Expedia Sucks

Pics of the Week Live From Belize!

Too Many Good Pictures not to post somewhere.

You Coming or Going? The Old Veteran Jet Holland!
Oh He is getting Bouchy!
Slow Your Role Tropic! It isn’t even the 15th of November and The Tree is UP?
Such a great addition to the island. Great Staff and Owners!
If you have to have a sign then there must have been an incident.
Over Achievers!
Good to See the Bronx Representing!
Note To Self – Only get on Boats that Have Bars on them!
View North from CV
The Famous Shrimp Sticks from Blue Water Grill!
Catching Up with CNN Belize Felipe!
Geranium – Please take a picture of that for me.
Me – Ok, I will but may I ask why?
Geranium – I want to make that my signature on inner office emails.
Me – Good Call
Did you know it was his birthday?
And that he is the same age as Belikin only makes it better!
View of the Pool from CV

It was a great trip!

A Trip To Charleston With The ChoHo’s

A while back the Fab 5 (Baby Fine Hair, OTB, Dance With Me, Geranium and Not B) were talking about doing a trip to Charleston. They invited Weed (even though she was in a much younger class) and at some point and time the Fab 5 + Weed decided that spouses would be welcome also. Since Geranium was on a work trip once again I flew solo to Charleston. We rented an Air BnB downtown and flew in on Friday night.

I won’t bore you with details (Pretty much all we did was drink and eat) but I have to be honest. I really enjoyed Charleston. If you have a chance get there. They have tons of bars and neat food joints.

Always take a picture of your room number in a hotel or in this case your address. You need to take care of Drunk Person
I like the Crap/Better Beer Descriptions
God Bless Bloody Mary and the appetizers you get.
That is some great hair there Not B
Private Chef Made Dinner. We ran close to running out of butter
I posted this picture so that you know that Geranium attended because this is the only picture I have of her this weekend.
Baby Fine Hair fiddling with the Music
The Chef Made some good food! *Disclaimer – I actually remember eating it and it was good. Some of the group….not so much.
We Didn’t drink any beer this weekend
Hush Puppies (God I love the South)
Oysters on the half shell
Fried Chicken That was as good as Gus’ Fried in Memphis
As Compared to Shitty Chicken
Last Pic before I took my ass to the airport

Like I said, it was a good trip and we had some fun down there. I later found out that Charleston was the town that Bourdain ate at the Waffle House.

Have you never flown before? Did your mother not teach you better flight manners?

I recall those days of flying with my little sister and mother like it were yesterday. When we would fly I would be required to dress to the nines with shirt, tie and blue blazer. My sister would be done up in her best Sunday dress with bows in her hair and naturally we would sit in the smoking section of the plane. It was great!

Think about that for a second.. We had a fucking smoking section on those dirty ass metal tubes! I will be honest, I loved sitting in the smoking section growing up. It meant that we were closer to the flight attendants work area so we would get free refills on cokes. Yep Barbie would let my sister and I get all jacked up on Cokes while she smoked her Vantage Ultra Lights.

Geranium when she would fly for work would text me from time to time when she felt the need to punch someone in the dick for acting like an A-hole. I would normally make some snide comment because I knew was sitting in the First Class lounge having a drink while working. The best story was the woman who decided she would ignore the flight attendant’s request to turn her phone off and still was talking on it the engines were revving to take off. Geranium called the biotch out and got a couple “thank yous” from fellow passengers I might add.

So on some of my past trips I have been snapping people’s pictures who pretty much deserve to be put on Passenger Shaming. If you don’t follow them on IG (my boss informed me that this is the correct term to use instead of Instagram) you need to. Anyway here are some Pet Peeves of mine while traveling.

AKA if you do this………please Fucking Stop Immediately! The other option is don’t ever fly with me because I will call your ass out. I am serious when I say we are talking Ashley B “taking a photo of your food” calling out!

Rule Number 1 – Think of your Uber as a buddy driving you to the airport. Don’t act like they are your personal driver. If you do then you should give them cash money for a tip.
If not you are a Dick!
Rule Two – While Walking in Airports act like you are driving on I-240. Always stay to the right unless you are passing. If I pass you on the right I may give you a shitty stare.
If not you are a Dick!
Rule Three- You see Holmes here? He has his rolling bag, he has his hanging bag and he has his laptop bag. Airlines when they get full (pretty much all the time) will limit your carry on’s to 2 pieces. I bet this jackass tries to bring on all 3 pieces and then play the “You see that I have status on your airline?”
If you do this then you are a Dick!
Rule Four – Do we need to talk about this? Put your damn shoes on!
Rule Five – I am actually calling myself out on this one. When you belly up to a bar make sure you are respectful of the amount of space you occupy. I admit I was spreading out but if the bar was busy then you need to play nice.
If you do this then you are a Dick!
Rule Six – Snagged this off of the Internet. Do Not Be Gate Lice! Sit your Ass Down until called!
If you do this then you are a Dick!
Because even if you are going to hover around the gate you will still get to this. Its called a bottleneck you assholes.
Rule Seven – She is sitting in First Class, she gets those fancy socks but she decides to infect the entire space with her damn feet.
If you do this then you are a dick!
Rule Eight – Where are my scissors? If someone does this then they will be getting a trim.
If you do this then you are a dick!
Rule Nine – My Pet Peeve. You have been on a 2 hour flight. Why do you think you can shave off .2 seconds by jumping up in the aisle before everyone else.
If you do this you are a Dick!
Rule Ten – If you have 3 large bags then don’t call for an Uber Pool you need to call a moving Van! However, this woman did and went wild on 2 Uber Pool Drivers who told her to GFY. Actually when taking a pool try not do it from a New York Airport. Its just mean to the Uber Driver!
Oh and This lady is a Dick!
So if you break Rules One through Ten don’t be surprised if I call you out.
Don’t be that person. Be Nice! Fly right!

Hope you had a good laugh! But seriously do better folks and if you know someone who does this then please call them out on it!

Where have you been? We were about to put your ugly mug on a milk carton.

So before you start in on me let me explain. For the past two and a half weeks Geranium has been off the road and working from home. Trust me when I say that the dog and I have enjoyed having Geranium home. That and she also helps with the chores in-between eating bon-bons. However, with her being home I really have not had time to blog or gather my thoughts. You see, once she gets done with her work it would be kind of a dick move for me to jump on my laptop. Hence why I have not been blogging since our trip to Charleston. I will catch up.

So without further wait, here are some pics from the past 2 weeks for Pictures of the week.

These past 2 weeks have been tough for me at work. I will be so glad to see this in early November. No not the kid and her mom, the fucking picnic Table in Caye Caulker!
I bust their chops on this thing but God Bless the FDNY and all the different teams who support New York City. For those of you wondering Rescue 1 is specialty division that services Manhattan. Cat stuck in the tree, nope these boys aren’t showing up. Randal’s Island Tram stuck in the middle of the East River with passengers on board….yep these guys show up.
If you were playing and needed “Woman doing interpretive dance in a bathing suit on the Morning commute into the city” you would have a Bingo.
If you are going to be running this let me know. I know that Jen from Memphis is going to be visiting all 5 boroughs so we will go out and support her.
Like I said Geranium has been busy…..(she will kill me for posting this)
Its’ Fall Y’all!
How do you pronounce this? I haven’t gotten an answer yet.
Maya is looking at me going “Aww Fuck, she is gone again. Now he will blame his farts on me”
Tiger Fans are coming to Brooklyn for Thanksgiving. I am trying to suggest a great place that they can’t get in Memphis. I will let you know.
Finally Midtown Uniform Weather here in Manhattan!

I do thank a couple of you assholes who were checking in on me. I am back and Geranium will be back on the road for a couple weeks straight.

I would rather suck start a Cumming Diesel Tractor in the dead of winter than use Expedia.com again.

Is that too much imagery? Sorry to some of you who are cleaning up hot coffee off your ifoam but I am about to do something I have NEVER EVER done in my Social Media life. I am going to use this blog to call Bullshit to a business that is screwing people left and right and they think they are doing us a favor.

Seriously and I apologize if I am going to turn a couple people off because of this post. Personally I think it is kind of of a dick move to trash a company on social media and not get their side of the story. But here is the issue guys and gals – They won’t give me a straight answer and refer to some policy that they have to follow. Let me tell you what happened.

When we went to the Redneck Rivera I had to travel solo as Geranium was flying from Seattle and she was going to meet me in Pensacola. Traditionally I always book air travel through the airlines directly because I have never had any issues. They also are great about booking me on a flight if I get stuck or a flight gets cancelled. This trip since we were needing a car I booked through Expedia and did a bundle. I was able to get the car a tad cheaper even though the flight was fairly expensive. It was a direct flight so I really didn’t care too much.

Getting down to Pensacola wasn’t a deal and even though I was delayed on the ground in Newark no issues.

The return however, was eye opening on how Expedia and what I now have learned all other booking companies do with their customer service. For the return flight back to Newark our flight gets cancelled. It happens. Now I am on the phone with United Airlines to get rebooked. They inform me because I didn’t book directly with them I have to contact the booking company so I am on the phone with Expedia for about 20 minutes.

I get skillet on the phone and explain that my flight is cancelled and I would like to be booked on the next flight. Meanwhile Geranium has been automatically rebooked on a flight tomorrow because she has some serious airline privileges with United. I on the other hand do not so I am still on hold with skillet. He informs me that because the flight has been cancelled he can’t help me get on a new flight but will refund my money for the cancelled flight.

Then……and here is where I almost cause a fucking scene in the airport. He has the balls to ask me if I would like for him to book me on a flight tomorrow. I ask him what if this flight gets cancelled for whatever reason will he do the same thing and give me credit but I am shit out of luck? He says yes.

I ask for a supervisor, there isn’t one. I take to Twitter and Direct Messages and get no solution. Seriously I am now stuck in Pensacola and now have to shell out over 7 bills to get me home. I book my return directly with Delta since the United flight that Geranium was going to burn miles to get me on was now sold out.

I was pissed. I still am pissed. That is why I wanted to wait at least a month to take my anger out and post on Social Media. I want all of you out there, all 15 of you, to know that if you book though a booking company like Expedia and if something happens to the flight you are screwed.

Ok Rant over but seriously Expedia – Go Fuck yourselves.

The packing up and leaving a rental is always the worst
Seriously how much shit did you guys bring?
This is the car of 2 people who don’t have kids and what we would find out later will take 24 hours get home.
Had to Uber to a Hotel since we were stuck in Pensacola
They should change the number to say 1-800-SCREWED
Part of my exchange with Expedia Customer Service
But they act like they care. They don’t give 2 shits!

I hope you at least had a laugh at my expense. Book Direct Folks. Don’t be a dumbass like Carbunkle Trumpet.

What is up with the picture of the baby Elvi?

I just like it. It makes me happy and I also know that Memphis is probably going to be in a heat advisory since it is Dead Elvis Week. Did you know that I can also forecast the Memphis weather?

  • Coldest Day of the Year in Memphis – Whatever day they play the Liberty Bowl Game
  • Hottest Day of the Year in Memphis – Around Dead Elvis Week
  • Rainiest Day/Week of the Year in Memphis – Beale Street Musicfest or World Championship BBQ Cooking Contest.

I mean if you know the past, you can predict the future.

I am going to share with you some pictures I snapped this past Sunday from the Murphranks Rooftop. Bobcat & Professor were there along with Rocky and Monkey Head Maya. Sorry folks but No pictures of the Humans – I mean have you ever seen Meg or Bobcat in the same place? Same goes for Matt or the Professor? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Geranium for the past 24 hours. I bet she is in Seattle again.

Maya prefers to be sitting in a lap getting petted. Don’t we all?
Don’t worry Dad, I will protect the Cheese Cooler
The Jar-Man used to say that the sunsets over beautiful West Memphis Arkansas. I guess we can say it sets over beautiful New Jersey
Wonder what asshole lives in that tall as building? I understand from Mr. 3 First Names that my view of the Empire State Building is about to change.
That doesn’t suck. Oh and I found out that The Bobcat and Professor were married in that church to the left of the row houses.

Tomorrow I take the gloves off and blast expedia for their shitty customer service.

1 Hour To The Airport Door to Door – Downtown Brooklyn to EWR

When I was taking all of those trips abroad to see Geranium I became well versed in airport travel and flying in and out of Newark International (EWR) airport. I liked flying out of there based on the fact that it is a United hub and they had more options than JFK to Europe. Before we moved to Brooklyn we hardly ever flew out of EWR since LGA was the quicker airport and JFK had the flat $50.00 fee. Uber to EWR from the UES or Brooklyn always cost us about $100.00. That was until we found New Jersey Transit.

The other day one of my peers asked me why I was always flying out of Newark International Airport considering that JFK and LGA were closer. I told him that I actually found that public transportation to EWR is actually quicker and much more reliable than to JFK and a shit ton better than LGA. It also only costs me like roughly $15.75 and I don’t have to worry about traffic or a bad uber driver. Let me explain via pictures that I took on my trip to the Redneck Rivera.

*Editors Note – You can’t be traveling with tons of luggage on MTA or NJT. You will get scolded and its a bitch to go up and down the stairs.

31 Minutes to LGA with ZERO traffic
39 Minutes to JFK with ZERO Traffic and the Public Transportation is slightly better
By far the longest travel by car and Traffic can be a bitch and expensive
Leave out of the Nevins Station via the 2/3 Train to Penn Station
Penn Station jump on a EWR Bound New Jersey Train that runs every 15 minutes for 3 stops to Newark International
Jump off New Jersey Transit and you grab the Air Train to the Terminal
Clear TSA Pre Check and I am sitting here 1 hour from when I boarded the 2/3 train in Brooklyn
Next Thing I know I am on the plane heading out of here!
Well look who I ran into in the Pensacola Airport!

In Memphis the magic saying was “It is 15 Minutes to the airport.” Here it is “It is 1 Hour to the airport.”

Pictures of the Week from the Redneck Rivera.

So we will finish the week with some final pictures from our week down in the Redneck Rivera. Like I said, we had a blast and we look forward to next years trip. I figure by then maybe Knuckleheads #1 & #2 will be able to fetch Uncle Robo and Uncle RJ some cold pops! Captain can you start teaching the kids how to make Painkillers for next year.

Returning from the day on the beach. Notice the Cigar in my left hand. That was Cigar #22 for the week.
“Mom, we are tired of posing, Uncle Robo can we act a fool?”
“Go Ahead Kids! Fly that Freak Flag!”
Thank God we ordered the Small Drinks!
Happy 4th of July!
Need a bottle of Tito’s and a Dildo? We have found the place for you!
4 Toe Heads having dinner! I miss them!
I also miss this Bushwacker too!
Maya had a good Vacation too!
Hate to tell everyone but Knucklehead #2 took Daddy to school on the tabletop games!

Next week we will return to normal NYC Shenanigans. One should always get out of the city for a couple of days. We had fun with all of these jokers.

While in the South….

One should always pay proper homage to their southern roots. What does this mean folks???? A trip to the FloraBama and Waffle House!

Recall when Sean Brock and Anthony Bourdain went to Waffle House and these words were muttered?

“You don’t come here expecting the French Laundry,” Brock says. “You come here expecting something amazing.” “This is better than the French Laundry,” Bourdain replies.

No disrespect to Thomas Keller (Landlord and Mr. 3 First Names – Cover your eyes) but in the south the Waffle House kicks the shit out of French Laundry and twice on Sunday Morning! After a quick trip to the Florabama RJ and I asked our driver if they would drop us off at the Waffle House for a small meal. We arrived just before midnight and after a brief wait were ushered to a seat at the counter.

In proper respect to Sean Brock & Bourdain, I ordered a Pecan Waffle as an appetizer which puzzled RJ and settled for the 2 eggs fried, Scattered, Smothered, Covered X 2, Bacon and toast breakfast. I believe that RJ chowed down on a Philly Breakfast plate but when I recalled looking over there it was gone!

Maria – is there a Waffle House around these parts? I see a couple in PA.

The Florabama was warm and very GOP’ish to say the least!
Talk about a dick move by the Florabama. You ain’t in Brooklyn Bitch, you in the South!
It is about to go down!
Yes Please
The Nerve Center of Waffle House – The kitchen
Now that I look at this sober I realize we got screwed!
Oh my Cholesterol is hitting high Triple digits!
RJ’s Plate – Now I know why he was singing Ring of Fire the next morning – Jalapeno Peppers!
Wonder why I was so thirsty!
I am ashamed of the bill. It was high!
The Next morning I had a party scar and I was eating Imodium like it was Pez

Again apologies to Jenn for forgetting the hashbrowns in the Uber. I blame RJ for leaving it!

There are 2 things that will always say the truth no matter what….. 2/2

Spandex and a 3 year old.

So when I left you I was peeing in the Gulf of Mexico with RJ. The rest of the week we pretty much stayed close to home. We did make a trip on a boat one day and that was a lot of fun. During that 3 hour boat tour some folks got White Girl White Claw Wasted and it was good to hang with our friends. Like I said before; for 2 people who don’t have children who freely want to vacation with 2 other families and their children says something. But then again these kids are pretty good and the only real tears shed that week was when we had to leave on Saturday to go back to the real world. Well that was until Expedia Fucked me.

Mallory and Elsie Hanging
Geranium and I
Captain
This was my Cartoon Watching Buddy
Beautiful Day on the water and at the beach!
Geranium preparing lunch
Knucklehead #2 enjoying String Cheese while dipping it into Rotel Cheese. (Makes me tear up just thinking about it)
Pour that shit in the sink. It isn’t even worth mixing it with Vodka!
JMH and RJ