We Made it! We didn’t have to push anyone off a subway platform this week. So right now I am heading into the city to bang out some work. This early evening I am heading down to Low Country for the weekend. Me and the MoHo’s will be hanging out and Lawd knows everyone else.
First off – Shout out to my Saucer/Farmers Market ‘Stalker’ aka reader #7 of this worthless dribble. I appreciate the hello and glad to know that you are assimilating to living in the 38103.
So *Disclaimer* – I was in Memphis for about 24 hours last week. I was there so quick I really didn’t announce it as to upset anyone. It was a work trip. The purpose was for additional training on how to sell tickets on those double decker tour buses while we have to impose Tariffs. So if you are reading this worthless dribble (Oh btw – LJZ called my ass out last week because she actually does read this thing) I apologize but we will be back in November for Thanksgiving.
I know, I know, it makes me feel dirty for just saying that. This past Sunday was the last regular season game for all of the 2019 baseball season. Given that my beloved Cubs were going to be enjoying October off I decided to host a customer for the Mets/Braves Game in Citi Field.
Before you Cubs fans start in on me, cool your damn jets. There is nothing better than watching a home team who isn’t going to the playoffs play a team who has clinched. Long story short, the Mets went into extra innings and won on a home run blast in the bottom of the 11th. Baseball is now in the post season which drives me crazy because Joe Buck sucks. No seriously he is worse than trying not to sneeze while having explosive diarrhea.
Let’s hope that it is a Yankees/Cardinals World Series!
If you have not seen the movie “Seven” I won’t spoil the fun. One of the many things that I have been trying to do is support the arts. When we moved up here we joined The Met for a year. Since then we kind of became homebodies but I have always been trying to do something.
The YMCA up on 92nd street in the UES had been doing a long lecture series that I have been keeping my eye on. Some were sold out before I could even buy tickets but when I noticed that Gwyneth Paltrow would be interviewing Evan Funke I circled the date on the calendar. Ok Truth – I have always had a little thing for her. I mean if you aren’t a fan of The Royal Tenenbaums then we can’t be friends.
Anyway if you are not a foodie you won’t recognize that Evan Funke is well known chef having worked at Spago and is a Pasta Making God in the restaurant world. The talk was great and many thanks to the Russian for being my date since Geranium was out of town.
Robert De Niro is on the 7th of October. Hey UWS you want to be my +1? Geranium is going to be out of town again.
For those of you who bitch about Memphis in May gridlock when they take Tom Lee Park down to 2 lanes pay attention. Every September when The United Nations gathers for the General Assembly New York, particularly the East Side, turns into the worlds largest parking lot. There are only 2 things you can do when all 200+ delegates transcend on New York; plan for delays and don’t bitch about it, or go the fuck out of town.
Me, I find it fascinating that so much can happen in a week and it pretty much runs like clockwork. The security this year is going to be paramount. Given all that is going on in the world but I am always amazed at how much prep work is done. Here are some pictures from this weekend and on Monday.
Have a good week and God Bless the Pizza Delivery folks and those who live in Tudor City and near the UN.
I have a bunch of stuff building up on some scratch pads. That and Geranium is going to be away all next week so get ready for more production out of me. In so many words/phrases here is what I have cooking;
“The Big Chill” at Dale Hollow Lake (Relax, I got this)
“Memphis Basketball Fans have ‘A Guy’ when they visit Brooklyn”
Boat Ride on the Hudson
“Would Someone Fix My Cigar Bar? Fucking Please!”
“Way to Piss Me off” – Airport Decorum
“A return to the old haunts” – Going back to the USE roots
“So I came out of the closet with the blog at work”
First off, I want to give a shout out to RMT from PA. She has been a ‘stalker’ of this worthless dribble of a blog ever since we moved up here. Her son did some time down by Union Square for the past 4 years as we have lived here. Albeit, I may have never met him, but I feel like I know him. You see RMT got her Christmas, Birthday, Tooth Fairy, and Mothers Day present all rolled into one a couple of weeks back. This makes me happy and puts a serious smile on my face. Oh and by the way RMT – I want a MOG pic texted to me on the blessed day. #UgotThis
I know that I have been kind of scatter brained but I promise when I say this….we have been (really fucking) busy. I mean Geranium has been away more days in a month than she has been in Brooklyn. We aren’t bitching, she works her ass off and she actually loves what she does. She also is getting some great exposure on selling those Bed Pans. On my side…Yeah, I don’t feel so guilty working longer hours on my double decker tour bus sales gig or having a cigar with the boys. This is what people in their mid to early 50’s do in NYC right? More to come, more to come.
Anyway here are some pictures from this past week. It has been a powerful week to say the least.
Have a good weekend. Be nice to a Stranger.
Call your Mother and Father because they probably worry about you.
Never miss a chance to tell someone you love them.
And hug your babies a little closer.
As one of my cigar buddies always says “These are interesting times we are living in.”
We have all seen that episode. The one where Kramer and Newman devise a plan to make it rich by returning all the cans and bottles to Michigan. They are doing this because Michigan has a higher deposit refund than New York. Logistically it can’t work unless they ‘borrow’ a mail truck. You folks in the south, I don’t even know if they do this anymore. Do they?
So while we were at Dale Hollow Lake in between our juice cleanses I was having a discussion with Ralph, the owner of the Mobile home community. In addition to great conversation about Men’s colognes from the late 80’s I inquired about the recycling effort here at Star Point on Dale Hollow Lake. You see at Dale Hollow Lake I didn’t see any recycle bins or paper bins. Do you recall my post when I got back fromSwitzerland about recycling? Anyway before you start labeling me the Liberal Granola Hipster, I do have a point.
Ralph informed me that they have kids at the Marina who will sort the trash and get the recycle cans to turn them in for a charity. This confirms the point that no money can be made by recycling and it confirms Kramer’s point. Meanwhile “Ralph” and I were enjoying a yummy Kale and Captain and he inquired about the recycling effort here in New York. I inform him that the “Can People” handle that and actually it makes the Trash Pick Up really a breeze.
So here is the deal. In New York our recycle specifically the cans and bottles are handled by what I call is the Can Mafia/People. You see our Recycle/Trash/Dumpster is put on the street during certain times of the week. Naturally, I am not around during this time but I have seen the can sorting happen in different parts of the city. So in Brooklyn at our building the Can People (Primary people of Asian Descent) show up and sort the bags to pull out cans and bottles. No big deal right? Well then a big arse truck shows up and they load them into the truck and by God this is a fucking Network. These folks are better organized than the Eye-Talians. Oh and you better not encroach on ones’ turf. I have seen this. It isn’t pretty.
We got a damn Can Network Going on here in New York!
Back in February The Professor mentioned possibly field trip to The Tamaqua when it got warm. A few weeks ago when we were enjoying the roof deck in Park Slope Mr. Three First Names reminded us that we should make a trip to The Tamaqua. Since I had no idea what I was in for, I was all in. So we planed the trip this past Sunday.
Folks, I have visited some unbelievable Dive Bars here in New York. Milano’s Bar, Hanks Bar (when it was still open), The Ice House in Red Hook, Franks Lounge in Fort Greene, Farrells, Rudy’s with that Red Pig, and The Trailer Park Bar. All of these places hold a special place in my heart because they offer something that you can’t just buy or install. They are national treasures. Hold of to your hat folks. Here is where you are going to probably swallow your gum….
The Tamaqua could win the Title of the Best Dive Bar in New York.
I know, I know can you believe that I made that ballsy statement on a Tuesday? First off for me to properly describe The Tamaqua is going to be hard/damn near impossible. This place is stuck in a Time Machine. According to the Group it took a serious hit during Hurricane Sandy but yet she still sits there. Seriously as we were sitting there having some afternoon drinks one would not think that you are not in Brooklyn. You would think you are at Harbor Docks in Destin Florida or Tacky Jacks in Orange Beach, AL. For my Memphis folks who are coming up here in November we may have to make a trip there. You won’t believe it either!
And no Maria, I am not losing my mind and no I don’t need a tetnus shot. Your Fancy NY @ss might not come here but it is good for a laugh. Thanks to Bobcat, Professor, Lady Barrister, Mr. 3 First Names for a fun afternoon.
That is the normal exchange with my favorite Concierge, Trevor, here in the building. We do this every Friday morning when I take the dog out. It is kind of a tradition. So without further adeau….here are the pictures of the week.
Have a good weekend Folks. Next week we take our show on the road.
Seems like I have been speaking to a bunch of our Double Decker Tour Bus Sales reps from other markets. Naturally these folks are a “tad” younger than I am but because I am here in the middle of Times Square I guess they think I have found the answers. I am also a ‘big brother’ to one of our up and comer Tour Bus selling reps and she just moved to Manhattan. Seriously, she has been her almost a month and thankfully hasn’t gotten squashed by that cross town bus either.
Honestly, how do you explain the New York Experience until you are in the middle of it? How does one properly describe the wonderful aroma from the 2/3 train tracks in Times Square station and not tell the tourists they are smelling pee/poop? I still to this day don’t know how to explain The Coney Island Mermaid Festival and I have been 3 fucking years in a row!!!
To put this in a Memphis perspective – how do you explain the Wine Race to someone from New York. What about Festival Season? Better yet try to explain Prince Mongo or Memphis politics.
To put this in a Belizean Perspective – how do you explain Halloween or Lobsterfest to someone who has never visited? Care to tell someone how bad Middle Street was during rainy season when it wasn’t paved. How about the road north when there was the hand drawn barge? Let’s not forget when Reaper would fill the skies with parachutes each spring.
You get my drift? You feel me? This shit ain’t easy!
So here are my David Letterman Top 10 “Things to Consider when choosing to move to New York” *disclaimer – please seek other council as well. I have been known to be full of shit.
Location from your residence to a Subway Platform is Paramount. What does that mean to you? When we lived at 71St and First Avenue the closest subway before they opened the 2nd Avenue Subway was at 68th & Lex which was .5 Miles away. To put that in a Memphis scale. Walk from the South Bluffs Apartments to Max’s Sports Bar which is also .5 Miles away. Oh and that is just one way. Do that twice a day in rain, snow, cold as wind and Hot ass weather. You feel me. And get ready for delays and weekend service interruptions. We live in Downtown Brooklyn so I can pick from 16 different lines and walk 75 feet to get to the first one. Geranium wants to move in May 2020. Of course she doesn’t use public transportation. I do. We will move from 333 but I have serious argument to move from this area.
How much to you want to Pay to Play? Apartment on First Avenue ran us $2750.00 and that was with a “discount” but it was a full service building (take out packages, mail, laundry, let the dog walker in) and provided a security that all guests had to be announced. (Well except for Maria) Oh and that was for 535 Square Feet too. We pay comparable to that and are 2 subway stops from Manhattan. You want to have a nice house with a yard, you will spend at least an hour+ on a train or bus on your commute into the city. I know folks who travel 2+ hours one way into the city. They do it 5 days a week. Think about this…..
Do you really need all that shit? We moved up here in a UHaul with clothes, kitchen stuff, art and a blow up bed. Oh and the poodles too. We bought at Ikea and made it work. Do you really need 3 couches? Oh by the way when we moved from UES to Brooklyn we threw away a lot of shit. I look around this place now and before we move again there will be a yard sale.
Think you can eat/drink out on the town every night like they did in Seinfeld and Sex and the City? Trust me, when I return to Memphis I always accuse the bartender of not charging me enough. It costs a lot to eat out and have cocktails here. If you don’t know how to cook………Fucking Learn! Do you recall my Bourdain Post? Learn how make an omelet. This way you can cook a hot meal for your ‘last nights conquest’ the next morning. You may even get bonus points because you both slept on a futon that you don’t have the heart to tell them you found on the street last week.
You will eventually either curse or be cursed out so get ready for it. I look back and yes I deserved to get a “GFY” for when I tried to quick walk around a lady in a walker on a crowded street. No I didn’t knock her down but I made her hesitate. And a 75 Year Old Grandmother told me to Go Fuck Myself. Still can’t get over that.
You are going to see/experience/smell/hear something that you may not agree with. How are you going to react? This isn’t up for discussion.
Want to learn a different a culture or religion? Just ask. I live down the block from The Sri Sri Radha Govinda Mandir Hare Krishna Center. You read that right this is a place for Hare Krishnas to assemble. Yes, the same ones from the move “Airplane” who sold the flowers in the airport. They wear the robes, have the bald heads and are as friendly as ever and I am so glad they are near by. Same thing goes for different cultures. I love getting into a cab/uber and ask my driver where they are from and then ask; “Tell me about your country?” This is the equivalent as asking someone at BBQ Fest what makes your ribs/shoulder better than everyone else? Or ask them about their college football team. Seriously, lots of Pride and I love it. Now, If you think that everyone should be American, look the same and don’t accept that then maybe you want to stay home.
Don’t get Freaked Out When You see a Celebrity – All I had to do was text GrainbinGirl and my text read “I saw her, I saw him, they were tiny and didn’t cry like a little girl”. She knew that I saw Ina Garten and Jeffrey. I still laugh that my former Momma damn near knocked down Pierce Brosnan on Madison Avenue when we were walking down the street. I ‘casually’ said to him “Sorry Mr. Crown” and she didn’t believe it. So we had to hoof it down Madison Avenue for her to see for herself.
What do you think about the Weather and the Homeless/Bums? It gets bad here. Winters Suck, Nor’easters suck, and the rain blows to no end. Regarding the Homeless – I will say that Geranium has ridden the subways many a night solo and never felt threatened. The people looking for money can be annoying here but you have to know how to respond to them. I still love the guy who was in front of Grey’s Papaya on 86th and was begging for food because he was hungry. A guy asked him what he wanted from the menu and he declared that he didn’t like Hot Dogs & just wanted money (Failed to mention that Grey’s Papas was the hot dog nirvana) so the man fired back. “Then don’t fucking ask for money in front of a hot dog place, maybe go to a burger place or GFY” The bums do make a lot of money up here. Just be cautious.
Last Rule – Find “A Guy”. We have lived here for four years, we love it here. We have a great support system here, we are so thankful for this. And that system also knows that they can call on us. When you get home on a Friday night and are exhausted from the work week there is nothing better meeting up with friends and having a beer. We all work hard, might as well enjoy the fruits of our labor.
Do you know what you were doing when you found out when Elvis Died? Considering that with the exception of S(Squared) and I think the “Swedish Connection” who are on my team but nobody else can answer that question they weren’t born yet. Anyway I do, I was at Paul Chandler’s House in East Memphis.
Put on some Suspicions Minds Today and Sing it Loud! Have a good Weekend!