CBT you are so full of Shit

Where do you come up with these names?

Sorry for the delay in posting. I was busy last week because we had a long weekend to the Midwest for a wedding and I am getting back into the swing of things. Oh that and Mary Louise is +13 hours ahead of me in Japan so I am running this household all by myself. What pisses me off is that Mary Louise won’t tell me the Final Jeopardy answers since she is a day ahead of me. I hate to tell RJ but I think that she has found a new Sushi Buddy.

While we were in the Midwest this past weekend I had a couple of my readers of this worthless dribble ask me; “Where do you come up with the names of the people you interact with?” Naturally I “change the names to protect the innocent or non-sober” but some of the Mo-Ho’s were asking me how I created their names. Let me give you some insight into some of the players you read on this worthless dribble;

  • Mary Louis/Mrs. Trumpet – Thanks To Vivian Longstreet, she penned this because it is her soap opera name. She is also a perfume designer.
  • Maria – She keeps her name because she is my trusted consigliere and quite frankly she knows where all the bodies are buried. Seriously, has anyone seen Trucker Jim or Box of Rocks lately? I rest my case.
  • The Work Wife, The International One – Well she is a work friend and that is what she does
  • The Work Wife, The Domestic One – Currently Vacant
  • The Work Wife, The Managing One – See “Work Wife, The Domestic One” because she got a promotion.
  • The Asian Fireman – Well his last name is Lee so you do the math here.
  • Mr. 3 First Names – What can I say, this Staten Island resident has 3 first names in his first and last names.
  • Lady Barrister/Landlord – It is what she does and she is the landlord to Mr 3 first names
  • Z Squared – Couples name for 2 people whose last names start with Z (this isn’t rocket science folks)
  • UWS Holly – Someone names Holly who may live in the Upper West Side?
  • Baby Fine Hair (Haven’t spoken about her lately) but this person uses a shampoo that is specifically for people with Baby Fine hair. Hey it is better than me calling her “Person with a Mongoloid Foot Tattoo”!

Now this past weekend at this wedding we attended a new nickname was created. No it wasn’t from my (So in need of therapy) brain. It was from her own Flesh and Blood…..

With that, and I will do a proper blog post on the wedding and weekend. Congrats to Baby Fine Hair and Kristina on their wedding this past weekend!!!!

IMG_4270Hey don’t blame me Kiki (what I used to call Kristina before this weekend) blame your brother! Congrats and we were so happy to share with you your special day!

For those of you who weren’t in St. Louis the Celebrant (the bride on the left’s brother) when announcing the names of the newly married instead of saying K—n inserted his own wife’s name, Kristina, by mistake. Me I am going to roll with it!

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Pictures of the Week

Well we made it to Friday guys! The schools are out for the summer up here so it is officially summer in the North East. This weekend we are excited in the fact that we really don’t have much planned other than a show on Saturday night/Early Sunday morning. Mary Louise told me that she wants to sleep in tomorrow as her ass has been getting up early heading to Penn to catch early trains into New Jersey.

Anyway here are some pictures from the past weeks;

IMG_3495Such a mean woman. Looking out for my best interest so I don’t get my ass fired.

IMG_3480Since we have grills on the 3rd floor I took advantage of them. Honey Ginger Teriyaki marinated Pork Tenderloin that Ernie Mellor of A Moveable Feast/Hog Wild Catering makes.

IMG_3481Hog Wild’s BBQ Shrimp on the grill (they ask that we cook on the foil) very strange if you ask me.

IMG_0428What in the Actual Fuck? Anyone who wears shorts with a suit aka Eddie Munster should have their throat punched. Do you hear me?

IMG_3419Coming up on the 3 year anniversary of us living up here.

IMG_3421When in Times Square

IMG_3423Someone buy my mothers house won’t you? We are jumping the gun and putting her in the Retirement Home with an open Bar. (I am kidding, she is moving near my sister in East Memphis)

IMG_3498A Midtown Uniform Sighting. It was in the mid 80’s that day but douche nozzle felt the need to wear a vest to keep him warm.

IMG_3501I still don’t understand the Pickleback thing

IMG_3500Took her 4 years to finally understand that when I tell her something alcohol related just accept it and don’t ask questions.

IMG_3499If it was only in my size…

Have a good weekend

 

Do we live in Downtown Brooklyn or Boerum Hill? Another Seinfeld Episode Comes To Life

If I have said it once, I have said it a dozen times. Until you move to New York you don’t really appreciate the subtleness of Seinfeld episodes. I realize this post may go over the heads of some of my Memphis readers but here is a good analogy for you. How many times do you get defensive when the media says that there was a shooting in Downtown Memphis when it was actually in North or South Memphis?

Remember the Seinfeld “The Pothole” episode when Elaine was trying to order a specific Chinese dish but was outside of the delivery zone? Even though she was on the other side of the street they still wouldn’t deliver it. Welcome to our life folks. When we were moving in our new dog walker came up to us and was doing her best sell job. When she was walking off she said “You will love living in Boerum Hill it is so different than living anywhere else.” I didn’t really give it much thought but later I started thinking; “I thought we lived in Downtown Brooklyn.” I asked Maria about it and she said that the other side of the street is considered the Boerum Hill neighborhood.

When we lived in the Upper East Side we had a similar situation because how you looked at it we could have lived in the; Upper East Side, Lenox Hill Neighborhood, or even  Yorkville. Not that it is a big deal but I have had to explain a couple of times where we live to native New Yorkers as they can’t identify the area. Normally when I say that we aren’t too far from Juniors Cheesecake they know exactly where we live.

The past week we have done some walking around Downtown Brooklyn and it is all good. We have the Fulton Street Mall (think Main Street Mall in Downtown Memphis) where we can get us a late night Papaya Dog and also shop for a new wig. We have the DeKalb (You don’t pronounce it like the owner of The Vault) Food Court and Mall where we can visit Target, Century 21, Trader Joes and have all kinds of food choices. And let’s don’t forget Smith Street where it is a cross between Overton Square with a Cooper Young Neighborhood feel and Brownstones. Oh did I mention that we have Liquor Store in our building, a stones throw from a Fresh Market and are one subway stop from killer bagels.

More on this later.

where we liveSo the Red Shaded Area is Boerum Hill and the Crude X is our building. Oh and for those wondering Cobble Hill is where the Gnome Lover lives. Wait till he gets back from BBQ Fest and then we start doing some drinking.

IMG_3151Look for the Birdsnest atop the tall ass building and that is our building.

IMG_3157Kind of refreshing to know that there isn’t a CVS or Duane Reade on every corner here. Shop Local!

IMG_3128Not Photo shopped folks, I took this last weekend on my way to….wait for it….a bar!

IMG_3108LVD when should we anticipate your arrival? Oh by the way Lauren 2.0 is heading your way this weekend for WCBCC.

IMG_3159Cannonball!

IMG_3158Smith Street on my way to get a bagel

IMG_310937:03 – that is the time it takes me to get from the UES (more specifically The Cigar Inn) to our new joint. Sadly cigar smoking parlors is frowned upon in Brooklyn. They don’t have any joints like they do in Manhattan.

IMG_3130First Sunday Funday we went to this establishment thanks to Mr. 3 First Names

IMG_3129I have to stay close to my Budlight roots, I do enjoy a good craft beer but when you are going to drink a ton of something it helps having something familiar.

I have about 3 blog entries just about dive bars still in the que.

 

Spring Like Weather and Then Hurricane Tucker

Hope you guys had a fun weekend. I am sure that there a some of you in Memphis who didn’t heed my warning on Twitter and blew it out hard at Rajun Cajun yesterday. Here is to hoping that your hands aren’t shaking too bad as you read this. Finally the weather broke on Friday and Saturday till 5PM. It actually was ‘bead of sweat’ warm on Friday as I joked with the doormen that people will probably be bitching about the heat. Saturday didn’t disappoint until the front moved in and it got chilly on our ride home from Brooklyn.

Friday I got home and we had our Midwestern friend Tucker heading in from New Jersey. She was across the Hudson for work training and decided to spend an evening with us and fly out Saturday. This was just fine with us as we knew we were in for a full fun night. Since she was rolling into town I was able to find 3 tickets to Losers Lounge Friday night as they were giving tribute to “The Last Waltz.” We met up at the apartment and then had dinner at a Geoffrey Zakarian joint in Midtown East.

If you have been paying attention you will know that I have been doing some juice cleansing and clean eating. Well that shit came to a tumbling halt on Friday as I switched over from green grass and tree bark drinks to Potato based liquid and what the hell. I got me a GZ burger and added bacon to it too! The show didn’t disappoint and the post show drinks were good (?) and before Tucker’s hair could deflate she was headed to LGA.

Saturday we went over to Downtown Brooklyn to check out apartments and had drinks with lady barrister since Mr. 3 First Names was out of town.  Walking into The Commissioner was warm and sunny and temps in the 70’s. Walking out the bottom dropped out of the bottom and it was around 50 with a good wind. Thankfully we had some jet fuel in us but that walk to the subway was brutal!

IMG_2970Sadly I never saw the movie and the second act didn’t dissapoint

IMG_2968Yep all the favorite were preforming tonight

IMG_2965But first lets take a selfie!

IMG_2980Yep he did a Van Morrison song and for those of you wondering that is the same person who sang George Micheal

national-gallery-images-7The interior of GZ’s National – Nice dinner

untitledPretty much it starts out nice here then goes downhill very soon afterwards!

IMG_2986More on this later but we went to Downtown Brooklyn on Saturday

 

Thanks for a fun weekend Tucker and hope everyone behaved this weekend. Its going to be a shitty couple of days up here weather wise.

What do you do when you circle the Sun 48 times?

You celebrate it just like you came into this world: Naked, Confused, and Hungry.

One of the positive things about Facebook is that Facebook Birthdays ARE FRIGGIN AWESOME! I have been having a love/hate with this social media platform as of late but to all those who sent me a message (even some of inappropriate ones) I appreciate you and them!

So for this birthday I decided to cash in on one of my personal days and I am really glad I did because the weather sucked balls. I started the day off by heading over to the West Side for some work shoe shopping. Following that I decided to pamper myself and got myself a “Royale Shave” from my barber Mark. I figure that I started shaving around 14ish so 34 years is about time to have someone else give you a decent shave and hold a straight razor at your neck. For those of you who are wondering what all this is, it is pretty much a facial but with a shave. Any my face feels fabulous!

When you have a 48 year old face that feels like a baby’s butt after a shave what do you do then? Why you get a cheeseburger at Finnegan’s Wake! I have heard ramblings that this Irish UES joint in addition to serving a proper pint of Guinness also has a great burger. It didn’t disappoint.

To finish out the afternoon I headed up to Adult Daycare on E73rd street where I was welcomed by some of the boys while we watched the Yankees Home Opener. I smoked a $30 dollar stick, drank a Nespresso and busted balls with the best of them.

I assure you that a Royale Shave, Burger from Finnegan’s Wake and fancy cigar and all of your shout outs was the best damn birthday I have ever had! Thank you!

Oh and I have 2 more years on the warranty until I have to start to find a General Practice doc who has the smallest hands in Manhattan! Anyone got the number of “The ASSMAN”?

MW40_40ZC_03_COLE_HAAN_BROWN_SETI got to be hip is what they told my old ass today at the shoe store. They look funny and my former boss is laughing at me right now!

best-world-wide-barber-Old-School-Barbershop-tattoo-ink-Gdynia-PolandLie back and have a hot towel on your face while you DGAF > a good day at work

5887911559_7c6b1da84b_o.0We drank here one time and for some reason it didn’t click. Granted half of the patrons are old(er) than us but they serve some good food here.

IMG_2912Disclaimer – I attempted to get a full Pastrami sandwich but I forgot that it was RAB’s holiday!

IMG_2914Cigar Inn on a cold rainy afternoon with the boys watching the Yankees Game while smoking a $30 stick and (allegedly Embargoed) cigar from a country that is 90 miles from our border KICKS THE ASS OF YOUR DAY!

IMG_2907I miss my favorite Mixologist who is older than me by 1 day. This was the greatest!

Again Thank You for all the E-Mails, Texts, Calls and Obscene videos!

Happy Easter Spud! CBT, Mrs. CBT, EGP & Cali-SAB went to Easter Service.

Some of you are expecting an off the cuff comment but let me stop you right now. We went to Catholic Mass on Easter Sunday. Let me say it again for those of you who are in disbelief….. Carbunkle Trumpet Esquire attended High Catholic Mass on Easter Sunday.

What I have failed to mention to you for those of you who are still reading and not in complete disbelief please follow along… We attended church at The Church of St. John Nepomucene down the street from where we live. Were you not raised Roman Catholic or have Brother Joel McGraw for class let me help you again. John Neopomucene was the patron of Czechoslovakia, where he is invoked against floods and against slander.

No big deal right? Well make sure you don’t slurp your morning coffee for this next paragraph. The High Mass that EGP, Cali-SAB, Mrs. Trumpet and I attended was said in the Slavic language. Yes for an hour and a half we sat in full Catholic Mass not knowing a spoken word that was being said. Put it this way, EGP leans over in my direction and mouth whispers; Whisky Tango Foxtrot!  Regardless of the fact that we didn’t know any of the responses or were too petrified we did find out that we were in the company of the Arch Bishop who led this service.

Yep we had the Big Brass for the Slovakian Mass. What did you do on Easter Sunday?

197A5221-Version-3Here is the Church on First Avenue at 66th Street. Didn’t THIS BLOG POST back when we were on our way to the bar and ran into The Pope. This happens to be the church we stood by when he rolled by.

HOLYWEEKNote the Easter Sunday, April 1st service and see the 10:15 offering…Yep Full Slovak Mass I guess we should have paid attention to that.

IMG_9072But we saw The Pope almost 2.5 years ago from this church and walked by it a million times to go see Andi, Jo and Ryan at Baker Street and never did we think to take a look at the mass times….

 

Happy Easter!

Pictures of the Week – Happy Fish Friday Folks!

Shout out to my favorite Pseudo Catholic R A B – She does loves Lent more than Brown Water Season.

So last weekend I was down in the count with a sinus infection and I guess because I live in the petri dish of society (aka New York) I am not any better. I was coughing up a storm this evening sitting next to Golden T (see what I did there TG) at dinner and she was concerned. I assured her that it was self induced and I would be back to my cigar smoking self soon. Regardless here are this week’s (it has been a short week) pics of the week. And I apologize if you are stalkers of mine on Instagram because you may see some repeats.

IMG_2739This is the equivalent of Krystal’s up north. And they ship them in a friggin box of 30!

IMG_2740So those two guys in the middle of the picture…yep they are twins and they just celebrated 45 trips around the sun. Oh but one of them is going to Memphis for Memphis in May BBQ Fest. So Staten Island S Squared (see did what I did there again) you want to be my date that weekend? I got “A Guy”!

IMG_2741Sunday we ate well on some Sunday Sauce

IMG_2751Not sure what is more frightening. The Tribble (Star Trek reference) on LJZ’s purse or the carpet at the Downtown Marriott.

IMG_2753So if I may bust some chops now. I had no idea that the A**** F****** was on tour. Photo Credit to Air Traffic Jenna

Have a good weekend folks. It’s been a wild week for us. I am looking forward to having a Sunday Funday one of these days.

 

Pictures of the past weeks –

On a Monday? What gives Carbunkle, you get too juiced like a Ferrari this past weekend and forget to take your foam out and document the shenanigans? Actually it has been kind of boring up here as of late. Friday night we went over and drank wine at a friends house, Saturday we slept in till noon and that night we didn’t do anything. *Disclaimer – I am writing this Sunday morning as the wife and 2 dogs are sleeping* And Sunday we don’t really have any hard core plans other than chilling out on the couch watching the Grammys.

So here are some pictures that I have had on my photo reel for a couple weeks. As you can see it isn’t always fancy dinners and fancy drinks every night. Well I did have happy hour drinks with the Work Wife (the domestic one, not the international one) at Tommy Bahamas on 5th Avenue on Friday.

IMG_2612Coffee or Booze? Only I will know

IMG_2557This is just absurd. They have these cigars (the one on the right) at my Cigar joint. Who in the hell wants to smoke a 8 X 80 cigar. You put that thing in your mouth and you look like you are sucking on a (oh hey, look at the time) *The Ashton Churchill is next to it for scale and size*

IMG_2568We adopted one, we hated being the odd ones out so say hello to Carbunkle Elvis Trumpet Jr! We are kidding, this is the offspring of the Asian Fireman who we will always spoil and be nice to. That way when we get old we can have him wipe our butts.

IMG_2554I think the ambient temperature with the wind-chill outside is close to 5 degrees. Even New Jersey looks nice from inside.

IMG_2541I wonder why I am turning into a Fat Kid.

IMG_2614A K for a fucking stroller? F that! I will just go steal one that is parked outside of all the diners in the Upper East Side. In speaking to Lady Barrister the other night there are a couple outside of the hall in her building.

IMG_2608Rule Number 1 for anyone walking the streets of Manhattan – DO NOT FUCKING HAVE A UMBRELLA THAT IS BIGGER THAN THE WIDTH OF TWO PEOPLE!

IMG_2610Congrats to my friends on 10 years of running a successful bar in downtown Memphis. See you in April!

IMG_2613Come to work at (INSERT COMPANY NAME HERE) it will be fun they said………….. I am kidding, I do work for a great company but there are days that I wished my parents encouraged me to go to Medical School.

Have a good week folks and I promise to get my ass into gear.

You want to go drink some wines from Switzerland?

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I am back. I was busy last week tormenting the Memphis parents of kids who were out of school for 10 days. It was a lot of fun and it really is like shooting ducks at the Peabody hotel between the hours of 11AM and 5PM. We got an email from Lady Barrister of the Murphranks asking if we wanted to go taste & drink swill some wines from Switzerland. Naturally I was intrigued because I have never tasted any wines from this country and I am always up for some day drinking with the Murphranks.

Swiss wines are grown in roughly 15,000 Hectares (37K Acres) of land. Put it this way California produces wine from 520K acres. So 93% of the wine produced in Switzerland never leave the country. Add to that it is hard to harvest the grapes due to the terrain and the high cost of living in Switzerland and the climate…..this ain’t cheap bottle of wine. The tasting was held at Anfora restaurant in Greenwich Village and let me tell you, they do a great job there.

The wine guy came out and said that this wasn’t going to be a snobby wine tasting and he encouraged us to speak up if we liked it or not. Naturally they served us some food to nosh on and I can already tell that I am a fan of Switzerland. They had one of those cheese melt broiler thingie’s on the bar. I was in love. Booze and Cheese….(hey Neighbor, quit drooling and get in the car)

We sampled 8 wines (3 white and 5 reds) and I found out that even though it may be expensive Swiss Wines are the bees knees. I may have to make a trip there (in the summer) to check it out.

IMG_2599They Fancy at Anfora. Even had a placemat of the wines we were going to taste.

IMG_2603What is that thing I asked the bar manager. She told me wait and the show will start soon.

IMG_2597Wait is that a block of cheese and one of those broiler things. Oh hell yes!

IMG_2598Hey Chef, just move that over here and give me a crack at it.

IMG_2600Melted Cheese Goodness over potatoes and meat. How good is life right now?

IMG_2606The wines that we sampled. Yes I originally said we had 8 wines but there are only 7 listed here. We got bonus wine at the end!

IMG_2595Naturally we had to prepare our palettes with some booze and sought out Tavern on Jane Street. Snapped this as it reminded me of Bardog!

IMG_2604Naturally we finished up the evening at a Greenwich Village staple and had burgers with Vodka from Austin.

A good time was had by all. Thanks Murphranks.

Merry New Year – Beef Jerky Time!

Hope that you had a great New Years Eve and New Years Day. I am currently enjoying poor health (not from alcohol you jackasses) because 300 gallons of snot is being produced in my head so my throat and nose have been on overdrive today. The joys of living here in the North.

Anyway I am going to try to catch up with this post so my next post (probably towards the end of the week) will be current. With that here are some pics on my iFoam.

IMG_2443Son, I don’t care if you are from the Fucking North Pole, it is winter here in New York City and the floors are NASTY. Put some fucking shoes on! Oh and this is the same guy who pulled my (still in the dryer and on the cool down cycle) laundry out and put it in a basket. He may be missing some clothes…..

IMG_2432Our WiFi name is “Penny Get Your Own Wifi” from Big Bang Theory. I am glad to know that there are some Seinfeld fans out there still!

IMG_2455Shout out to my favorite Hoosier Work Wife!

IMG_4077So glad these two knuckleheads came into town and I was able to meet up with them for a drink. I need to get out to Colorado for a trip.

IMG_7873Let this be a lesson to you iFoam people. If you have your ‘airdrop’ app thing on then people can put pics on your foam. Thankfully it wasn’t a hammer pic like I understand is the all the rage on the subways but some girls who were at the next table to us. They were cute and had a blast.

IMG_2486W46th Street between 8th and 7th Ave. Or as I told my father – the closest that I wanted to get to the silliness of Times Square.

IMG_2483Looks like I will never have to cook another meal while living in New York City. *unless we go visit Lightbulbs parents and I have to smoke meat* Momma got her an InstaPot. The problem is that I am not a big fan of yogurt.

IMG_2509Zsquared on New Years Eve #theyweresober

IMG_2510The Trumpets on New Years Eve #wewerenot

Hope you had a good laugh and had a great New Years Eve.

As a friend of mine said there are 365 days in a year so we have 365 chances. Go Make A Fucking Difference! If 2017 wasn’t your year then change your circumstances. Don’t bitch!