CBT Takes on NYC

Pics of the Week and it’s been a busy one too!

In no particular order;

  • Happy Birthday Mrs. Trumpet! (what, do you honestly think I am not going to give her top billing? I realize she doesn’t read this worthless dribble but I am all about keeping the peace in 535 square feet)
  • Congrats to Double D on her engagement! It took that boy long enough! I mean Amy Farrah Fowler and I were starting to wonder if he ever was going to get off the fence and quit living in sin with you. No in all seriousness, congrats and elope!
  • Who has 2 thumbs and saw Martha “Snoop is my nizzle” Stewart on the street with work wife this Wednesday? This guy!
  • Who has 2 thumbs and saw Geoffrey Zakarian with “The Rock and Roll Rep” on the street this Thursday? This Guy!! If you are a foodie you will know who I am talking about.
  • Who has 2 thumbs and is going to the New York Food and Wine Festival on Saturday? *Yeah we can figure it out Carbunkle, go fuck yourself!*
  • And we finally have cooler weather in Manhattan! I only saw 3 puffy coats yesterday and one stocking cap.

Enough about me, have a good weekend

1433159218020Not only is a foodie guy he loves cigars and orange pants too! He actually was taller than I imagined.

IMG_1858Views from the penthouse office doesn’t suck you know!

IMG_1860Art is in the eye of the beholder. Or as I see it, someone went a little crazy with the bedazzler

IMG_1854I am going through reading glasses like Trump is going through popularity points

IMG_1853Hey Former Neighbor – I ment to ask you, did you and EBT husband ride one of these?

IMG_1848Doty – I found us a Honkey Tonk in Hells Kitchen!

IMG_1821You forget that you are also a Cruise Line hub till you see one of these big ass things go by on the Hudson

IMG_1820Missed the West Village!

IMG_1838Sometimes you have to stop and smell the fake flowers in our lobby

IMG_1803Happy Birthday to the Cougar! The Monkey Heads are going shopping today for you!

IMG_1802Guessing Someone is a Hot Rod Fan!

Have a good weekend!

 

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“You live the glamorous life in Gotham don’t you?”

I get that a lot from different people who don’t live here. Trust me when I say that our life isn’t always going to Dive Bars, eating at fancy places and driving around in a Rolls with our own driver. Well…..we do like Dive bars but scratch numbers two and three. Anyway here is what my ‘Typical’ Saturday looks like. Mind you I don’t have a car so all of these errands are done on foot and I have to lug this shit back to the apartment.

IMG_1835First I bang out any remaining work ish. That way I don’t have to worry about doing any of that on Sunday. I ‘try’ to get my stuff done during the week but stuff happens.

IMG_1840When I die, I want to come back as a Monkey Head. Tough life as they ‘struggle’ to survive on the mean streets of Manhattan. *the white dog is snoring like a freight train right now as I type this*

IMG_1843I became someone this week. When I hit the door the guys at the Coffee Inn know to get my Pumpkin Spice Latte ready. They also shine up their shoe to kick me square in the balls too!

IMG_1823I know that we have all the delivery services for groceries but every once in a while you just like to go squeeze the produce. Tomatoes are now out of season but I am still jonesing for BLT’s in October.

IMG_1824Looking North on First Avenue – That was the street that we saw the Pope by the way.

IMG_1827I had to swing by my physicians office to get my flu ‘shot’ *KLC Man and RMT – You see what I did there?*

IMG_1826There is Maria’s beloved Citi Bike station. Notice how it is empty. They can’t keep a bike up here in the UES. It was a great day on Saturday also.

IMG_1830Got to swing by and pick up my dry cleaning and say hello to Ms. Nguyen

IMG_1831This place is no bigger than a shoe box. They do laundry by the pound, offer dry cleaning and she does my alterations too

IMG_1828On this past Saturday Momma went all the way to Westchester county to Apple Pick but they had major logistical issues so she promptly came back. Roughly she spent 6 hours for nothing so I figure she could use some flowers. According to ‘my guy’ the flowers were good this week since the hurricanes are not stopping flights.

IMG_1825Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Hospital

IMG_1839Had to pick up some Paper Towels since we were on the last roll. *Insert President Joke here*

IMG_1833Trust me when I say that bag weighs roughly 40 pounds. You have to plan out your trip if you don’t want someone to lug your stuff for you.

IMG_1834Since it was 86 degrees this week, I had to have a suit cleaned since it was kind of ‘stinky’ I will be ready to start bitching about being cold soon!

IMG_1836Finally Some Carbunkle Trumpet Time!

Keep it light folks!

Carbunkle Trumpet Takes his show to the West Side

Sorry for the dead airspace, I have been kinda busy as of late. First of all, best of luck to UWS Holly as she heads ‘south of the border’ on Friday. We had a couple of Umqombothi’s last night to celebrate her new address. Anyway, now that Summer is over (literally I was debating wearing a puffy vest to the bar for Holly’s going away party) and the weather is supposed to be low 70’s this weekend I guess we will put those beach chairs away that we bought away for the winter.

This past Labor Day Weekend we had a couple crappy days of weather but decided to head over to the West Side for 2 reasons. One to head to Zabars Grocery on the West Side so that I could purchase a replacement gasket for my Eye-Talian coffee pot and to look around. And secondly because Mrs. Trumpet has never visited Zabars so we decided to make it a family trip.

Once again Zabars did not disappoint as we walked up and down the aisles avoiding the throngs of people trying to get a ‘smidgen’ of smoked mussels from what I hear is “To Die For!” After deciding that we could not afford the FDNY fine for having an open flame in the UES for a proper grilling party we headed further north. So you have heard us talk about the Murphranks right? So Lady Barrister went to undergrad at Columbia on the UWS so we decided to give that a look. We understand that they have a pretty good football team and are in the hunt for the National Championship. Funny thing is that we never found a football stadium but the Quad was pretty effin sweet.

I hear that they can beat Bama…..

IMG_1569So I have lived here for 2 years so I needed a new pair of “hipster hooves” as Mrs. Trumpet calls them. She is just jealous that I am not as puffy. #prayforRobo

IMG_1551Look above the bottled Water on that cart – You see that people have ordered charcoal to be delivered in the UWS. Where are they doing this grilling? Can a brother get an invite? Hello…..Is this effing thing on?

IMG_1570Have you ever tried to walk through Zabar’s grilling section with a raging hard-on? That was me this past Saturday…

IMG_1573Ahem RJ – You may need to check on the Asian Fireman. He is either slipping, cleaning the guest house, or preparing for Lightbulb. I gave him a reminder on my Quality Check. #robocares

IMG_1571The Walk of Champions at Columbia University

IMG_1572No that is not the Jefferson Monument in DC – That is the library at Columbia

142988855028617067891128_f27ec907fc_b-720x480So we also ventured to Streetbird. I don’t know if you have heard of a guy by the name of Marcus Samuelsson and his visit to Memphis but he had a blast. We figured that we would give him equal props. Blog Post to follow later.

IMG_1575Here you go you Gluten Free/BBQ Grill hating Work Husband Bastard. Hope you had a great poop because of these. FYI – These taste like shit.

Have a good day and Best of Luck to my Bar wife as she expels a child today!

 

Closed until further notice

You read about it all the time up here. “After X years of faithful business we regret to inform you that we are closing.” I am fully aware that the margin to operate a restaurant is razor thin. You have the pressure to have a consistent menu, a decent wine list, servers that won’t sabotage you, and bartenders who won’t rob you. Then you have to worry about the health department scores and if you are a fancy restaurant those pesky Michelin Star ratings can make one a tad crazy. But now you have to worry about rent that can go in upwards of 60K a month depending on your location. Yes I said 60K, that is rent for one of the mega chain restaurants in Times Square.

The other day I read where Philippe Lanjaunie closed the downtown Les Halles restaurant where Anthony Bourdain got his fame. He closed the one on Park Avenue about a year and a half claiming soaring rent. I looked up some stats and the cost of running a restaurant in New York as compared to in LA and it was shocking;

  • Rent in New York costs roughly $120 a square foot as compared to $52 a square foot in LA.
  • Produce and Meat is more expensive here in Manhattan as owners of restaurants in both LA and NYC say that it is 44 percent less to operate in California.
  • Hiring staff is a bear here in NYC, the average salary for a cook in NYC is about $30K where in LA it is about $25K. With minimum wage going up you can expect margins to go even tighter.

IMG_1272I know that GrainBin Girl died a little the day that this sucker shut their doors.

10583294_GYou would be surprised how many of these you see up here.

Bottom Line – Go out and eat Local. Tip your server and send back a $20 for the dishwasher too!

 

 

 

 

Katie Mac is going to kill me – The Campbell Apartment Bar & Lounge

Yeah, she is over in Europe right now according to her Snaps but when she reads this she may fly direct back to JFK just to whip my arse. You see when I moved up here Katie Mac was the first to tell me about The Campbell Apartment in Grand Central Station and how cool it was. I visited it once to meet up with a former client of mine from Memphis (think “Thank You Cattlemens”) but she had to bag at the last minute. It took me a while to find the joint. I mean I have lived up here now 2 years and I finally can make my way around Grand Central without difficulty but it is still huge.

So when RJ and JL (not Social Media JL, Ponzi Scheme JL) were in town this past weekend we made a trip with the Asian Fireman to The Campbell Apartment for drinks. I was in work clothes but I recalled that when they were with old management it was slacks and dress shirts. Thankfully the new ownership relaxed the rules just a tad.

Drinks at the Campbell are old school New York; manhattans, classic martinis and upscale bourbons and scotches. Our group chose Red Wine, Manhattans, a Martini and someone had to keep it real and ordered a Bud Light. The service at The Campbell is impeccable and we had a good time and left after having 2 rounds. Thank God we left when we did, to drink in Midtown Manhattan you pay to play.

Katie Mac – Don’t worry when you come up I promise to take you there.

the-entranceEnter off of the Vanderbilt Pass which is on the West side of Grand Central. To find it inside the terminal is tricky.

plaque-for-the-campbellYou can also look for the sign too.

IMG_1462 (1)Picture from Ponzi Scheme JL – Of the Main Bar and the huge ass ceilings

IMG_1446The Asian Fireman and I win the award for the most expensive drinks in the joint

IMG_1464Even the coasters are fancy

IMG_1465Gold raised lettering too! Patrick Bateman from American Psycho would drink here

Don’t bust my chops, some of you guys drink on Beale Street or the Peabody Hotel.

 

Two Years living at 40.7672° N, 73.9560° W – We are now home.

I will get to the title of this entry in a minute. But for those of you naysayers who said “That short fucker won’t last a month up there with them Yankees” pay up bitches! First of all apologies to my now 10 readers (that’s right we have 10 readers now) for not posting anything yesterday, I have had a week from hell. It was 2 years ago today that we pulled up to 1330 First Avenue (that’s the Lat & Long in the title) in a rented U-Haul Truck and unloaded all of our stuff into a 535 square foot apartment in the Upper East Side. At the time I didn’t have no job, no idea of what we were in for, and I just moved 1600 miles away from a helluva network that I had built for 45 years.

I have spoken ad nauseum about “pulling off the Band-Aid” or how going out on a limb has been such an unbelievable experience for Mrs. Trumpet and I. Even last night as we were having drinks at our local establishment we talked how after Mrs. Trumpet kicked cancer’s ass that it woke the both of us up. Aside from moving up here, both of us now have jobs with companies that we actually enjoy working for. Both of us are working harder than we ever have and it doesn’t really bother us. This time next spring she will have finished up her MBA at NYU as she took 21 credits this past year. I mean, I bitched when I had to take 12 hours at the University but Superwoman knocked that shit out of the park.

LOOK DOWN HERE I AM FINALLY GETTING TO MY POINT – Sorry I have a bad case of having diarrhea of the mouth and like to get on my soapbox. So a couple of weeks back as I was enjoying my Murray’s Bagel (Not Toasted, mind you) I was reading Rebecca’s POST about being back in the US but how Belize was now actually home. This started to make me think; I have pretty much all of my possessions in a room that is no bigger than your standard garage and I am very content with that notion. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss that I am not there to watch my nieces and nephews grow up. I do miss listening to RJ bitch because he has 2 girls in diapers (I am kidding Mal-O-Rie) and his beer drinking is taking a hit due to it. I miss seeing my friends and family but as much as you may not like to hear this; home is now in New York.

With my job there is always discussions about “So what is your next step?” If you have been hiding under a rock you realize that I don’t actually sell tour bus tickets to the tourists in Times Square but actually the place I work for has it’s Headquarters in Memphis. I hear this a lot “So do you want to move back to Memphis?” and my normal answer is “I haven’t even figured out this job yet, why do I want to move already?” But the truth is that who really knows what will happen. I learned a very long time ago not to burn any bridges because one day you may need to use that bridge again. You will never ever see me bash Memphis like the spoiled little shit millennial blog writer did who moved to the west Coast. Sure Memphis has some issues but that is what makes it such a unique place to live. I get asked all the time up here where I am from. When I tell them they normally give me the “We have been to Nashville, is that the same?” You try not to publically laugh at them but I normally I say no but ask them if they were there for a bachelor/bachelorette party. Next steps for Mrs. Trumpet and I? Who knows, we are enjoying living on this rock right now.

IMG_8491

I am glad that day was over. Trust me, driving 1600 miles in a U-Haul that is govern’d down to 70 miles per hour will make one a tad crazy.

IMG_1403Hey Scoop – Don’t hate the player, hate the Game! I am glad to read that you are doing well up north of the bridge. We will be in Mexico around the middle of December for a couple of days.

IMG_1399Hey Fucker – Where are those Trolleys that I used to bark at?

IMG_1401Jo – “You do know that we carry 30 beers on tap and have a substantial list of New York Microbrews don’t you?”
Me – “There are starving kids in china too but I am not sending my half eaten sandwich over there. Give me a Bud Light Please.”

lady-liberty-facing-theThat view doesn’t suck you know

I see that I have gone well over my 400 words and we have to get ready for a 4 year olds birthday party in the Bronx so I will close with a corny saying that I have seen people post.

“Memphis will always be in my heart but New York City is Home.”

Thanks for reading this worthless dribble now for 2 years. Next year we really tear the roof of this sucker!

Pictures of the Week! And its Restaurant Week Too!

Hope everyone in Memphis is trying to stay cool. I am not going to lie, it felt pretty nice this week not sweating into my socks after our rainstorm earlier in the week. The Kid in the puffy coat still takes the cake, bless his heart. We are starting New York’s summer restaurant week that runs till August 18. In other words this is my Graceland or otherwise its like a fat kid eating cake!

daniel-profile-860x574Oh Grainbin Girl is going to be pissed now. Yep we are going to be dining with this man at not one but 2 of his joints for restaurant week.

IMG_1372I think it was best when Rebecca said that this person must be from Belize. It was 70 degrees out folks.

IMG_1365Shout out to Sandy and Rick our former Rowing Coaches – That is big balls rowing right there folks. That isn’t some little lake, it is the Hudson River! #Power #thatswhatshesaid

IMG_1363Need to make it over there one time. I hear it is nice

IMG_1366Now that folks is a Bar!

IMG_1360Went on a boat ride last Sunday. Nice shot of the Brooklyn Bridge and Lower Manhattan in the background.

IMG_1364Some Bitch in the Harbor! And S/O to Boris my new barber! My hair game was on point this past Sunday!

IMG_1368Well we do have the Bakers Dozen shows of Phish at MSG going on now.

IMG_1362Freedom Tower on an overcast day

I will let you know how Dinner was! #donthatetheplayerhatethegame

 

If it is on the Internet then it must be true

I have had a couple of my readers call me out and say I was full of shit regarding the Cross Dressing Jogger from my SWINGING POST earlier this week. First of all, I am not full of shit (stop laughing), I am always sincere (I said stop laughing) when I post things on the worthless dribble of a blog. (I will wait for you to go clean up your screen on your monitor or tablet b/c you blew coffee all over the screen.) Yesterday when Mrs. Trumpet and I were returning from having a drink going to church I asked Bobby the Doorman if the cross dressing jogger had been by yet. He said no but it was very close in the hour for him to jog by in his boudoir attire and running shoes. And you wonder why the doormen in our building love it when I come walking up, you don’t know what you are going to get.

We were speaking with one of the other doormen (Bobby’s English is so-so) and Freddy was telling us the cross dressing jogger’s story. “Elegant” Elliot Offen was a regular on the Howard Stern show till he got banned from the Sirius building in 2006 for punching a hole in the wall. He lives up in the Upper East Side and prefers to jog in attire that is traditionally not associated with road races. He has been known to be somewhat abrasive and has yelled at people while jogging. This sadly has also led to a couple of altercations with people and naturally the media calls it a hate crime. Freddy also told me that he speaks to Elliot from time to time and he is a stand up guy. Granted Freddy and I do admit that that Elliot’s outfit are on the racy for a reason. Hey everybody has got to work out don’t they?

IMG_1350You go Elegant Elliot! You go on with your bad self in your red satin nightie, green gloves, black elbow sleeves and eye black. Its a jungle out there on the streets of the Upper East Side.

Now before anyone starts dialing me up saying that I am casting aspersions on cross dressing or anything like that let me stop you right now. I love that I live in a city that if you want to put on an outfit like Elliot and it doesn’t break any laws or civil codes then by all means have at it. As long as he or anyone for that matter goes about their day and isn’t vulgar or offensive to young children then go get you some. Personally I have to give Elegant Elliot props;

  1. He is jogging in the worst part of the day when there are all kinds of heat advisories going on.
  2. The long hair in this humidity, I would be wearing that shit in a pony tail if I were in his Nikes.
  3. His choice of clothing may be considered strange but I bet he will be singing a different tune if he is wearing the associated crotch-less undergarments with that red teddy. Talk about some swamp ass!

I hope you have a good day and have a good weekend.

The Trumpets go to 161st street

One of the perks that Mrs. Trumpet has at work in addition to all the free office supplies she can steal is that she can get free New York Yankees tickets on occasion. This past Friday we got some tickets and invited the Asian Fireman and his family. This was the first Yankees game for Fee and C-Man and they were pumped to say the least. We headed up on the 4 train and were greeted with an hour and 45 minute rain delay. The kids were great and only cost their parents a couple hundred bucks with Yankees Swag, junk food and naturally cotton candy. The game was not much in terms of offense but the kids had a great time. We got to hang out with the Asian Fireman and Asian Fireman’s wife and catch up.

19424438_10155475772549764_179133934817604610_nNeedless to say there were some upset Philly Fans by this picture. Wee Fee also graduated from Kindergarten earlier in the day and had her first Subway ride in the day too!

IMG_1166The Tarp was still on the field but thankfully Mrs. Trumpet got our tickets out of the elements.

IMG_1170Play Ball!

19420845_10155584014923783_8798188607574298526_nHeading home. C-Man and Fee had a blast. And for those of you wondering, we are National League fans so being a Yankees fan is ok. Unless the Cubs or the Cardinals play the Yankees then it is game on!

 

 

What do you do for groceries?

You would be surprised how many times we get asked that question. I swear that some people think that just because we don’t have a car or Kroger in Midtown we are starving up here. Granted we do have a grocery store right across the street but I am not a fan of Anal Rape and don’t like paying 100 bucks for 4 items that should cost 20 bucks in the suburbs.

We do have Fresh Direct and Peapod food delivery services but they don’t carry everything so we are forced to go out to hunt and gather. The Morton Williams across the street is ok for things you need in a pinch but they cost more than Whole Foods or a bodega and I prefer Fairways Grocery. A couple of weeks back my former boss, Ernie Mellor, posted a Grilled Corn and Butter Bean summer salad that we used to enjoy. I was craving that so I decided on Sunday morning I would venture up to E86th Street to get provisions. Now the Fairways is about 18 blocks away and schlepping groceries isn’t the easiest in New York if you don’t have a buggy. I bought one a couple years ago and it is great for carrying stuff to and from.

I jump on the Q to E86th street and thankfully the store wasn’t mobbed as one would normally expect. I credit this to lots of people being out of town and that it was rather early in the morning. I get my groceries and lug my cart back to the apartment and get to work on grilling some corn and make the salad. Dinner was excellent by the way.

IMG_1172Here is the recipe for those of you New Yorkers who wish to have something different.

IMG_1179Here is my little Cart while we wait for the Sunday Subway schedule

IMG_1180Fairly Quiet on E86th Street this morning.

IMG_1181Front of the store on E86th Street

IMG_1182Prepared Fruits Section

IMG_1195I knew that the little clip I picked up at Home Depot would come in handy. I can hang my buggy on the shopping cart.

IMG_1196The Produce Section is killer here.

IMG_1197Anybody need 40 pounds of Garlic?

IMG_1198This joint has a serious Butcher and Fish Monger Station.

IMG_1199Not going to lie there are about 20 different species of fish that I am not familiar with when I come here

IMG_1200A Casino Clam?

IMG_1203Went with Crab Cakes in honor of some former Memphian’s that are now new Baltimorean residents

IMG_1202Oh Look, the Gluten Haters have their own section.  Yep, I am going to take some shit from UWS Holly for this one. I have always poked fun of Gluten Free people and or Vegetarians saying that they were the new Al Qaeda because people used it as the new diet. UWS Holly actually is gluten intolerant and can’t digest it. Personally that sucks because who doesn’t love Jiffy Cornbread? Oh yeah, I am getting a text message for this one.

IMG_1201They love some Goya Canned Vegetables up here. Would it kill you to carry the Glory Brand?

IMG_1210Joker is packed to the gills ready to head back to E71st Street.

IMG_1211Here comes the Q Train

IMG_1212Just one subway stop. There were lots of people heading to Midtown to the Pride Parade

IMG_1213Taking Stairs with this cart is a pain in the ass. Thankfully they have lots of escalators on the new Second Avenue Subway line.

IMG_1214Finished the Corn and Butter Bean Salad (used a different version of cherry tomatoes to give it a different color)

Note to self – You are a fool if you don’t use one of the grocery delivery services for having bottled water, mixers or other heavy ass items delivered to your door.