CBT you are so full of Shit

Pictures of the Week – New York Edition

I have way too many good pictures on my iFoam not to share with the class.

IMG_1022Wait till I buy everyone on the NY East team their very own Seersucker suit. Yep even you MLP & work wife.

IMG_1026I understand this is one of the most Instagram’d exhibits next to the “fearless girl” in Lower Manhattan

IMG_0961We broke down and bought a car. We can put it in the closet of apartment when we aren’t using it.

IMG_0957Cubs win the world series last year and now the Yankees are atop the division. Albeit it is the American League but still they are rolling along.

IMG_1015Shout out to my Work Wife, LZ, MLP, UWS Girl, and any anyone else who drinks that crap blush wine. #CarbunkleCares

IMG_0976Got to love the views from the buildings near Central Park

IMG_1005Yeah try to explain this one to me please.

IMG_0996A street fair right outside our apartment door! How Cool is that!

IMG_0981Katie and Bean moved from next door to Brooklyn. Bean (springer spaniel) would come over to get a treat from us and to terrorize Maddy and Maya. They left this for us. They were good people and we will miss them. 

IMG_1032Werk is hard

IMG_1006Wee Fiona made the shopping list for Daddy. Sad thing about it is I bet 10 people on the river during BBQfest wouldn’t have caught it. 

Have a good weekend!

 

Happy Anniversary of Circling the Sun 50 times Weed

Editor’s note – I am fairly disciplined about divulging people’s names on this worthless dribble of a blog. If they didn’t have a nickname already I normally gave them one that doesn’t really incriminate them. That being said, the person named “Weed” is a real nickname but I promise that her name has nothing to do with Colorado’s State Flower/Plant and it would take too long to explain how she got it. 

So 2 weeks ago I headed to Memphis for some work, some play and to celebrate Weed’s surprise 50th birthday. I have to give D credit, she orchestrated this thing like a mad scientist. When the guest list got above 30 even I was wondering if the surprise could be kept quiet but she pulled it off.

Friday night we all arranged to meet up the Flying Saucer and as the Mo-Ho’s trickled in it was waterworks on each and every arrival. Many 40’s were drunk that night on 3rd Avenue and I ‘think’ I rolled into bed around 3ish. Saturday we all headed up to Midtown for brunch, beers and the surprise. Bless OTB (Old Tired & Bitter) and Ziggy for hosting, it went off without a hitch. Afterwards things went ugly as we headed to Beale for the stalking of Barbara Blue and Gnome attacking.

Happy Birthday Weed, we have known you the longest and we love ya. Even if you were “a couple grades behind us.”

IMG_0884That poor boy spent a little too long down at the BBQ Fest. (not anyone we know)

IMG_0886The birthday girl and D aka the Mad Scientist of Planning (venue not disclosed)

IMG_0903This is when you could say that “it went off the rails”

IMG_0895Play that Funky Music White Girl aka Baby Fine Hair!

IMG_0905My Missouri Legal Counsel

IMG_0907We miss ya Raiford!

IMG_0911Snot did come out of my nose when I saw some of these pics. Oh and A-Cups, yes I am going to forever be haunted by the image of grandma’s hoo-hoo.

IMG_0914The Unofficial Queen of Beale Street – Ms. Barbara Blue

IMG_0916A view over Nate’s shoulder

IMG_0919Here is where it went off the rails on Saturday night!

IMG_0922If never hear Lucinda William’s “Drunken Angel” ever again I am probably good with that!

IMG_0928Sunset over Monroe Avenue as I was heading into Bardog.

 

Happy Birthday Weed! It was great to see everyone and play with the MoHo’s too!

 

Memphians – Be careful what you wish for! #carbunkletrumpetcares

This post is for all of you who would bitch on Social Media about how Memphis should bury their electric lines underground rather than put on telephone poles. Shout out to a couple of you who asked if I was really dead because I hadn’t penned anything in a while. Ironic that my first post back from my 2 week hiatus is about something that could make me ‘join the choir invisible.”  Do you recall when I talked about the FIVE THINGS THAT CAN KILL YOU IN NYC well I seemed to have forgotten about one. What in the hell am I talking about here you wonder…….the ole NYC exploding Manhole cover. For those of you who do have power in Memphis let me explain what makes manhole covers explode in the summer.

New York is famous for putting everything underground; subway, electric, gas, fiber optics, dead bodies and sewer. As you can imagine with the street vibration both above and if you are lucky to live under the 4-5-6 line below will jostle things loose. Add rats chewing on electric lines, the salt and brine from the winter snow storms and you have some exposed power lines. Now that it is getting warmer in the city people are starting to use Gold Bond air conditioning more and the power demand is starting to spike and those cables below ground are starting to get warm. If you are one of those lucky tourists whom have ever gathered at the Times Square subway station you may have gotten a whiff of that wonderful NYC aroma. EDITORS NOTE – It is always funny to listen to tourists try to describe the smell they encounter at a subway station. Nobody has the heart to tell them that it is probably urine or poop.

So you have a brine soaked, overworked and frayed electric line below ground, you also have all kinds of gasses that are accumulating below ground and then there is a spark of electricity and BOOM! Thankfully the infrastructure below ground is pretty solid so at some point there has to be a relief valve or escape for this explosion. Hey is that a 90 pound manhole cover? Lets see how high we can blow that fucker into the air!! From what I understand there are some warning signs that New Yorker’s pay attention to. One is a manhole cover that is unusually warm or ‘hissing’. Yeah you want to stay the hell away from that joker, she can blow at anytime. Next is the manhole cover who is smoking like it spent Sunday at the Cigar Inn. You want to avoid that one at all cost because as they say, where there is smoke there is fire.

So last week I was heading over to pick up my dry cleaning and I notice one of those evil Bilco doors that was “catawampus” so I naturally took a picture of it and posted it on Instagram. As I head home I see the Engine 39 and Ladder 16 FDNY boys at the corner of 72nd and 1st Ave. I ask Pete what is up and he tells me that a Manhole cover exploded when an SUV was driving over it.  Naturally my first question was that everyone was ok and then asked if a pair of shorts was needed because the driver soiled his shorts.

IMG_1004That shiny building on the right. Yep that is Casa de Carbunkle! I texted Mr. 3 first names and the Asian Fireman to see if they were nearby. The answer was negative but as one of them told me “you should see when a manhole cover blows 30 feet in the air”

exploding-manhole-boomThis scares me that they actually have a graphic for this.

IMG_0972Con Ed Guys cutting out all the burned wire from the wiring harness. Smells like crap too!

IMG_0971No we are not electing a new pope this is to relieve the heat and pressure below

Taxi-Manhole-Explosion-NYCIt is all fun and games till a manhole cover blows and takes out a yellow cab.

 

Hope you have a good Monday and for those of you still without power at your home hang in there. I guess my readers who say that Memphis “should bury all their power lines” now may be rethinking that comments.

 

 

Stuff we ‘used’ to think was odd -19 months living here

Yesterday marked 1 year and 7 months living here on this island called Manhattan. We celebrated it by having our favorite Russian from the UES over for Brunch and then Momma studied for her midterm this week. The time really has flown by and I would say that we are slowly becoming New Yorkers. No, my accent is still in tact and people still ask what part of Texas I am from. Mrs. Trumpet on the other hand threw out a “Are you Fucking Kidding me?” to me when I drank all of her Tea before I left for the Cigar Inn. As we look back on these 19 months I guess some things that we at first seem foreign are staring to seem normal. Now for those Memphians who have never visited up here you may have that ‘hamster wheel is spinning but nobody is home’ look as you read this list.

  1. Stoops – Forget about sitting on the front porch like you do in the south, here you are lucky if you have an outdoor space. Remember when I was jealous as crap of the Murphrank’s Roof Deck? Well sadly unless you plunk down 10+M for a UES brownstone that you still will have to renovate you have a stoop instead. Oh and forget about being protected from the rain like the porch at 595. Here you get your ass wet.
  2. Kids Playing outside – If it isn’t raining or sleeting in the winter you will always find kids playing in neighborhood playgrounds or even on city streets. I remember when I was younger and if it was below a certain temperature then Recess was held inside, not here. You will see kids playing their hearts out with rosy cheeks and frozen snot on their faces. Hey you got to tire those fuckers out because it won’t work in a less than 1K square foot apartment.
  3. Comfortable Shoes – Forget those leather soled Johnston & Murphy’s lace ups. Get you a pair of good rubber soled shoes and prepare to rotate them out. I walk roughly 10K to 15K steps a day for work. I have 3 pair of black shoes that I have in my rotation and a pair of brown for some suits that I wear. My international counterpart ‘wife’ normally is rocking a pair of flats or some pair of low heel shoes as we make our way about the city. Anything higher than 3 inches and you are crazy. *EGP – when you come for Easter, leave those 9 inch F-Me Pumps at college. Don’t worry you will turn heads w/o wearing those barbaric things.
  4. Shoe Repair Store – You got to have a great Shoe Shine/Repair “guy” in New York! I think that there may be 2 repair guys in Memphis and that was when Mr.Galtelli still had his shop on Union. Shoe shine guys in Memphis? Only one I knew about was in the lobby of the Peabody. In Gotham they are all over the place and you have to have a good one. Case in point this past Saturday. Momma’s boots were looking like crap and she needed them to get cleaned up and poste haste. I go see my buddy on 2nd Ave at Artistic Shoe Services and ‘David’ (he is Pakistani so it is easier for him to introduce himself as David) gets them shined, repaired and back to me in 2 hours. I see David each week on my way home from work on Friday’s to get my shoes cleaned up. You got to look good when you are walking the streets.
  5. Random Ish on the side of the Street – Pretty much you can furnish a house with the crap that you find on the streets of New York. Someone moves out of an apartment chances are you will find some of their furniture on the street. Let me tell you, people will fight over the good stuff. I saw a couch get dumped on W23rd street and before I could finish the Instagram post it was already nabbed.
  6. Coffee is King – Before I moved to New York I only drank coffee if it has booze it. You do some crazy hours here and need a pick me up. At first it was a diet coke or Red Bull but that really wasn’t good for me. Then I started having a double espresso after a meal. Now I am hooked on that ish! I love it Hard, Strong and Black – and that is just how I take my coffee! Maria gave me an espresso pot for my birthday and that sucker is in use all the time. Who would have thought that CBT is now a fan of the Java.
  7. How Deep Are We Going Here? – Go ahead and say it – That’s What She Said…… No I am not going there, I am referring to the depth of some of the Subway platforms. Our new Q line is pretty deep. I think at E72nd station it is 11 stories below the surface. Getting down there can be a challenge for those who don’t like heights. Mrs. Trumpet hates the escalator so we always are using the elevators which are nicer than some buildings. Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride and try not to think that there is rushing water coming down the tube instead of a train.
  8. Do you Deliver – If you think that I am going to schlep a case of wine sparkling water down the street you are crazy as hell. Yep, thank God for Fresh Direct Grocery service and Astor’s Wine and Spirits. It is a lifesaver!
  9. Wind-chill sucks – 20 degrees as a high in Manhattan? If there is no wind then it is cold but manageable. But you add the wind and then it pretty much sucks balls. Recall when I survived that Noreaster? I sure as hell do. Put it this way, when the wind starts blowing down those streets thanks to the tall ass buildings…you get the picture.
  10. Not having a car really doesn’t bug us – Nope, we don’t miss driving and messing with a car at all. Crazy huh?

stoopsSure Sarah Jessica Parker hung out on her stoop but she also drank for free b/c she put out.

img_0450Yep here in the UES we block streets so the kids can play outside. First base is the Volvo and 3rd base is the Bentley.

img_0460When they are balder than Telly Savalas then it is time to throw them out!

shoe-shineHey Guys, anybody see that naked girl run down the street? Guess not! And you don’t fool us, we know you are looking at Carbunkle’s Corny Joke of the Day on Facebook.

img_0457It did have a ‘slight’ odor from 5 feet away.

cooffeeI may have a problem with my Java intake.

img_0451Pay no attention to the Jason D. Williams portrait above the escalator down to hell!

fresh-direct-billDo you really think I am going to schlep 2 cases of drinks down the street? Yeah me too!

img_0458When you get this text message you know that it is going to be a bitch outside.

Hope that you had a good weekend and enjoyed reading. We return you to your regularly scheduled show.

 

Not much into words this week

I have been busy with all kinds of stuff going on. Here are some pictures that I have had in my iFoam.

img_0175S/O to my favorite AZ Barrister and St. Jude Mad Scientist! I told them that I knew you but they didn’t let me inside to pee.

img_0177Momma has been craving Taco Bell late night. I found this one way way up in the Upper East Side/Harlem.

img_0180Note to those who dine at the fancy joints in the Time Warner Building on Columbus Circle. This joint has ice cold Bud Lights that are cheaper than the meal that you just spent on.

img_0190I never really paid much attention to this multi use building on 3rd and 71st street before. They have been doing a ton of remodeling to it. Looks pretty cool at night.

img_0191This is what happens when you have an OCD person who lives in 535 Square Feet. Now all of our book bags have a home.

img_0204They always say that you should never venture onto the tracks to get lost items. Some poor bastard lost his iFoam.

img_0205Marley Spoon’s Version of Cabbage Soup with Pork. This was good. I added enough hot sauce to it to make my head sweat and my butt burn the next day.

img_0202Why are you bringing down the suitcases? Who has us this weekend? Is it Caroline’s boyfriend? Tater Chip Chelle? Carla or Alyssa? Damnit Man!

I am going to be home this weekend so I will have some stuff to work on.

 

The Mean Streets of New York

Where Christmas Trees go to die….

So you recall earlier this season when we got our first standard New York Christmas Tree? It was a good tree; it didn’t fall down, it held the 800 lights that Mrs. Trumpet hung on it and it didn’t shed all its needles like a leper at leper colony. The downside to the tree was that it didn’t give us that “I smell the tree” when you open the door. Apparently the tree that we purchased wasn’t as aromatic and it was very fresh. In other words it wasn’t going to smell like the ones we had in the south who were cut down in August. It was a learning experience because we more or less told the tree hawker we wanted a tree that was 21 inches at its widest point. Still now that it is 12 days into the new year the trees that are on the side of the road are so aromatic and fresh smelling. Trust me when I say that you appreciate that walking down the street.

We decided to de-deck the tree the Saturday following Christmas on New Years Eve day. That day was the first day we had time and I had to keep with the southern superstition that trees have to be down by New Years Day. Before my Northern readership starts calling bullshit, I confirmed this with my fellow work cohort who also hails from the south that this tradition holds true in South Carolina. Then again we both agreed that this could be made up by parents so that kids have to help take the tree down before they head off to school. Anyway the tree was down and on the curb at E71st by New Years Day.

I walked by the trees on the street many times during last week taking the monkey heads out to pee. It wasn’t until this past Sunday that I noticed a spike in Christmas Tree carcasses. I was making my way back into the building from a trip at The Cigar Lounge Church that I saw 4 different people taking trees to the street. I asked the doorman why was everyone waiting till the 8th and they shrugged their shoulders. It wasn’t until a trip to get beer food that I found my answer. I asked an older UES W.A.S.P.’y lady walking on the street why everyone was waiting till this past Sunday to take down their tree. She, looked at me in her WASPey glasses and  remarked “My dear boy, any proper New Yorker knows that one does not remove their tree until after the tree in Rockefeller Center is down.” I thanked the woman with a “Bless your heart” and continued on my way with my 18 pack.

So there you go, New Yorkers are not allowed to take down their tree till after the tree in Rockefeller Center is down.

img_0176Tree Carcasses on E64th at Madison

img_0178Wonder when they do remove these suckers, anyone?

img_0182Lined up by our building

img_0183I bet that my former Asian neighbor still has her tree up! She had that sucker up in Mid August! But then again she had to live next to us so she did have to drink a lot of wine to cope.

I know, kind of a silly post but hey, it was a slow news week.

Pictures of the Week

Hope you have your long underwear on today, it is ball shrinking cold. I still have some stuff that I need to post/even write from the holidays so I will post that next week. Have a good weekend and I hope that all those kids wearing pajama’s inside out and putting ice in the toilets in Memphis get their snow day.

img_0116Nah, I didn’t like the dessert at the Blue Ribbon in the UWS. The plate was almost clean.

img_0079For those of you wondering how much of a runt Maya is. This is Maxi who is Maya’s sister. She is 3 times the size of Maya.

img_0066Saw this bar when I exited a cab on 3rd Ave and it put a smile to my face. I bet they have great bourbon and a bunch of silverware art in that joint.

img_0075Didn’t everyone get a ring like this in their stocking?

img_0073We paid a Kings Ransom to fly home at Christmas. At least they gave us some leg room.

img_0090Love the old pictures at my mom’s house.

img_0089Stop laughing some of you. I bet your parents have baby pictures of you too!

holifsydNot trying to start a debate but I took some grief for not saying Merry Christmas. I told the person that was giving me shit that I would say Merry Christmas on Christmas Day.

img_0105BV was searching for my bag and was going to send it to Omaha after he put some dog biscuits in it for the drug dogs.

img_0078The Lady Killer in his natural habit. You want some grapes too West Coast?

img_0076Enough with the fucking therapy dogs.

img_0080Kind of got taken back when I walked in the grocery store in Memphis.

img_0084Our Tilapia Momma’s baby left his action figure at my mothers Christmas Eve party. We thought about taking it with us to NYC to make them come up to collect it but thought better. Good to see A & E.

Have a good weekend.

Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please

Do you know how long residents of the Upper East Side have been waiting to hear those 7 words? From what I understand the carrot on the stick has been dangling in front of “my people” (notice how quick I am identifying myself with UES residents now that the damned thing is open) about 100 years with various stories and delays. It wasn’t until the Governor stepped in and gave them a deadline. New Years Day the 2nd Avenue Subway would be open for business.

Trust me when I say that a lot of my friends had their doubts. It wasn’t until I made a drunken boast that “I, Carbunkle Eugene Trumpet IV would swim in the Atlantic Ocean from the Coney Island boardwalk on New Years Day after riding the Q train from the Upper East Side of Manhattan!!!” Thankfully nobody called me on my boast as The Man with 3 first names was going to Philly and Maria didn’t meet us at the Kings Highway so I didn’t feel the need to go swim with the fishes.

So at Noon we headed out the door to walk a block to the subway station and take the Inaugural First Subway ride from 72nd station to Coney Island. Even the Governor who more or less put fire to the feet of the contractors and MTA was there. His comment to me (as he was getting into his Suburban) “It looks great, it is on time and it is much needed!”  What Andrew didn’t say was that when we got into the subway car the Mother Fucker was out of sequence  and we waited 25 minutes. Hey, I pay taxes here, I can bitch with the rest of them. So all in all a normal 1 hour trip took us 2 hours but let me tell you that it is nice.

When we get to Coney Island for the Polar Bear Plunge I really can’t explain it. To my Memphis readers, let me put it this way. Think Wine Race but everyone is wearing heavy coats and some are in Bikini’s. We check out the scene, realize that the people standing on line at Nathans was asinine so we find a spot at Ruby’s on the boardwalk. The people watching is great and we both realize that a lot of Coney Island residents are kind freaks. That is why we love them so and can fit in so well. We have a couple beers and then head back to the train where we are to go have some Black Eyed Peas and Greens with our new UWS friend. Oh by the way, return trip from Coney Island with a transfer to the 3 at Atlantic Ave was 1 hour and we made it all the way to W96th Street.

So RJ – if you are not knee deep in pampers next New Years you need to come up for this show. It is worth the price of admission…..which is only $2.75!

img_0125Glad to see you Carbunkle, I will see you at the cigar place later this week. *for those Memphians who don’t know that is the Governor or New York State. He doesn’t like the Mayor of New York so he is ok in my book.*

img_0127Notice the time on the sign. We got to Coney Island at 2:30pm

img_0130The Murphranks are now just one subway ride away. No more transferring, this could be a bad thing.

img_0136Somebody Wrapped a Subway Car!

img_0140I do not doubt that LVD would be a tad excited to see this place.

rubyOnly Pic of Ruby’s that I snapped and it was a picture on the wall waiting to go to the bathroom. I was told later this was Ruby. Man his parents made it tough for him growing up.

img_0148Got to love my people. Find any excuse to drink! Hey @BrizzyNYC – We need to make the Mermaid Festival this year!

img_0147We live an hour away from the beach and never visited it. That ish will change this summer.

img_0149I may have to make this event this July.

Happy New Year, heading to Baker Street to go see the Duffels and drink some cold beers.

Pictures of the Week on a Thursday

Here are pics from this past week in no particular order. Yes this is normally on Friday but I am moving up production a day earlier. Friday we are busy and there may not be a post.

img_0055There is where the Magic happens on the 3rd floor of the Time Warner Building

img_0046Ironically also on the 3rd floor of the Time Warner Building is Chef and Owner Masayoshi “Masa” Takayama’s Masa. This is considered the best Sushi in the world.

img_0049Cappuccino and Donuts and no this wasn’t from Duncan Donuts either.

img_0058Again, great evening spent with great friends. Apologies to the Lady Barrister who when I posted it to my Instagram page, it cropped her out. I since took it down after I realized my error.

img_0057“You know what I like to do? I like to go have an fine meal and then follow it up with drinking a bunch of Bud Lights!” Mr. 3 First Name

img_0005Who knew there was such a need and even a company here in NYC. I am told that some mannequins are worth over 10K

img_2222She survived her first semester of NYU and is hoping to get initiated in her sorority the first week back in the spring semester.

Have a good day!

Surviving the Snow and Ice in NYC

When we got home from Loser Lounge Friday night it was well after midnight. We were supposed to have some snow but didn’t see one flake. Come to think about it, we took the subway home and it was pretty quiet at that hour so we didn’t see many people. #seewhatIdidthereKLCMan It was around 7AM the next morning when white dog decided it was time for me to take her ass downstairs to let her pee and poop. I glanced out the window and noticed the roof on the building on E72nd was snow covered. In my mind it was “CRAP! Now I have to go find my snow boots” because I hadn’t broken those suckers out since last years snow. After about 20 minutes of finding every dust bunny in Manhattan that was hiding in the back of my closet, I locate my Bog Snow Boots.

I harness up the dogs and naturally Red Dog wanted no part of this but it wasn’t because of the snow, it was because we were met with freezing rain. I don’t blame her because it fecking sucked. I get the dogs to pee and poop, pick them up to save time and notice a woman tip toeing down the street. She was trying to avoid the ice slush puddles and snow piles because she wasn’t wearing snow boots but ballet flats. I make my way to the front door and see a guy doing the same type of dance and he is wearing Chuck Taylor canvas tennis shoes. I am thinking to myself “don’t these jackasses know any better?”

Later in the day I head down the street to get my laundry and we now have a full slush on the streets while the sidewalk is clear. You see it is a NYC law that you have to clean your sidewalk after a snow. If not you could get a fine or worse some jackass suing you because you had ice and they fell. People were still not adhering to the ‘bring out your snow boots’ rule and were wearing tennis shoes and more low profile shoes. You get to the curb cuts and people would ‘think’ that the snow was fine and step on it but would be met with an icey slush under the snow and curse words would naturally ensue. And you feckers make fun of my accent but look at me in my knee high snow boots. Don’t you know that I used to work for Memphis in May?

img_0040Oh it is so pretty. I would rather look at the beach than this cold ish

img_0039East 71st Street

img_0038Maddy is not happy at all. She is ‘low profile’ so her underside gets cold and icy.

img_0043-2By the afternoon it was icy slush on the street to the side of just wet

img_0044In Memphis they would shut down the city because of this.

img_0045Oh let me “Bruce Jenner” jump over this slush. See those footprints on the left side that look like tennis shoe marks? The dumbass a block up found out that it was an icy slush below and was not happy.

img_0042This is how you can tell if you need snow or rain boots in our building. See if there are any shoes or umbrellas drying outside of an apartment.

_9994356Don’t be that guy, just get you a good pair of snow boots. Maria told me that rule right after Labor day when it turned cold.

So the next time you hear they have forecasted snow, do yourself a favor and get you some decent warm snow boots to navigate the city streets. #CarbunkleCares