Fuck That Corona

Where is Maya? We Want More Pictures of Maya!

We don’t really care too much about you or Geranium. Hell the damn fluff ball is even amazing me with her cuteness.

You guys got fired didn’t you? You never leave this place.
I am helping on the Call with the EU. I am French afterall!
Well this is new.
Otter’s Shirt!
Don’t Play with me Hooman!
Let me give you a little attitude
Nap Time is the best time
I am getting Fluffy
When are you going to take me to Midtown West

Happy Birthday LJZ!

Would the M’Effer Who didn’t Eat Black Eyed Peas and Greens on New Years Day Please Read This!

So we got a little too intoxicated last night. What I have seen the recycling on the streets of Brooklyn we aren’t the only ones. I mean there is hardly any paper recycle and its all glass bottles and Cans. Anyway I went to bed early and Geranium ate some Red Beans and Rice but couldn’t find the Cornbread that we made. I had left it in the oven to stay warm.

So this morning it was sitting still in the cast iron skillet and had gotten a tad stale. I got done with my team call and was feeling peckish for something other than my normal Sandwich or leftovers. I opened the cabinet and a can of Glory Southern Seasoned Mixed Greens just spoke to me. That’s what we will do, we will re-boot this year and start over.

So for you selfish bastard who didn’t eat their black eyed peas and Greens here is how you prepare it.

If you don’t make cornbread in a cast iron skillet are you even trying?
I know that some of my New Yorkers who are reading this are wondering what I am referring to.
Start out with Frying up some cut up pieces of bacon and add onions. You do this for both Greens and the Black Eyed Peas.
Now this may start a debate but there is nothing better than Glory Brands of Canned Vegetables. Just make sure you strain the juice out before you add to the pot.
I know, and Goya may be a good brand up here but they suck for making southern Black Eyed Peas.
Black Eyed Peas – Strain before adding to Bacon and Onions. Add Water and Chicken Stock or Base. Bring to rolling boil.
I mean look at that grease layer on top. That’s flavor for you folks wondering what it is.
Greens you strain and then add equal parts of Vinegar, Sugar and Water to cover the greens. Yes that is Red Pepper flakes. I don’t add any salt as this can already be salty.
Those little Corners – I will get to that in a minute.
Butter came out of the fridge hard as rock so here is a hack to soften it.
Take a cup and fill it with water and Microwave it for a minutes. Dump out the water and put it upside down on the butter. Minute later butter is softened.
Add two sacrificed pieces of cornbread mix to the bottom of the bowl.
Isn’t that Sexy? I apply lots of cracked black pepper to my food.
Oh but this is just as important as adding buttermilk to Cornbread Mix.
I just realized that after knowing Geranium for 20+ years she is a user of the fork for her New Years Day food whereas I am a spoon guy.

I am serious when I say that there better be a friggin Black Eyed Pea and Green shortage very soon.

Would You Walk a Mile For A Camel?

Or better yet would you stand your ass out in a driving rainstorm with Monsoon/Nor Easter winds?

But First let me post a picture of Maya.

I get scolded if I don’t post a picture of Maya on each blog post.

So where we live in Downtown Brooklyn/Boerum Hill it has a Heavy Density of Residential homes and high rise apartments. Of those residents we have tons of kids and small children. The Playgrounds are closed for obvious reasons so parents are taking kids to parks and let them burn off some steam. They also let their kids run/ride scooters on the side walks.

Oh and the idiot Mayor we have what does he do to help alleviate this? His ass hasn’t closed off any of the streets but that is another subject at a later time. EDIT – he announced on Friday he is going to do this. With this and given the tightness of our sidewalks it prevents us from going outside much. I think I have said it a bunch of times but I can count on one hand the number of times I have visited a store/market/pharmacy in 30 days. I try to go on off times, not the weekends of course, but when it is say early morning or mid day.

So on Thursday after I took a conference call I was feeling a bit weepy. Oh come on admit it that we all have fears about this shit. It was raining and I just needed to get outside so I thought of a great idea. It has been 50 days since I was having a cigar at the Cigar Inn on 2nd Avenue. I figured that now during a driving rainstorm was the perfect time to go smoke a stick. I mean the kids won’t be out in this shit.

So I put on my Memphis in May Rain Gear, Got my fancy Umbrella, clipped off a Perdomo Torpedo and away I went downstairs. Trevor our building Concierge looked at me like I was crazy for going outside during all of this. Hell maybe I am crazy, maybe you are crazy too. I stood over by the closed 16 Sycamore Playground as there is a indention and I can stand without obstructing anyone walking by and braved the wind and rain.

Had a good Ash going till the Winds kicked up.
And don’t send me any cigars, I have a humidor full of them from when I went to Mexico in early February. (God that seems like forever ago!)

But First let’s take a selfie when it wasn’t raining.
It was good chatting with Tay-Tay while I was getting pummeled.
Trevor wanted to take a picture of me while I was standing out there but you couldn’t see me from where he was working.
But of course we have a Wind Advisory while some jackass is smoking a cigar.

So what are you doing differently in the middle of a Global Pandemic? Smoking a cigar in the middle of the rainstorm wasn’t on my list.

Pictures of the Week 2.0 – Yes I am kind of an overachiever

What can I say, I have extra material here folks. That and I can’t leave you with an inch long ear hair going into the weekend. That is just rude. And yes by my featured picture we have broken out the fancy toilet paper. I mean I will judge the Fuck out of you if you prefer one ply.

I didn’t post a pic of Maya in the other Pic Of The Week Post.
Some of you aren’t on FB – This is the kind of stuff that I wear on Friday’s with Otterlum.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Let this be a lesson – When you get a House Party call from the Asian Fireman it probably is his daughter.

Best was I hear him walk by and ask his daughter “Is that Robo?” and he walks off like nothing. So funny and FYI – Fee is tough on those games.
If you want to be added to this list of ridiculous text messages let me know.
Are you listening to me LJZ?
And Happy Birthday to this little stinker! I can’t wait to hug and kiss on her for hours!

Ok, now everyone have a good weekend!

Pictures of The Week – Happy BSMF & Week 2 of Jazzfest – Not!

Between Smoking a cigar, a Fresh Direct Order, Our Soda Stream arrived and a trip to Duane Reade it was a big week. Here are some pictures that are still in my cache so I will share with you them.

We have an occasional Sophie’s Lunch call in the afternoon to smile and laugh. Lower right is now included because I was told to “Lose my number” Hey former Work Wife (The Domestic One) – can we claim her?
This is across the street at Flatbush – I would kill to have a balcony. Next Place we are getting one!
One of these days we are going to get oysters!
Pandemic Life Hack – Order a Strawberry Margarita and a Pina Colada and mix them together for a Miami Vice!
You are welcome!
Sideburns are fresh as a daisy!
Cheers to Sunday!
There are no rules anymore!
Plucked this one out of my ear the other day.
We have a potential world record winner here folks!

Hope I made you smile or laugh. And no Notorious M’effing G – we aren’t replacing Tarheel Scarlet O’Hara for you.

Do Not Mock What You Have Not Experienced Firsthand

So when I posted a couple weeks ago (was it March or was it that long time in April, hell I can’t recall) about my ironing and starching of my bedding linen I got some looks. Not trying to call anyone out, Mrs. Otteralum, but I told this person that until you have slept on this then you can’t snicker at my secret pandemic behavior. Oh she is going to throat punch me when this is over. LULTU#1

Ty Middelton was correct, this is great therapy and it keeps me from drinking at 9AM on a Saturday.

So here is a brief tutorial on how to properly iron and starch your bed linens. Enjoy and smile because you are about to read a blog from a guy who blogged about ironing his bed linens. Oh and this is the Third time I have referenced ironing bed linens.

After washing and drying slide the pillow case in between your ironing board.
Align the seam on one side of the board. This is your reference point.
Hit the shit out of that steam button as you press this.
When Done pull it out (TWSS) and get the top and re-iron each side.
You got to get that stuff stiff (that is what she said)
You have to spray a lot of this shit on the linens.
Get the whole side done and then repeat.
Flip it over and get the other side.
Fold that sucker up and press it like you do Hankerchiefs
Folded and ready to go.
Ok so I don’t really get the fitted sheet ironed. I mean I can barely fold it.

Let me know when you do this. I promise you will love it. Thanks Mrs. Otteralum for playing along.

How many of you can say that you had an Air Show Come To You?

Let me be very clear right now Folks – This is not an invitation for a Debate on the use of a recruiting tool flying over my city rather than spending the money on COVID-19 funds. I don’t have time for this. Pro or Con you will get deleted. This is about a salute to the front line healthcare employees who are saving lives. Furthermore it’s about people being stuck in 500 square foot apartment for 40+ days and the sheer joy we had for about 40 minutes yesterday and it was a welcome distraction. Sorry for the early on Come-a-part but I have seen a bunch of these debates going on social media. *steps off his anticipated soap box*

Back Story – I have been associated with two airshows when I was in Memphis. Long hours and your neck gets sore from starting up in the air. Two years ago we went to Jones Beach with the Murphranks and saw an airshow from the beach. God that was cool and the Blue Angels killed it. Sitting on the beach with a drink in your hand watching it is really the way to go. Last year we couldn’t go because someone had to recover from a boob job. I kid because I am glad she is around but seriously Karen….

So on Monday around 10:15AM I get a message from Professor about an airshow all over New York and New Jersey. I am thinking that from our vantage point in Downtown Brooklyn we could possibly see them twice.

I decided to go live on Instagram Stories and post this. I mean, I watch people’s stuff all the time and maybe I can give something back. I messaged my Work Wife (the International one) and asked if she would want to show her view from Hoboken New Jersey. We did a joint call and it was cool having two perspectives.

She was in and it was very helpful because I found out that it is pretty hard doing a live stream with nobody talking back to you. Shout out to those who got on and those who saw the feed. S/O to Atlanta, Memphis, Lyon France, San Pedro, Florida, New Jersey, New York and all others. The feed is still active until 12:40PM Eastern Standard Time today.

Here are some pics from Mr. 3 First Names and Lady Barrister. They watched it from their rooftop. I told them that in 40+ days I was never so jealous of them and (Calm your tits, we ain’t doing it folks) wanted to come see them and watch together. But that is irresponsible and selfish because other people live in that building so we stayed home.

I could be a male version of Anne Burrell
Shout out to the Work Wife (the international one) for agreeing to do this with me.
Hard to Tell but she and I both have them in our screens but from two different states and across 2 rivers.

Photo Credit by Mr. 3 First Names who I bet was just like me – A Kid in the Candy Store during all of this!
Mr. 3 First Names (this is the outbound flight to Long Island)
Outbound to Long Island and to see Homeless Tim in CT.
Coming back from CT and about to finish. The Building with half glass/half brick with the birdcage on the right side (That is our building)
So Fucking Cool! They were spraying Lysol on all of us by the way!
BobCat and Professor got married here. This may be a duplicate.
Watched my own feed. I say Shit a lot but I am kinda happy with what I put down there.
Again it was a great day and watching this from the 38th floor helps with neck strain.

Shout out to all you COVID-19 front line healthcare responders. Thank you for what you do. We are going to get through this. We are doing our part. We are staying home.

Random Pictures on a (Insert Your Favorite Day) of the Week

I told you that I am getting a little stale, thanks to some of you who have submitted those COVID-19 Life Hacks.

Maya is wondering when these two are going to leave and let her do her Secret Single Behavior! S/O to L(squared)S!
Jersey Singer nailed this one when he sent it to me. I still am giggling!
If Rambo goes missing……. And Shout out to Otter for making it PG-13
Editors Note – she approved this pic as I always try to respect the privacy of those who are short like me. (Oh I am getting called something)
It really wasn’t shorts weather but I am tired of wearing Jeans/Track pants
I told the person I sent this to that I promise I wasn’t sending a picture of my Junk. I mean we are friends but we aren’t that good of friends yet. This person is also a closeted Prepster.

I hope you had a laugh at my expense.

I told you I was running out of Material Up here!

I am glad to know that in the middle of a Pandemic the East Village still has their grit!
You keep it funky East Village and the same for you Lower East Side!

Why is he starting out with a picture on his blog today? So that picture above was sent to me by Sweet Melissa the Bama fan who happened to be raised by LSU parents. Yeah, you try to figure that shit out.

I replied back to her – that I wished it was me because the last time I set foot in the borough of Manhattan was 43 days ago. I admit that I try to keep my Subway awareness sharp and repeat the subway stops from say Nevins to say Grand Central in my head. (Nevins, Borough Hall, Bowling Green, Wall, Fulton, Brooklyn Bridge – City Hall, Canal, 14St – Union Sq, Grand Central – 42nd)

This then led into a discussion of how NOLA residents were coping with not having the first week of Jazz Fest. I mean all the food, the culture, and the fun but thankfully WWOZ is streaming Jazz Fest on Alexa. The old neighbor (God I bet her recycling is off the charts right now) was informing us how she now pulls up to grocery stores and they load her groceries in the back of the car and she goes on her merry way. Same for Lowes and Crawfish runs for Sweet Melissa. Welcome to the new norm.

Ok I have tormented them enough. Please notice I didn’t anger the AGM/my old prom date. I don’t need a Pucci Ban right now, I got enough shit on my plate.

So yesterday we didn’t really feel like doing much. I let Geranium sleep in because, well she loves her some sleep. One of our goals during this is that we are trying to reduce our carbon footprint and also conserve food and reduce our waste. Recall that Post about our Fresh Direct FU? So we, on that order, got cut chicken and for some reason we got a head of broccoli.

We decided to make this Broccoli slaw recipe that Geranium makes and we both like. Sadly we needed a red onion, shredded cheese and carrots so we figured we would go this morning since it is shitty weather and yesterday was a nice day and the streets were packed. Yesterday I was taking Maya out and also swinging by Wright & Goebel to get some more rum that I ordered online. I ran into our 38th floor neighbor who was heading out. She asked if we needed anything from Brooklyn Fare so I took her up on getting those 3 items. What can I say, New Yorkers are getting pretty resourceful.

You know if this is going to be the new normal, Geranium and I may think of moving to someplace cheaper and with more square footage.
Melissa said it was great weather yesterday.
I can empathize with her. Geranium and I are craving oysters right now.
Distance from her spot to the fence yep that’s our apartment.
Disclaimer – I actually enjoy looking at peoples yards and pools. I find it therapeutic.
Building is 33% occupied and one of our fucking high rise elevators is on the fritz?
Would someone please return the “Brady Bunch” Hawaiian idol back to its rightful place and end this shit?
I mean really? What in the Actual Fuck?
Love us some K & J on the 38th floor.

So what are your COVID-19 Hacks? I think I have mentioned that I am going stale here.

For Example – I heard if you clean your glasses with white foamy shaving cream it will help prevent them from fogging up. It actually works.

Shoot me a message and I will post them.

And thanks Sweet Melisa for letting me post your pictures. When this is over I am coming there and we are going to drink like its our JOB!

Writers Block

It was bound to happen. I mean one eventually will come to the end of the internet right? Even Taco Girl who is recovering from a chipped tooth and Scooop have changed up the way they are posting during this. I looked at my pictures this morning to post today and even I can’t come up with something clever.

I do have a fun tongue n cheek that I am going to work on Saturday while the sheets are drying. But I am just warning you dozen or so readers of this worthless dribble it could go boring here folks.

Anyway here is what I got going.

If I don’t lead with a picture of Maya I make LJZ upset. FZ doesn’t need that in his life right now.
Geranium ordered up some Gold Belly for us.
Sorry Scoop, I know you don’t need that negativity in your life
Multi Tasking – Happy Hour and DJ Bobby Smith
Surf and Turf
Like I said, I have been bored

And I refuse to be one of those. So big plans this weekend?