Don’t hate the player

Carbunkle Trumpet’s Friendly Suggestions for Tourists Visiting Gotham This Winter

Please note that I am trying to clean up my act because there is enough ugliness on Twitter right now. I mean would you have really clicked on this worthless dribble if the title were “You will probably get called an Asshole by a New Yorker if you do this.”  Do you recall way back to the first Holiday Season when I posted about some ladies who stopped short in Times Square? Sadly I have turned into more of a bitter New Yorker and Marathon Sunday was the tipping point. 

Marathon Sunday we were to venture up to Woodlawn in the Bronx for Wee Fi’s “Wizard of Oz” Seventh birthday. In order for us to get Metro North we have to get to Grand Central so we have to jump on a 4 Train at Nevins Station. Normally that isn’t a big deal but on this Sunday the 4 Train was packed tighter than a pair of pants at an all you can eat buffet. The train is full of Marathon Spectators who are in deep need of reading this list. Rather than have a full on Fucking-Come-Apart on a jackass who thinks that wearing a packed backpack doesn’t bother anyone else…..so I chose to come up with this list. 

Below is the short list of suggestions that I would like to extend to anyone who is thinking of visiting New York. AKA – Don’t be this Asshole or you may get yelled at.

  1. Walking on our City Streets, Subway Stairways,  and Common Area Walkways  – please remember these Two Fucking Rules; NEVER EVER stop in the middle of the above mentioned while in New York. I assure you will get run the hell over by a New Yorker who is walking at top speed. Second, and this goes without saying; LEAVE YOUR FUCKING PHONE IN YOUR POCKET! You don’t text and drive in your hometown, why do you you think you can text and walk up here? Too many people get yelled at on the streets for updating their Facebook updates. Step to the side if you have to text your cousin that you just saw someone famous. 
  2. While in cramped spaces (Subway, Elevator, walking into the Garden) take that backpack off of your back and just hold it in your hand. I promise that it may seem foreign reading this in Memphis or other parts of the US but it is a major No-No here in New York. Especially on the Subway! You will get yelled at. 
  3. While walking on our streets do us other people don’t walk side to side if you are a family of four. Want to really piss off some folks on the streets? Walk hand and hand. Oh and if you have strollers, you can only do that in Park Slope not in Manhattan during holiday season. 
  4. Asking Directions – Again this is going to seem foreign but try to know where you are going before you step out onto our streets. It isn’t so much about addresses it is the cross street and what direction is this sucker on the dividing line aka 5th Avenue. In other words know the lingo; East = East side of 5th Avenue. West = do we really have to do this? Uptown = North of 60th street. SoHo = South of Houston Street. Also Google Maps is your friend when trying to negotiate the subway. Trust me.
  5. Be a Boy Scout – aka – be ready to act. This applies to when swiping your Metro Card at the Subway Turnstile. You don’t want to be digging in your pocket while at the turnstile. Ordering a bagel at a bodega….let me tell you that you will get a Soup Nazi comment from the deli worker or a “Can you hurry the Fuck up” from someone standing on line behind you. 

 

Getting Around The City on Marathon Sunday Can Be Difficult
See The Disdain on the Face of The Woman Exiting The Subway? She is About To Break Bitch on These Picture Taking Tourists. Its a Fucking Coffee shop!
This Makes My Ass Twitch Every time I see it! I Want To Play Red Rover/Red Rover Send Carbunkle Right Over! 

Trust me when I say that It isn’t that New Yorkers are Rude, we are just in a Hurry. Hope that you had a good laugh and please don’t be “That Guy/Gal”!

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You Really Have To Love E67th Street Btw Mad & 5th During Halloween

We have finally gotten some cooler weather up here in New York. Just like in Memphis the first couple days of cooler weather make people break out heavy coats and or sweaters. I for one, am happy that we have gotten to this time of the year. I can wear a full suit and tie without sweating to death and the subway platforms aren’t “Gold Bond” hot. It really is the best time of the year. With the cooler temps we now welcome the Bodega’s selling Mums, Apples and Pumpkins. Rockefeller Center goes into ice skating mode and the airlines being Ass raping patrons for flying to Memphis at Christmas. Delta Airlines can go suck it by the way. Also with the fall we welcome Halloween.

Recall my post a couple years back about HALLOWEEN up here? Trust me when I say that New York goes all out and then some.  This week I had to visit a customer who buys my tourist trap double decker bus tickets in the ‘Bougie’ Upper East Side. *Notice how I have turned on the UES now that I live in Brooklyn?* I was walking to their location on E67th and I come across some brownstone Halloween Art. This isn’t any normal Halloween Decoration Art Folks. To my favorite Tattooed Former Bartender who now sells games; get your cute little Halloween loving arse up here for next year, this shit is on!

On 67th Street there is a Halloween show that rivals anything that I have ever seen. Between the stationary displays and the animated ones (if you we are Insta-Friends you know what I am talking about) this is so cool and probably costs a fortune. Anyway below are the pics from East 67th between Madison and 5th Avenue. *Theo’s Momma – send your friends to the blog and they can find it then* #CBTusingTheBlogforHits

IMG_4551I just long to own the marble steps that lead to this beautiful brownstone. Probably costs north of 10M

IMG_4540This Gargoyle should sit atop an entrance but for this exercise he is street level. Wing Span is over 8 feet long btw

IMG_4541These pictures don’t do it justice. This thing is full Disney Animated!

IMG_4542That “planter” is all man made. Seriously whomever made this went all out!

IMG_4549This is where an 8 foot Grim Reaper (Not the Costa Rican One) comes out of the hearse. See the faux hood? Someone paid a lot of money for this.

IMG_4550Mr. 3 First Names – Feel Free to Fire Away on this Uber Driver

IMG_4543Next Brownstone they are doing this. *Supposed to Nor’Easter Rain this weekend. I hope it doesn’t get destroyed* They did a great job on this brownstone

IMG_4544If I were a FedEx or “Other Guy” I would give a big ole Nope

IMG_4545I can see Ron (Old Next Door Neighbor when we owned 595) being the Scarecrow here. *Val-O-Rie can you please show them this post please*

IMG_4548This really is a great display. I hope it doesn’t get destroyed this weekend when we get ASS FUCKING rain!

IMG_4546Like I said, this brownstone may not have animation but they went all out!

Please trust me when I say that these pictures don’t give these exhibits justice.

More later on Halloween!

 

 

Weekends in New York can really suck ya know?

You recall when I was whining like a little bitch talking on Monday about having MPH and I was glad it was back to work? I better give you the cliff notes because if I went went blow by blow on each night then some of you may want to have an intervention. Trust me when I say that the RJ Fun-O-Meter was pegged pretty much every night.

Friday Night was the wedding and dance recital of Z(Squared) at the Boat House in Central Park. The Asian Fireman and Realtor Wife were in attendance as well as Muphranks. The Work Wife (The Managing one) was there with her Midtown Uniform wearing husband as well as a bunch of other Time Square double decker tour bus ticket sales reps. The wedding was short, to the point and everyone said yes. The food, the never emptying glasses of wine, the band, and even dancing were a great and then when the glow sticks came out……aww shit it was on like Donkey Kong!!! Many thanks to Lady Barrister for remaining awake to navigate our safe arrival to Downtown Brooklyn. I hope that Mary Louise didn’t snore too bad. Truth be told Mr. 3 First Names and I weren’t really sleeping, we were just resting our eyes. Congrats to Z(squared) on making it legal and thanks for a great party.

Hey D(squared) at AMF/HQ on Tully Street in Crime-Free New Chicago – call me this week. I saw a really cool thing at this party that you may want to consider it for your next Thanksgiving Wedding. #RoboCares

Saturday day was spent relaxing and celebrating Mary Louie’s anniversary of circling the sun. That evening we attended the Losers Lounge rendition of Barry Manilow & Bette Midler. I learned something very important about this show. Apologies to my homosexual readers but I found out that I really don’t like the music of Barry Manilow. I mean other than Copacabana his stuff is just crap. Here is where I am going to further upset you more – any rendition of Bette Midler and the movie “Beaches” really needs to Fucking Stop also.

Sunday was spent yet again with a music theme and as luck would have it we got to hang with Vivian Longstreet and Della Forte again. We saw them Saturday night and then when we arrived at the Barclays for Phil Collins they were also in the same suite we were in. Phil Collins was great and his voice is the same and even though he was recuperating from back surgery which slowed him down a bit his 17 year old son played the Drums. Great Show and we were glad that we decided to attend the show.

IMG_4467Yep, we are in Black Tie heading to the event stuck in traffic

IMG_4469I am so glad that Mr. 3 First Names, Asian Fireman and I sat down at someone else’s table because the amount of glassware full of booze is really appalling. We all drank mineral water that night.

IMG_4473You can always tell a good night out by what you purchase the next day for lunch. Work Wife (Managing One) got World Famous Halal guys on Saturday. We opted for $50 worth of greasy Mexican Food and a nap.

IMG_4477Pregame dinner and drinks before Losers Lounge

IMG_4482Anna Copacabana singing what else? Copacabana and it was great.

Image-1Yes that was Phil singing “In the Air Tonight” after the drum solo! Boom!

IMG_4500Whole Band Killing It. If you can see a show I highly encourage you to go see him.

Like I said it really was a shitty weekend in New York. I hope that we get to do it again.

Billy Joel Again? Number 102 in the Garden

No it wasn’t us muttering that sacrilege. I am not going to call out the person who said that (while drinking many glasses of wine, I might add) but this past Sunday when we got a chance to catch “The MSG House Band” we said “YES!” Now do you recall when we caught his act back in March of 2016? I can assure that you that William Martin Joel didn’t disappoint us at all for Show number 102. Think about it, the man has played 56 consecutive sell outs and he keeps saying that he will keep doing it as long as people still keep coming to the shows. Billy plays promptly at 8PM and he played for about 3 hours and didn’t disappoint at all. I do have a great video of the crowd singing “Piano Man” if you want it let me know and I can send it to you. Mary Louise is killing the rendition by the way!

Image-1

Boss Lady/Momma was very happy that he played “Only The Good” as it is one of her favorite songs. Me I am partial to “Italian Restaurant” and “New York State of Mind”.

IMG_4379He loves playing here and isn’t afraid to bust chops either. “I burned my hand with some coffee but this is New York so here I am!”

IMG_4380The band has been with him for a while. He even brought out a Guitar Tech to sing some AC/DC. Seriously how cool is it to work for someone who says “Hey, we are going to let you sing a song in the Worlds Most Famous Arena!”

IMG_4387Thankfully Kanye didn’t come out dressed as a Perrier bottle. Billy isn’t a fan of ‘that guy’

IMG_4386And all this shit was down and tucked away in 3 hours. Not bad work if you can get it.

And for those of you wondering if I am going to have another Sunday Funday concert I am not. I will be returning from a weekend trip so there won’t be any Instagram/SnapChat concerts on Sunday. Some of you are very nice and only called me a “Mother Fucker” twice.

Pictures of the Week – Heading into the 3 day weekend!

Loves and Kisses to our friends heading to Dale Hollow this weekend. We love you guys and Fuck Charlie!

55693598682__A579D5F1-0E57-41AA-BD9D-8C19BB1DF5F4This joint in Baltimore is a good one!

IMG_4102To say it was hot in New York on Wednesday is an understatement.

IMG_4092Next time we are going to visit this joint! We had brunch reservations and couldn’t go in.

IMG_4084Who knew my old roomate from 742 Storer was holding out on me

IMG_4094The guys at 1300 First Ave missed us. Well they missed Shobo and tolerated me.

IMG_4085What the hell is that on my beer can?

IMG_4072Ashley Bonds is snickering at me right now.

IMG_4075Love a David Bowie Quote above the bar

IMG_4083Baltimore has a unique feel to it with the Row Houses and the NOLA courtyards

IMG_4077This speaks to me!

Hope you have a good weekend.

 

So What did you guys do in Isla?

I fielded a bunch of those questions since we got back on Saturday. My canned answer has always been “We hung out, I smoked at least 1 cigar before 10AM each day, and we ate a bunch of good food. Oh and we drank buckets of beer, had a couple “Ernie Mellor’s Specials” and we drank some post sunset Vodka and Sodas.” So here is the real truth about our trip….That is exactly what we did and it was great!

When we were on the ferry over to the island there was a woman who was returning from being in the states. She was chatting up a couple who were asking her where to eat, where to rent a cart, ect. The woman said that she lived on a sailboat behind Oscar’s Pizza place. Naturally I hated this bitch, I mean she lives in about the same square footage as we do but her location is much prettier and more climate friendlier than ours.

This was the 5th trip over to Isla Mujeres; day trip, 3 night trip before meeting up with English Mike, 5 day trip where 9 months later we became God Parents, an overnight trip in December and then this full week trip. Each trip we keep finding that this island is exactly what we need in that we can go there, unwind, eat some good food and laugh about our Monday through Friday lives.

Now I am sure that there are some of you who look at us and say “Why do you keep doing the same thing over and over again?” They say that doing this and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Guess what friends….Isla is what we want. No excursions (well they did go fishing this year) no historic tours, no fancy resorts, and pretty much it is perfect for us. More on this later.

IMG_3799Welcome to the Family Manuel

IMG_3788Shrimp Cocktail in a Sweet Chili Sauce and Lime Juice. It was great!

IMG_3779These two! I tell ya we had a blast with them down there.

IMG_3772Playa North with the fancy boats.

IMG_3763The Future Mrs Manuel Gonzalez was mocking me as I declined a shot of “Mexican Water”

IMG_3737Not our place but this was right next door to our joint.

IMG_3734Margarita and a beer – Lord knows I had a couple of these down there

IMG_3803Like I said the food really sucked down there too

Like I said, we had a good time down in Mexico. More pics to come.

2017 in Review – What did What?

Thanks to Jensized on a great post. Do yourself a favor and go over and check out what she accomplished in 2017. Talk about an overachiever! I mean the little shit ran 3 half marathons. Hell my old ass got tired watching the one outside my apartment and I was drinking beer and smoking a cigar! No in all seriousness great job Jen on your accomplishments. You got me beat in that I could cook pretty much anything under the sun except my pancakes making skills stink.

Anyway with out further fanfare here is Carbunkle Trumpet’s List of stuff that I, we or as a group did in 2017 in no particular order.

  1. Rode the pretty new shiny Q on Years Day from the Upper East Side to Coney Island to watch the Coney Island Polar Bears plunge into the Atlantic Ocean! You can kiss my ass if you think I am going to do that tomorrow. It is supposed to be in the low teens and the wind will be blowing like a bitch!
  2. Ate at some nice restaurants this past year to name a few and we drank a couple beers in some killer dive bars too; The James Beard House, Peter Lugar, ABC Kitchen, Boulud Sud and Boulud Bar. Sadly we missed Jean Georges due to the shomits and were out of town for Per Se’ this year. For the Dive bars we went to a bar on recommendations from Andi and had killer frozen drinks, found the Trailer Park Bar and the Murphranks took us to a couple fun bars. Not too shabby if you ask me. I can already hear Grainbin Girl cursing me. Hey Allison, we are going to make a go of it at Rao’s. I will let you know how it turns out.
  3. Mrs. Trumpet and I celebrated 20 years of marriage! I think we may make it, I guess we need to talk about having kids now.
  4. Saw some stuff that I still could not explain to my parents/priest/doctor. I am still trying to wrap my head around the Coney Island Mermaid Festival and let’s not forget Elegant Elliot!
  5. Got to dust off the Passport and got off the island. Dominican Republic (during rainy season) and Rivera Maya/Isla Mujeres
  6. Visited 2 new cities this year and had a blast; Portland Maine and Gulf Shores Alabama.
  7. Got to welcome Wilhelmina & Light Bulb into the world and got to see little baby Kristy get married this year! More kids to eventually wipe our asses when we get old.
  8. Mrs. Trumpet powered through Grad School and only has 1 class left in 2018. Then her arse will be hanging a masters from NYU on the wall. I am very proud of her for undertaking this.
  9. We made not 1 but 2 trips to the New York City beaches this summer. And its not as bad as one would think. Thanks work wife and Andi!
  10. We dressed up a couple times this year for fun. NYPD Pipes and Drums Dinner, Marine Prom, Pigs and Pints during Food and Wine week!

img_0148God Love these folks. It will be cold as balls tomorrow!

IMG_1586Kicking Ass and taking names since she got up here!

IMG_1875I have been watching Robert Irvine’s shows now. He is great!

1408906_1280x720Love me some beach! And it only takes an hour train ride on either LIRR or MTA

IMG_1082The Mermaid Parade. LZ was a good sport and wore that heavy arse crown all day long!

IMG_0940Lisa Marie and her little sister!

img_0425You got plenty of time to have kids Doctor Kristy. We are so happy for you guys!

img_0338I still say that I won Valentines Day! Had 2 smoking hot dates that night! Hopefully I get to see the one on the left minus all these coats (get your head out of the gutter you pervs) this February down on another island below the 17th parallel.

IMG_2181Lobster Mac and Cheese? Why yes I will!

IMG_1288I go from Lobster Mac and Cheese to Waffle house. By the way does any of my NYC readers know if there is one up here? And it doesn’t take 3 subway transfers, a bus transfer and a burro ride?

IMG_0553This was a fun bar, it is a time machine and defiantly was staged but nevertheless it was fun. Oh and the Tots were killer too!

 

Happy New Year and may your 2018 be a good one! Thanks for reading!

Pictures of the Week – Mexican Style

I really need to make plans to go somewhere warm again very soon! This being cold is for the birds! Birds I tell you!

IMG_2317Shout out to my Minion Jason for this nugget of knowledge. “Always take a picture of your room number when checking in.” You have no idea how many times one would forget what room they were in.

IMG_2324Wonder why I was so thirsty on the Morning of Day 2. I need all the Water Por Favor!

IMG_2329My Mother has a philosophy that she never trusts a culture that doesn’t put cheese on their food. It makes perfectly good sense to me if you think about it!

IMG_2330Boy nothing make me harder than diamond in an ice storm than a flat top of grilled vegetables.

IMG_2332“I think there is way too much cheese on that!” – said no man ever!

IMG_2333Deep Down Ford is jealous that I am wearing my red shorts and that he and K don’t have kids because if they did then they would get some Maracas at Christmas from the Trumpets! #robocares

IMG_2334I am now a fan of the Hemingway Daiquiri. I had one a day. Stop Laughing. Seriously stop it!

Have a good weekend folks, it is supposed to be cold and snowy this weekend in Gotham!

 

 

 

Pictures that I have had in my foam

I have had these pictures on my foam for about 2 weeks so I wanted to share with you some good ones. Then again some aren’t that great.

IMG_1970Made a trip to Park Slope in Brooklyn with the Murphranks. We decided to head to a Brooklyn Institution called Farrell’s. They serve beer in 32oz Styrofoam containers.

IMG_197132 ounces of Ice Cold Bud Light – You can’t beat that with a stick I tell you!

IMG_19636’9″ Fraternity Brother sent me this picture of an old ass sign hanging at a Duck Camp in Arkansas. I never visited that joint.

IMG_1974Can you imagine getting pulled over by this little arse car? Talk about embarrassment.

IMG_1981Got to get some “Street Meat” by our apartment. Sadly this guy’s offering suck, we should have headed to 6th and 57th for a proper Street Meat meal!

IMG_1982Yo Holmes, I want Extra Hot Sauce – aka butt burn….

Have a good day!

Drinks on the Water – Sunday Funday Pictures

Two Sundays back the Murphranks, the Work Wife, EA, Mrs. Trumpet and I decided to take advantage of a nice day and went down to Pier A in Battery Park. The weather was classic and here are some pics from our trip.

IMG_1434Found this Gem at Stone and Broad down in the Financial District.

IMG_1437Shout out to my favorite Coors Light Drinker!

IMG_1439Here is when Mr. 3 First Names started spewing hate – I reminded him that Staten Island had it’s own Ferry.

IMG_1436The Statue of Liberty

IMG_1440The Sunset was spectacular that Sunday

IMG_1441It doesn’t Suck down here

IMG_1442The Statue at Sunset

IMG_1443Ellis Island at sunset

How was your Sunday Funday?