CBT you are so full of Shit

Bonus Pictures Midweek

I have been negligent in my postings but considering that today I am celebrating 17,898 days of walking this earth I will bless you with some extra pictures.

FYI – The shell may be 49 but the spirit is and forever will be 12 years old having the time of my life. To quote the band Kiss – if its too loud you are too old!

Look who snuck into smoke cigars with the boys. GZ.
If I did have a tombstone (F That I want to be cremated) it would read #RoboCares
Don’t arch your back while peeing?
Who are all these children in this picture!
Sorry GrainBin Girl, he wasn’t in when I had lunch there last week.
Go see Elton John’s show if you can!
49 years old, overweight, greying on the sideburns, bad left shoulder, but still rocking a Midtown Uniform! *Those pills in the lower left are Germaniums by the way. The Bite guard is mine but those are hers!

Have a good Wednesday!

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Happy Anniversary Papua New Guinea Mike & Claire! Also Pictures of the week.

Right out of the gate I would like to wish my good friends PNG Mike and his lovely (and saint of a) wife Claire a happy Anniversary! PNG Mike and Claire were married 6 years ago and we were there to witness the event and had a blast! I look back on 6 years ago and think about the ton of stuff that has happened between that beautiful March 1st day and now and WOW. Cancer, Move to NYC, Rolls Royce, British American Tabaco, Reflexology Barn – life is changing after you get >40 and it isn’t all that bad.

One of the most ironic events that comes to my mind is that on the morning of the wedding we had “Kegs n Eggs” with the boys. There were about 20 of us at the table and I was seated across from Claire’s Uncle. He and I were exchanging pleasantries and he asked what my thoughts of England were so far. I told him that I was a little worried that BBC1 was excited that it was going to ‘almost’ get into double digits on the Celsius scale. (Almost 47 degrees for you Fahrenheit people) 6 years later we are living in NYC and we are supposed to get a snowstorm and the temp won’t get above 1C tomorrow. In all seriousness, Happy Anniversary guys.

We have had a long week and are glad that Mary Louise is coming back today. Right before the snowstorm and crappy cold weather. Anyway here are some pics from that great weekend 6 years ago and some from this week in Manhattan/Brooklyn.

I guess one has to stretch the Hamstrings before getting on the 4/5
6 Years Ago at Kegs N Eggs – No lies were being told here. Not at all!
This could be a problem
Love the Trainers (Chuck Taylor’s) for the wedding. Oh and Claire’s dress was nice too!
Some of our friends have asked when we are going to Belize this year. Some “guy” we know is going to celebrate 50 trips around the sun during this time.
I see this sign (a block from the apartment on State Street) and miss NOLA.
Shout out to all my NOLA Friends this weekend.
Yo Taco Girl! I Saw this and made me laugh!
That is the most hair PNG has had in a while! Again thank you for having us to your party and Happy Anniversary!

Have a good weekend!

Mary Louise Needs to Bring Her Ass Home!

The Dog and I are starting to get on each others nerves. Seriously, she has been gone since last Tuesday and we are missing her. The Seamless Delivery dude and I know each other on a first name basis. The good news is that I have watched pretty much every episode of “M*A*S*H*” and “Two and a Half Men” (She hates those shows) but the DVD is getting full of her midget and Dr. Pimple Popper shows.

Mary Louise requested me to get her a hair appointment. I guess it is kinda hard to book stuff when you are 14 hours away.
Oh No PETA offending sushi this time Geranium?
The Dog and I play a rousing game of “Did you just fart?”

And for those of you wondering when @Maya_in_NYC Instagram will be posting again. She gets in Friday afternoon from her flight from Toyko!

A trip to the Track

Springtime in Memphis would normally mean one thing for us. Frequent trips to Hot Springs Arkansas to bet on the horses at Oaklawn. We hadn’t been to any of the tracks up here so this past weekend we decided to head into Queens on the A Train for a trip to Aqueduct Race Track.

For those of you who have never played the horses Aqueduct runs from early November to mid April and their big race is the Wood Memorial. Typically those horses that win the Wood will be running in the Kentucky Derby so it attracts some good horses and jockeys. Having never visited Aqueduct but hearing all kinds of opinions we were wide open with our expectations.

For you Memphians who play the horses think Southland Greyhound park but with Long Island accents. We found what I would equate to as the Jockey Club in Hot Springs but with an overpriced buffet and a very expensive beer list. We had a good time and thankfully the racing Gods were good to us and we broke even.

It is nice jumping on the Subway to head to the track.
Slow crowd on a Saturday
From the Jockey Club(ish) area
Having all these be Maiden Races is hard to handicap so I went with Names, Pink Silks and Grey Horses. Beach Access was a winner!
Chuckles let me down!
Damn Chuckles!

It was a good time and we were able to check this off the list. We will probably be back for the Arkansas Derby.

A Trip Harrods – The Mecca of Mall Food

Sunday afternoon after hanging with Jimmy’s Mum & Pop we decided we wanted to make a run over to the local Mall of Memphis London. You know I am talking about….Recall back in the day when the only way you could get a Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich was a visit to the Mall? I mean where else could you get your Hot Topic and Spencer’s crap and then enjoy some chocolate chip cookie? And if you wanted to go ice skating this place was it.

London’s version of the Mall of Memphis is a place called Harrods in the East end of London. We took the Tube over to Knightsbridge and took a visit to the food hall. If you don’t know what Harrods is all about you can read up about it here. You have seen all those signs that read “If we don’t have it, you don’t need it.” Harrods is just that store. Upon entering the hall, you realize that this place doesn’t mess around.

I am going to leave it now up to the pictures but if I ever won the lottery, I would be heading there for meals at every one of their 24 restaurants. That beats the shit out of the Mall of Memphis doesn’t it?

The Oysters weren’t bad
Salmon en Croute
Anyone for some Kobe Striploin?
Sam, I bet your buddy gets this doesn’t he
They have their own Hot Dish
The Main Floor
Not a bad day spent in the Food Court

Now show me a Mall food court that can beat this one? I dare you!

CBT’s Take on the Fyre Festival

If you haven’t seen this documentary on either Netflix or on Hulu I would suggest you do so. Trust me when I say that if you thought you were having a bad day watching this will make your day fail in comparison to this shit show. The premise is that a guy from New York City conned a bunch of people out of a bunch of money for a something that people will talk about forever. Wait….just I just break my rule an discuss current event politics?

The founder of the Fyre Festival was a guy named Billy McFarland and he did indeed con a bunch of millennial’s out of a ton of money for a festival that never happened. What is funny is that while I was watching the show I couldn’t think about my former days at Memphis in May. Who would play who? Oh Come on guys and gals who knew me when I was working for Ops at MIM. Who do you think would have to give the Blow Job? What was the name of the runner who was a Vegetarian.

Anyway the festival never happened, and a bunch of kids got screwed out of their money. The Netflix version was obviously created by the Folks at Buzzfeed as they also tried to pawn themselves off as a victim too. The folks at Buzzfeed were also named in the multiple law suits so the Hulu version holds no punches. Seriously watch this documentary . You get a good laugh out of it and we all know that we can use a good laugh from time to time.

I mean they did have good intentions but it just never happened. That and they ran out of money.
The emails from the troops on the ground and in New York really doesn’t paint a good picture.
Beale Street Music when I was a Carnie. Earth Wind and Fire with Maurice in the red top. Great Show.
And of Course who couldn’t forget Jerry Lee! I worked 16 hour days on event days but the perks like this didn’t suck.
Puddle of Mud I think. The Crowd was into it!
The remains of the day after BSMF. Trust me that this doesn’t smell good.
John Graham to Country, can you bring a forklift to get my golfcart off of the Tornado Shelter?
Back to the Fyre Festival. This was the gourmet catering!
The Goldbond just kicked in.
So BK – Who do you think would be the one who would be sent to go suck D?


So if you are in need of a good laugh I suggest you should go watch the documentaries.

Bar 595 and Having Fun With Telemarketers

You probably have heard of Bar 595 if you live in Memphis. You probably have drank a beer out of one of the Coozies. You probably have seen a Bald Guy from England post pictures of the coozie all over the world. Still don’t know what I am talking about? Do a search for Bar 595 on Facebook and you can figure it out. 

It is rare that my personal foam rings. Normally when it does it is either a doctors office confirming my upcoming appointment or a telemarketer. Since I keep the 901 area code phone it is pretty easy to tell who is a real call or who is a telemarketer. I have to give them credit, they mask the number to make it look like it was my number missing a digit or something like that. 

So the other day when the phone rang I answered with my traditional “Go for Carbunkle Trumpet” and the caller was asking for the owner of Bar 595. For whatever reason I decided I would play along instead of saying that I was busy and to remove my number from your fucking list. I said that I was but I was kinda busy and to hurry it up. They were telling me about their credit card solutions and if we were interested in changing vendors.  I said I was all for it and have a rep come by tomorrow after my lunch rush. 

I bet that the staff at HW/AMF miss me and my mad Telemarketer messing with Skills
I got him back from when he gave me a shout out on the airplane to Vegas, to Belize and last years return trip to Memphis at Christmas. “They are going to be more lit than the Christmas Tree!”

English Mike I may give them your number next time. 

The Little Bastid and The 25# Turkey in the Mirowave

Those of you who know that Mary Louise and I have a child always love to hear stories of his antics. The Little Bastid was up to no good the other day while he is in reform school upstate. Those of you who also have kids have probably been pranked by your children with the “How to cook a 25# Turkey in the Microwave” prank that is going around. The little bastid (he isn’t that smart) tried to get me….or was it the other way around. 


Happy Thanksgiving Week! 

LVD This One is For You – “THAT IS A HARD NO, SIR.”

Last week while I was at work I met up with my brother from another mother, S(Squared) to go over some work stuff. To my fellow Times Square Double Decker Tour Bus Ticket Sales Reps that is not code for bar. We were actually in a FDX Office so LAY TF OFF! Walking to our next destination (now it was bar time) we encountered a fellow heading south on Ave of Americas.  S(Squared) and I noticed that ‘skillet’ was wearing a rather tight pair of pants with his suit jacket. When I say tight, well let us just say that the Mother Fucker was wearing Jeggings and a suit jacket.

Trust me that there was a conversation being held about skillet by S(Squared) and I while we walked down the street. Let me put it this way, if anyone ever came to S(Squared)’s door trying to court one of his daughters while wearing that get up…..that shit that isn’t going to happen.

Fast forward to yesterday. I am on the packed 4 Train and I see a tweet by LVD about fashion. I always have considered LVD a fashionista and accidentally included her on numerous texts when I would text Z(Squared). I inquired to LVD about ‘skillet’s’ attire from last week and in her words….”Hard No”.

The Point of this worthless dribble – It keeps me grounded that I get confirmation from both a Staten Island & Bluff City Resident when some jackleg plays the game of “let’s see if I can get away with this crap today”!

IMG_4460This is the exact picture of said “Skillet” and his get-up while walking on 6th Ave. Big Spoon – I bet you wear this every day don’t you?

IMG_4508The first tweet exchange

IMG_4509Oh good I am not going crazy and still have normal fashion morals.

 

What can I say. It was a slow week last week and I am trying to keep up. Have a good Thursday folks!