CBT you are so full of Shit

This One Could Get Me An Award

Geranium and I are very thankful for a lot of things. I am thankful that we are employed. Both of us have occupations that allow us to stay busy and focused during this. Like I have said numerous times, we don’t watch the news and my Twitter Feed is pretty non-current events as much as I can but still stay informed. Facebook, I have gotten to the point where I am just blatantly blocking people for their ignorance and or belief that there aren’t slants on news sources.

So on the weekend we don’t have much to do in terms of work and we now find ourselves finding shit to do. I do this because well, lets be honest, you can only watch Tiger King so many times. Another thing is that we don’t need to start drinking at 10AM. Yeah the vibe is getting serious up here.

Pre COVID-19 my Saturday would consist of doing laundry, taking the dry cleaning with Maya and then knocking out the other ancillary items. A drink with the Murphranks or some other fun item would be on our Saturday plans and that was it, we loved it! Now days we are missing it but know we shouldn’t sneak over and have a “house party” because it takes one fuck up and someone’s mother or father is dead.

So we are on lockdown and seriously, nobody really needs to be out in this shit. Because of this I created a list of stuff to do. This particular Saturday after we did the laundry I decided it was time to clean that oven and stove and the kitchen. I cleaned the bathroom like it was in a MTA Subway. Then I went big balls and went after Geranium & my jewelry cabinet.

Yes folks I am about to fucking blog about cleaning the oven and other stuff. Oh and because your ass better be inside you are going to read it too! Oh and the last picture on this thread is a bonus because that will tell you how bored I was today.

Yep, I shower every day and put on my uniform of Jeans, Golf Shirt and my Black Pull over. I did this when I was Fun-Employed 10 years ago.
Yeah I know it’s 10AM and I haven’t been out since 11:30 last night but there is another hooman in the bed so I am good.
Cleaned all the spices and oils.
Yep, This wasn’t fun but at least it is clean
Like I said, we are blessed so we paid the maid last week to make sure she stayed the fuck home.
Picture solely to annoy my foodie friends. Each box marks a trip to per se at Christmas.
I am glad this is done.
Geranium has a lot of necklaces
Broke out the Iron and did my handkerchiefs.
Who I am I kidding, I am not getting on the Manhattan Streets till maybe May and some think June. But they will be ready!
Now feel free to Judge The Fuck out of me.
Yes I ironed and starched the pillowcases.

So a friend of Vivian & Stone who we met many moons ago in Belize and now lives in Tudor City told me that he has his bedding starched. I was enthralled because I normally will just put the clean pillow case on the pillow and call it a day. So in my attempt to keep from drinking I followed Ty Middelton’s (that is his Soap Opera Name) advice and starched them. Wait till our maid returns and I inform she is to now do this. Like I said, this is some award winning shit!

Seriously folks – Stay the Fuck Home!

Adjusting to Things

New Yorkers are resilient. They can put up with a lot of shit that normal people would say “Oh Hell No, Check Please.” We cram into dirty sardine cans daily to get to work secretly hoping that the person next to us doesn’t stink or fart. We live in small ass spaces and pay more money for this when it is the complete opposite of people in other parts of the world. We live in a place where we have people from so many different countries it is just the norm to see people dressed in their native attire or hear their accent or native tongue.

New Yorkers survived 9/11, Hurricane Sandy and we most certainly will survive this damn thing. But what is going on right now is really strange to people who don’t live here. Case in point this whole Social Distancing thing and that there is NOBODY outside. This is what is really strange to us who have gotten used to it.

Oh I guess when we survive this thing and Geranium and I don’t kill each other we can get our “New Yorker” pin. Maria I am looking to you for your ruling.

This is the Manhattan Bridge from my window. It is a dual vehicle and subway bridge and is the second one going from the Tip of Manhattan going up the East River (BMW = Brooklyn, Manhattan, Williamsburg)
What you are looking at on this shitty day is 1 ten car subway on the bridge. On normal rush hour you see one every 7 minutes and sometimes 2 of them on the bridge at the same time. I counted and the lag time between subway is now 15 to 20 minutes.
Do you know how many elevators I have ridden in the past 2 weeks that I am the only asshole in the car? This building is 750 apartments and everyone is staying in.
It is hard to Social Distance on the streets at times. I find myself walking down the middle of the street at times.
Sadly I didn’t Insta-Story this trip to the grocery store yesterday. As you can see people are not hoarding paper towels in Brooklyn
Andrew Cuomo – “Why are people hoarding TP?” I can report that this particular brand sucks and I won’t use this to blow my nose but its good enough for my arse!
Normal shelves, sure some spots are blown out but its not Doomsday
Again I don’t watch the news so I don’t know what they are saying. I have had a lot of you reach out to me and I am very appreciative. We are going to be ok.
I would give my left eye tooth to grill out but our 3rd floor living space is closed until further notice.
Social Distancing Spots on the Floor.
I got the items I missed Sunday or Saturday when I did the Live Insta-Story. I also got a 12 pack of beer to offset my Vodka addiction

You know how I hate to use the terms “The New Normal”, “Un-Presented”, “UnCharted”, “Be Safe”, and “Be Well”? I would kill to get on the subway and give one of my “Are you Fucking Kidding Me?” looks!!!

The Real MVP's Of This Thing

Some of you didn’t know this but I started in professional sales working for a Food Distributor. This was the old D.Canale Foods where the old downtown warehouse is now condos and apartments. When you start out working for them you go into the ‘Express’ where you handled smaller accounts. In addition to sales you also loaded and delivered your own orders. This made you get up early in the morning and naturally in the summer you sweated like a whore in church.

When I moved on to working for Caterpillar Material Handling I found that I missed that type of sales because you got some exercise but let me tell you something. I now have a huge respect for any person who has to deliver in the elements. My old former neighbor, the late great Wild Bill Craven, drove the Brown Truck for UPS. As he told me one time over a couple of beers, it sucks sometime but it isn’t like we are curing cancer.

Ladies and Gentlemen when we get done with all of this, I may openly hug and kiss any delivery person I encounter. Here they are out delivering the things that we need, making minuscule of wages and risking their lives to make sure we get our shit. I am serious when I say that anytime you get a delivery right you make sure you tip them to the point of financial uncomfortableness. God Bless You Men and Women.

Ok, I am off my soapbox now. Here are the pics from Monday. Oh and I didn’t leave the house till the evening walk for Maya. It rained all day and Maya really didn’t want to go out in that shit anyway.

I am worried about some folks on my favorite Island. That is kind of ironic for a guy who is sitting with Ringside Fucking Seats on the Northeast Epicenter. Belize now has their first confirmed case of COVID-19. I have messaged with a couple friends on the island privately but and can offer this to you extended family.
Its a Hurricane Mentality – You stay the Fuck inside, You practice Social Distancing. You don’t turn on the US News because it is crap anyway and don’t fall into the trap to posting shit that you don’t know to be truthful. Its ok to be nervous but if you can handle not being with power for any length of time you got this. We are all going to get through this. Some of you however will be spiting out kids in 9-10 months. Yes I am looking at you Warria!
Photo forwarded to me by my main girl TacoGirl who the next time I see I will kiss on the mouth!
So when I am on person to person calls I walk around our palatial apartment. I was over by our door which is also the place where we put all of our upcoming shit. Deep down I am glad that this got postponed till the fall. They were getting married on my birthday and I was going to Eleven Madison Park and was going to have to pass on their wedding.
See you in the fall Sky and April!
This picture made me lose my concentration today.
I was telling a customer that I was unsure if we can change the delivery address from New York City to Florida.
You see de plane was already inbound to EWR.
And I bet that “An Obscene Amount of Money” was on the stick and lawd knows he would give me some serious grief.
This fall I expect to see everyone.
Like I said today sucked for a view. Rain and Fog all day. Even the Rubber Chicken next to the humidifier (that was empty) was pissed at today.
Exchanged Texts with these knuckleheads a couple days ago. Wait till the one on the left finds out that Tio Carbunkle isn’t going to let her date till she is 30.
Same for this one but she gets on the Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship list when she graduates from St. Mary’s.
These two knuckleheads inform me of their day each time daddy facetimes us.
Hey Obscene Amount of Money Mom – Feel free to call us too!
We are going to attempt to get some things that we have needed to do for a long time. This will then allow us to drink afterwards. Sadly the real job we now do is still taking a lot of our time while we are working from home.
I saw this thanks to Brother Aloysius today and I had to share with you.
By the way Z(squared) – I do expect this to add to the bathroom.

Again, make sure you tip those saviors who are delivering your stuff. And be nice to your fellow Man/Woman.

Sunday Funday Afternoon Post

I had a couple more pictures on my iFoam yesterday so here is your bonus Sunday post. And for those of you who are paid subscribers this one is on the house. #CBTCares

Oh and featured picture was taken about a month ago. It is very strange to say that I miss riding the Subway. At least I could see some strange people who are acting like a fool.

Took the Dog Out And Saw The Pucci Car.
I mean this is kinda spooky.
Happy to report the Green Lady of Brooklyn is alive and doing well. She is now staying home.
I remember once when I was in Belize I was peeling an Onion and I cut away about 3 or 4 layers of the onion and Cindy and Renita jumped my ass for being wasteful.
We are now in Caribbean Island Precautions with Paper Products
Snapped this when I was in Memphis 2 weeks ago.
Re-Hung this yesterday. How are everyone else home chores doing?
Back when we weren’t Social Distancing.

Z(squared) and I were talking the other day and we said when we do get to come out and re-socialize that it could be like THUNDERDOME! I mean this will be some epic drinking gthat will make St. Patrick’s Day, Santa-Con, West Village Halloween, and Coney Island Mermaid festivals seem like the Catalina Wine Mixer!

Be Safe Out there!

Pictures of the Week

So here are some remaining pics from Memphis and other pics on my foam.

While we were at W&D’s house waiting on our Uber to the party these two knuckleheads were coming home from a day on South Main. Bonus!
This Knuclehead! We thanked Lisa Marie for letting us hang with her mom and dad in Mexico!
The airport is kinda quiet on a Sunday Morning.
I saw this pic and I hope to God it isn’t Budha or anyone that I know from down in New Orleans.
Wow, this is going to be just one big parking lot soon. Bye Terminal B!
This ‘may’ be why we missed the first flight out at 6AM. Thankfully we got on the next one!
The Former house of the Canadian, Conley and I hear the new folks are cool too!

Like I said, we will be back and spend more time, we promise.

17 Hours In Memphis

You recall the Bourdain show called “The Layover?” This post is nothing like that.

So Ba (that would be my mother) celebrated 70 trips around the sun back in December. Ba decided that she would celebrate her party in 2020 as there was a bunch of stuff going on this past December. It was decided that they would do a joint party and have it in late February.

That was great in theory but we had already committed on attending family Christmas up in Northwest Arkansas the week of Valentines day. We explained to Ba that we could only make one event and we agreed to meeting at family Christmas. Ba sent us the invite to the party and it sat on our table for a couple of days. We decided that we would try to make a trip down for the party by rolling that Non-Rev dice and get in and out flying stand by.

Long story short, we got in town Saturday late afternoon, went to the party, went to bed, flew back to New York some 17 hours later after arrival. Now you may be wondering what was the big deal and why didn’t we stay later or longer. You see Geranium was in the middle of a in town/out town trip and we agreed that we would make this trip brief as possible. Also and one of the tricks to flying non-rev standby is that you have to take those early/late flights that nobody likes to fly unless they have to.

Anyway here are some pics and don’t get your noses our of joint Memphis folks. We will be back, we promise.

Flying out of EWR makes one have to take Mass Transit
Given that it is a quick trip we only had to pack the overnighter
So Far So Good, We got on the flight to Memphis. Thanks TQ!
When it is the same temp in NYC and Memphis one can break out the warm pants.
Do I see a box of Caviar on the Tarmac? Sorry Sam.
They were happy and mad at us that we didn’t tell them we were coming in town. She showed us, she ordered a couple cases of Geranium’s Maintenance wine.
The Birthday Girls
I didn’t take any pictures of the party. Anyway we missed the first return flight and were able to get on this sucker heading to LGA
Home with enough time to get Geranium ready for Miami on Monday
Happy Birthday Ba!

Like I said, it was a little painful but you only circle the sun 70 times and you have party to celebrate it.

Happy VD Folks!

Or as my friend SDS would say about February 14th. “Today is the only day that girls can dot their i’s with little hearts.” Anyway Happy VD to those of you who are standing on line for chocolates or flowers. Next to the rear entrance to our building is a European Wax salon. I wondered why that place was packed Thursday night.

Me I am waiting on Geranium to land so we can go have that fancy dinner at Eleven Madison Park. Anyway here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks.

They killed the Grease soundtrack!
Bowl from the Seattle Trip – That sucker cost a pretty penny
I got my fill of Mango and all kinds of other blended love
If you could read the mind of Maya it may say “if it is raining one more fucking time…….”
That Space Needle Thing!
Like I said the Chihuly Gallery is pretty freaking cool!

Have a good weekend folks!

The Decade in Review

I know that this post is a couple of weeks late. I have been kinda busy and add to that Geranium has been working at my creative desk…….#herfault

So I started jotting down all the events that have occurred in the past 10 years. I was filling up a Legal Pad I realized HOLY FUCK! We have done some major shit in the past 10 years.

Without further adeau and in no certain order are some highlights, difficulties, not so great moments. I look back on this list and I see things that have defined us. I chose that certain quote about the windshield vs rear view mirror for a reason. Without further adeau;

  • CBT was “fun-employed” for a bit – Let me tell you there really isn’t much fun in that. Mind you it was 10 years ago but as I look back it was the greatest thing that happened to me. I will elaborate on this later.
  • CBT became a Carnie for Memphis in May and lived to tell about it. I tell people up here what I did that spring they still can’t believe it. It taught me a lot. Most importantly I learned that one should always have a nickname and periodically yell “Go For Robo” when answering a call.
  • Geranium went back to cleaning bedpans. I joke when I say that she was asked to come back after she came down to the river and hung out with me as a carnie. That was true by the way. This also was a good thing for our progressive movement.
  • CBT went to work for AMF/HW. Yep I needed to get off the streets and I found a little nitch for myself and we made a little money and had some fun too. In all seriousness God Bless Ernie and Lynn Mellor for taking a chance on me. I will always be in your debt.
  • English Mike/Claire, RJ/Mal-O-Rie, & Mr. 3 First Names/VQ all got hitched in the past decade. What is important about this stat is that we now have a full basketball team roster of kids. More kids to help us when we get older.
  • Geranium got diagnosed and Then kicked the ever loving Fuck out of Cancer. Let me just say that not all superheroes get to wear capes. Since then we sadly have some friends of ours join this club too. This also defined us and put things in perspective.
  • Geranium decides to not only get an Undergrad but then a Masters in Bed Pan Cleaning. I have told her that there is no reason for her to go get her Doctorate or Juris Doctorate. Her ass is done with text books.
  • Carbunkle Trumpet completed his first and only 1/2 Marathon. Again, if my knees could bend backwards I would kick my own ass.
  • After many years of owning a bar in South Bluffs we pulled off a Ponzi Scheme and moved to the core of Downtown Memphis. Yep we had to get RJ/Mal-O-Rie’s house sold, then they bought ours and we got the condo. God Bless Ponzi Scheme Pawn JL for believing a bunch of strangers at the pool that one day. *Disclaimer – I don’t have good nickname for her so this will work till I come up with one*
  • Geranium gets her a Job in New York City! What can I say, we like it up here. We probably are going to stay for a little more while. Anyway we haven’t seen all the dive bars in all 5 boroughs.
  • I get a job seeing Double Decker Bus Tickets to Tourists. Ironic that I had to move to New York to get this job.
  • New Job (again) for Geranium – She left cleaning those bed pans to working for a company that would make the cleaning solution for the pans.
  • Move from the UES to Crime-Free Brooklyn – Let me tell you, if it wasn’t for Maria we may still be unboxing those damned boxes. Moving in New York sucks!
  • Stamps are getting put on our Passports – Truth be told we chose to move to New York so that we could take advantage of cheaper and direct flights to foreign lands. We really have enjoyed this.

We look back for a moment and are very grateful for our past experiences. Some of those experiences without a doubt has made us move forward.

Always look forward folks, always forward.

But Did You Die?

A couple of weeks back I kept on seeing posts about it being cold by my friends in Belize. Scoop had posted that she was freezing to which I responded that she was number one. Mind you it was a ball shrinking 30 degrees in Manhattan and we were getting some snow/sleet and it was miserable. She fessed up that she was in sweat pants.

Now before I really piss off everyone on Ambergris Caye I guess I better come clean. I too have been on the island during a ‘cold’ front and have even donned a light jacket. Mind you I was still wearing shorts and if you think for one second I had socks on under my flip flops…..awe hell no. To my buddies down there I get it, when you are used to temps in the 80’s & 90’s anything cooler and you are cold.

It all comes to what you are conditioned and used to. Back when we lived in Memphis during those lovely high humidity summers it wasn’t a big deal for us to vacation down in New Orleans during Swamp Ass summers. We moved up here and sure I am not thrilled about Nor’easters but we have gotten used to ‘brick’ cold days.

I recall when Florita A. would come to Memphis as a kid. The only time I would ever see her wearing socks was when she came to see us. Naturally she would get a summer cold and we would have to take her to the pediatrician but I get it. She wasn’t used to Southern Summer Air Conditioning going 24/7. Now she lives in Colorado and I bet her little ass is wearing more than socks!

I used to wonder what was up with Kitty and LuLu when we would meet up with them at Dale Hollow Lake. Here we are on the boat, the sun is shining and both of them are wearing bathing suits and sweat shirts. Once you get used to a climate your body acclimates to it.

So I will let it slide this time San Pedro, but I will still call you wimps when the temps get below 80.

Like I said, my nose was itching! That white stuff on my hat, that’s sleet.
That is funny!

So here is to hope that you guys down in San Pedro get a real snow storm or temps in the mid to low 60’s.

Balance/Transitions for 2020

KC Jayhawk used to talk about transition all the time before he and Mrs. Jayhawk were heading down to Belize. He would post two pictures side by side. (hang on I am going to go find it on his FB page, give me a minute) and talk about how he needed to transition from the one on the left to the right to keep him balanced.

I am assuming, the pic on the left was from his work and well, I kinda recognize that pic on the right. I think this dock bit it a couple years ago but I always like it. Man I think I went through every one of his pictures looking for this. He must be telling me something.

I am a big believer in balance. It wasn’t till I moved up here to New York did I really start to take stock in how important balance is. I am not talking about standing up and able to walk around. That part is pretty easy as long as you haven’t been talking to Uncle Tito. I am referring to balance in your life spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physical and keeping it in check.

2020 is going to be a big year for me as I will have circled the Sun 50 times and I am still around to talk about it. I also will be closing out the past decade that was a roller coaster for not only me but for Geranium. I went to visit my Internist/GP doctor early this week and I was relieved to hear that my previous doctor has left the group. He had really big hands and he kept on how he wanted to check my prostate. My new doctor mentioned to me about my weight, my liver enzymes, oh and my Cholesterol was a tad high.

I actually told Doc that I chose to come in on Christmas Eve for my physical and get my labs run. I told her that I was planning on being somewhat of a hot mess since I just finished up a fairly stressful peak shipping season. Add to that on the Saturday prior I was at a restaurant on the 4th floor next door called Per Se. Fuck I expected my labs to be high, the bill was high. I told Doc that I now have 90 days to clean my shit up (No pun intended) and get this 50 year old machine moving in a better direction.

Relax Andi, Margo, Taylor, Stephanie and all my other bartenders/liquor store owners – I am not going away forever. I am just going to moderate what I am doing for a while. Regarding my diet (right now Geranium is watching a cooking show) I got to do something. Sorry S(Squared) and Don but I am going to be eating a little better at our Cuban refuge on 45th street. I am not a big sweets fan so that is a blessing I guess but gone are those killer rolls at LPQ.

So what is it you are going to do better in 2020?

The Fat Kid Bunch and I were just talking how we hardly eat Fast Food. This was a necessity on the day before Per Se. I had a fairly good hangover going.
It lived up to all the Hype Again!
This is where it went bad Post Per Se – How many Tito/Soda’s can one person drink in 3 hours? Mr 3 First Names, Landlord and I tried to see.
Come to Brunch they said….It will be low key……and your hangover will be fine they said….. Friggin Drag Bruch at Chelsea Market with a Stage 5 Hangover. I may be smiling but trust me I was fucking scared!

I am going to do better, nobody wants to see a 50 year old short fat kid. Notice I didn’t say much about cigars or booze – Hey you have to have balance…..