CBT you are so full of Shit

Return to Normal (ish) But in Pictures

So on a team call this week one of our teammates voiced concern about how safe it was in Manhattan and how were we to get work safely from say Penn Station. I was not here at the time but I heard that Times Square back in the day was something else with the prostitutes, drug dealers and rock/cup guys. I really didn’t know what this person was getting at then it dawned on me. This person must watch the news and of course there haven’t been any stories about how thing in New York have rebounded. Not that we are watching the news anyway but we can see on Instagram posts how things are going back to normal in NYC.

I assured this person that things are back to Normal (can we really say that now?) and that the boards are off the buildings. Now we only have to worry about are Murder Hornets, a Dust Cloud and oh yeah COVID-19.

Anyway here are some pictures I took this week and shared with the team.

Outdoor dining will be the thing this summer. I will have a Cacio y Pepe and a side of MTA Bus exhaust. Soon the whole city will resemble the San Gennaro festival
Somewhere in the LES – normally the boards remaining on the building mean that they are waiting for glass to be made to fix the broken ones. Or in this case this is some really cool street art.
39th and 8th. A great place to get a Big Salad. Don’t think they are going to make it. A lot of these non corporate restaurants are going to wither on the vine.
The New Norm. How in the F are we going to stay 6 feet apart when we are at full capacity?
Before COVID-19 I could smell the Urine from here. Maybe they did a little cleaning? I know, I am dreaming.
The Flagship Macy’s is back in business selling its wares. No Boards, No Razor Wire.
The FXO at 39th and 7th. It also got vandalized during the bad times but its back open.
Where are Admin’s work and some of the Ticket Selling Tourist Bus Managers keep desks.
First of all, how the Fuck did they get an A on their Health Inspection. Secondly this is a big buffet lunch place that I am imagining will not be returning with Buffet service.
Best Tongue Sandwich in the city.
Got an impromptu Firework Show on Tuesday Night.
So in Closing. Be Nice to each other, Wash Your Hands and Wear Your Fucking Mask! Looking Good Ladies as always

Have a good weekend.

Lets Take One of The Worst Things Imaginable – Moving! But Let’s Do That Shit in NYC During A Pandemic

Yeah, talk about some crazy stuff but hey, we have already paddled out on the surfboard some 4 3/4 years ago when we moved here. Why not keep the dream alive.

Back Story – When we got the offer and made the decision to move up here almost 5 years ago we sought council from The Murphranks. They both told us that we needed to prioritize the following items;

  • Be as Close to Public Transportation (Subway, Bus, Regional Lite Rail)
  • Avoid at all costs any type of a Pre-War Walk Up
  • I am sure there are more but I those two have burned some good Brain Cells in the short time we have been living here.

First Apartment on First Avenue was a dream now looking back. It was part of the Hospital so we didn’t have to hunt for a place to live and it was another stress item we didn’t have to worry about. It was perfect except for the fact that I had to walk about 15 minutes to and from each day to get the 6 Train at 68/Lexington. I did this for about 17 months and let me tell you it sucked. That all changed when the Q Train opened up on January 1, 2017. Ironically we ran into ole Andrew that morning but I digress.

First Apartment had the following things that we were growing accustomed to and it because a priority;

  • Doorman Building – Not so much to open your door but to know that if the front door didn’t shut behind another resident meant it was a safety/security issue.
  • Package Room – This is a HUGE problem when people BC (Before Covid-19) would have to have signatures on deliveries. People in the Package Room would sign for our shit
  • Elevator Banks that would accommodate the number of residents.
  • Closeness to a Grocery Store – Right Across the Street
  • Closeness to bars – This isn’t so much of a good thing.
  • Laundry in Building – Who wants to schlep stuff

So when Geranium and I decided to move from the UES place we looked at a couple of places or more areas. We decided on Downtown Brooklyn for a couple of reasons as once again our priorities were changing. She was going to be on the road more so I needed more amenities to keep my sanity. I mean we looked at Fidi (No Grocery Store), Battery Park City (bitch of a walk to one subway line) and Murray Hill (I wasn’t a fan for some reason)

What our new priorities were included;

  • Ability to have someone swing by and get keys from the front desk to walk the Monkey Heads and leave keys for our cousin.
  • Subway Options – I had over 16 different lines I could choose from to get into the city.
  • Needed an Outdoor space or place for me to go work in the building.
  • Exercise and Possible instructed classes that we could join.
  • Washer/Dryer in Unit – Well that is now a bonus
  • Roof Terrace and Grilling Pavilions
  • Closeness to Murphranks (yeah we kind of like drinking with you)
  • Ease of getting to all 3 airports for Geranium. She can actually get to EWR, JFK, LGA in about an hour from our location.
  • Bomb Dot Com View of Manhattan – Full disclosure – I signed the lease on this joint before Geranium did because it had a killer view of the Empire State and Manhattan.
  • Then COVID-19 Hit in early March.

So our lease is up in July and the leasing company wanted to know if we wanted to sign a 1 year or 2 year lease. Of course with a nice little additional percentage on the lease. I am not one to shit on people but they wouldn’t let us go month to month so we are off like a Prom Dress. Just so we are clear – the Front Desk and Maintenance Staff – we love each and everyone of you. But the management/ownership company not so much.

So what are our new Priorities and what priority is now been relegated to the bottom of the list you ask? God Bless Geranium because she found us a place on West 39th Between 9/10 Avenues I think in 2 days. The location is considered Midtown West/Hudson Yards as it is nestled north of Chelsea, South of Hells Kitchen and West of The Garment District.

So here are our New COVID-19 priorities now and what doesn’t really matter so much now;

  • Outdoor space – No, it is not so that I can smoke cigars, I don’t think they are allowed on balconies anyway. We need to air out and get sun.
  • Smaller Building/Less Floors/Footprint – They only allow 2 people in our elevator now. We have 3 elevators dedicated to floors 30 – 55 and you do the math. Oh and there are times when the door opens I can see the fear in people’s eyes when I want to enter with Maya. Current wait time is about 10 minutes during peak times. And on the day I am writing this elevator #3 is down….again.
  • Neighborhood Residential Density Footprint – Where we are in Downtown Brooklyn we have tiny sidewalks. We also have tons of residential high rises and the Brownstones from Boerum Hill. Sadly we have to give up the sidewalks to the kids. Where we are going according to Mr. 3 First Names is very quiet.
  • Washer/Dryer in Suite – Absolutely now!
  • Grocery Store/Pharmacy Nearby – We live above the same grocery store I visit once a week 4 blocks away. Haven’t figured out where the CVS is but I am happy about the closness of my grocery store. Having it across the street in the UES was paramount.

Not a Priority at this Time (For obvious reasons)

  • Closeness to the Subways – That’s a big ole nope. The friggin NYSE told their members that they would not be allowed to take public transportation if they were going to be on the floor until a vaccine is created. The New York Stock Exchange folks…..
  • Amenities/Common Space – Yeah why am I going to pay 3% more at our current place to not use it?
  • Nearby Bars/Restaurants – We ain’t going anywhere for a while folks. And any New Yorker is stupid to think we are going back to what it was before. At least till we get some type of handle on this virus.
  • Commute to the office – I am actually now the only rep for the Double Decker Bus Company who lives closest to our office at 37 and 7th Avenue. I ain’t going there….
  • Close to stuff – We are not too far from Penn Station and Madison Square Garden now. Like we will there anytime soon.

I know I rambled but actually I have some folks who are also in the same boat as us and I wanted to verbalize how priorities have shifted for us. We are very excited for this new place. So is Maya, she is so over having to pee at 16 Sycamore Park. Also her boyfriend George is gone because our current building did her mom dirty too..

Back to the isle of Manhattan!

Layout of the new place. Trust me when I say that we have already figured out how to maximize space
Rule Number One – Never buy for the new place but I got my eye on you there Boo!
Never in a million years….
Already head of the game getting boxes.
Now in the top 5 important items.
When we saw him at the Second Avenue Subway opening.
I like the job that Andrew is doing in response to COVID-19 and being the father figure that we need.
I do love that his own brother called him out with that “Double Barrel Shotgun Mounted on the front of his face!” We need to laugh folks.

More to come, more to come.

So Who in the Bloody Hell is Cindy V. and or John Robo and why are they still saying these groaner jokes.

If you are not on the book of Face this entry is going to be somewhat of a boring post. You see many moons ago for lent one year I decided that I would give up good jokes and post each day a ‘dad’ joke. A number of years ago my friend Cindy V would also join in and it started as a contest on who could post the worst/groaner jokes. This year we started back on the jokes and then COVID-19 happened and we all had to shelter in place. Traditionally when Easter happens Cindy and I ease up and we stop polluting your timeline with our jokes. Well some of you messaged me and Cindy asking if we would press on. Then a couple of weeks Cindy had to go to the mainland for a couple days at the hospital. Personally I can’t believe that she got a boob job during the middle of a pandemic. But to each his own. While Cindy was away I had some of my friends fill in for her and post on her behalf.

Naturally some of my friends have inquired as to who in the bloody hell is Cindy V? I also have noticed some extra friend requests from people on the island. Since I am going to tag Cindy on this post we both took a question and Answer Survey.

So without Further Adieu I present Tink’s Mom.

Why is she doing Ja Morrant Goggles?

Who are you – Cindy V. a.k.a. Tinker’s mum.
Where were you born – Bournemouth in the UK. Where all have you lived – United Kingdom, Monaco, France, Egypt, Mexico, Belize

How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – 37 – I had to get an alphabetical list up on google. Do you know how many times I got interrupted during that exercise? Where are you currently sheltering in place – North San Pedro, Belize. It’s hot, humid, remote and the power keeps cutting out.

Tell me about your family – The other half is The Commodore (that isn’t his real name even though he thinks it is). I have 2 geriatric monochromatic pets, Molly Polly the most evil old lady dog ever and a fat cat with half a tail called Basil. He was named after my favourite football player, Basile Boli. And a very tall 7.5 year old evil genius child – ask her to do her evil laugh, we’re not joking…. What do you do for a living – A lot. I exhaust my friends and family.

How did you meet Carbunkle Trumpet – Clueless but it probably involves Tacogirl. Most of the trouble in my life involves Tacogirl. Where would you rather be sheltering in place – In a pub.

This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – A quick check in with the family (UK and France) and then off to Asia.
What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – my savings.

What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – My daughter break her wrist really chuffing badly and watching her bravery and resilliance. She is a rock star but man can she scream really loudly. Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Who cares as long as there’s some close to hand.

We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – I watched Tiger King. What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – Fresh artichoke carpaccio made by my brother, in the upper garden next to the pool in Peillon.

Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – My friend D. Feathers (name changed) for giving us non-stop help when we ran dry of booze, when we broke our wrist, when we lacerated our foot (man can I scream really loudly too), when we were forced into another 2 week strict quarantine further to medevac, for bringing us shopping, for forcing her friend into being our gopher and standing in lines when we weren’t allowed to, and the rest, and the rest. She has ordered me to stop saying thank you or she’ll stop helping. Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – It’s too hot for any clothes let alone undies.

Black and white is better when you are chubby.

Who are you – John Robo/Carbunkle Trumpet

Where were you born – Hospital of course….Oh Memphis TN in hospital that is now part of St. Jude Children’s research hospital.

Where all have you lived – Memphis, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Downtown Memphis (It really is two different places) Upper East Side of Manhattan, Downtown Brooklyn and coming in July Hudson Yards back in Manhattan!

How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – Well over 20

Where are you currently sheltering in place – Brooklyn New York. Not the most enviable place given the current environment but I can always now say that I am a New Yorker and I have lived through hell.

Tell me about your family – Wife is Geranium (that isn’t her real name but we go by alias’ here) we have a 7yo dog named Maya and we have an invisible child called “the little bastid” He is 17 and still in the 5th grade

What do you do for a living – I am an out of work stripper who drives the tour bus at Graceland (I am happily employed but I don’t talk business on this media)

How did you meet Cindy (Carbunkle Trumpet) – I think that I virtually met her when her and (Name Deleted) were living together with Molly the dog. They were friends with TacoGirl and (Name Deleted but the same name too) and were featured on her blog. We became friends on FB and then I think the first (in real life) met her when she was working the bar at Pedro’s. I think the bond that brought us together was when Geranium was going through her bump in the road with Breast Cancer. Cindy also was doing a bump in the road and we kind of felt like kindred spirits. When we started the Lenten Jokes it was tongue and cheek. Last year when Notre Dame in Paris burned, I asked Cindy (we were going into Holy Week and that is when I turn my jokes into somewhat tacky Catholic jokes) should we stop or pause. Her comment was “Press on! Churches are old and they burn! We shall Keep Going!”

Now we are going through a Pandemic and coming soon are Murder Hornets – Cindy are we the cause of all this shite?

Ok, now lets have some fun

Where would you rather be sheltering in place – If it were domestically I would say New York but with a bigger place and a place to smoke my cigars – Internationally I (stop it) I would be ok living in a big place in Belize with Cindy, Andrew, Mum and Tink with all of our dogs. At least I could spoil the ever loving shite out of Tink and teach her how to speak southern.

This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – I want to go see the clear canals of Venice before we F them up again.

What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – Sitting in a Dive bar in the East Village and enjoying the smells of stale beer, bleach and urine from the bathroom.

What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – The Last Sunday of Jazz Fest WWOZ played past performances of artists. They re-played Bruce Springsteen when he did Jazz Fest following Hurricane Katrina. Then to double down they played The Neville Brothers  on the Gentility Stage and Aaron Neville sang “Amazing Grace then 3 little birds”.

Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Always Over!

We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – Yes I ironed my sheets and smoked a cigar in the middle of a Nor’Easter

What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – In Paris there is a French Bistro near the Eiffel Tower that has the best French Onion Soup I have ever had. Going there!

This answer is going to be different because thankfully the Pandemic didn’t hurt the Country of Belize as it did US (So Cindy feel free to change it up)  – Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – The frontline healthcare workers and the ones who came to New York to care for us. The ones who have to ride the subways scared to death. The ones who were just as scared as the patients they were caring for. I (and I doubt visitors will ever be allowed in hospitals again) am bringing food, drinks, flowers, bottles of Jameson to each one of them and hugging them and thanking them. I mean this is going to be to the point of Financial Uncomfortableness for me, they and the Police, Sanitation, Delivery Guys, Grocery Store folks, anyone who is Essential you are getting love from Robo! . Then I am going to sit my shrinking ass on the Canyon of Heroes with my Cowbell when we have the biggest Ticker Tape Parade For Them.

Ok So I can’t leave you with a Tear Jerker – Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – You first Cindy!

So I hope you had a good laugh and distraction. Thanks Cindy for playing along.

Would the M’Effer Who didn’t Eat Black Eyed Peas and Greens on New Years Day Please Read This!

So we got a little too intoxicated last night. What I have seen the recycling on the streets of Brooklyn we aren’t the only ones. I mean there is hardly any paper recycle and its all glass bottles and Cans. Anyway I went to bed early and Geranium ate some Red Beans and Rice but couldn’t find the Cornbread that we made. I had left it in the oven to stay warm.

So this morning it was sitting still in the cast iron skillet and had gotten a tad stale. I got done with my team call and was feeling peckish for something other than my normal Sandwich or leftovers. I opened the cabinet and a can of Glory Southern Seasoned Mixed Greens just spoke to me. That’s what we will do, we will re-boot this year and start over.

So for you selfish bastard who didn’t eat their black eyed peas and Greens here is how you prepare it.

If you don’t make cornbread in a cast iron skillet are you even trying?
I know that some of my New Yorkers who are reading this are wondering what I am referring to.
Start out with Frying up some cut up pieces of bacon and add onions. You do this for both Greens and the Black Eyed Peas.
Now this may start a debate but there is nothing better than Glory Brands of Canned Vegetables. Just make sure you strain the juice out before you add to the pot.
I know, and Goya may be a good brand up here but they suck for making southern Black Eyed Peas.
Black Eyed Peas – Strain before adding to Bacon and Onions. Add Water and Chicken Stock or Base. Bring to rolling boil.
I mean look at that grease layer on top. That’s flavor for you folks wondering what it is.
Greens you strain and then add equal parts of Vinegar, Sugar and Water to cover the greens. Yes that is Red Pepper flakes. I don’t add any salt as this can already be salty.
Those little Corners – I will get to that in a minute.
Butter came out of the fridge hard as rock so here is a hack to soften it.
Take a cup and fill it with water and Microwave it for a minutes. Dump out the water and put it upside down on the butter. Minute later butter is softened.
Add two sacrificed pieces of cornbread mix to the bottom of the bowl.
Isn’t that Sexy? I apply lots of cracked black pepper to my food.
Oh but this is just as important as adding buttermilk to Cornbread Mix.
I just realized that after knowing Geranium for 20+ years she is a user of the fork for her New Years Day food whereas I am a spoon guy.

I am serious when I say that there better be a friggin Black Eyed Pea and Green shortage very soon.

Would You Walk a Mile For A Camel?

Or better yet would you stand your ass out in a driving rainstorm with Monsoon/Nor Easter winds?

But First let me post a picture of Maya.

I get scolded if I don’t post a picture of Maya on each blog post.

So where we live in Downtown Brooklyn/Boerum Hill it has a Heavy Density of Residential homes and high rise apartments. Of those residents we have tons of kids and small children. The Playgrounds are closed for obvious reasons so parents are taking kids to parks and let them burn off some steam. They also let their kids run/ride scooters on the side walks.

Oh and the idiot Mayor we have what does he do to help alleviate this? His ass hasn’t closed off any of the streets but that is another subject at a later time. EDIT – he announced on Friday he is going to do this. With this and given the tightness of our sidewalks it prevents us from going outside much. I think I have said it a bunch of times but I can count on one hand the number of times I have visited a store/market/pharmacy in 30 days. I try to go on off times, not the weekends of course, but when it is say early morning or mid day.

So on Thursday after I took a conference call I was feeling a bit weepy. Oh come on admit it that we all have fears about this shit. It was raining and I just needed to get outside so I thought of a great idea. It has been 50 days since I was having a cigar at the Cigar Inn on 2nd Avenue. I figured that now during a driving rainstorm was the perfect time to go smoke a stick. I mean the kids won’t be out in this shit.

So I put on my Memphis in May Rain Gear, Got my fancy Umbrella, clipped off a Perdomo Torpedo and away I went downstairs. Trevor our building Concierge looked at me like I was crazy for going outside during all of this. Hell maybe I am crazy, maybe you are crazy too. I stood over by the closed 16 Sycamore Playground as there is a indention and I can stand without obstructing anyone walking by and braved the wind and rain.

Had a good Ash going till the Winds kicked up.
And don’t send me any cigars, I have a humidor full of them from when I went to Mexico in early February. (God that seems like forever ago!)

But First let’s take a selfie when it wasn’t raining.
It was good chatting with Tay-Tay while I was getting pummeled.
Trevor wanted to take a picture of me while I was standing out there but you couldn’t see me from where he was working.
But of course we have a Wind Advisory while some jackass is smoking a cigar.

So what are you doing differently in the middle of a Global Pandemic? Smoking a cigar in the middle of the rainstorm wasn’t on my list.

Pictures of the Week 2.0 – Yes I am kind of an overachiever

What can I say, I have extra material here folks. That and I can’t leave you with an inch long ear hair going into the weekend. That is just rude. And yes by my featured picture we have broken out the fancy toilet paper. I mean I will judge the Fuck out of you if you prefer one ply.

I didn’t post a pic of Maya in the other Pic Of The Week Post.
Some of you aren’t on FB – This is the kind of stuff that I wear on Friday’s with Otterlum.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Let this be a lesson – When you get a House Party call from the Asian Fireman it probably is his daughter.

Best was I hear him walk by and ask his daughter “Is that Robo?” and he walks off like nothing. So funny and FYI – Fee is tough on those games.
If you want to be added to this list of ridiculous text messages let me know.
Are you listening to me LJZ?
And Happy Birthday to this little stinker! I can’t wait to hug and kiss on her for hours!

Ok, now everyone have a good weekend!

Do Not Mock What You Have Not Experienced Firsthand

So when I posted a couple weeks ago (was it March or was it that long time in April, hell I can’t recall) about my ironing and starching of my bedding linen I got some looks. Not trying to call anyone out, Mrs. Otteralum, but I told this person that until you have slept on this then you can’t snicker at my secret pandemic behavior. Oh she is going to throat punch me when this is over. LULTU#1

Ty Middelton was correct, this is great therapy and it keeps me from drinking at 9AM on a Saturday.

So here is a brief tutorial on how to properly iron and starch your bed linens. Enjoy and smile because you are about to read a blog from a guy who blogged about ironing his bed linens. Oh and this is the Third time I have referenced ironing bed linens.

After washing and drying slide the pillow case in between your ironing board.
Align the seam on one side of the board. This is your reference point.
Hit the shit out of that steam button as you press this.
When Done pull it out (TWSS) and get the top and re-iron each side.
You got to get that stuff stiff (that is what she said)
You have to spray a lot of this shit on the linens.
Get the whole side done and then repeat.
Flip it over and get the other side.
Fold that sucker up and press it like you do Hankerchiefs
Folded and ready to go.
Ok so I don’t really get the fitted sheet ironed. I mean I can barely fold it.

Let me know when you do this. I promise you will love it. Thanks Mrs. Otteralum for playing along.

Wednesday is the New Saturday Right?

Man O Man The Murphrank’s, Professor, Bobcat, Homeless Tim, The Asian Fireman and Wife are going to be jealous of this post.

Those previously named are in The Per Se Christmas Dinner invited list that we thankfully make the cut each year. Don’t let the fancy dinner confuse them as all high fancy folk. I mean with the exception of Homeless Tim all of them can crush Bud Light like it is their job. Actually if my memory serves me correctly we did go crush Bud Lights after this past years dinner.

I have mentioned a couple times that we have always been a fan of the Grocery service Fresh Direct. A couple clicks of mouse and BOOM someone is delivering my groceries and doing the heavy lifting. You don’t understand what a pain carrying heavy stuff around without a car is up here. Put it this way grab an 18 pack of beer and a normal grocery store haul and try to walk that shit 8 blocks in a boat tote bag. Yeah, you get the picture.

Prior to COVID-19 we could get a delivery slot for the next day pretty easy. Now days they are sold out for the entire week. This does present a problem but we know a couple life hacks to get around this.

  • Always have a couple things in your shopping cart to meet the minimum order.
  • Make this like your Christmas Wish List – All the Proteins, all the drinks and don’t be shy. You may get shut out because of inventory is so wonky these days.
  • Don’t get all pissy if you get a sub. They are trying as hard as they can and if you are one of those who bitch. Bless. Your. Heart.
  • Check everyday multiple times to see if there are some open time slots. You always take the first available slot you can get and then you keep adding to the order. Typically you can make changes to the order up until 5PM the day before.
  • You Network the Fuck out of this – Maria keeps an eye on it and so do a couple other friends.

So last Saturday Maria shot us a text that Wednesday was wide open and we needed to grab a slot. Geranium was on the laptop and she threw 3 items to make the minimum and would modify that later. She picked Cold Water Lobster Tail, Bottle of Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label and a Ribeye Steak. (who is she trying to fucking impress, its just her, me and dog)

Saturday after I got done with my chores I went in to amend the order and I couldn’t find the order. Geranium has been known to struggle with this but I am well versed in doing this on my iPad. I was able to create an order and also secure a slot on Wednesday (4.22.2020 with a window of 6AM to 8AM) so I wasn’t too worried.

On Tuesday morning we were still messing with the order and Geranium realized that the original order was still showing in there so she zeroed out those items. Honestly – We have kind of grown used to things and apps acting strange given everyone is home on their devices.

I think you know where this is going…..

So the order I placed got delivered at 7AM and the ‘guy’ was appreciative of the healthy tip I put on the bill. I mean dude was carrying 6 X 12 packs of drinks and a case of 6X1Gallon Distilled Water. He deserves much more for doing this given the environment.

Then at 11AM our doorbell rings and Geranium receives the second order. It just has 3 items but cost as much as my larger order. I just hope it wasn’t the same guy.

It is pretty easy and you can get pretty much all that you get at a Kroger or Aldi’s
They ain’t setting foot in your house and you can’t open the door until they leave.
Booze is delivered downstairs but with food being perishable they have to deliver to the door.
Seriously we have been shut out for like 3 weeks in a row. Carrying Soda Water is a bitch!
We got Cut on SpaghettiO’s with meatballs but I made this shit rock!
FYI – This was Geranium’s Go-To Meal during Chemo
Don’t hate the Player….
Hate the Game!

Dinner was fantastic and doesn’t everyone eat Surf and Turf with expensive ass champagne on a Wednesday? LJZ is going to be pissed at me for not sharing the bubbles or the lobster!

And Just A Reminder – There Are No Rules in a Pandemic! If I Could Have Gotten White Truffles I Would Have Done So!

This One Could Get Me An Award

Geranium and I are very thankful for a lot of things. I am thankful that we are employed. Both of us have occupations that allow us to stay busy and focused during this. Like I have said numerous times, we don’t watch the news and my Twitter Feed is pretty non-current events as much as I can but still stay informed. Facebook, I have gotten to the point where I am just blatantly blocking people for their ignorance and or belief that there aren’t slants on news sources.

So on the weekend we don’t have much to do in terms of work and we now find ourselves finding shit to do. I do this because well, lets be honest, you can only watch Tiger King so many times. Another thing is that we don’t need to start drinking at 10AM. Yeah the vibe is getting serious up here.

Pre COVID-19 my Saturday would consist of doing laundry, taking the dry cleaning with Maya and then knocking out the other ancillary items. A drink with the Murphranks or some other fun item would be on our Saturday plans and that was it, we loved it! Now days we are missing it but know we shouldn’t sneak over and have a “house party” because it takes one fuck up and someone’s mother or father is dead.

So we are on lockdown and seriously, nobody really needs to be out in this shit. Because of this I created a list of stuff to do. This particular Saturday after we did the laundry I decided it was time to clean that oven and stove and the kitchen. I cleaned the bathroom like it was in a MTA Subway. Then I went big balls and went after Geranium & my jewelry cabinet.

Yes folks I am about to fucking blog about cleaning the oven and other stuff. Oh and because your ass better be inside you are going to read it too! Oh and the last picture on this thread is a bonus because that will tell you how bored I was today.

Yep, I shower every day and put on my uniform of Jeans, Golf Shirt and my Black Pull over. I did this when I was Fun-Employed 10 years ago.
Yeah I know it’s 10AM and I haven’t been out since 11:30 last night but there is another hooman in the bed so I am good.
Cleaned all the spices and oils.
Yep, This wasn’t fun but at least it is clean
Like I said, we are blessed so we paid the maid last week to make sure she stayed the fuck home.
Picture solely to annoy my foodie friends. Each box marks a trip to per se at Christmas.
I am glad this is done.
Geranium has a lot of necklaces
Broke out the Iron and did my handkerchiefs.
Who I am I kidding, I am not getting on the Manhattan Streets till maybe May and some think June. But they will be ready!
Now feel free to Judge The Fuck out of me.
Yes I ironed and starched the pillowcases.

So a friend of Vivian & Stone who we met many moons ago in Belize and now lives in Tudor City told me that he has his bedding starched. I was enthralled because I normally will just put the clean pillow case on the pillow and call it a day. So in my attempt to keep from drinking I followed Ty Middelton’s (that is his Soap Opera Name) advice and starched them. Wait till our maid returns and I inform she is to now do this. Like I said, this is some award winning shit!

Seriously folks – Stay the Fuck Home!

Adjusting to Things

New Yorkers are resilient. They can put up with a lot of shit that normal people would say “Oh Hell No, Check Please.” We cram into dirty sardine cans daily to get to work secretly hoping that the person next to us doesn’t stink or fart. We live in small ass spaces and pay more money for this when it is the complete opposite of people in other parts of the world. We live in a place where we have people from so many different countries it is just the norm to see people dressed in their native attire or hear their accent or native tongue.

New Yorkers survived 9/11, Hurricane Sandy and we most certainly will survive this damn thing. But what is going on right now is really strange to people who don’t live here. Case in point this whole Social Distancing thing and that there is NOBODY outside. This is what is really strange to us who have gotten used to it.

Oh I guess when we survive this thing and Geranium and I don’t kill each other we can get our “New Yorker” pin. Maria I am looking to you for your ruling.

This is the Manhattan Bridge from my window. It is a dual vehicle and subway bridge and is the second one going from the Tip of Manhattan going up the East River (BMW = Brooklyn, Manhattan, Williamsburg)
What you are looking at on this shitty day is 1 ten car subway on the bridge. On normal rush hour you see one every 7 minutes and sometimes 2 of them on the bridge at the same time. I counted and the lag time between subway is now 15 to 20 minutes.
Do you know how many elevators I have ridden in the past 2 weeks that I am the only asshole in the car? This building is 750 apartments and everyone is staying in.
It is hard to Social Distance on the streets at times. I find myself walking down the middle of the street at times.
Sadly I didn’t Insta-Story this trip to the grocery store yesterday. As you can see people are not hoarding paper towels in Brooklyn
Andrew Cuomo – “Why are people hoarding TP?” I can report that this particular brand sucks and I won’t use this to blow my nose but its good enough for my arse!
Normal shelves, sure some spots are blown out but its not Doomsday
Again I don’t watch the news so I don’t know what they are saying. I have had a lot of you reach out to me and I am very appreciative. We are going to be ok.
I would give my left eye tooth to grill out but our 3rd floor living space is closed until further notice.
Social Distancing Spots on the Floor.
I got the items I missed Sunday or Saturday when I did the Live Insta-Story. I also got a 12 pack of beer to offset my Vodka addiction

You know how I hate to use the terms “The New Normal”, “Un-Presented”, “UnCharted”, “Be Safe”, and “Be Well”? I would kill to get on the subway and give one of my “Are you Fucking Kidding Me?” looks!!!