Expedia Sucks

I would rather suck start a Cumming Diesel Tractor in the dead of winter than use Expedia.com again.

Is that too much imagery? Sorry to some of you who are cleaning up hot coffee off your ifoam but I am about to do something I have NEVER EVER done in my Social Media life. I am going to use this blog to call Bullshit to a business that is screwing people left and right and they think they are doing us a favor.

Seriously and I apologize if I am going to turn a couple people off because of this post. Personally I think it is kind of of a dick move to trash a company on social media and not get their side of the story. But here is the issue guys and gals – They won’t give me a straight answer and refer to some policy that they have to follow. Let me tell you what happened.

When we went to the Redneck Rivera I had to travel solo as Geranium was flying from Seattle and she was going to meet me in Pensacola. Traditionally I always book air travel through the airlines directly because I have never had any issues. They also are great about booking me on a flight if I get stuck or a flight gets cancelled. This trip since we were needing a car I booked through Expedia and did a bundle. I was able to get the car a tad cheaper even though the flight was fairly expensive. It was a direct flight so I really didn’t care too much.

Getting down to Pensacola wasn’t a deal and even though I was delayed on the ground in Newark no issues.

The return however, was eye opening on how Expedia and what I now have learned all other booking companies do with their customer service. For the return flight back to Newark our flight gets cancelled. It happens. Now I am on the phone with United Airlines to get rebooked. They inform me because I didn’t book directly with them I have to contact the booking company so I am on the phone with Expedia for about 20 minutes.

I get skillet on the phone and explain that my flight is cancelled and I would like to be booked on the next flight. Meanwhile Geranium has been automatically rebooked on a flight tomorrow because she has some serious airline privileges with United. I on the other hand do not so I am still on hold with skillet. He informs me that because the flight has been cancelled he can’t help me get on a new flight but will refund my money for the cancelled flight.

Then……and here is where I almost cause a fucking scene in the airport. He has the balls to ask me if I would like for him to book me on a flight tomorrow. I ask him what if this flight gets cancelled for whatever reason will he do the same thing and give me credit but I am shit out of luck? He says yes.

I ask for a supervisor, there isn’t one. I take to Twitter and Direct Messages and get no solution. Seriously I am now stuck in Pensacola and now have to shell out over 7 bills to get me home. I book my return directly with Delta since the United flight that Geranium was going to burn miles to get me on was now sold out.

I was pissed. I still am pissed. That is why I wanted to wait at least a month to take my anger out and post on Social Media. I want all of you out there, all 15 of you, to know that if you book though a booking company like Expedia and if something happens to the flight you are screwed.

Ok Rant over but seriously Expedia – Go Fuck yourselves.

The packing up and leaving a rental is always the worst
Seriously how much shit did you guys bring?
This is the car of 2 people who don’t have kids and what we would find out later will take 24 hours get home.
Had to Uber to a Hotel since we were stuck in Pensacola
They should change the number to say 1-800-SCREWED
Part of my exchange with Expedia Customer Service
But they act like they care. They don’t give 2 shits!

I hope you at least had a laugh at my expense. Book Direct Folks. Don’t be a dumbass like Carbunkle Trumpet.

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What is up with the picture of the baby Elvi?

I just like it. It makes me happy and I also know that Memphis is probably going to be in a heat advisory since it is Dead Elvis Week. Did you know that I can also forecast the Memphis weather?

  • Coldest Day of the Year in Memphis – Whatever day they play the Liberty Bowl Game
  • Hottest Day of the Year in Memphis – Around Dead Elvis Week
  • Rainiest Day/Week of the Year in Memphis – Beale Street Musicfest or World Championship BBQ Cooking Contest.

I mean if you know the past, you can predict the future.

I am going to share with you some pictures I snapped this past Sunday from the Murphranks Rooftop. Bobcat & Professor were there along with Rocky and Monkey Head Maya. Sorry folks but No pictures of the Humans – I mean have you ever seen Meg or Bobcat in the same place? Same goes for Matt or the Professor? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Geranium for the past 24 hours. I bet she is in Seattle again.

Maya prefers to be sitting in a lap getting petted. Don’t we all?
Don’t worry Dad, I will protect the Cheese Cooler
The Jar-Man used to say that the sunsets over beautiful West Memphis Arkansas. I guess we can say it sets over beautiful New Jersey
Wonder what asshole lives in that tall as building? I understand from Mr. 3 First Names that my view of the Empire State Building is about to change.
That doesn’t suck. Oh and I found out that The Bobcat and Professor were married in that church to the left of the row houses.

Tomorrow I take the gloves off and blast expedia for their shitty customer service.

1 Hour To The Airport Door to Door – Downtown Brooklyn to EWR

When I was taking all of those trips abroad to see Geranium I became well versed in airport travel and flying in and out of Newark International (EWR) airport. I liked flying out of there based on the fact that it is a United hub and they had more options than JFK to Europe. Before we moved to Brooklyn we hardly ever flew out of EWR since LGA was the quicker airport and JFK had the flat $50.00 fee. Uber to EWR from the UES or Brooklyn always cost us about $100.00. That was until we found New Jersey Transit.

The other day one of my peers asked me why I was always flying out of Newark International Airport considering that JFK and LGA were closer. I told him that I actually found that public transportation to EWR is actually quicker and much more reliable than to JFK and a shit ton better than LGA. It also only costs me like roughly $15.75 and I don’t have to worry about traffic or a bad uber driver. Let me explain via pictures that I took on my trip to the Redneck Rivera.

*Editors Note – You can’t be traveling with tons of luggage on MTA or NJT. You will get scolded and its a bitch to go up and down the stairs.

31 Minutes to LGA with ZERO traffic
39 Minutes to JFK with ZERO Traffic and the Public Transportation is slightly better
By far the longest travel by car and Traffic can be a bitch and expensive
Leave out of the Nevins Station via the 2/3 Train to Penn Station
Penn Station jump on a EWR Bound New Jersey Train that runs every 15 minutes for 3 stops to Newark International
Jump off New Jersey Transit and you grab the Air Train to the Terminal
Clear TSA Pre Check and I am sitting here 1 hour from when I boarded the 2/3 train in Brooklyn
Next Thing I know I am on the plane heading out of here!
Well look who I ran into in the Pensacola Airport!

In Memphis the magic saying was “It is 15 Minutes to the airport.” Here it is “It is 1 Hour to the airport.”

Pictures of the Week from the Redneck Rivera.

So we will finish the week with some final pictures from our week down in the Redneck Rivera. Like I said, we had a blast and we look forward to next years trip. I figure by then maybe Knuckleheads #1 & #2 will be able to fetch Uncle Robo and Uncle RJ some cold pops! Captain can you start teaching the kids how to make Painkillers for next year.

Returning from the day on the beach. Notice the Cigar in my left hand. That was Cigar #22 for the week.
“Mom, we are tired of posing, Uncle Robo can we act a fool?”
“Go Ahead Kids! Fly that Freak Flag!”
Thank God we ordered the Small Drinks!
Happy 4th of July!
Need a bottle of Tito’s and a Dildo? We have found the place for you!
4 Toe Heads having dinner! I miss them!
I also miss this Bushwacker too!
Maya had a good Vacation too!
Hate to tell everyone but Knucklehead #2 took Daddy to school on the tabletop games!

Next week we will return to normal NYC Shenanigans. One should always get out of the city for a couple of days. We had fun with all of these jokers.

While in the South….

One should always pay proper homage to their southern roots. What does this mean folks???? A trip to the FloraBama and Waffle House!

Recall when Sean Brock and Anthony Bourdain went to Waffle House and these words were muttered?

“You don’t come here expecting the French Laundry,” Brock says. “You come here expecting something amazing.” “This is better than the French Laundry,” Bourdain replies.

No disrespect to Thomas Keller (Landlord and Mr. 3 First Names – Cover your eyes) but in the south the Waffle House kicks the shit out of French Laundry and twice on Sunday Morning! After a quick trip to the Florabama RJ and I asked our driver if they would drop us off at the Waffle House for a small meal. We arrived just before midnight and after a brief wait were ushered to a seat at the counter.

In proper respect to Sean Brock & Bourdain, I ordered a Pecan Waffle as an appetizer which puzzled RJ and settled for the 2 eggs fried, Scattered, Smothered, Covered X 2, Bacon and toast breakfast. I believe that RJ chowed down on a Philly Breakfast plate but when I recalled looking over there it was gone!

Maria – is there a Waffle House around these parts? I see a couple in PA.

The Florabama was warm and very GOP’ish to say the least!
Talk about a dick move by the Florabama. You ain’t in Brooklyn Bitch, you in the South!
It is about to go down!
Yes Please
The Nerve Center of Waffle House – The kitchen
Now that I look at this sober I realize we got screwed!
Oh my Cholesterol is hitting high Triple digits!
RJ’s Plate – Now I know why he was singing Ring of Fire the next morning – Jalapeno Peppers!
Wonder why I was so thirsty!
I am ashamed of the bill. It was high!
The Next morning I had a party scar and I was eating Imodium like it was Pez

Again apologies to Jenn for forgetting the hashbrowns in the Uber. I blame RJ for leaving it!

There are 2 things that will always say the truth no matter what….. 2/2

Spandex and a 3 year old.

So when I left you I was peeing in the Gulf of Mexico with RJ. The rest of the week we pretty much stayed close to home. We did make a trip on a boat one day and that was a lot of fun. During that 3 hour boat tour some folks got White Girl White Claw Wasted and it was good to hang with our friends. Like I said before; for 2 people who don’t have children who freely want to vacation with 2 other families and their children says something. But then again these kids are pretty good and the only real tears shed that week was when we had to leave on Saturday to go back to the real world. Well that was until Expedia Fucked me.

Mallory and Elsie Hanging
Geranium and I
Captain
This was my Cartoon Watching Buddy
Beautiful Day on the water and at the beach!
Geranium preparing lunch
Knucklehead #2 enjoying String Cheese while dipping it into Rotel Cheese. (Makes me tear up just thinking about it)
Pour that shit in the sink. It isn’t even worth mixing it with Vodka!
JMH and RJ

You Are Vacationing Where? And With Whom? Part 1 of 2

Those were the two questions a couple of Thursdays ago from my non kosher eating brother from another mother and fellow Tina’s Cubano lunch eating cohorts. Yep the Trumpets were taking the show on the road and heading down to the Gulf Coast of Alabama and Florida. What was puzzling my work cohorts was that we were vacationing with 2 other families and their children…..ages 2 – 8 & a 16 year old. Now It is no secret that we celebrate the fact that our only human child is an invisible one and the other one is 4 legged. We figured that since we have been around the parents a couple of different times and on vacation that it only made sense that we could probably hang with their kids too. Still it was a gamble. No doubt that S(Squared) and D.E. were placing bets if I would come back early and send a case of cigars to my urologist for performing my vasectomy.

We rented a 5 bedroom house so that the 3 sets of adults could have their own room, we put the 16 year old in her own room and the 4 knuckleheads had the playroom. So here is the honest truth about the week. We had a blast! The kids were great. The were well behaved and listened to directions and hopefully didn’t learn all the words that Uncle Trumpet muttered as he drank his “Robo Juice”.

Morning Breakfast. She wasn’t too sure about me on Day 1
We went through a lot of chips that week. Not from usage but because each bag came back with a large amount of sand in the bag.
Corn Hole – The perfect game you can play with a beer in your hand.
Daddy Let me Bury your feet!
Don’t let the Atlanta Family Fool you – Someone is peeing in that ocean right now.
I am certain that someone in this picture of the Memphis family is peeing.
Now since we are on the subject of peeing in the ocean……
Where did we leave the kid? Oh crap we forgot to un-bury her!

More pics and hi-jinx tomorrow.

I Am Back But Buried

So Before anyone gets on my ass for lack of postings first I have to say LAY OFF! Geranium can’t decide if she wants to burn Atlanta like Sherman or go out west and wear flannel. So she is doing both in a 36 hour time period. Meanwhile I am still in a tick for tat email exchange with those Bastards at Expedia. Oh and we are leaving town tomorrow for Philly for a one night appearance and then back in town on Sunday for baseball during the day and then later rednecks. Here are some pictures from this past Weeks vacation.

I miss these knuckleheads we had fun terrorizing those who slept in!
I bet their parents miss me being the Funkle too! Wait till they get the Bongos next week!
I am not drunk you are drunk.

Anyway the next 2 weeks are going to be busy for us. Tomorrow Philly, Sunday Baseball then Hank Jr. Next week Geranium is going to be in the exotic location of Summit New Jersey for training and next weekend we have a Carl Lipbalm Caddy Scholarship winner arriving.

More to come, More to come!