CBT in NYC

Scenes from West 37th

So I have found the perfect time to enjoy a cigar. No sadly we are not allowed to smoke on our balconies as I don’t want to be a bad neighbor. The Cigar Inn is still on lock-down but thankfully is now open for Take-Away orders. I have been relegated to smoking on the street.

This perfect time is in the morning as the grocery deliveries are coming in to Brooklyn Fare and the traffic on the sidewalk is pretty much quiet. Sadly we don’t get to see any Walk-O-Shame’s but the owners of the dogs pretty much have adapted to the “I don’t give a F” and will wear whatever I want when walking their dogs.

This dude comes in every day raising hell because people park in front of his active driveway. I keep telling Viktor that I will keep it clear if he lets me store my shit in his warehouse.
The bright Murals are the supports for the overpass. There is also a NJT staging area for the Port Authority.
95 degrees today and we have a Midtown Uniform Wearer!
So when I see people walking on the sidewalk because I am not wearing a mask (kinda hard to smoke with a mask on) I give them the courtesy of going into the street to let them pass. Especially the older folks, you can see it in their eyes that they are cognizant that you are not wearing a mask.
I stand a lot over here between the parked cars and the street. So far nobody has accused me of casing cars.
Speaking of Cars, My man here spends like 30 minutes each day cleaning the rims and getting it ‘tight’ for his drive.
Mother Efffer where you going to hit golf balls?
Parking gets interesting when all the vendors show up at the same time.
Wonder why I have to stay 25 feet away from him? Note he is blocking the Driveway. Hope that Viktor doesn’t show up anytime soon.

Have a good weekend.

What Neighborhood Do You Live in Again?

There is a common misconception about the neighborhoods here in York. People think that these neighborhoods are huge when some can only be a city block.

UES, UWS, FiDi, SoHo, these are all well known neighborhoods on Manhattan. When I would tell people I lived in the UES which is true but we were actually living in the Lennox Hill neighborhood. Do you actually know where this in Manhattan? So I kept it simple.

When we moved to Downtown Brooklyn it was the same. Where our address was if I walked across the street I was in Boerum Hill, I cross Flatbush and I was in Fort Greene, two blocks away and I was in Cobble Hill.

So here in Manhattan we have the same neighborhood shrinkage. The Diamond District is only a long block long. The Flower District is maybe a short block long. Little Italy is basically one street now.

So when we landed on W37th we were between 9th and 10th avenues. The Leasing agent said we were in Midtown West. That is technically right but if I walk a block West I am in Hudson Yards. I walk one block East and I am the Garment District. The Fire Station that is behind our building boasts they are Hell’s Kitchen’s Finest. Then if I walk 5 South I am in Chelsea.

The Back of our Building from W38th Street
The Apartment that is behind our balcony. Or as DJ Bobby calls it “Its the Led Zeppelin Album Cover”
Every time They Dispatch We Have To Drink!
I have a covered Cigar Smoking Spot

So Maria, what is it? Where the Hell Do we Live and in what neighborhood?

Pictures of the Week and Happy Heavenly 99th Birthday Mama Luz!

Mixed emotions this week folks. My friend San Pedro Scoop spoke about the roller coaster of emotions. We felt them here this week too. We celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary. We got to go into the city and see our new apartment. I spoke with a former colleague and caught up with him on what he is doing.

Ok, enough words folks. Here are the pictures of the week.

Happy Heavenly Birthday to Mama Luz Maria Landrove Soto.
I never met her but she was the mother of one of my friends.
We lost her to COVID-19 in early May right before Mothers Day.
Today would have been her 99th birthday.
I read her obituary that her son sent me and she lived a great life, defected from Cuba at 46, raised her 3 sons and was a huge Yankees Fan.
I draw solace knowing that she is reunited with her husband and that they are dancing and laughing in heaven.
Like I have said many times since we spoke this week – I love you Amigo!
If you have seen my Instagram you have seen me post pictures of the Manhattan Bridge.
We were on it on Monday!
It’s freaking empty!
West Side Highway – I have never seen this! Even at 4AM there are more cars on this.
The Vessel that people take pictures of at Hudson Yards
Front of our new Building and we have a Grocery Store in our Building!
Our Baller View and our Balcony.
The yellow brick is the onramp to the Lincoln Tunnel.
Normally it is bumper to bumper and I am sure the noise is fierce.
We never saw a car on it while we were standing out there.
West 37th Street Looking to Midtown from our Roof Terrace that is OPEN!
Thanks to Viv and Stone for the recommendation on our new Taco Tuesday place.
Hey Tia Chocolate – I went to CrossFit!
And by “went” I mean I walked by it with my Margarita in hand from The Commissioner!
Does this mean my ass and legs will look as good as yours?
Shout out to Peg Leg Porker!

Have a good weekend. Be Safe, Be patient and wear your damn mask.

Lets Take One of The Worst Things Imaginable – Moving! But Let’s Do That Shit in NYC During A Pandemic

Yeah, talk about some crazy stuff but hey, we have already paddled out on the surfboard some 4 3/4 years ago when we moved here. Why not keep the dream alive.

Back Story – When we got the offer and made the decision to move up here almost 5 years ago we sought council from The Murphranks. They both told us that we needed to prioritize the following items;

  • Be as Close to Public Transportation (Subway, Bus, Regional Lite Rail)
  • Avoid at all costs any type of a Pre-War Walk Up
  • I am sure there are more but I those two have burned some good Brain Cells in the short time we have been living here.

First Apartment on First Avenue was a dream now looking back. It was part of the Hospital so we didn’t have to hunt for a place to live and it was another stress item we didn’t have to worry about. It was perfect except for the fact that I had to walk about 15 minutes to and from each day to get the 6 Train at 68/Lexington. I did this for about 17 months and let me tell you it sucked. That all changed when the Q Train opened up on January 1, 2017. Ironically we ran into ole Andrew that morning but I digress.

First Apartment had the following things that we were growing accustomed to and it because a priority;

  • Doorman Building – Not so much to open your door but to know that if the front door didn’t shut behind another resident meant it was a safety/security issue.
  • Package Room – This is a HUGE problem when people BC (Before Covid-19) would have to have signatures on deliveries. People in the Package Room would sign for our shit
  • Elevator Banks that would accommodate the number of residents.
  • Closeness to a Grocery Store – Right Across the Street
  • Closeness to bars – This isn’t so much of a good thing.
  • Laundry in Building – Who wants to schlep stuff

So when Geranium and I decided to move from the UES place we looked at a couple of places or more areas. We decided on Downtown Brooklyn for a couple of reasons as once again our priorities were changing. She was going to be on the road more so I needed more amenities to keep my sanity. I mean we looked at Fidi (No Grocery Store), Battery Park City (bitch of a walk to one subway line) and Murray Hill (I wasn’t a fan for some reason)

What our new priorities were included;

  • Ability to have someone swing by and get keys from the front desk to walk the Monkey Heads and leave keys for our cousin.
  • Subway Options – I had over 16 different lines I could choose from to get into the city.
  • Needed an Outdoor space or place for me to go work in the building.
  • Exercise and Possible instructed classes that we could join.
  • Washer/Dryer in Unit – Well that is now a bonus
  • Roof Terrace and Grilling Pavilions
  • Closeness to Murphranks (yeah we kind of like drinking with you)
  • Ease of getting to all 3 airports for Geranium. She can actually get to EWR, JFK, LGA in about an hour from our location.
  • Bomb Dot Com View of Manhattan – Full disclosure – I signed the lease on this joint before Geranium did because it had a killer view of the Empire State and Manhattan.
  • Then COVID-19 Hit in early March.

So our lease is up in July and the leasing company wanted to know if we wanted to sign a 1 year or 2 year lease. Of course with a nice little additional percentage on the lease. I am not one to shit on people but they wouldn’t let us go month to month so we are off like a Prom Dress. Just so we are clear – the Front Desk and Maintenance Staff – we love each and everyone of you. But the management/ownership company not so much.

So what are our new Priorities and what priority is now been relegated to the bottom of the list you ask? God Bless Geranium because she found us a place on West 39th Between 9/10 Avenues I think in 2 days. The location is considered Midtown West/Hudson Yards as it is nestled north of Chelsea, South of Hells Kitchen and West of The Garment District.

So here are our New COVID-19 priorities now and what doesn’t really matter so much now;

  • Outdoor space – No, it is not so that I can smoke cigars, I don’t think they are allowed on balconies anyway. We need to air out and get sun.
  • Smaller Building/Less Floors/Footprint – They only allow 2 people in our elevator now. We have 3 elevators dedicated to floors 30 – 55 and you do the math. Oh and there are times when the door opens I can see the fear in people’s eyes when I want to enter with Maya. Current wait time is about 10 minutes during peak times. And on the day I am writing this elevator #3 is down….again.
  • Neighborhood Residential Density Footprint – Where we are in Downtown Brooklyn we have tiny sidewalks. We also have tons of residential high rises and the Brownstones from Boerum Hill. Sadly we have to give up the sidewalks to the kids. Where we are going according to Mr. 3 First Names is very quiet.
  • Washer/Dryer in Suite – Absolutely now!
  • Grocery Store/Pharmacy Nearby – We live above the same grocery store I visit once a week 4 blocks away. Haven’t figured out where the CVS is but I am happy about the closness of my grocery store. Having it across the street in the UES was paramount.

Not a Priority at this Time (For obvious reasons)

  • Closeness to the Subways – That’s a big ole nope. The friggin NYSE told their members that they would not be allowed to take public transportation if they were going to be on the floor until a vaccine is created. The New York Stock Exchange folks…..
  • Amenities/Common Space – Yeah why am I going to pay 3% more at our current place to not use it?
  • Nearby Bars/Restaurants – We ain’t going anywhere for a while folks. And any New Yorker is stupid to think we are going back to what it was before. At least till we get some type of handle on this virus.
  • Commute to the office – I am actually now the only rep for the Double Decker Bus Company who lives closest to our office at 37 and 7th Avenue. I ain’t going there….
  • Close to stuff – We are not too far from Penn Station and Madison Square Garden now. Like we will there anytime soon.

I know I rambled but actually I have some folks who are also in the same boat as us and I wanted to verbalize how priorities have shifted for us. We are very excited for this new place. So is Maya, she is so over having to pee at 16 Sycamore Park. Also her boyfriend George is gone because our current building did her mom dirty too..

Back to the isle of Manhattan!

Layout of the new place. Trust me when I say that we have already figured out how to maximize space
Rule Number One – Never buy for the new place but I got my eye on you there Boo!
Never in a million years….
Already head of the game getting boxes.
Now in the top 5 important items.
When we saw him at the Second Avenue Subway opening.
I like the job that Andrew is doing in response to COVID-19 and being the father figure that we need.
I do love that his own brother called him out with that “Double Barrel Shotgun Mounted on the front of his face!” We need to laugh folks.

More to come, more to come.

It’s Friday Folks! Return of the Pictures of the Week

So big news for us here in Downtown Brooklyn. We are moving in June back into the city. We found a place on 37th Street between 9 & 10th. It has a balcony and the layout is much better than this place. We also have a washer dryer and functioning dishwasher. Anyway here are some pictures I have had in my que for a couple weeks.

How many FedEx Trucks can we fit on Schermerhorn?
We getting fancy with our Zoom Calls.
15 Minute Walk to empty ass Times Square
15 Minute Walk to Z(squared)
Is it just me or does all the Avocados make this truck look longer?
Ole Miss Carbunkle Trumpet for the Director Zoom call.
So funny!
Ran into her at Brooklyn Fare. Seriously I did. And she is tiny too!
Morning Sunrise over Queens and Brooklyn
LJZ I may need this as a house warming gift!

Have a good weekend. Who am I kidding, we are staying home and at least we can start packing.

So Who in the Bloody Hell is Cindy V. and or John Robo and why are they still saying these groaner jokes.

If you are not on the book of Face this entry is going to be somewhat of a boring post. You see many moons ago for lent one year I decided that I would give up good jokes and post each day a ‘dad’ joke. A number of years ago my friend Cindy V would also join in and it started as a contest on who could post the worst/groaner jokes. This year we started back on the jokes and then COVID-19 happened and we all had to shelter in place. Traditionally when Easter happens Cindy and I ease up and we stop polluting your timeline with our jokes. Well some of you messaged me and Cindy asking if we would press on. Then a couple of weeks Cindy had to go to the mainland for a couple days at the hospital. Personally I can’t believe that she got a boob job during the middle of a pandemic. But to each his own. While Cindy was away I had some of my friends fill in for her and post on her behalf.

Naturally some of my friends have inquired as to who in the bloody hell is Cindy V? I also have noticed some extra friend requests from people on the island. Since I am going to tag Cindy on this post we both took a question and Answer Survey.

So without Further Adieu I present Tink’s Mom.

Why is she doing Ja Morrant Goggles?

Who are you – Cindy V. a.k.a. Tinker’s mum.
Where were you born – Bournemouth in the UK. Where all have you lived – United Kingdom, Monaco, France, Egypt, Mexico, Belize

How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – 37 – I had to get an alphabetical list up on google. Do you know how many times I got interrupted during that exercise? Where are you currently sheltering in place – North San Pedro, Belize. It’s hot, humid, remote and the power keeps cutting out.

Tell me about your family – The other half is The Commodore (that isn’t his real name even though he thinks it is). I have 2 geriatric monochromatic pets, Molly Polly the most evil old lady dog ever and a fat cat with half a tail called Basil. He was named after my favourite football player, Basile Boli. And a very tall 7.5 year old evil genius child – ask her to do her evil laugh, we’re not joking…. What do you do for a living – A lot. I exhaust my friends and family.

How did you meet Carbunkle Trumpet – Clueless but it probably involves Tacogirl. Most of the trouble in my life involves Tacogirl. Where would you rather be sheltering in place – In a pub.

This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – A quick check in with the family (UK and France) and then off to Asia.
What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – my savings.

What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – My daughter break her wrist really chuffing badly and watching her bravery and resilliance. She is a rock star but man can she scream really loudly. Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Who cares as long as there’s some close to hand.

We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – I watched Tiger King. What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – Fresh artichoke carpaccio made by my brother, in the upper garden next to the pool in Peillon.

Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – My friend D. Feathers (name changed) for giving us non-stop help when we ran dry of booze, when we broke our wrist, when we lacerated our foot (man can I scream really loudly too), when we were forced into another 2 week strict quarantine further to medevac, for bringing us shopping, for forcing her friend into being our gopher and standing in lines when we weren’t allowed to, and the rest, and the rest. She has ordered me to stop saying thank you or she’ll stop helping. Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – It’s too hot for any clothes let alone undies.

Black and white is better when you are chubby.

Who are you – John Robo/Carbunkle Trumpet

Where were you born – Hospital of course….Oh Memphis TN in hospital that is now part of St. Jude Children’s research hospital.

Where all have you lived – Memphis, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Downtown Memphis (It really is two different places) Upper East Side of Manhattan, Downtown Brooklyn and coming in July Hudson Yards back in Manhattan!

How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – Well over 20

Where are you currently sheltering in place – Brooklyn New York. Not the most enviable place given the current environment but I can always now say that I am a New Yorker and I have lived through hell.

Tell me about your family – Wife is Geranium (that isn’t her real name but we go by alias’ here) we have a 7yo dog named Maya and we have an invisible child called “the little bastid” He is 17 and still in the 5th grade

What do you do for a living – I am an out of work stripper who drives the tour bus at Graceland (I am happily employed but I don’t talk business on this media)

How did you meet Cindy (Carbunkle Trumpet) – I think that I virtually met her when her and (Name Deleted) were living together with Molly the dog. They were friends with TacoGirl and (Name Deleted but the same name too) and were featured on her blog. We became friends on FB and then I think the first (in real life) met her when she was working the bar at Pedro’s. I think the bond that brought us together was when Geranium was going through her bump in the road with Breast Cancer. Cindy also was doing a bump in the road and we kind of felt like kindred spirits. When we started the Lenten Jokes it was tongue and cheek. Last year when Notre Dame in Paris burned, I asked Cindy (we were going into Holy Week and that is when I turn my jokes into somewhat tacky Catholic jokes) should we stop or pause. Her comment was “Press on! Churches are old and they burn! We shall Keep Going!”

Now we are going through a Pandemic and coming soon are Murder Hornets – Cindy are we the cause of all this shite?

Ok, now lets have some fun

Where would you rather be sheltering in place – If it were domestically I would say New York but with a bigger place and a place to smoke my cigars – Internationally I (stop it) I would be ok living in a big place in Belize with Cindy, Andrew, Mum and Tink with all of our dogs. At least I could spoil the ever loving shite out of Tink and teach her how to speak southern.

This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – I want to go see the clear canals of Venice before we F them up again.

What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – Sitting in a Dive bar in the East Village and enjoying the smells of stale beer, bleach and urine from the bathroom.

What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – The Last Sunday of Jazz Fest WWOZ played past performances of artists. They re-played Bruce Springsteen when he did Jazz Fest following Hurricane Katrina. Then to double down they played The Neville Brothers  on the Gentility Stage and Aaron Neville sang “Amazing Grace then 3 little birds”.

Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Always Over!

We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – Yes I ironed my sheets and smoked a cigar in the middle of a Nor’Easter

What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – In Paris there is a French Bistro near the Eiffel Tower that has the best French Onion Soup I have ever had. Going there!

This answer is going to be different because thankfully the Pandemic didn’t hurt the Country of Belize as it did US (So Cindy feel free to change it up)  – Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – The frontline healthcare workers and the ones who came to New York to care for us. The ones who have to ride the subways scared to death. The ones who were just as scared as the patients they were caring for. I (and I doubt visitors will ever be allowed in hospitals again) am bringing food, drinks, flowers, bottles of Jameson to each one of them and hugging them and thanking them. I mean this is going to be to the point of Financial Uncomfortableness for me, they and the Police, Sanitation, Delivery Guys, Grocery Store folks, anyone who is Essential you are getting love from Robo! . Then I am going to sit my shrinking ass on the Canyon of Heroes with my Cowbell when we have the biggest Ticker Tape Parade For Them.

Ok So I can’t leave you with a Tear Jerker – Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – You first Cindy!

So I hope you had a good laugh and distraction. Thanks Cindy for playing along.

Jim Valvano’s ESPY Awards Speech

The other day I got on Twitter and Joyce Peterson had tweeted about how a WWII veteran Captain Tom Moore raised millions of dollars for health care workers. He did this by walking around his property before he turned 100. The side story was that he received over 125,000 birthday cards.

I remarked that it was cool and she replied back that it made her tear up. (incidentally I got her approval to post this) but I still don’t understand why Ron Childers is always in her living room.

For whatever reason this made me think of the famous Jim Valvano’s ESPY Speech. One of the guys I used to smoke cigars with when the E73rd location was open played for Coach Valvano when he was at Iona. AM spoke highly of Jim Valvano and this guy is a big ball buster but I always could sense the respect he had for his former coach. Ironically when I looked up the stats on Wikipedia I realized that we lost Jimmy V on April 28, 1993 maybe he is speaking to me and all of us.

So in the speech that he gave on March 4, 1993, and I am going to cut and paste because it this part that is so powerful and I always think we should base our day on this.

Think about that folks, If you can Laugh, you can Think and lastly be Moved to Tears that’s a full day. I look at this now and pretty much that is what we are doing.

Laugh – Naturally there are some days that it is hard to laugh but we push through. Establishing a daily routine or something to escape this madness is helpful. Geranium is always asking when we shut down our laptops at 7PM “So what virtual thing we watching tonight?”

Thinking – We got that one taken care of. Both of our careers have pivoted and now that we are within 4 feet of each other we are fully aware of what we do and what daily issues we encounter. It also is great because I get on the spot coaching as we go through this exercise “We are building this plane as we fly it!” (Geranium Hates that Term) I am not a big fan of “Let’s table this and put it in the garage.”

Crying – Well it looks like Joyce and I got that one down pat. I do say that it is healthy to cry. Don’t dwell on it but its a good way to navigate through this.

AM told me that when Valvano went to recruit him so he walks in to their house on Long Island and tells AM’s mother “I want your son to come play for me and I promise you that I will watch him like a hawk.”

So how are you filling your days during this damned thing? What speech or person inspires you?

I told you I was running out of Material Up here!

I am glad to know that in the middle of a Pandemic the East Village still has their grit!
You keep it funky East Village and the same for you Lower East Side!

Why is he starting out with a picture on his blog today? So that picture above was sent to me by Sweet Melissa the Bama fan who happened to be raised by LSU parents. Yeah, you try to figure that shit out.

I replied back to her – that I wished it was me because the last time I set foot in the borough of Manhattan was 43 days ago. I admit that I try to keep my Subway awareness sharp and repeat the subway stops from say Nevins to say Grand Central in my head. (Nevins, Borough Hall, Bowling Green, Wall, Fulton, Brooklyn Bridge – City Hall, Canal, 14St – Union Sq, Grand Central – 42nd)

This then led into a discussion of how NOLA residents were coping with not having the first week of Jazz Fest. I mean all the food, the culture, and the fun but thankfully WWOZ is streaming Jazz Fest on Alexa. The old neighbor (God I bet her recycling is off the charts right now) was informing us how she now pulls up to grocery stores and they load her groceries in the back of the car and she goes on her merry way. Same for Lowes and Crawfish runs for Sweet Melissa. Welcome to the new norm.

Ok I have tormented them enough. Please notice I didn’t anger the AGM/my old prom date. I don’t need a Pucci Ban right now, I got enough shit on my plate.

So yesterday we didn’t really feel like doing much. I let Geranium sleep in because, well she loves her some sleep. One of our goals during this is that we are trying to reduce our carbon footprint and also conserve food and reduce our waste. Recall that Post about our Fresh Direct FU? So we, on that order, got cut chicken and for some reason we got a head of broccoli.

We decided to make this Broccoli slaw recipe that Geranium makes and we both like. Sadly we needed a red onion, shredded cheese and carrots so we figured we would go this morning since it is shitty weather and yesterday was a nice day and the streets were packed. Yesterday I was taking Maya out and also swinging by Wright & Goebel to get some more rum that I ordered online. I ran into our 38th floor neighbor who was heading out. She asked if we needed anything from Brooklyn Fare so I took her up on getting those 3 items. What can I say, New Yorkers are getting pretty resourceful.

You know if this is going to be the new normal, Geranium and I may think of moving to someplace cheaper and with more square footage.
Melissa said it was great weather yesterday.
I can empathize with her. Geranium and I are craving oysters right now.
Distance from her spot to the fence yep that’s our apartment.
Disclaimer – I actually enjoy looking at peoples yards and pools. I find it therapeutic.
Building is 33% occupied and one of our fucking high rise elevators is on the fritz?
Would someone please return the “Brady Bunch” Hawaiian idol back to its rightful place and end this shit?
I mean really? What in the Actual Fuck?
Love us some K & J on the 38th floor.

So what are your COVID-19 Hacks? I think I have mentioned that I am going stale here.

For Example – I heard if you clean your glasses with white foamy shaving cream it will help prevent them from fogging up. It actually works.

Shoot me a message and I will post them.

And thanks Sweet Melisa for letting me post your pictures. When this is over I am coming there and we are going to drink like its our JOB!

Wednesday is the New Saturday Right?

Man O Man The Murphrank’s, Professor, Bobcat, Homeless Tim, The Asian Fireman and Wife are going to be jealous of this post.

Those previously named are in The Per Se Christmas Dinner invited list that we thankfully make the cut each year. Don’t let the fancy dinner confuse them as all high fancy folk. I mean with the exception of Homeless Tim all of them can crush Bud Light like it is their job. Actually if my memory serves me correctly we did go crush Bud Lights after this past years dinner.

I have mentioned a couple times that we have always been a fan of the Grocery service Fresh Direct. A couple clicks of mouse and BOOM someone is delivering my groceries and doing the heavy lifting. You don’t understand what a pain carrying heavy stuff around without a car is up here. Put it this way grab an 18 pack of beer and a normal grocery store haul and try to walk that shit 8 blocks in a boat tote bag. Yeah, you get the picture.

Prior to COVID-19 we could get a delivery slot for the next day pretty easy. Now days they are sold out for the entire week. This does present a problem but we know a couple life hacks to get around this.

  • Always have a couple things in your shopping cart to meet the minimum order.
  • Make this like your Christmas Wish List – All the Proteins, all the drinks and don’t be shy. You may get shut out because of inventory is so wonky these days.
  • Don’t get all pissy if you get a sub. They are trying as hard as they can and if you are one of those who bitch. Bless. Your. Heart.
  • Check everyday multiple times to see if there are some open time slots. You always take the first available slot you can get and then you keep adding to the order. Typically you can make changes to the order up until 5PM the day before.
  • You Network the Fuck out of this – Maria keeps an eye on it and so do a couple other friends.

So last Saturday Maria shot us a text that Wednesday was wide open and we needed to grab a slot. Geranium was on the laptop and she threw 3 items to make the minimum and would modify that later. She picked Cold Water Lobster Tail, Bottle of Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label and a Ribeye Steak. (who is she trying to fucking impress, its just her, me and dog)

Saturday after I got done with my chores I went in to amend the order and I couldn’t find the order. Geranium has been known to struggle with this but I am well versed in doing this on my iPad. I was able to create an order and also secure a slot on Wednesday (4.22.2020 with a window of 6AM to 8AM) so I wasn’t too worried.

On Tuesday morning we were still messing with the order and Geranium realized that the original order was still showing in there so she zeroed out those items. Honestly – We have kind of grown used to things and apps acting strange given everyone is home on their devices.

I think you know where this is going…..

So the order I placed got delivered at 7AM and the ‘guy’ was appreciative of the healthy tip I put on the bill. I mean dude was carrying 6 X 12 packs of drinks and a case of 6X1Gallon Distilled Water. He deserves much more for doing this given the environment.

Then at 11AM our doorbell rings and Geranium receives the second order. It just has 3 items but cost as much as my larger order. I just hope it wasn’t the same guy.

It is pretty easy and you can get pretty much all that you get at a Kroger or Aldi’s
They ain’t setting foot in your house and you can’t open the door until they leave.
Booze is delivered downstairs but with food being perishable they have to deliver to the door.
Seriously we have been shut out for like 3 weeks in a row. Carrying Soda Water is a bitch!
We got Cut on SpaghettiO’s with meatballs but I made this shit rock!
FYI – This was Geranium’s Go-To Meal during Chemo
Don’t hate the Player….
Hate the Game!

Dinner was fantastic and doesn’t everyone eat Surf and Turf with expensive ass champagne on a Wednesday? LJZ is going to be pissed at me for not sharing the bubbles or the lobster!

And Just A Reminder – There Are No Rules in a Pandemic! If I Could Have Gotten White Truffles I Would Have Done So!

Bonus Post For You Jokers

So in an effort to not day drink on the weekend we decided to take on other responsibilities. I mean its not like we can go anywhere. So after I did the kitchen cabinets I decided it was time to get the iron out and make some shit less wrinkled.

So I starched and ironed our bed linens. I have to admit that it somewhat satisfying doing a monotonous chore like ironing. Let me cast no aspersions on what some of you smart asses are about to say. We get out of this I am still taking my shit to the laundry/dry cleaners. I am just trying to find shit to do to keep me from hitting the beer.

I blame Ty Middelton for telling me about this.
It burns about an hour of my time so its ok.
See All Done
So we don’t have an automatic ice machine here. I feel like Ernie and Lynn when they lived over on White Station. I had to get new ice trays as the other ones were cracking.
So George the Cat and his Mum moved out on Saturday. How fucked up is that? We couldn’t even have a going away beer with her or even give her a hug goodbye. Man she sure does have a lot of luggage for one person.

So come clean, what are some of you doing to keep sane?