Don’t hate the player

A Trip Harrods – The Mecca of Mall Food

Sunday afternoon after hanging with Jimmy’s Mum & Pop we decided we wanted to make a run over to the local Mall of Memphis London. You know I am talking about….Recall back in the day when the only way you could get a Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich was a visit to the Mall? I mean where else could you get your Hot Topic and Spencer’s crap and then enjoy some chocolate chip cookie? And if you wanted to go ice skating this place was it.

London’s version of the Mall of Memphis is a place called Harrods in the East end of London. We took the Tube over to Knightsbridge and took a visit to the food hall. If you don’t know what Harrods is all about you can read up about it here. You have seen all those signs that read “If we don’t have it, you don’t need it.” Harrods is just that store. Upon entering the hall, you realize that this place doesn’t mess around.

I am going to leave it now up to the pictures but if I ever won the lottery, I would be heading there for meals at every one of their 24 restaurants. That beats the shit out of the Mall of Memphis doesn’t it?

The Oysters weren’t bad
Salmon en Croute
Anyone for some Kobe Striploin?
Sam, I bet your buddy gets this doesn’t he
They have their own Hot Dish
The Main Floor
Not a bad day spent in the Food Court

Now show me a Mall food court that can beat this one? I dare you!

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It takes one to know one

So I have taken a couple “GFY” text messages from friends of mine for my post about having dinner this past Saturday Dinner at Per Se. Yes it is a special occasion and again, we are very lucky to have such good friends. From the moment you walk into that joint you know that you are going to have a wonderful experience.

I have already discussed the food and if I did it again then I know for a fact I would get some serious GFY text messages from GrainBin Girl and some others. Rather than that, I here are some pictures of the kitchen and the back of the house. Trust me when I say that these guys and gals do it right.

The Famed Doors of Per Se
Above the door leading into the dining room It reads: Finesse – Refinement and Delicacy of performance, execution or artisanship”
On the Screen is the Closed Circuit TV of French Laundry the sister restaurant on the Left Coast
Today’s Menu and staff notes for both French Laundry and Per Se. They said there would be a Vaping Queen at the 6:30 seating at Per Se
French Laundry was serving Slop last Saturday
The Famed Per Se “Pass” where many a tribute has been given. Probably the Bourdain and tribute hurt the most.
The remaining desserts for the later service
Nothing to see here Homeless Tim – These are the White Truffle Boxes
Don’t worry, we have a couple FDNY boys at the table and only 3 Attorneys who specialize in personal injury cases
The do win a couple awards here

Sorry if I am being hated by some. It is tough being at the top!

Living in New York – Shit we take for Granted

Back when we had Love Bug visiting us you take things for granted living up here. Naturally seeing the expressions on someone who has never visited New York affirms our decision to move up here. The other day I was talking to someone and I was telling them that I use Jet.com to get my household supplies rather than shopping for them. They asked me why I don’t just swing by Target or the store and get my Toilet Paper. I told them that I didn’t like carrying that stuff 5 blocks. I could immediately sense that the hamster wheel was spinning but the hamster was dead.

When Love Bug was here I made note of a couple things and jotted them down. A couple days later I was looking on Instagram and I noticed former Memphian @Brizzyc post a pic of her husband making wine. The making of the wine didn’t really seem that odd to me but the fact that this was being done in the bathroom did. Her husband was sitting on the “closed” toilet seat using a drill to stir the contents but in the background was a chest freezer. You see folks, space up here is at a premium. The simple fact that they have a freezer in their shitter tells me that the probably have some other unique storage that we probably do also.

  • Closet Space is a such a premium that you don’t expect for your luggage to be empty. Normally it is full of out of season clothes.
  • Yes we spend north $4.75 of a square foot to have the opportunity to live in New York/New Jersey. Oh and you can kiss your ass if you think you can get a garbage disposal or non-hotel style air conditioner.
  • Why lug your groceries/dry cleaning/booze/laundry detergent when you can have someone deliver it for you? I can recall when Theo’s momma was all happy when she could get her booze delivered to her back in Memphis. God bless Astor’s Wine & Spirits for delivering Mary Louise’s “maintenance” wine for 3 years now.
  • The last time I have driven in Manhattan was on August 5, 2015 and that was to empty the UHall truck and then promptly dropped off said truck in Long Island City. Nope I don’t miss it at all! I take cabs and Ubers when I want to ‘spoil’ myself or are too drunk for the subway.
  • Regarding Subways and Mass Transit – Avoid the empty subway car at all costs. Also it is best to let sleeping people lie. It isn’t your fault if the person sleeping off their night of cheap drinks has been to Coney Island and E96th Street 5 times. That is on them.
  • Do not text and walk on the New York city Streets – DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME KATIE/LIL GENERAL? This takes some self discipline because even Love Bug was struggling with this when she was taking pictures. Seriously you will run into something/someone and may get yelled at.
  • Street Meat is very good and is encouraged to eat at all times – Man I miss Anthony Bourdain! His show on Queens and the food culture is recorded on Tivo and I am planning on making a trip one of these days when GrainBin Girl comes up here. When I took Love Bug to the Hallal boys she couldn’t believe that such good food came from a food cart.
  • When they say it is going to rain and “be a washout” or my next favorite word “Nor’easter” do yourself a favor and try to stay home. Those two words can strike fear into many a New Yorker. It sucks and having to walk around in that shit really sucks.
  • Whenever you can – stop and take a look at the view.
  • Upside to living in a city that has 3 large airports – Taking a Non-Direct flight is for suckers!
  • The cost of a glass of wine can run about $14.00 and a Budlight can run north of $6.00. You do a lot of home drinking/Subway Coffee cups.

IMG_4174

Got to love those guys

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Naturally this is at Franklin Street

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The View It Doesn’t Suck

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Atop the Metropolitan Museum

38R

Current Living Arrangement

Have a good one!

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2018

We had some friends in town from Crime-Free Memphis and they had requested to see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Do you recall back when we went to the Parade in 2015 as a guest of the Asian Fireman?  They were forecasting that it would be a cold Thanksgiving Day. Actually it was a record breaking cold day 19 Degrees Fahrenheit (-7 for you Celsius folks) and nothing sucks more than standing out in the cold with no bathroom. Oh, on the day we saw the parade back in 2015?  I think it was like 40 degrees so that was perfect. Thanks to Z(Squared) we were able to procure a proper viewing spot from his office to watch the parade. 

Trust me when you see the parade from that vantage point I assure you that unless I am on a mudder fucking float with the fat man himself there isn’t any going back. I did get a little warm in the conference room overlooking the Avenue of America’s but having that bathroom is what is really is all about. Thank you to Z(Squared) for the hospitality. We will have you over for the Fireworks on July 4th. 


Parade walks off at 9PM and by the time they get here it is about 9:45AM. These poor folks have probably been on line since 6AM
Always start with Thanksgiving Floats 
See the Lamp Post in the middle of the float? They had all the floats down low this year because of the winds
Ole Pillsbury Still Makes The Cut
Ok Here Is The Green Giant – It is Thanksgiving And the Creator Of The Green Bean Casserole Died This Fall. 

 

Not A Fucking Clue

 

Here Is RAB’s Favorite Float. What is your hatred of Him? What did he ever do to you? 
Olaf (There were some kids in the conference room and they told me) 
Diana Ross – I hope she played better than she did at Live At The Garden


Hey Santa – I will hit you up later on my wish list
Current Position – Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Float Carrier. I carry the Star that says “Believe.” 
5 Minutes after the Fat Man Went By They Crowd is Gone! I don’t blame them, it was cold on Thursday.

Again A HUGE THANK YOU to Z(Squared) for the sweet vantage point. I know that our guests loved it and we did too! 

Carbunkle Trumpet’s Friendly Suggestions for Tourists Visiting Gotham This Winter

Please note that I am trying to clean up my act because there is enough ugliness on Twitter right now. I mean would you have really clicked on this worthless dribble if the title were “You will probably get called an Asshole by a New Yorker if you do this.”  Do you recall way back to the first Holiday Season when I posted about some ladies who stopped short in Times Square? Sadly I have turned into more of a bitter New Yorker and Marathon Sunday was the tipping point. 

Marathon Sunday we were to venture up to Woodlawn in the Bronx for Wee Fi’s “Wizard of Oz” Seventh birthday. In order for us to get Metro North we have to get to Grand Central so we have to jump on a 4 Train at Nevins Station. Normally that isn’t a big deal but on this Sunday the 4 Train was packed tighter than a pair of pants at an all you can eat buffet. The train is full of Marathon Spectators who are in deep need of reading this list. Rather than have a full on Fucking-Come-Apart on a jackass who thinks that wearing a packed backpack doesn’t bother anyone else…..so I chose to come up with this list. 

Below is the short list of suggestions that I would like to extend to anyone who is thinking of visiting New York. AKA – Don’t be this Asshole or you may get yelled at.

  1. Walking on our City Streets, Subway Stairways,  and Common Area Walkways  – please remember these Two Fucking Rules; NEVER EVER stop in the middle of the above mentioned while in New York. I assure you will get run the hell over by a New Yorker who is walking at top speed. Second, and this goes without saying; LEAVE YOUR FUCKING PHONE IN YOUR POCKET! You don’t text and drive in your hometown, why do you you think you can text and walk up here? Too many people get yelled at on the streets for updating their Facebook updates. Step to the side if you have to text your cousin that you just saw someone famous. 
  2. While in cramped spaces (Subway, Elevator, walking into the Garden) take that backpack off of your back and just hold it in your hand. I promise that it may seem foreign reading this in Memphis or other parts of the US but it is a major No-No here in New York. Especially on the Subway! You will get yelled at. 
  3. While walking on our streets do us other people don’t walk side to side if you are a family of four. Want to really piss off some folks on the streets? Walk hand and hand. Oh and if you have strollers, you can only do that in Park Slope not in Manhattan during holiday season. 
  4. Asking Directions – Again this is going to seem foreign but try to know where you are going before you step out onto our streets. It isn’t so much about addresses it is the cross street and what direction is this sucker on the dividing line aka 5th Avenue. In other words know the lingo; East = East side of 5th Avenue. West = do we really have to do this? Uptown = North of 60th street. SoHo = South of Houston Street. Also Google Maps is your friend when trying to negotiate the subway. Trust me.
  5. Be a Boy Scout – aka – be ready to act. This applies to when swiping your Metro Card at the Subway Turnstile. You don’t want to be digging in your pocket while at the turnstile. Ordering a bagel at a bodega….let me tell you that you will get a Soup Nazi comment from the deli worker or a “Can you hurry the Fuck up” from someone standing on line behind you. 

 

Getting Around The City on Marathon Sunday Can Be Difficult
See The Disdain on the Face of The Woman Exiting The Subway? She is About To Break Bitch on These Picture Taking Tourists. Its a Fucking Coffee shop!
This Makes My Ass Twitch Every time I see it! I Want To Play Red Rover/Red Rover Send Carbunkle Right Over! 

Trust me when I say that It isn’t that New Yorkers are Rude, we are just in a Hurry. Hope that you had a good laugh and please don’t be “That Guy/Gal”!

You Really Have To Love E67th Street Btw Mad & 5th During Halloween

We have finally gotten some cooler weather up here in New York. Just like in Memphis the first couple days of cooler weather make people break out heavy coats and or sweaters. I for one, am happy that we have gotten to this time of the year. I can wear a full suit and tie without sweating to death and the subway platforms aren’t “Gold Bond” hot. It really is the best time of the year. With the cooler temps we now welcome the Bodega’s selling Mums, Apples and Pumpkins. Rockefeller Center goes into ice skating mode and the airlines being Ass raping patrons for flying to Memphis at Christmas. Delta Airlines can go suck it by the way. Also with the fall we welcome Halloween.

Recall my post a couple years back about HALLOWEEN up here? Trust me when I say that New York goes all out and then some.  This week I had to visit a customer who buys my tourist trap double decker bus tickets in the ‘Bougie’ Upper East Side. *Notice how I have turned on the UES now that I live in Brooklyn?* I was walking to their location on E67th and I come across some brownstone Halloween Art. This isn’t any normal Halloween Decoration Art Folks. To my favorite Tattooed Former Bartender who now sells games; get your cute little Halloween loving arse up here for next year, this shit is on!

On 67th Street there is a Halloween show that rivals anything that I have ever seen. Between the stationary displays and the animated ones (if you we are Insta-Friends you know what I am talking about) this is so cool and probably costs a fortune. Anyway below are the pics from East 67th between Madison and 5th Avenue. *Theo’s Momma – send your friends to the blog and they can find it then* #CBTusingTheBlogforHits

IMG_4551I just long to own the marble steps that lead to this beautiful brownstone. Probably costs north of 10M

IMG_4540This Gargoyle should sit atop an entrance but for this exercise he is street level. Wing Span is over 8 feet long btw

IMG_4541These pictures don’t do it justice. This thing is full Disney Animated!

IMG_4542That “planter” is all man made. Seriously whomever made this went all out!

IMG_4549This is where an 8 foot Grim Reaper (Not the Costa Rican One) comes out of the hearse. See the faux hood? Someone paid a lot of money for this.

IMG_4550Mr. 3 First Names – Feel Free to Fire Away on this Uber Driver

IMG_4543Next Brownstone they are doing this. *Supposed to Nor’Easter Rain this weekend. I hope it doesn’t get destroyed* They did a great job on this brownstone

IMG_4544If I were a FedEx or “Other Guy” I would give a big ole Nope

IMG_4545I can see Ron (Old Next Door Neighbor when we owned 595) being the Scarecrow here. *Val-O-Rie can you please show them this post please*

IMG_4548This really is a great display. I hope it doesn’t get destroyed this weekend when we get ASS FUCKING rain!

IMG_4546Like I said, this brownstone may not have animation but they went all out!

Please trust me when I say that these pictures don’t give these exhibits justice.

More later on Halloween!

 

 

Weekends in New York can really suck ya know?

You recall when I was whining like a little bitch talking on Monday about having MPH and I was glad it was back to work? I better give you the cliff notes because if I went went blow by blow on each night then some of you may want to have an intervention. Trust me when I say that the RJ Fun-O-Meter was pegged pretty much every night.

Friday Night was the wedding and dance recital of Z(Squared) at the Boat House in Central Park. The Asian Fireman and Realtor Wife were in attendance as well as Muphranks. The Work Wife (The Managing one) was there with her Midtown Uniform wearing husband as well as a bunch of other Time Square double decker tour bus ticket sales reps. The wedding was short, to the point and everyone said yes. The food, the never emptying glasses of wine, the band, and even dancing were a great and then when the glow sticks came out……aww shit it was on like Donkey Kong!!! Many thanks to Lady Barrister for remaining awake to navigate our safe arrival to Downtown Brooklyn. I hope that Mary Louise didn’t snore too bad. Truth be told Mr. 3 First Names and I weren’t really sleeping, we were just resting our eyes. Congrats to Z(squared) on making it legal and thanks for a great party.

Hey D(squared) at AMF/HQ on Tully Street in Crime-Free New Chicago – call me this week. I saw a really cool thing at this party that you may want to consider it for your next Thanksgiving Wedding. #RoboCares

Saturday day was spent relaxing and celebrating Mary Louie’s anniversary of circling the sun. That evening we attended the Losers Lounge rendition of Barry Manilow & Bette Midler. I learned something very important about this show. Apologies to my homosexual readers but I found out that I really don’t like the music of Barry Manilow. I mean other than Copacabana his stuff is just crap. Here is where I am going to further upset you more – any rendition of Bette Midler and the movie “Beaches” really needs to Fucking Stop also.

Sunday was spent yet again with a music theme and as luck would have it we got to hang with Vivian Longstreet and Della Forte again. We saw them Saturday night and then when we arrived at the Barclays for Phil Collins they were also in the same suite we were in. Phil Collins was great and his voice is the same and even though he was recuperating from back surgery which slowed him down a bit his 17 year old son played the Drums. Great Show and we were glad that we decided to attend the show.

IMG_4467Yep, we are in Black Tie heading to the event stuck in traffic

IMG_4469I am so glad that Mr. 3 First Names, Asian Fireman and I sat down at someone else’s table because the amount of glassware full of booze is really appalling. We all drank mineral water that night.

IMG_4473You can always tell a good night out by what you purchase the next day for lunch. Work Wife (Managing One) got World Famous Halal guys on Saturday. We opted for $50 worth of greasy Mexican Food and a nap.

IMG_4477Pregame dinner and drinks before Losers Lounge

IMG_4482Anna Copacabana singing what else? Copacabana and it was great.

Image-1Yes that was Phil singing “In the Air Tonight” after the drum solo! Boom!

IMG_4500Whole Band Killing It. If you can see a show I highly encourage you to go see him.

Like I said it really was a shitty weekend in New York. I hope that we get to do it again.

Billy Joel Again? Number 102 in the Garden

No it wasn’t us muttering that sacrilege. I am not going to call out the person who said that (while drinking many glasses of wine, I might add) but this past Sunday when we got a chance to catch “The MSG House Band” we said “YES!” Now do you recall when we caught his act back in March of 2016? I can assure that you that William Martin Joel didn’t disappoint us at all for Show number 102. Think about it, the man has played 56 consecutive sell outs and he keeps saying that he will keep doing it as long as people still keep coming to the shows. Billy plays promptly at 8PM and he played for about 3 hours and didn’t disappoint at all. I do have a great video of the crowd singing “Piano Man” if you want it let me know and I can send it to you. Mary Louise is killing the rendition by the way!

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Boss Lady/Momma was very happy that he played “Only The Good” as it is one of her favorite songs. Me I am partial to “Italian Restaurant” and “New York State of Mind”.

IMG_4379He loves playing here and isn’t afraid to bust chops either. “I burned my hand with some coffee but this is New York so here I am!”

IMG_4380The band has been with him for a while. He even brought out a Guitar Tech to sing some AC/DC. Seriously how cool is it to work for someone who says “Hey, we are going to let you sing a song in the Worlds Most Famous Arena!”

IMG_4387Thankfully Kanye didn’t come out dressed as a Perrier bottle. Billy isn’t a fan of ‘that guy’

IMG_4386And all this shit was down and tucked away in 3 hours. Not bad work if you can get it.

And for those of you wondering if I am going to have another Sunday Funday concert I am not. I will be returning from a weekend trip so there won’t be any Instagram/SnapChat concerts on Sunday. Some of you are very nice and only called me a “Mother Fucker” twice.

Pictures of the Week – Heading into the 3 day weekend!

Loves and Kisses to our friends heading to Dale Hollow this weekend. We love you guys and Fuck Charlie!

55693598682__A579D5F1-0E57-41AA-BD9D-8C19BB1DF5F4This joint in Baltimore is a good one!

IMG_4102To say it was hot in New York on Wednesday is an understatement.

IMG_4092Next time we are going to visit this joint! We had brunch reservations and couldn’t go in.

IMG_4084Who knew my old roomate from 742 Storer was holding out on me

IMG_4094The guys at 1300 First Ave missed us. Well they missed Shobo and tolerated me.

IMG_4085What the hell is that on my beer can?

IMG_4072Ashley Bonds is snickering at me right now.

IMG_4075Love a David Bowie Quote above the bar

IMG_4083Baltimore has a unique feel to it with the Row Houses and the NOLA courtyards

IMG_4077This speaks to me!

Hope you have a good weekend.

 

So What did you guys do in Isla?

I fielded a bunch of those questions since we got back on Saturday. My canned answer has always been “We hung out, I smoked at least 1 cigar before 10AM each day, and we ate a bunch of good food. Oh and we drank buckets of beer, had a couple “Ernie Mellor’s Specials” and we drank some post sunset Vodka and Sodas.” So here is the real truth about our trip….That is exactly what we did and it was great!

When we were on the ferry over to the island there was a woman who was returning from being in the states. She was chatting up a couple who were asking her where to eat, where to rent a cart, ect. The woman said that she lived on a sailboat behind Oscar’s Pizza place. Naturally I hated this bitch, I mean she lives in about the same square footage as we do but her location is much prettier and more climate friendlier than ours.

This was the 5th trip over to Isla Mujeres; day trip, 3 night trip before meeting up with English Mike, 5 day trip where 9 months later we became God Parents, an overnight trip in December and then this full week trip. Each trip we keep finding that this island is exactly what we need in that we can go there, unwind, eat some good food and laugh about our Monday through Friday lives.

Now I am sure that there are some of you who look at us and say “Why do you keep doing the same thing over and over again?” They say that doing this and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Guess what friends….Isla is what we want. No excursions (well they did go fishing this year) no historic tours, no fancy resorts, and pretty much it is perfect for us. More on this later.

IMG_3799Welcome to the Family Manuel

IMG_3788Shrimp Cocktail in a Sweet Chili Sauce and Lime Juice. It was great!

IMG_3779These two! I tell ya we had a blast with them down there.

IMG_3772Playa North with the fancy boats.

IMG_3763The Future Mrs Manuel Gonzalez was mocking me as I declined a shot of “Mexican Water”

IMG_3737Not our place but this was right next door to our joint.

IMG_3734Margarita and a beer – Lord knows I had a couple of these down there

IMG_3803Like I said the food really sucked down there too

Like I said, we had a good time down in Mexico. More pics to come.