Bless Your Heart

Dude, where have you been? Pics on a Humpday!

It is either Feast or Famine. I am ‘En Fuego” or I ‘Suck Cock’ according to A4532 (I am kind of excited I have hate/fan mail from the same person) Shout out to you A4532! Anyway here are some mid week pictures for you. And naturally thanks for reading this worthless dribble.

IMG_1763So we sell a 3 pack of 2X5’s here up here. Why didn’t I realize this sooner?

IMG_1767Yo Chef! How about some love when we try to get a table at your joint on W51st street? *Mrs. Trumpet was very happy about this picture in that this was the first time she saw Eric Ripert in the UES*

IMG_1725A ‘Southern Grocery? Tell me more son.

IMG_1724It may not work up here. I get beat up all the time when I say these phrases. Good Luck buddy!

IMG_1730See the red border pic? We now have 2 portraits behind the bars of fine establishments now.

IMG_1742Is that Mother Fucker wearing Tennis Shoes on his morning commute? F you dude!

IMG_1780This was the 3rd train that I stood online waiting to ‘try’ to get onboard. And this was a Tuesday. #CBTwaslatetowork #Andfuckingpissed #Twitterwasablaze

IMG_1789Shout out to LZ for making me ‘drink on the street’ this past Friday. If you look up in the middle of this pic you can see a half ball to the right of the building. That is the New Years Eve Ball for 2018. And Just think we only have 3 more years till Trump is gone!

Oh and “A4532: do me a favor….Go Fuck Yourself! Don’t make me Michael Rapaport ‘Shame” you…..You Dumb Motherfucker!

Happy Wednesday!

 

 

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The Mother of all Eye-Talian Festivals – San Gennaro Festival

Go ahead and make your snide comment why don’t you. I get it all the time; You look Irish, sound like you are from Texas but you have vowel at the end of your last name so you are Eye-Talian? If you are a New York Italian and grew up here you probably have a San Gennaro Festival story of some sort. Even with the shrinking Little Italy this festival is everything that you dream about.

The festival is a celebration of Faith to the Patron Saint of Naples, Italy and is a festive atmosphere with tons of food, and religions processions. It also is a fundraiser for the Figli di San Gennaro the not for profit organization that gives  to neighborhood schools, parishes and other charities. TRANSATION – You eat and drink a little too much but it is ok because it helps the kids, capiche?

Mrs. Trumpet and I headed down there on Saturday afternoon after my trip to the grocery store and as expected, it was asshole to elbow. The main part of the festival is on Mulberry street so the local businesses and restaurants put out tents to allow patrons to purchase food or drink. With the tents and the people, it is mobbed (see what I did there KLC Man and RMT?)  so we ducked into a local bar on Spring street to have a rest and beer. Oh and yes, I tried a couple dishes and even Mrs. Trumpet got her a corn dog that unfortunately, wasn’t very good. A good time was had by all!

IMG_1721But before we start with the pictures, let’s take a selfie like the kids do.

IMG_1710For any Fundraiser you got to have rides for the kids. Thankfully we left the Little Bastid at home so we had beer money instead.

IMG_1711Little Man riding the Jumping Star was a hoot, he was having the best time and was commanding a good audience too!

IMG_1712The Bracciole they make up here isn’t like I was used to from the Giovanni’s days.

IMG_1713Trust me when I say it was way more crowded than this picture lets on.

IMG_1714Toasted Rav – I have had better but hey one has to eat something right?

IMG_1716I bet that you can get a decent line on the Notre Dame game in here.

IMG_1717You get a free pass if you drink at a Church event.

IMG_1719We were in search of a clean bathroom and cold beer

IMG_1718No it isn’t a Bud Light, you have to go Native down in Little Italy and have a Peroni

IMG_1723No Jackass we aren’t taking a pic of you, we are taking a pic of the meat in tube form on a stick.

IMG_1722S/O to my work Wife

IMG_1726Since we were good and gave to the church we decided to head over to Milano’s Bar on Houston Street for some Bud Light. That and “I know a guy” who used to own it too!

IMG_1728Classic New York drink – Beer and a shot

Not a bad way to spend a Saturday

 

 

Drinks on the Water – Sunday Funday Pictures

Two Sundays back the Murphranks, the Work Wife, EA, Mrs. Trumpet and I decided to take advantage of a nice day and went down to Pier A in Battery Park. The weather was classic and here are some pics from our trip.

IMG_1434Found this Gem at Stone and Broad down in the Financial District.

IMG_1437Shout out to my favorite Coors Light Drinker!

IMG_1439Here is when Mr. 3 First Names started spewing hate – I reminded him that Staten Island had it’s own Ferry.

IMG_1436The Statue of Liberty

IMG_1440The Sunset was spectacular that Sunday

IMG_1441It doesn’t Suck down here

IMG_1442The Statue at Sunset

IMG_1443Ellis Island at sunset

How was your Sunday Funday?

 

Pictures from the Week

These pics are in no particular order. Have a good weekend.

IMG_1449Why Hello Jeffrey the Husband of Barefoot Contessa. Yep Grainbin Girl is now really going to hate me!

IMG_1400So when you don’t wash your hair for at least a year this is what happens to you.

IMG_1457I am so with this! They did it to me and I couldn’t walk for a year!

IMG_1414I bet that this would be great at the Board Meetings in South Bluffs

IMG_1408Picked up a 36’r for the trip home from the Bronx.

Have a good weekend folks. Be nice to each other!

The 40th Dead Elvis Week

I was with one of my colleagues yesterday and he glanced at my personal iFoam and asked who the guy in the funny glasses was. I literally stopped in the middle of 5th avenue to ask them if he were joking because one does not mock “The King”. They didn’t know and I really felt sorry for this person because not only did he not know who Elvis was he didn’t realize that today starts Dead Elvis Week. I explained to my friend about all of the pilgrims and the ETA’s (Elvis Tribute Artist)  and that they prefer that term instead of Elvis Impersonator. I explained about the ETA’s that come from all over the world from El Vez, to Indian (dot not feather) Elvis and everywhere in between.

So welcome to Memphis my fellow Pilgrams, Save travels to Georgia Peach  as she makes her way to Memphis today and hopefully it won’t be hotter than 2 rats fucking in a wool sock hot next week.

IMG_1417My Jam on the Q train the other day!

IMG_1421Happy Anniversary to my Bar Wife/soon to be Bar Wife MILF.

IMG_1422One of the better pics I took at Graceland many moons and pounds ago!

11888084_10153739786199928_7891063820881814216_nWho doesn’t love Midget Elvis. And yes I will be wearing my TCB ring next week too!

Elvis has left the Building!

 

Memphis and MiniBar

So Memphis got Minibar Booze Delivery Service, if I may please issue a word of caution to my 10 readers from the Bluff City.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not a professional on delivery services. I still drop off and fetch my dry cleaning. I still do my own washing of clothes in the communal washing room (stop yelling LZ). I still go down to the corner produce stand and pick out my tomatoes but the rest…I let ‘my guy’ handle the heavy lifting. Here are the top 10 rules for Booze and Food Delivery in my humble opinion;

  1. If you are ordering for a booze/beer delivery to a pool party you may want to re-think this. Fireball, the comment “Hey Y’all watch this” and deep water don’t always mix.
  2. Uber Eats is a great service but do you really need someone to bring you 30 dollars of Taco Bell?
  3. If you only order a 6 pack of Bud Light and a slim Jim then we can’t be friends. No seriously, get the fuck off this page. We are done.
  4. Yes the prices are going to be higher than what Josh at Busters or Dan at Arthurs can offer you but you have someone bringing your hooch to your front door. Get your lazy ass up if you are just going to bitch about it. We (not so much me but the knuckle heads at the Cigar Inn) order high end bottles of scotch and bourbon all the time while we are enjoying a cigar. The rule is simple – If you have to ask the price then you can’t afford it.
  5. Tip the Dude and if he knows your house number by your order then you may have a problem.
  6. Seriously if you have your booze/food delivery guy’s cell number programed in your phone you may want to get out a little bit more and stretch your legs.
  7. Don’t bitch if it is raining or there is an event downtown (for my downtown readers) and dude is late. Don’t be that guy.
  8. For you females/soccer moms – If you have more than 2 Rose deliveries to a ‘house party’ in one day then you may want to get a case.
  9. Same goes for Sangria and Chips & Salsa.
  10. Enjoy your newest additional service in your quest to never leave the house. But it wouldn’t hurt to get out every once in a while and get some exercise or off the couch.

And no I am not looking at you Grainbin Girl, Theo’s Momma or even you Bender. Well yes I am going to judge you RAB if you can’t stumble down the alley to get your brown water.

#CarbunkleCares

If it is on the Internet then it must be true

I have had a couple of my readers call me out and say I was full of shit regarding the Cross Dressing Jogger from my SWINGING POST earlier this week. First of all, I am not full of shit (stop laughing), I am always sincere (I said stop laughing) when I post things on the worthless dribble of a blog. (I will wait for you to go clean up your screen on your monitor or tablet b/c you blew coffee all over the screen.) Yesterday when Mrs. Trumpet and I were returning from having a drink going to church I asked Bobby the Doorman if the cross dressing jogger had been by yet. He said no but it was very close in the hour for him to jog by in his boudoir attire and running shoes. And you wonder why the doormen in our building love it when I come walking up, you don’t know what you are going to get.

We were speaking with one of the other doormen (Bobby’s English is so-so) and Freddy was telling us the cross dressing jogger’s story. “Elegant” Elliot Offen was a regular on the Howard Stern show till he got banned from the Sirius building in 2006 for punching a hole in the wall. He lives up in the Upper East Side and prefers to jog in attire that is traditionally not associated with road races. He has been known to be somewhat abrasive and has yelled at people while jogging. This sadly has also led to a couple of altercations with people and naturally the media calls it a hate crime. Freddy also told me that he speaks to Elliot from time to time and he is a stand up guy. Granted Freddy and I do admit that that Elliot’s outfit are on the racy for a reason. Hey everybody has got to work out don’t they?

IMG_1350You go Elegant Elliot! You go on with your bad self in your red satin nightie, green gloves, black elbow sleeves and eye black. Its a jungle out there on the streets of the Upper East Side.

Now before anyone starts dialing me up saying that I am casting aspersions on cross dressing or anything like that let me stop you right now. I love that I live in a city that if you want to put on an outfit like Elliot and it doesn’t break any laws or civil codes then by all means have at it. As long as he or anyone for that matter goes about their day and isn’t vulgar or offensive to young children then go get you some. Personally I have to give Elegant Elliot props;

  1. He is jogging in the worst part of the day when there are all kinds of heat advisories going on.
  2. The long hair in this humidity, I would be wearing that shit in a pony tail if I were in his Nikes.
  3. His choice of clothing may be considered strange but I bet he will be singing a different tune if he is wearing the associated crotch-less undergarments with that red teddy. Talk about some swamp ass!

I hope you have a good day and have a good weekend.

 The Great Philly Smoke Out

BBQ – The art of cooking meat via indirect heat and smoked wood
Grilling – The art of cooking meat via direct heat over an open flame.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way….again! Let me tell you about a great weekend we had in Glenside. You recall the BOOGIE DOWN BBQ we had last year? Well this year we headed to Philly for the similar event. The Memphis, Atlanta and Ft. Lauderdale contingent all represented well and naturally I hitched a ride with the Asian Fireman from New York. The menu was Pulled Pork, Ribs, Beef Brisket, and Beef Ribs along with some great sides and drink.

It was great seeing everyone and to see how all of the kids have grown. We all know that the adults have grown…..out and it was great to catch up with everyone.

IMG_1323Trimming the Pork Butts

IMG_1318Working on the Ribs

IMG_1319The Scraps Pan – That will get thrown away! Sorry LB’s Momma

IMG_1330Oh get used to a lot of uncomfortable things there Asian Fireman!

IMG_1325Beef Ribs waiting to get juiced and covered

IMG_1336Good Thing that Lisa Marie is only in 6 inch deep water – No Lifeguard on Duty

IMG_1338And that is when it went downhill – The Kona Ice Slushie Cart

IMG_1322All shined up and ready to cook!

Good to see everyone!

You mean Pink Flamingo’s signal what?

I admit it openly, I am pretty naïve when it comes to a lot of stuff. Moving up here we have seen things that you quickly learn goes unfazed to a lot of New Yorkers. Case in point the cross dressing jogger of First Avenue. At first, it raised an eyebrow when Mrs. Trumpet and I were heading to our local drinking establishment. Now we worry if we don’t see her jogging in their slinky black dress and running shoes each day. You think that I am bullshitting you? Google First Avenue Cross Dressing Jogger! But don’t do it on your work computer. We need you still employed on Thursday.

A couple of weeks back some of our friends were vacationing in the Redneck Riviera well before our arrival. They posted a picture of some pink flamingos that they put into the sand to mark their beach chairs. Naturally since we had a large group heading with us, I visited Amazon and purchased a set (alcohol may or may not have been involved) for our trip. I posted the picture on Instagram and sent a pic on the group thread that a couple of us were on. Then it happened;

“All Signs Point to Yes” shot me a text on the group thread that his daughter informed them that a pink flamingo was the tale tail sign of swingers and we should watch out. Naturally I called crap and decided to GTS that to confirm. I mean Google is the official Non Fake News outlook of 47 year old men who have been married for 20 years. Sure enough there it was in black and white on my iFoam. “You may be a swinger if you have Flamingos in your front yard, white rocks around your mailbox, a black band on your right hand and some other things.” I passed it off and we kept on putting up the lawn art each morning so that our niece and nephews could find our beach chairs and we didn’t have any incidents. Sorry to disappoint our readers but we didn’t get propositioned but we did get some strange looks. You ever seen a beached whale under a beach umbrella chain smoking cigars? You get my drift.

IMG_1309I mean does this look like the face of a Swinger? Hell I just got enough money to afford those extra chins.

IMG_1277Can’t believe that someone put a Bud Light by our beach chair. The nerve of people!

IMG_1293Day 2 and from my vantage point under the umbrella all was good.

flamingoI promise that a bead of sweat rolled down my face when I started typing in “Are Flamingo’s the sign of a swinger?”

gnomeBut you know what also showed up as the sign of a swinger? Garden Gnomes! Be careful you swingers in Memphis. Exposure to RJ may result in pregnancy. AS – now feel free to judge me!

Keep it light folks and I hope you enjoyed the laugh!

Pictures from the Week – Redneck Riviera Style!

I have one more thing to say about this pasts week trip but I am behind the 8 ball and heading to Philly for the annual Northeast BBQ extravaganza. We missed the Philly Boogie Down 2 years ago because “we were busy packing for our move to New York City!” *that still feels weird typing that*

Anyway have a good weekend, wish me luck. I am going to be drinking with my boy RJ. If we get him juiced like a Ferrari we may find someone to perform that vasectomy this weekend.

IMG_1266Friday night before we left for LA we went to the Cyclones game

IMG_1269The Park out on Coney Island is nice

IMG_1278You can’t beat the beaches on OBA

IMG_1282No I didn’t take this pic to be a perv (I made Mrs. Trumpet take it) these girls came out at sunset for the perfect light and spent 45 minutes taking selfies and snapchats. Naturally I photobombed one of them and they wanted my Instagram handle. I declined because I didn’t want to be a hashtag. #creepyolddrunkguy

IMG_1287These guys took 1:45 to set up everything. I timed them as I smoked my morning cigar.

IMG_1292Want to make a 9yo talk to you. Take their picture, post it on Instagram and then they will ask you how many likes they got. *do me a favor, find this pic in my Instagram feed and like it would you? L(squared) will get a kick out of it if we top 100

IMG_1297J-Bob – “How Many Cigars you going to smoke Uncle CBT?”
Me – “How many times you going to ask me stupid questions kid?”

IMG_1259Kitty came in town before we left out and we got to spend some time with her.

IMG_1303If you look above the “R” in Pershing you see the blonde in the red top? UWS Holly was trying to play Paparazzi on the sunset. I saw it and texted it to her. I told her that this is what happens when you venture on the east side of 5th Avenue.

Have a good weekend and we will see you on Monday.