CBT issues a F-Bomb

So I Hear You Paint Houses?

If you are a fan of The Godfather, Bronx Tale, Good Fellas, Micky Blue Eyes you may want to pay attention. About 2 years ago I was visiting with a client whose last name also ended in a vowel. He asked me if I had seen the new trailer for a movie set to come out in the fall of 2019. The name of the movie was “The Irishman” and the cast was going to be kick ass.

Directed by Martin Scorsese the cast includes; Bobby DiNiro, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, Bobby Cannavale, Ray Romano, Harvey Keitel, Steven Van Zandt, Anna Paquin and many others. I mean this cast demands some serious attention. This past Easter we went over to Vivian & Stone’s house for brunch and met Welker White and her husband Damien. Welker plays John Gotti’s wife. Naturally we didn’t’ want to chat shop but she told us in so many words that it was going to kick ass.

So the movie like many movies there was a snag in production. Pretty much the backer of the movie pulled out and Scorsese sat with a half written movie for about 6 months. Then Netflix comes in and says “Blank check but you got to go with us.” The finish the movie and the plan was to have it in theaters for about a month then it will be on Netflix. Trust me because this movie is a long one.

Well the Movie Theaters get pissed so they don’t show it. What does Netflix do? The rent out the Belasco Theater off Broadway and show it there. We went this past week and it kicked ass! When it comes to Netflix watch this!

Thank you to Vivian and Stone for inviting us.

I am sorry but seeing a movie in a Broadway Theater is kick ass!
The Marquee!
Nipped from Welker’s Instagram Page
Some Movie Props in the Lobby
How cool is that!
I got a friend here who wants to talk to you!
Jimmy is Missing?
I want a bumper Sticker!
Dial that Number!
Bev Naps!

Like I said, go see this movie!

Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year – UN General Assembly!

For those of you who bitch about Memphis in May gridlock when they take Tom Lee Park down to 2 lanes pay attention. Every September when The United Nations gathers for the General Assembly New York, particularly the East Side, turns into the worlds largest parking lot. There are only 2 things you can do when all 200+ delegates transcend on New York; plan for delays and don’t bitch about it, or go the fuck out of town.

Me, I find it fascinating that so much can happen in a week and it pretty much runs like clockwork. The security this year is going to be paramount. Given all that is going on in the world but I am always amazed at how much prep work is done. Here are some pictures from this weekend and on Monday.

They have about a million of these things spread all over Midtown East
Bike Rack for Days
Confirmed with Mr. 3 First Names and Asian Fireman that this was a reserve company for the UNGA
No the NYPD isn’t into the Dump Truck business. They use these for barricades . Hard to ram past one of these when its full of Sand.
Lots of Black Limos and Police Cars
Tons of Suburban’s with flashy lights too
Since the UN is on the East River it is going to be a mess on the FDR too!
This right here is going to be the quickest way to get around town this week!

Have a good week and God Bless the Pizza Delivery folks and those who live in Tudor City and near the UN.

Pictures of the Week

So I started putting notes together for the Blog post on our trip to Dale Hollow. I haven’t published it yet because I want to have my proofreader Kitty put some eyes on it before I publish. Problem is that Kitty is in Belize and she is busy down there.

Anyway here are some pictures from this week and weeks past. Have a good weekend and stay cool Memphis folks. I hear it is hotter than 2 rats fucking in a wool sock down there.

Many Thanks to you who reached out to me and my family on the loss of Little Michael. He will be missed by many.
It is tough being Maya
George from 38P wanted to come say hello to Maya.
What’s the Fucking Point? This is like a Blind Eunuch (Someone who has been castrated) going to The Purple Church on Mt Moriah.
Yep!
Damn Geranium is going to be out of town again!

Have a good weekend folks and I will work on the other posts.

“Should we return to our roots and go to a Redneck Show in Queens?”

Shout out to BK who is a faithful follower of this “Worthless Dribble” of a blog! (putting this here so it will appear in the header of my Social Media posts)

Regarding the Title…that was the body of the text message that I got from (Name Withheld To Protect our Northern Values) about 6 weeks back. So it would appear that Hank Williams Jr was doing a show with Lynyrd Skynyrd in a farewell tour for Skynyrd at Forrest Hills Stadium. Now before I sell out the person who sent the text message I doubled down on them. I informed (said) person that I will have to check. I told them I know “a guy” who works on the Hank tour and I would message him to see if 1- he still was still on tour and 2 – he could get us some better seats.

BK responded back to me saying that he could take care of us and get us some tickets (he knows I am not a ticket mooch) because I wanted to see him and hang out. For those of you wondering who this BK guy is…..well… we served time together. I am not talking about Federal “Pound You In The Ass” Prison, I am talking something much worse…. A month long festival that included a 3 day Music Festival, Rednecks with Smokers and then KC & The ‘Mother Fucking’ Sunshine Band! Oh did I mention that we also had an almost Tornado hit the park so on night 2 of the Music event we evacuated >30K people? Yep, BK and I may have been different ships at sea at the time (I was fun-employed, he was about to get married the following January) we respected each other and played well with others which made it easier to deal with that crap……Well…..Except for the WCBCC Volunteers. We both would choose Communism over them! (that may take a hit on the blog but nobody reads this shit anyway)

Say what you will about Social Media and Facebook. I don’t post much on FB except to plug this worthless dribble but BK and I kept up with each other via this platform. When his (Saint of a wife,I might add) posted that she needed some birthday cards for BK’s monumental celebration how did she get the word out? Facebook. Anyway this was the mode of keeping up with our lives for the past 9 years.

Flash forwarding to the show. Let me tell you (sorry Maria) but Forrest Hills Stadium FUCKING ROCKS as a venue! Holy Shit and it is fun as crap too with the Food Trucks and the booze! The fact that its nestled in the middle of Forrest Hills Queens (MEMPHIS FOLKS – Think Cross between Mud Island Theater Seating but in the midtown are like the Levitt Shell Location) it blows my mind. Oh and the line up this summer isn’t that too fucking bad either.

So before I go into the pictures; Thank You BK. Thank you for tickets and thank you for following this worthless dribble of a blog. But most importantly thank you the fact that one of these days I won’t have to come to your office so we can hang out have some laughs. “Play it Loud” runs at the Met till the fall so come on up! If not I welcome a trip down south and we can giggle at some of the stuff we have seen over the past 10 years. Thank you.

The current Line Up for Forrest Hills. Hey GurleyGurl, Dessert Buddy & Geranium’s Sushi Buddy, and naturally Doty – September 11th. Come Up! You Got a Guy!
Pic of the Venue from Sound World
Like I said, Small Venue but its fun and lots of history!
Venue from the Food Trucks/Tents
Tons of Food and Drink – Bring your wallet!
Seriously, Thank you Billy! I might add we still look good for all that clean living too!
Hank Jr Baby!
The ICON and his son.
Oh these Knuckleheads tagged along too!
So did these Knuckleheads too!
This actually is one of the greatest live Concert Pictures that I have ever taken from an iFoam. And the Fact that Jethro in front giving us Double Hook em Horns is even better!
As expected, I didn’t post a picture of us at the event. I promise we were there. I need to work on those Robo Selfies!

What a great Sunday in Queens. Anyone want to come up for September 11th. I want to go see Willie……

How Do You Reheat A Pizza?

Recall the post when I was bitching about cooking for one person? Well Geranium did it to me again…..she ordered another Marley Spoon on her way to Seattle. By the way L.J.Z. – I have supported your ass now for 3 years….. When are you going to send “Banker Man” to one of my eye-talian suit guys? *If you are wondering what I am talking about. There is an un-written rule for us fellow sales reps that sell tickets on the double decker buses. You always support your own*

Anyway I informed Jackie, our evening desk person, that I would be cooking for her because I had 3 meals to either cook or trash. She was excited and didn’t bring dinner last night. The order that you have to cook proteins for Marley Spoons are in this order; Seafood, Meat/Pork and Vegetarian. ****Imagine that, the food that the cow’s shit on can last longer****

Last night I made the grilled salmon and grilled vegetables with a red pepper pesto sauce. I cooked it to the recipe directions (ish) by using a cast iron skillet plate that I have had for years. If you are not sure what I am talking about it. This is a cast iron rectangle plate that has a flat side and on the other side is ribbed for her pleasure. TRANSLATION – This gives you the open flame grill marks if you are not cooking outside on a Weber charcoal grill. I made the dish to the directions and grilled the Broccoli, Squash, Red Onion and Salmon in the apartment using the plate. I take it down to Jackie and fellow peer and they are freaking out on the grill marks.

  • “Did you go down to the 3rd floor and use one of the outside grills? (By the way those fuckers are electric) I inform them I made it in the apartment and used a plate.
  • “Oh, you made this on a special plate that I will never need unless I have to cook inside, I will be fine ordering from Seamless or Uber Eats.”

I look at Jacky and ask her if she has never cooked on an open flame before. *She is originally from Barbados* and she says that she has. I told her that if I didn’t have a plate I could have made due with a bakers cookie cooling rack and my stove. It was right then that I lost the poor girl and realized that the millennial generation needs to step it up. Seriously you fuckers may starve to death if the microwave gives out or Uber Eats can’t deliver.

*Back History – I grew up in the time when there wasn’t a food network. There wasn’t a cooking demonstration at William Sonoma. There certainly wasn’t a cooking show on TV. I mean I pretty much learned how to cook watching my mother/father or the maid. However in this case, I learned how to cook at the ripe age of 23 years old from the chefs at the 4-star Chez Philippe Restaurant in the Peabody Hotel Meanwhile I while living in the Shrine Building in downtown Memphis.*

I have said many times that I am little shit. No seriously, I admit it openly. Poor Geranium, while we were dating, grew tired of eating all the Heavy Cream dishes that I would make each weekend. To my defense, I would watch the guys on the line make these dishes nightly. I would think “I could do this!” Actually, I am surprised I didn’t kill her because I later realized that the chefs would par-cook the proteins and I just watched the finishing moment. In other words, my shitwas half cooked.

Cutting to the case – Bourdain would always preach that one should learn how to made an omelet.

“The way you make an omelet reveals your character.”

He was referring to if you bring a person home for the night you at least owe him/her a decent meal before they are about to do the “walk of shame.” Millennials you need to start paying attention. You need to go buy you some items to put in the kitchen before you buy that Cross Fit membership. Then you should start playing around with cooking by watching You Tube or a cooking show. Try your dishes on your friends or that roommate that you always hate. This way when you are ready to cook for someone special you will be ready and not burning an a simple omelet for that one-night stand. Seriously folks, eggs are sold by the dozen. I even taught the Lady Killer how to break an egg without breaking shell. I mean, you need to do this and do it with grace. Wait till his mother, *who is the author for the title of this worthless dribble* finds out I have made the lady killer more marketable.

Changing the Subject yet again – My nephew when he was 12 fucking years old made Philly Cheese Steaks for Geranium and I. He was self-taught and figured it out from watching YouTube. *Of course Geranium was right behind him but he wanted to cook and by GOD he made dinner with little to no help…..And it was good too!* People, this is not brain surgery. Go forth and learn how to feed yourself! I am not asking you to field dress a deer, I am asking you to cook a decent burger and then serve it to someone.

So, in no consequential order this is the list of items that one should have in their kitchen. Jose Andres goes big baller with a Juicer but I say do this in baby steps. So here is what I say you need;

$4.00 Bakers wire Rack and you have a grill. Yes it is going to get dirty but whats the point of cooking if you aren’t going to get dirty. Oh by the way I see this get up all the time in the Korean Joints in Manhattan. Anyone Can Grill indoors.
This was the plate I used for cooking dinner tonight. If you don’t have one, it is fine.
The racks that are soaking in the sink. – I am cutting to my chase guys I promise
I did get some good grill marks tonight!
Get a Decent Knife and sharpen it every time. Yes I am an asshole and have all kinds of knives but I assure you they are sharp and ready to go.
Buy you a decent saute and and skillet pan.
BTW – Those pots and pans are 20 years old. Yes they are expensive but when you pay top dollar for stuff you will treat it differently.
The beauty of quality is that it will last forever.
Whatever you have that is your own I assure that you treat it with dignity and respect. Yes I acknowledge that I am anal retentive
You may lose a finger tip but get a Mandolin.
Always buy spices and seasonings. Try them all the time. Worse Case is that you have to order take out pizza!
Case in point, I found this recipe for Grilling Salt on Garden & Gun. Tried it one time and called my grilling concierge and told him I am sending him some goodness. He loved it and gave some to RJ
These baking pans are over 22 years old. We got them when we got married. Don’t ask for money. Ask for good cooking equipment!
Not the first item you have to get – I still don’t know how to use this fucking thing.
I know that Geranium loves it so it has a shelf to it’s own. Carbunkle Trumpet Says to master a knife, a Saute Pan and a stock pan then when you want to burn money get one of these.
#RoboCares
Gathered Dust Since we got it!

Bottom Line is Try Different Stuff.

Try to cook something other than your normal drunk food.

And if you have a new Kitchen Toy or recipe please don’t be bashful. I love things that are different.

It’s Friday Bitches!!!!!!! We Made It!

To my 7 out of 15 readers who are not from Memphis; there is a DJ in Memphis who would scream her battle cry “Its Friday Bitches!” on Fridays when she opened her show. Naturally “The Lady Killer’s” best buddy, Christopher Blaine Jarman would bring it down a notch and just say “It’s Friday Snitches” because he was the afternoon guy and he knew that kids were in the cars at that time. Shout out to the Jar!

I have had a couple of people ask me what the hell is going on since I have been on a Blog writing tear lately. What can I say, when Geranium is back in town the world revolves better. Thank you to all of you who commented on my Say No To The Bag/Styrofoam post because that has been on my mind for a couple of days since my return from Switzerland. Actually last night I went down to Target to get a couple of things and naturally I brought my Old Lady Cart and LL Bean bag. The cashier informed me she is required to put scanned items into a bag because it is a security issue. This is going to break TCB’s Mom’s heart but Target is a huge contributor of plastic bag waste. Even though I was putting the bagged items in my buggy the bitch still double bagged it. I counted 16 plastic bags after I got home. They got to do better!

Anyway here are some pictures that I have taken for the past 3 weeks.

Prayers for the Repose of the Soul of James “Jimmy” Farrell a classmate of mine. He was the type of a person who would give you the shirt off of his back. 49 years old is just scratching the surface and prayers to his family and also to the Class of 1988. Honestly, I am most sad that I was not able to attend our reunion last year and get to see him. To be around him was a good thing. Sadly It seems like we have been losing a classmate every 6 months.

Jimmy, I will see you on the back nine or at Buckley’s Bar on Poplar and I appreciate all that you have done for the reunions. Nobody can ever replace your spirit.

Saint John Baptist de La Salle…..Pray for us.
Recall when I said that Cooking For One Person SUCKS? I broke out some stale French bread that Geranium and I didn’t eat so I made some Catalonian Tomato Bread this week. I hate messing up the kitchen.
We are now in 2 Handkerchief carrying weather. One is for my sweaty ass and the other is always for a lady that may need one. Is this something that a 90 year old Southern Gentlemen would do? I think so.
Wait till Tay-Tay or Anna Copacabana is at The Double Decker Tourist Tour Bus Ticket Sales office and needs a napkin. #RoboCares
Not a Molatov Coctail – Vodka Soda and Tea in a Light Bulb!
Speaking of Vodka Soda or Tonic…..
Don’t give me shit about my hat…I like my Silence of the Lamb’s Hannibal Lecter Hat. Wait till I wear this thing in the UES!
Insert Chelsea Handler Nugget Food Joke here
The fiscal year ends today at midnight. Everyone has been blowing out vacation since we can’t carry it over. I haven’t done shit this week.

Have a good weekend Folks.

Pictures of the Week…And Last Week Too!

*Disclaimer – I am preloading this on Wednesday night so next week my stuff will be more current.

Hey Nice Graffiti!
We sat at the bar and watched Skillet do this for about 30 minutes. My question was – “How the F Did he get there and how did he get off?”
I took this pic because the beer was good at the Mead festival!
A Gin Tonic and a Guinness? They have Irish bars in Switzerland? Yes they do!
Meant to show this to Mr. 3 First Names on Tuesday night.
Love me this dive bar. They have The Queen on the wall!
This won’t hurt will it?
Alabama and their abortions – This is my retort.
The Half Head CBT/Geranium Selfie!
Taco Girl. I got you a bouquet of balloons.

Have a good Memorial Day Weekend!

Playing Russian Roulette flying Standby – Sometimes it may taste like Lead Sandwich

What is the old saying, you ride her until she bucks you or you don’t ride her at all. (I am talking about riding a horse you sick fuckers) That is what happened to me on my last leg of my 3rd international trip in the past 60 days. That my friends is a good damn run if I don’t say so myself. Let me explain.

To get to Geranium over in Neuchatel Switzerland it goes down like this;

  • Subway from Brooklyn to Penn Station
  • New Jersey Transit to Newark International Airport Train Station
  • Air Train to Terminal C
  • United Flight from EWR to GVA (That is Geneva for you non airport people)
  • SBB CFF FFS Train from Geneva to Neuchatel
  • Walk down a ridiculously steep hill that you will now worry about on your return trip into town.
  • Boom you are there. Total Travel Time – 10 hours give or take

So my return was a little tricky. The flight from GVA to EWR was at an hour that would have made me get up at an ungodly hour on Sunday and the SBB CFF FFS Train was running local so it would have been worse. I found a GVA to Washington Dulles that wasn’t bad and the commuting flight from IAD to EWR was still open. There was another direct flight from GVA to JFK but it was fairly booked so that was my back up plan if I couldn’t get on the Washington DC flight.

So the return trip looked like this;

  • Bus up ridiculously steep hill from town to Neuchatel train station
  • SBB CFF FFS Train from Neuchatel to Geneva
  • United Flight from GVA to IAD
  • Clear Customs walk to the gate for IAD to EWR flight.
  • Find out that you are in position #20 and there are only 8 available seats. TRANSLATION – YO ASS AIN’T GETTING ON THIS FLIGHT
  • Find that there are only 2 remaining flights from IAD to EWR/LGA and they look fairly full.
  • Uber from IAD to Union Station to take Amtrak.
  • Amtrak from Union Station to Penn Station
  • Find out that original flight is now delayed 55 minutes due to weather
  • Arrive Penn Station at roughly the same time I would have if I actually got a seat on that booked flight.
  • Subway to Nevins Street
  • Hug and Kiss Maya! Total Travel Time – 19.5 hours and out train ticket ($200.00) and Uber Pool to Train station ($40.00)

Folks that is a win in my book! I told my former Domestic Work Wife that you have to get creative when traveling. Not only do you have to find additional flights and where hidden cities are you may have to rely on back up cities and train back in. We are talking seeing the Matrix kind of shit here folks.

Shout out to the hardest working people in the airline industry. No I am not talking about the pilots or the STB’s. I am talking about the flight attendants and anyone in HR. You are the real MVP!
Couldn’t get a seat up front but I got the next best thing. 3 seats in the bulkhead.
Neuchatel’s Train Station
Coming in Hot to Geneva
As Homer says on occasion “DOH! You better have plan B ready for the return trip Carbunkle!”
Oh look its Caterpillar Dealership
This flight was thankfully wide ass open! I guess not a lot of bankers want to go to Washington these days. Now I bet the flight from Russia to IAD is always packed.
Yo Holmes, Can you turn on the air a little bit more. It is 87 and I am getting ripe back here!
When you are almost to Philly and you get this notification. I chose wisely and am only out $250.00

Long Story Short – be flexible and always have a plan for back up. It was great seeing Geranium even if it was a short trip. I got to see Neuchatel. We went over to Lausanne on Saturday and met up with some of her work peeps who are Ex-Pats here for at least 3 months. Oh and we drank some beer! Thankfully Geranium returns this Thursday!

Cooking Solo – This Sucks!

So I got back from Barcelona. I got over the jet lag. I spent last weekend more or less chilling on the couch with the dog and managed to do a little ‘celebrating’ with the Landlord and Mr. 3 First Names. They got the final approval and permit on the remodel job they have been doing since this fall so we had some drinks to celebrate. Last weekend was great and very much needed after spending 18 hours traveling to a +6 time zone the weekend prior.

On Monday, Geranium informed me she made a mistake and a Marley Spoon food delivery slipped through so I should expect a box arriving on Monday. If you are familiar with the food meal plans out there you can get as many days as you wish and can pick the number of portions per meal. We are a 2 ass house so we get 2 meals X the number of days with Marley Spoon. Normally there are enough leftovers for Geranium’s lunch the next day and we normally get 3 days of meals.

Problem is that I am currently a one ass house and the meal came so late on Monday that I only have 2 days to cook a 3 day 2 person meal box. I figured that I would leave one meal for our dog sitter G-Man but I would need to cook on Tuesday and Wednesday. Another issue was that my lunches the next day were going to be booked so I am basically wasting a portion. How do single people cook a meal for one person? I joke with of one of my peers who is celebrating his birthday today that his fridge is full of condiment packets and beer since they don’t cook.

I forged on and made the meal with the idea of giving the other portion away. Problem was that George the Cat’s mom was away and the Bahamians at the end of the hall hadn’t been seen in weeks. Who the hell am I going to give this extra meal to? I made the extra meal and figured that I would either give it to our building concierge Jackie or I would take it across the street and give it to one of the homeless guys in the park. Please note that I am normally hesitant to give food away in the park. By that hour those guys in the park are either going to sleep or are just getting warmed up if you know what I mean. You just don’t know how many people are going to be in the park or what stage of high they may be.

Thankfully Jackie was at the desk and she loved her some sirloin steak. I informed her that I had another meal for Wednesday so she told me that she would pass on her normal food. Last night I didn’t feel bad because I was cooking this week for at least one person. By the way, when I told Geranium who I cooked on Tuesday night for she informed me that she ate potato chips for dinner that night. #SadTromboneSound

Bring your ass home Geranium and let me cook for you!

The fridge is full of stuff I have no time to mess with now! Incidentally Sam S – Velveeta and Red Bull are staples during single Carbunkle Trumpet Times.
Well I might as well make this damned thing
Potato Rounds and Green Beans in the oven
Oh I cooked them just fine but one sprung a leak!
Jackie was happy and even loved on Maya who was less than thrilled!

Anyone know of a good Single person menu item/dish other than Pizza or Fried Egg Sandwiches? I have a couple more days next week.

“The Sure Thing” – No I am not talking about the 1985 John Cusack Movie

Incidentally did you know that this movie was one of the only few movies that John Cusack didn’t also work with his sister Joan? What you think that all I do is sprinkle the word “Fuck” and take half ass selfies? I have another side of me. I just can’t see it because I am too fucking fat.

Regarding the title of this worthless dribble I am referring to the the weather. I was on the phone with someone from the home office in Memphis yesterday. There were some issues with some Double Decker bus tickets that I sold last month and I was trying to get it handled. While we were waiting for her computer to finish the report we were talking about the weather. She said that it was raining in Memphis yesterday and I said of course it is raining. It is Memphis in May and it always rains during Memphis in May.

The person from the home office laughed and didn’t realize I used to live in Memphis. I told her that there are 3 times in Memphis when you could predict the weather;

  • The Hottest day of the year – Dead Elvis Week.
  • The Coldest day of the year – The Liberty Bowl Game
  • 100% Rain on a certain day – Any Memphis in May Event Day

Now I would like to add a 4th Sure Thing to that list;

  • Want to know when it will rain in New York – Just wait till Friday! It always rains in New York on Friday!

Enough words, here are some pictures from the past 2 weeks that have been in my iFoam.

So good to see Joyce a couple weeks back! I didn’t hear of any flooding at the Yale Club! We need to go back to Cozumel!
Meh.Com gave me a shout out and is now reading this worthless dribble
Speaking of BBQ Fest!
Go Netflix this movie. It is great! I saw it on one of my many flights.
Sunday was a nice day at La Playa
We may have drank some Gin Tonics here on Sunday
LVD – They sell Corn Dogs in Spain!
No that isn’t a urine sample. It is Lemoncello!
That damn Picasso sure didn’t paint much inside the frame did he?
The Shit you see in Barcelona!
Narrow Streets with little signage. It can drive one a tad crazy but that is why you drink wine
OTB we found your boat!
I don’t think that RAB reads this worthless dribble but who knew Picasso was a fan of Nuggets

Have a good week I am going to try to get over this sinus infection that I got from flying to the EU last weekend so I can do it all over again next weekend!