CBT a Hockey Fan?

I have to come clean to my Memphis Readers

*Fade in to a large room with people sitting on folding chairs in a circle*
“Hello, my name is Carbunkle Trumpet and I am now a New York Rangers Hockey Fan.”
“Hello Carbunkle Trumpet!”

I guess I am going to have to call my mother and father and break the news to them that their first born has officially turned. I hope my dad takes it gently. I know that he had high hopes for me. My Mother, she will be devastated. For you 9 readers, this is what happens to Memphis Grizzlies fans when they get bounced from the first round of the playoffs.

Lets go back to when the Hockey bug started in me. It was back two January’s ago when I attended my first Hockey Game in MSG and it was AMAZING! Then I started to watch the games periodically when I was hanging with the boys at the Cigar Inn. This winter, I would find myself at the Cigar joint when the Rangers were on and I started to watch it out of the corner of my eye. Doc would sit in front of the big screen and would add commentary and I would pick up a couple of pointers. 

Then I started following @NYRangers on Twitter and picked up more useless information. Next thing I knew what icing was (I thought it was the stuff on a cake) and even recognized offsides. When the Grizzlies were playing the Spurs we noticed that when the Grizz were on the same night as the Rangers they both won. I even had the boys put the Grizz game on one of the smaller TV’s (if the Mets or Yankees were off) and started getting some traction on my claim of double wins.

The Grizz were eliminated and Tuesday night I was sitting at the Cigar Inn and started to realize that I was into it. I really was starting to recognize shots on goals, line changes, dirty plays and even power plays. It came to me last night when I was sitting there and even knew what time the game started,  who the Rangers were playing and who was leading the series. When Oscar Lindberg scored the second goal in the second period I yelled out in jubilation. My friend Alex was quick to bust my chops;
“Oh you are a Rangers fan now? I don’t know if I can stomach someone with a Southern accent cheering for a New York team. Knock that shit off!”

So there you go. The series is tied up and we head back to Ottawa (don’t ask me where the F that is) for Game 5. I may paint my chest this Saturday. Just make sure someone checks on my folks. They are probably grieving that their son has turned to the dark side.

IMG_0706Getting ready for Game 3

Anne-Burrell-Attending-the-New-York-Rangers-Game--03-300x420I can’t believe that I am cheering for the same team as she is. I am sure that Grainbin Girl is spitting her coffee out right now.

5rJUyyNz_400x400How sweet will it be when I text Pucci asking her “Who has the Cup?” when the Blue Shirts win Lord Stanley’s Cup but I fear that “Costa Reaper” may disown me for not cheering for his Left Coast Team.

IMG_0765I even have Fecking Gear now! This won’t bode well with my Memphis Buddies…..at all!

Memphis Parents, start paying attention to what your kids are watching. There may still be hope for them.

In the Meantime – LETS GO RANGERS!!!!!!!!

 

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Surviving the Snow and Ice in NYC

When we got home from Loser Lounge Friday night it was well after midnight. We were supposed to have some snow but didn’t see one flake. Come to think about it, we took the subway home and it was pretty quiet at that hour so we didn’t see many people. #seewhatIdidthereKLCMan It was around 7AM the next morning when white dog decided it was time for me to take her ass downstairs to let her pee and poop. I glanced out the window and noticed the roof on the building on E72nd was snow covered. In my mind it was “CRAP! Now I have to go find my snow boots” because I hadn’t broken those suckers out since last years snow. After about 20 minutes of finding every dust bunny in Manhattan that was hiding in the back of my closet, I locate my Bog Snow Boots.

I harness up the dogs and naturally Red Dog wanted no part of this but it wasn’t because of the snow, it was because we were met with freezing rain. I don’t blame her because it fecking sucked. I get the dogs to pee and poop, pick them up to save time and notice a woman tip toeing down the street. She was trying to avoid the ice slush puddles and snow piles because she wasn’t wearing snow boots but ballet flats. I make my way to the front door and see a guy doing the same type of dance and he is wearing Chuck Taylor canvas tennis shoes. I am thinking to myself “don’t these jackasses know any better?”

Later in the day I head down the street to get my laundry and we now have a full slush on the streets while the sidewalk is clear. You see it is a NYC law that you have to clean your sidewalk after a snow. If not you could get a fine or worse some jackass suing you because you had ice and they fell. People were still not adhering to the ‘bring out your snow boots’ rule and were wearing tennis shoes and more low profile shoes. You get to the curb cuts and people would ‘think’ that the snow was fine and step on it but would be met with an icey slush under the snow and curse words would naturally ensue. And you feckers make fun of my accent but look at me in my knee high snow boots. Don’t you know that I used to work for Memphis in May?

img_0040Oh it is so pretty. I would rather look at the beach than this cold ish

img_0039East 71st Street

img_0038Maddy is not happy at all. She is ‘low profile’ so her underside gets cold and icy.

img_0043-2By the afternoon it was icy slush on the street to the side of just wet

img_0044In Memphis they would shut down the city because of this.

img_0045Oh let me “Bruce Jenner” jump over this slush. See those footprints on the left side that look like tennis shoe marks? The dumbass a block up found out that it was an icy slush below and was not happy.

img_0042This is how you can tell if you need snow or rain boots in our building. See if there are any shoes or umbrellas drying outside of an apartment.

_9994356Don’t be that guy, just get you a good pair of snow boots. Maria told me that rule right after Labor day when it turned cold.

So the next time you hear they have forecasted snow, do yourself a favor and get you some decent warm snow boots to navigate the city streets. #CarbunkleCares

Whats a Grizz fan living in NYC to do?

You have heard my struggles this past fall during football season. I can report that the majority of New Yorkers really don’t give two shits about college football. Now I have met UConn fans (not sure how far of a road trip that is from NYC) Rutgers fans (think that is in New Jersey) and we even shared a Metro North with Fordham fans (snicker, snicker). However, watching College Football on the TV on a Saturday in NYC is nothing like it is in Memphis. The rule traditionally is (or it is at the Cigar Inn) that Professional sports trumps college football and then if there is nothing on then they will show a team that is near NYC. I have watched a couple UMass Football games this year and have given up asking to change it to watch an SEC game. Sure I could go down to one of the bars that is labeled “Official NAME OF COLLGE bar” but those bars are kind of expensive. Translation….I love my Hogs but drinking $8.00 Bud light to dull the pain can get expensive. That and we are normally busy on the weekend so maybe next year Hogs. 

Now that we are in the doldrums of the winter NBA basketball and Hockey are the sport of kings up here. Mrs. Trumpet and I got pretty addicted watching the Memphis Grizzlies when we lived downtown and if this move to NYC didn’t occur our arses  probably would be sitting in Fed Ex Forum as season ticket holders. At the start of the season we found that our Max’s Sport Bar of the UES, Iggy’s, would put the Grizz game on for us but that is 82 games.  We then feared for our livers because watching those many games in a bar can get VERY expensive. Add to that I recalled a couple of times during football season that Max would have some wildcard off the wall football game on a TV. We would inquire he informed us that some guy called and wanted to watch his beloved Slippery Rock football. We would then look at him muttering “bless your heart” so we didn’t want to be ‘those guys’ up here.  Heck we even tried that Memphis Grizzlies bar that was featured in the Commercial Appeal that is in the East Village and that turned out to be a bust. 

So what were two Grizz fans going to do? We ended up getting the NBA League Pass. That way we can sit on the couch with the dogs curse Tuohy, make fun of Rob Fischer’s outfits and listen to Memphis commercials. It was a win-win for us, or at least we thought so. The Grizz aren’t doing that well and my mantra turned into “If I wanted to watch a shitty basketball team, I could watch the Knicks for free!” Oh well at least it keeps us off the street and from watching black-market videos from Asian Video hawkers. But let’s don’t forget that I am now a hockey fan so who knows I may start painting my face!

IMG_0139Wore this to work today and everyone in the office said that the color looked good with my jacket.

IMG_0141Tonight the Grizz minus some key players take on The Rockets

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When I want people to feel sorry for me and let me sit when on the subway because I am ‘special’ I wear my Grizz gear. I would wear Bama Football Gear but they may mistake me for sleeping with my family and that I got the shirt at Walmart.

Oh that was cold weather for you Yankees, I have had it worse.

Do me a favor, if I die from a snowplow incident, make sure someone comes along and deletes this blog post because it was apparent that I tempted fate one too many times. Anyway kudos to me as I achieved my “Southerner living in Sub Artic Temp” badge as 17 degrees with a wind that can cut you to the bone wasn’t pleasant but I survived. Sure I must give a huge shout out to Under Armor Winter Gear, all of those wool animals who died to keep my arse warm and North Face for some warm gloves. I bopped around the Garment District all day yesterday with two reps and as one of the reps whose parents live in Minnesota said to me; “This time of the year we wear sleeping bags” and was she right.

So what did a kid who only read about frigid temp in the news do to celebrate his first Yankee Milestone? Head to Madison Square Garden to watch the New York Rangers Hockey Team play the Dallas Stars! My first NHL Hockey contest game competition match, I was excited! Now I will have to come full disclosure; thanks to my employer, we were able to enjoy one of the luxury suites, closed circuit TV’s, great buffet, ice cold drinks and a in-suite bathroom. Did it bother me that the suite was larger than my apartment? Dude it Madison Square M’Effin Garden, who cares! The sporting contest (still don’t know if I call it a match or game) was great and the Rangers smoked the Stars 6 to 2, I actually learned what offside was, and that high sticking is considered bad. Just You Wait till I paint my face ala Puddy next time. “Gotta Support The Team, Let Them Know You Are Out There!”

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Got to Love the Graphics they put on the ice during intermission and Pre-Game!

IMG_0097My Ice Hockey Translator – “No CBT you don’t call the Hogs before the drop of the puck!”

IMG_0100

Before a Face off – “Pick up your bottom Jaws you hockey followers”

IMG_0098I couldn’t name one player but there is always next time

IMG_01026-2 is good right? You said this was a low scoring game…

IMG_0104Everybody gets laid!

Wait till I take Mrs. Trumpet to one of these games, she will love it!