dinner one night.
She is cute. She is half Cubano and she can call me at 3AM and just say “I need you at X interstation but bring a shovel and some visqueen and maybe a mop”
Their parents still don’t talk to me.
Someone just got divorced in this pic.
Wearing this next week!
Monkey Head sees this and she freaks out.
My neighbor on the 38th floor sucks.

Can We Have This Brownstone?

My Russian Brother from another mother decided that he wanted to sell his current house and move to the non Italian side of Staten Island. While I can’t wait to break in his new backyard with a proper Memphis BBQ I am going to have to wait a couple weeks till he closes on the new home. That being said, this weekend we decided to go forth and find some plants for our windowsill.

While we were walking back from the flower shop we stumbled upon this beautiful brownstone on State Street not too far from our place. Anybody want to go in halvesies?

Steps away from the 4/5 and 2/3 Train Stop.
First Floor we could have the communal sharing with kitchen and living room and dining room.
Second Floor someone can have the entire floor
Third Floor someone can have the entire floor
We could Air BnB the apartment in the basement to pay for the beer
Yeah there is traffic but think about it!
How cool is that outdoor upper Terrace?
I wanted to get this for Geranium but we went for variety
We need a water feature for our apartment

Taco girl I bet it costs a little more to heat and cool than the Taco Hut. Oh and by the way, I give the plants 3 weeks before we are getting new ones.

A Trip to Clawdaddy in Brooklyn

When we were out an about we happened upon a restaurant that was nearby our apartment. The menu was cajun and offered some different boils of Shrimp, Crawfish, Lobster and even some clams and shellfish. On Sunday after Geranium got her hair did we decided to swing by and give them a try. The bar is nice and they offer Beer and Wine and have a good happy hour.

The bar has the “Adult Capri Sun” that is now the rage up here. The problem is to fill them is a pain in the ass. They also offer a drink called Soju which is a Korean drink that smells of battery acid. We were offered a taste and it is smooth like vodka but has a Sake finish. We enjoyed some oysters and fried pickles before heading home.

Errrboddy loves them Adult Capri Suns
Why can’t I come up with something like this?
Soju Flight – They have the jars on the back bar with the fruit being infused
Yes they burned the Clams on purpose. The person who ordered them is from Trinidad and they come out smoking hot. He then pours hot sauce on them and I have to say. That is some serious heat and your eyes will water. I declined an offer of one of them.
And for those who are keeping score they don’t have Bud Light so I drank a lovely Montauk Summer Ale.

Got to love having drinks in our hood.

Best of Luck to The Second Generation Italian Society

Due to Geranium wanting to travel all the time we will not be able to attend this years Italian Festival in beautiful Crime-Free Marquette Park. We had talked of going but she was not scheduled to be back in New York until late Friday night. The team has been together for I want to say 27 years and the festival is celebrating 30 years as the main fundraiser for Holy Rosary Church and School.

Good Luck Guys!

Stolen from GrainBin Girl
Ah the year that Geranium (who does not look happy right now) and I squared off on who makes a better Gravy
I hear that it isn’t supposed to Rain this year. That is great considering it rained every other fucking year!
Ahh the Full Week In Europe or Knee Surgery for Monkey Head Maddy. I was prepping the Gravy to serve to the masses at the house and she was laid up cripple.
Oh there is no rain, bring your flip flops guys.

Let me know if you need more Paper Towels, Trash Bags or Red Solo Cups!

It’s Friday Bitches!!!!!!! We Made It!

To my 7 out of 15 readers who are not from Memphis; there is a DJ in Memphis who would scream her battle cry “Its Friday Bitches!” on Fridays when she opened her show. Naturally “The Lady Killer’s” best buddy, Christopher Blaine Jarman would bring it down a notch and just say “It’s Friday Snitches” because he was the afternoon guy and he knew that kids were in the cars at that time. Shout out to the Jar!

I have had a couple of people ask me what the hell is going on since I have been on a Blog writing tear lately. What can I say, when Geranium is back in town the world revolves better. Thank you to all of you who commented on my Say No To The Bag/Styrofoam post because that has been on my mind for a couple of days since my return from Switzerland. Actually last night I went down to Target to get a couple of things and naturally I brought my Old Lady Cart and LL Bean bag. The cashier informed me she is required to put scanned items into a bag because it is a security issue. This is going to break TCB’s Mom’s heart but Target is a huge contributor of plastic bag waste. Even though I was putting the bagged items in my buggy the bitch still double bagged it. I counted 16 plastic bags after I got home. They got to do better!

Anyway here are some pictures that I have taken for the past 3 weeks.

Prayers for the Repose of the Soul of James “Jimmy” Farrell a classmate of mine. He was the type of a person who would give you the shirt off of his back. 49 years old is just scratching the surface and prayers to his family and also to the Class of 1988. Honestly, I am most sad that I was not able to attend our reunion last year and get to see him. To be around him was a good thing. Sadly It seems like we have been losing a classmate every 6 months.

Jimmy, I will see you on the back nine or at Buckley’s Bar on Poplar and I appreciate all that you have done for the reunions. Nobody can ever replace your spirit.

Saint John Baptist de La Salle…..Pray for us.
Recall when I said that Cooking For One Person SUCKS? I broke out some stale French bread that Geranium and I didn’t eat so I made some Catalonian Tomato Bread this week. I hate messing up the kitchen.
We are now in 2 Handkerchief carrying weather. One is for my sweaty ass and the other is always for a lady that may need one. Is this something that a 90 year old Southern Gentlemen would do? I think so.
Wait till Tay-Tay or Anna Copacabana is at The Double Decker Tourist Tour Bus Ticket Sales office and needs a napkin. #RoboCares
Not a Molatov Coctail – Vodka Soda and Tea in a Light Bulb!
Speaking of Vodka Soda or Tonic…..
Don’t give me shit about my hat…I like my Silence of the Lamb’s Hannibal Lecter Hat. Wait till I wear this thing in the UES!
Insert Chelsea Handler Nugget Food Joke here
The fiscal year ends today at midnight. Everyone has been blowing out vacation since we can’t carry it over. I haven’t done shit this week.

Have a good weekend Folks.