Downtown Stuff

Second Installment for Tiger Nation Fans visiting New York/Brooklyn 2/2

So are you Tiger Nation fans getting excited yet? I have to say that the city does get a little bit of a special charge during the holidays. The Rockefeller tree will be covered in Scaffolding because they have to get it ready for the official lighting ceremony in early December. Not to worry there are tons of other stuff already up to get pictures taken for those Christmas Cards. G(Squared), I saw that they were putting lights on those chicken feet down in Chinatown. I did see a Miller Light Truck on Canal Street so you should be good to go.

Previously we spoke about some of the tips for you visitors, here are the second half of them. But this list will be fun stuff. So without further adeau;

  • Underground is the best way to get around the city – They deliver 1.5 million packages in the city of Manhattan a day. Add to that Yellow Taxis, Ubers, Tour Buses and the city gets a tad…..gridlocked. They once timed a car going from 1st Ave Crosstown to 12 Ave and it took almost 52 minutes. That being said using the subway is your best friend. Again use Google Maps. Those maps they have in the subway stations are good but do you know which lines are not running on the weekend? If you use Google Maps and The Pigeon App and you will have a ease free commute. I say get Metro Card and put 20.00 on it and then refill it when necessary.
  • Subway 101 Hints – Take off your backpack and go to the center of the cab if it is packed. Let the elderly and pregnant women sit down. If you see a subway car that is empty when others are packed it is empty for a reason. Trust me you can’t hold your breath between subway stops so don’t go there. Oh when you are leaving the subway area and see someone standing there sliding his hand like he has a credit card through his other hand do them a solid. Swipe them in the Subway on your card. Pay it forward.
  • Staying in an Air BnB? – Download the Fresh Direct App and have your beer, wine, bottled water, snacks and drunk munchies food delivered to your door. I say order your stuff the day before you arrive and you can schedule your delivery day and time. You will have to be there when the stuff is delivered but trust me schleping (that is Yiddish for carrying) groceries to your apartment sucks.
  • Speaking of Apps download the Seamless app. This is 24 hour room service for the area restaurants. It is New York’s version of Uber Eats and it kicks ass. Bagel delivery guys are the best. Make sure you tip them cash. Another App you need is the Pigeon app. It is Waze but for New York Subways and gives you real-time delays and issues.
  • Cost of Beers and Food – Now brace yourself you Max’s Sports Bar regulars the cost of beer isn’t going to be the same as in 38103. I don’t want to hear it, I have been here for 4 years and have accepted paying north of $5.00 for Bud Light and $8.50 for Titos and soda. Are there cheaper places? Sure there are but here is my suggestion. Sit at the bar, be nice, be respectful and maybe the bartender may give you a “Buy Back” where they give you a drink on the house. Also it wouldn’t be a bad idea to stash a couple C-notes in your wallet. A lot of Brooklyn bars are Cash Only. Those are pretty easy as you just leave your money on the counter and the bartender will take the funds needed for drinks out of your pot. Trust me, they aren’t going to screw you.
  • Bars and places to eat around The Barclays’ Center – plenty of great places on 5th Avenue to grab some food and drink before and after the game. In the interest of some of those establishments that I frequent on 5th Avenue I am not going to name them here. You are also just steps away from the Subway station and can get into Manhattan fairly quickly.
  • Sightseeing in the City – Want to see the Bitch in the Harbor? Jump on the Staten Island Ferry (it is free) and you will boat right by it to take a picture. The also sell beer on board (ANG MT just saw that and it peaked his interest) and you get to see that 5th borough that Mr. 3 First Names despises. When you are down in Fidi swing by the Stock Exchange, Bull, Fearless Girl, Hamilton’s grave. Then walk over to the footprints at the 9/11 memorial.
  • Food Places you have to have – First off there is no good Memphis BBQ here in New York. Don’t try it, you are wasting your time and money. I equate it to trying to find a NYC bagel in Memphis. It ain’t happening. Do your homework and try to eat a couple slices at the Best that NYC has to offer. Want to eat at Katz’s or one of the big named places – be first on line when they open. Swing by the south east corner of Avenue of Americas and W53th for some World Famous Halal Guys. Go easy on the White Sauce and get extra napkins. Again – Get Reservations NOW!
  • Food Suggestions – People always ask me this and believe it or not I am just as unfamiliar with places as you are. I have heard you can eat Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner at a different place for each meal for a year and not have a repeat. My normal saying is that if it is still in business then they must be doing something right. The margin of error for restaurants is so very tight and if you have a bad showing you are done. I also use Zagats, Yelp and Google Searches for the best places. If you want a Dive Bar list let me know. I have a killer one!
  • Clothing and Shoes – I get it, you ladies want to look good in your wedges and or heels but who are you kidding. It is going to be cold and possibly will rain. Comfort is your key and make sure that you have good shoes because you will be walking a ton! Regarding the George Costanza Puffy Coat, you can bring it but with going in and out of places, the subway you may want to layer and wear a scarf. If you plan on going to the Parade bring everything but your kitchen sink. Also the winds up here can be a bitch. My wool top coat is great about half of the time but if we are to have snow or a light rain I am breaking out my North Face coat. Bring a hat too!
  • Shopping – I use Amazon and order eCommerce so you are on your own. I do recommend that you check out Century 21 downtown. They have some good stuff.
Pro Tip – Use the Name or Number don’t call it “Taking the Red Line” #RoboCares
The Pigeon App – As sure as I-240 gets backed up so do the Subways. Get this app and check it before you journey out for the day.
Think of this as Room Service for your hotel/Air BnB. Be Careful though, you can run up a pretty large tab with those drunk munchies!
Fresh Direct App – Trust Me lugging those cases of beer or bottled water sucks. And they can deliver wine and drunk food too! Make sure you order and reserve your day/time because it will get busy before Thanksgiving.
So Good but make sure you get extra napkins because your elbow may get juicy!
They don’t call it the Bible for nothing!
Is that Gore Tex?

Enjoy your time in New York and Brooklyn, be nice to people, support local, tip your bartenders and stay safe. We leave out on Turkey Day for the weekend but give me a shout if you are in town early.

Carbunkle is on his soapbox again

Now I have to come clean with you 15 readers. I really enjoyed my trips over to Spain and Switzerland to see Mrs. Trumpet. But what I am about to tell you may shock some of you. I really enjoyed being somewhere that has their shit together when it comes to the environment. Relax, I am not going to be chaining myself up to any trees or will get involved in the ongoing debate about Tom Lee Park in Memphis. I am referring to the way that in both Spain and Switzerland they have their shit together with recycling and the banning of plastic and Styrofoam.

Case in point – my corner deli and frequent breakfast haunt. While I was living the bachelor life I would head down there and get me some eggs, bacon and sausage. I would get a single use Styrofoam to-go container, take the container to be weighed and would have to almost yell at the cashiers; “I don’t need it in a bag or any utensils” and they would look at me like I told them I wanted to sleep with their sister. All I was doing was walking upstairs to eat it at the apartment and I have all that shit here. Why do I need to create more waste if I don’t need to? 

If I got a San Pellegrino, they would be trying to put that in a plastic bag and also throwing in napkins and a straw too! I can’t fault them, they are ingrained that everyone wants a bag and everyone needs a knife, fork, spoon combo kit. Seriously, how many of your offices have that drawer with all the ketchup, utensils, soy sauce and millions of napkins. The worst are the food delivery guys. You are delivering to a residence, I bet if you had an option to not get all that crap with the order maybe they would knock 50 cents off the order. Whole Foods does that if you BYOB.

When in Switzerland on Saturday morning I ventured out to get hydration supplies. Traveling 10 hours and then drinking enough booze to sedate a small city does tend to make one thirsty. I walked out onto the plaza and found the Coop supermarket. 3 big 1.5 L of water, 2 Coke Lights and I was ready to go. I get to the cashier and she looks at me asking if I had a bag. With my limited French and her lack of English she informed me that they don’t have bags and I have to bring my own. Try carrying 5 big bottles with a Class 3 Hangover two blocks and not drop anything. Was I kinda steamed? Yep. Why don’t you carry bags Coop Supermarket? Oh, wait why is the Ugly American bitching? Shut the Fuck Up Carbunkle Trumpet and do better.

When they announced the ban on bags here in New York you should have heard the people bitching. “What do you mean I have to pay for a bag? This is an outrage!” Personally, I think that we should all adopt the Aldi Supermarket model. Use a quarter to rent a cart and you bring your own bags or buggies. Think about it, for all of you bitching about the Kroger on Union Avenue how nice would it be with no carts being left in the parking lot? Sure, the number of bums waiting to take your cart would be epic but that solves a lot of problems there. The plastic bag issue….I now carry a couple of the plastic shopping bags that can be balled up into the size of a pack of golf balls. This also limits me on picking up all the big stuff and I am making the environment better. Now I can feel no remorse when I am clubbing the hell out of that baby seal!

Ok, I am nearing 650 words and I know that some of you are losing interest.

Do you know how many of these are flying around the city a given day?
Our Bags for Shopping when we head out the door
I have one of these in my briefcase for when I pick up stuff before heading home
My Old Lady Cart
Seriously, how great is this idea?

But seriously folks can’t we all do better?

Geranium and I had a blast this past weekend. Hope you did too. Pictures from this past weekend

22 years of marriage on Saturday, Momma got home on Thursday, and we had a 3 day weekend – Maya and I were happy! This is going to be more of a Friday Picture post. That being said;

We went to EWR to meet Momma when she got off the plane. Maya was pissed naturally!
Congrats to the Lady Killer on graduating from St. Dominic School for Boys.
Made some MoJo Coffee for Momma on Saturday with her new Keurig
Went into the city on Saturday to get some shirts. I was nice and didn’t curse anyone!
Two cuties right there!
Brilliant – The bar we frequent on occasion in Dekalb Food Market is a stroller destination for the families nearby. I always wondered why they had kids movies on the TV. The tables are full of the kids in highchairs and they are glued into the monitors with headphones on linked via Tunity. The parents are getting their drink on happy as clams. Like I said – Fucking Brilliant because not a child was screaming!
Holy Shit! I feel pretty good about myself considering I am the same age!

Hope you have a good week folks. Be thankful that it is only 4 days. Oh and Geranium is leaving my ass to head to Seattle today as well. She gets back on Friday and she is going to meet me at Andi’s bar at Baker Street in the UES.

Spring Break in the Big Apple

First of all I apologize for not posting for a couple of weeks. I have been up to my eyeballs with work, Geranium has been out of town, St. Patrick’s Day and its been tough to post. The past two weeks has been spring break for a bunch of schools. Rather than the beach some folks from Memphis and Northwest Arkansas made a trek to The Big Apple.

Now I was doing a bunch of work and with the St. Patrick’s Day weekend I wasn’t able to meet up with anybody. Then again does my former slinger of spirits and her high school daughter want to meet up with my boring ass or go see a Broadway show? Also in town celebrating spring break was my former roommate’s wife and college senior daughter with some friends. Lastly was one of my Twitter buddies since she was running the Brooklyn Half Marathon in ball shrinking temperatures.

I pride myself on being a fairly good tour guide to our various guests who have visited New York. I can show someone the grave of Hamilton and then in 20 minutes we are standing in the middle of Times Square watching all the tourists. Well these 3 different groups who came to NYC this past week you may want to ask them for their itineraries and or how the fuck they got tickets to some of the stuff they saw. I was impressed to say the least. Here is a short list of stuff that they did;

  • Rockefeller Center/St Patrick’s Cathedral
  • More Plays and Musicals that I care to think about.
  • Top of the Empire State Building
  • Good Morning America Taping
  • Ryan and Kelly Taping
  • Today Show
  • Brooklyn Bridge (I mean could one of you come over and took my dog out?)
  • Fearless Girl down in Fidi
  • Bunch of Pizza Joints

Here are some of the pics that they posted. Granted I didn’t get permission to post any individual person pictures but I was able to steal these pics that they posted. Still pretty cool that you can do all this stuff in a couple days.

Hey Look its My former Neighbor from the UES.
You know I have never seen this show on TV? I am more of Al Roker fan.
The Brooklyn Half Marathon being Run on St. Patrick’s Day
Another show that I hardly have ever seen.
I got to say this is pretty cool there Jen. Congrats and see you back up here in November.

Seriously you guys did a bunch of stuff this past weekend. I hope you guys had a blast.

CBT’s Take on the Fyre Festival

If you haven’t seen this documentary on either Netflix or on Hulu I would suggest you do so. Trust me when I say that if you thought you were having a bad day watching this will make your day fail in comparison to this shit show. The premise is that a guy from New York City conned a bunch of people out of a bunch of money for a something that people will talk about forever. Wait….just I just break my rule an discuss current event politics?

The founder of the Fyre Festival was a guy named Billy McFarland and he did indeed con a bunch of millennial’s out of a ton of money for a festival that never happened. What is funny is that while I was watching the show I couldn’t think about my former days at Memphis in May. Who would play who? Oh Come on guys and gals who knew me when I was working for Ops at MIM. Who do you think would have to give the Blow Job? What was the name of the runner who was a Vegetarian.

Anyway the festival never happened, and a bunch of kids got screwed out of their money. The Netflix version was obviously created by the Folks at Buzzfeed as they also tried to pawn themselves off as a victim too. The folks at Buzzfeed were also named in the multiple law suits so the Hulu version holds no punches. Seriously watch this documentary . You get a good laugh out of it and we all know that we can use a good laugh from time to time.

I mean they did have good intentions but it just never happened. That and they ran out of money.
The emails from the troops on the ground and in New York really doesn’t paint a good picture.
Beale Street Music when I was a Carnie. Earth Wind and Fire with Maurice in the red top. Great Show.
And of Course who couldn’t forget Jerry Lee! I worked 16 hour days on event days but the perks like this didn’t suck.
Puddle of Mud I think. The Crowd was into it!
The remains of the day after BSMF. Trust me that this doesn’t smell good.
John Graham to Country, can you bring a forklift to get my golfcart off of the Tornado Shelter?
Back to the Fyre Festival. This was the gourmet catering!
The Goldbond just kicked in.
So BK – Who do you think would be the one who would be sent to go suck D?


So if you are in need of a good laugh I suggest you should go watch the documentaries.

Maya – You want to go “outside”?

I bet if Maya could read this worthless dribble she would be saying; “Nope I am good, I am looking forward to taking a nap!” What Maya didn’t realize when we asked her if she wanted to go outside that we were going to head down to Dumbo (Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass) for the day. She already had a big day by going to the UES to get groomed and then she got to get out and stretch her little legs.

To get down to Dumbo from our home you take the 2/3 Train. I guess I can never be a Supreme Court Justice because we broke the MTA law and didn’t put her in a bag or enclosure. She was tucked in Mary Louise’s arms and was very content making the 3 subway stops to Clarke Street. Once we got out we let her walk and I have to admit that I was concerned how she was going to do with crowds and lots of feet with her 9 inches off the ground. She did pretty good. She would follow me as we walked around and would hide between our legs when we stopped to look around.

IMG_4354Wait you mean I have a choice? I can stay here or go walk 6.6 miles today? Fuck You Paul and Mary Louise!

IMG_4361But First we have to take a Selfie

IMG_4362By the Brooklyn Bridge

IMG_4365The Carousel down on the waterfront. And no I am not going to insult your intelligence by saying “This is Jane’s Carousel made by the Philadelphia Toboggan Company” You can read that shit yourself.

IMG_4367Beautiful day for a wedding. These two got married by the banks of the East River.

IMG_4368Resting having a beer and glass of wine admiring the view before heading home.

IMG_4369Here is that Pizza Place they talk about. The line was long to say the least.

IMG_4370To say that Maya was worn out is an understatement.

And before you drop a line and call the ASPCA on my ass know that she stayed in on Sunday.

Don’t Rock The Boat – Losers Lounge takes to the Hudson

You have heard about our many visits to Joe’s Pub to see The Losers Lounge. During the summer the Losers traditionally take a break and don’t perform but kick back up in the fall months. The next show is next month but there was a special performance that Vivian and Stone had purchased tickets and suggested that we attend. The show was a Disco Themed and it was on the Circle Line boat.

Joe and the Losers didn’t disappoint at all! Playing all the hits and with the backdrop of Manhattan you get the picture. It was cool as crap!

IMG_4341Fun Times with the Gang!

IMG_4311Still never gets old looking at this view

IMG_4319But First Let’s take a Selfie!

IMG_4315Of Course they had Karaoke Set up!

IMG_4321Aunt Terry I can’t believe you didn’t even acknowledge us!

IMG_4332Brooklyn Bridge Shot

IMG_4331Connie and Katia

IMG_4326Great show and lots of fun!

IMG_4334Nice “Action Shot” of the Empire State Building from the West Side

Thanks to Vivian and Stone for suggesting we do this. It was lots of fun

The Carl Lipbalm Memorial Scholarship Winner Comes to The Big Apple

Remember back 2 years ago when we had one of our niece’s come up to celebrate her graduating from High School. So we had a cousin aka “Love Bug” come up this past weekend. The agenda for the past weekend was dinner Thursday Night. Bum around town on Friday and have dinner with the other cousin in downtown Brooklyn. Saturday a play was in order and then we would figure out dinner.

We really had a great time spending the weekend with “Love Bug” and naturally watching her experience a lot of things that we now take for granted up here. “Love Bug” had a blast and she found out a couple of things; Raw Oysters on the half shell are a hard no. Breaded and Baked Clams ala Patrizias of Brooklyn are also frowned upon. But I am happy to report that escargot from Blue Ribbon gets a pass and she loved street meat from The Hallal Guys.

The weekend was fun and we had a blast with her. Thanks to her momma and daddy for letting us hang out with her.

IMG_4154Love Bug Takes on The Big Apple and Times Square!

IMG_4155The closest that I made it to a Broadway musical! That is Mary Louise’s job!

IMG_4156All kidding aside Times Square is still pretty cool and has an undeniable energy about it!

IMG_4163Getting a slice at Joe’s Pizza! Can’t get anymore Authentic NYC than this!

IMG_4166Here Love Bug is about to take down here first Raw Oyster!

IMG_4167Unfortunately I don’t have the picture of her reaction when she put the ‘snot like’ oyster in her mouth. She was a good sport by trying it! I mean they don’t have an abundance of saltwater oysters in Northwest Arkansas!

IMG_4174“Wait we are going to an intersection in Midtown Manhattan to have lunch?”

IMG_4176We made our way downtown by Trinity Church/The 911 Church and she found some old dead guy’s grave. For those of you wondering – the white grave is Alexander Hamilton’s grave. I hear he had a play written about him.

IMG_4184Wait it isn’t my birthday……

IMG_4183Let us Celebrate “Love Bug’s” fake birthday!

IMG_4187The Traffic here really bites you know Uncle CBT? Why didn’t you get me an Uber for Helicopters?

IMG_4190I can see my house from here! Sadly the day we went to the roof it was overcast but I am sure that some good snaps were taken.

Come back anytime Love Bug but make sure that you don’t tell your little brother about what goes on in New York. Next year is his turn.

Friday Round Up

Tough day yesterday for the Music Industry. Not only was it the 41st anniversary of the death of The King (if you don’t know who that is then we can’t be friends) but Aretha Franklin died yesterday. On the evening of the Candlelight vigil I texted my two fellow Elvis fans and we watched “The Highwaymen”. God Help us when we lose Willie Nelson. That will not be a good day.

Oh and Congrats to Queens Bully’s Chef Melvin “Boots” Johnson on his win on the Memphis version of Chopped. He edged out my friend Ernie Mellor and we plan on getting over that way in the near future to try his food out.

Here are some pictures from the past week;

IMG_3988The Lady Killer on his first day of school. Don’t you just want to pinch those cheeks of his?

IMG_3981Momma Don’t Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys

IMG_3954You never know who will jump over that wall and come see us!

IMG_3993One of the many Street Tributes to the King!

IMG_3992You can almost feel the heat coming from this ETA from being in Memphis in August, the unforgiving of polyester to breathe and from being with 2 hot ladies

IMG_3984Love ya Mel!

IMG_3957This could almost be us with this Ad

IMG_3989The golden rule is “If it tastes bland or doesn’t have Grease or Cheese on it then it must be good for you.”

Have a good weekend. We got to a ETA tribute in Westbury this weekend.

933 Days and I got it done!

What did I do that took almost 2 and half years to accomplish you ask? I am proud to report that I have the Entire Upper East Side of Manhattan (North of E60th Street to E96th Street,  West of 5th Avenue to the East River) speaking Southern!  It is a thing of beauty, I have everyone saying “hello” and “good morning” on the streets. Snapple and fizzy water has been replaced with freshly brewed Lipton Iced Tea. Bacon Lettuce and Tomato with Pimento Cheese has replaced the Gyro carts on the streets. And Finally the first Friday after Memorial Day everyone will be wearing Seersucker!

I am pretty proud of myself, I didn’t think I could do it. Hell, I even have my work family now issuing “Bless Your Heart” to people instead of saying “F You!”  So what is next for Carbunkle Trumpet you wonder? WE ARE TAKING OUR SHOW IN THE ROAD TO DOWNTOWN BROOKLYN! Yep! We are moving out of the UES and heading to the borough of Brooklyn! Home of Jay Z, Manbuns and Hipsters and I am putting all of you on notice! Ok, so the real reason could be that Momma has taken a new job so we have to move out of her employers housing but we are excited for the new adventure.

We looked at a number of different locations on this rock and other rocks and decided that we needed the following things;

  • One or two subway stops back into Manhattan and easily walkable
  • Multiple Subway Lines for when there are delays, cancelations or weekend repairs
  • Full Service Building so they can accept our Vodka & Wine fruit & vegetable deliveries
  • Office or business center shared space in common area
  • Outdoor space and maybe an outdoor grill for daddy to burn red meat
  • Had to be cool and have a neighborhood tavern (or two)

Downtown Brooklyn checked all the boxes so we started to find a new home in that area. We looked into one building but they would only allow one dog and since we have two that collectively weigh 11 pounds that was out. We found another joint that is just as good and pending the vetting process we are in. We are shooting for next week to move so don’t be surprised if this sucker is quiet next week.

data=2M2OiB_yxfn5DcdjDRgvI6wr69jNRy3suS-zfNpCNuuMB_IbWMxsjfy6d2reA7Kcv5tiy7Pqdj1XX4k_InfgQqIgpJBUQt63NdtgsnjRhj--JFktXUBjgvOMCIXHj8hTyuyOWe are smack dab in the middle of everything. Walking distance to the Barclays Center, right next to a University that we may know the head men’s basketball coach, it is a quick Subway ride to the Murphranks and there is an IHop on the Fulton Mall!

IMG_3004Roughly 13 subway lines I can jump on to get into the city!

imagesHere is the front of our Non-Hipster Building

Dattner-Architects_HubOasisAll186_web-1-840x580I mean this isn’t too bad for those 30 nice days of summer for us to enjoy!

IMG_3011Maya is saying “Wait, I like the UES! People tell me that I look cute and want to pet me! I don’t even like the Beastie Boys”

IMG_3012Maddy is looking forward to taking a wiz on the artificial grass in the dog run that they have. Yep she will peeing on Brady Bunch Astroturf!

IMG_3070This part sucks, basically because we don’t have much room to put shit

IMG_3069Office and Holiday Crap is in boxes!

IMG_3068You will notice that the Cigar Humidor and the Steve Bartman Bobble Head are still here. I will pack those last of course!

IMG_3067Blue Dogs are packed and ready to move to Brooklyn

IMG_3065Not to say that we don’t have a lot to offer but do any of your future residents make Logo Cornbread? Please accept us and can you make it quick, we are starting to get nervous!

We will keep you posted, till then I will be busy growing out my hair for the Man bun!