Funtimes in the City

6 Nations Rugby & Sunday Funday in Big Smoke

You might as well add another sporting event that I have been exposed to that you can drink like a fish, and cheer for the home team! I recall one summer I was down in San Pedro Belize while World Cup was being played. Mexico was playing that afternoon and the entire town came to a halt to watch the match. As luck would have it while we were in London we were going to be in town for England National playing the Irish team. You could tell that on Saturday it was game day because the pubs were busy.

For those of you who care, the teams that make up 6 Nations are; England, France, Ireland, Italy, Scotland, and Wales. To understand the game it is similar to football but without helmets or pads. Oh and unlike College or Pro the place kicker is actually the person who scores the touchdown (I don’t know the proper name) and they don’t have to rely on someone who has one job. I like it already

Papua New Guinea and Lady E met us up for some pints and we were also lucky enough to have a drink with JD from Las Vegas. We enjoyed some light fare and many pints that afternoon and had a great visit. Oh and it was a bonus as England won handily and they were chanting that they wanted Clemson next.

Sunday we headed over to China Town to see Jimmy’s Mum & Pop and enjoy some good Chinese food with questionable rude servers. After our meal we walked around and checked out some of the museums on a Sunday. Not a bad way to spend the weekend catching up with good friends. I told my boss on Tuesday “I know you will find this odd but we have some friends who live in England.”

PNG Mike took no expense and got us a nice table to watch the match.
Sorry Ladies, we are both taken.
Lady E is going to break some hearts. Of course Tio Robo and Uncle Mike will make sure that any suitors will be properly vetted
Pro Tip – Go watch this with people who know the game and it will be more enjoyable.
Hanging With Lord Jimmy and his mum. Pop is taking the picture
This one is for you Nova
He is really standing on a bar stool.
Getting ready for the New Year
Royal Academy of Arts
Anyone recall Doctor Bob. This is very similar

It was great seeing everyone and thank you for taking time out of your weekend to spend time with us. You are welcome to our joint on this side of the pond anytime.

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A Trip Harrods – The Mecca of Mall Food

Sunday afternoon after hanging with Jimmy’s Mum & Pop we decided we wanted to make a run over to the local Mall of Memphis London. You know I am talking about….Recall back in the day when the only way you could get a Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich was a visit to the Mall? I mean where else could you get your Hot Topic and Spencer’s crap and then enjoy some chocolate chip cookie? And if you wanted to go ice skating this place was it.

London’s version of the Mall of Memphis is a place called Harrods in the East end of London. We took the Tube over to Knightsbridge and took a visit to the food hall. If you don’t know what Harrods is all about you can read up about it here. You have seen all those signs that read “If we don’t have it, you don’t need it.” Harrods is just that store. Upon entering the hall, you realize that this place doesn’t mess around.

I am going to leave it now up to the pictures but if I ever won the lottery, I would be heading there for meals at every one of their 24 restaurants. That beats the shit out of the Mall of Memphis doesn’t it?

The Oysters weren’t bad
Salmon en Croute
Anyone for some Kobe Striploin?
Sam, I bet your buddy gets this doesn’t he
They have their own Hot Dish
The Main Floor
Not a bad day spent in the Food Court

Now show me a Mall food court that can beat this one? I dare you!

Where Have You Been and What Are You Doing This Weekend?

Apologies to my 14 readers, I have been kinda busy as of late. Mary Louise and I had some friends in town and went out to ABC Cocina to have lunch with them on Saturday. We hadn’t eaten there and we had a great time catching up. That evening we went back into the city and had dinner with the Landlord at a Little Italy establishment. Sunday Mary Louise headed out on the road and is in Spain for a couple days. Then she goes to France for a couple more days. Then she finishes up in London this weekend. 

Because I am such a humanitarian I decided to head across the pond on Thursday night to hang with her over the weekend. Granted because she has her a nice hotel room in Westminster close to the Thames river doesn’t suck. As of now we have plans to see Papua New Guinea Mike on Saturday and The Thompson’s on Sunday. Other than that we are going to wing it. 

Got my teef polished last week and good news! No Cavities!
Also got the Shoes polished too! This is UWS Holly’s favorite place!
He is wearing my skull cap!
Anyone Getting ready for Lent and those great Corny Lenten Jokes
For you who are keeping score

I will keep you posted!

Year in Review – The Other Shit

Editors Note – I am not sure when I am going to publish this post. But in order to give a you proper understanding of my next statement today is the day that the President walked out of the Boarder wall/Government Shutdown meeting with Democrats.

Damn I miss that Anthony Bourdain isn’t here anymore. I could really use his commentary on current administration and his thoughts on immigrants coming into this country.

We lost a bunch of good people this past year. We lost Maddy our beloved Monkey Head, who would have told me that 4 months gone we still miss that fluff ball. I will get to that later but we also learned a bunch of new things about ourselves and we saw a bunch of cool stuff living here in the North East. Let’s dive in shall we?

Music and Shows are always big on our radar. We went to more Losers Lounge Shows than I care to think about. Tribute to Barbara Streisand was a good one. The Last Waltz was so-so, but we enjoyed the shit out of the Disco Cruise around the Hudson with the band. We also saw some concert shows this past year. Thanks to a certain someone who po-po’d on a ticket Mary Louise got to see “The Piano Man” from a suite. We caught Phil Collins at the Barclays and listened to some Elvis Impersonators on Long Island Off the beaten path we got to see the Airshow on the middle of Jones Beach for Memorial Day. Mary Louise also got to see some Broadway shows; Frozen, Waitress, One on this Island with different friends. I would be remiss to say that I saw David Byrne this year. Still one of the better shows I ever saw. Yes I said that again.

We had a bunch of different friends come up and see us too. We got to hang out with LoveBug one weekend and had a blast with her. But we can’t forget when EGP and Cali rolled into town and attended Slavic Easter Sunday Mass with us. Northwest Arkansas came over one weekend and we even had our favorite Venezuelan make an appearance while we were in the city on a Sunday. Our former dog & house sitters came to town and we got to see some Memphis BBQ guys roll into town one weekend. The invitation is always open to come see us. We have 2 hotels very close to us if you have to stay close to our joint in Brooklyn.

We explored our new neighborhood of Downtown Brooklyn and found a whole bunch of new Dive Bars to frequent. By the way, and I have said it before; Moving in New York really sucks. The good news is that we are in our new home and we really enjoy living here. Of course the Muphranks have accused us separately of being bad influences. I will just say that it isn’t our fault that the mixologists at a couple of Park Slope bars over-serve patrons. We also went to the Rose Mansion this summer with Z(squared) and I even enjoyed it (just don’t tell anyone) but didn’t take a selfie there.

Sadly we said goodbye to some really good people this past year. Yes the loss of Anthony Bourdain is still a shock to me. But what it really does is cry out to people that on the exterior people may have their shit together but inside they need help. You can never know so here is my advice. Be good to people. Don’t be a dick. You have absolutely every right to disagree about politics but you don’t have to make it personal and attack people’s character. Stop and think about what you say or about to tweet. If you are a bully then you should automatically get to have your nuts kicked in. End of story.

Maddy hated it when ML’s got the outfits out. We sure do still miss her.
Donahue’s Doppelganger singing at Losers Lounge
Had a lot of fun with this knucklehead.
Jones Beach for the Airshow with the Muphranks
Elvis on Long Island
David Byrne at Kings Theater
The Gang at Phil Collins
Rocking the Hudson
Graduate with your Masters from NYU, Start a new job, Move to Brooklyn, Keep your shit together during it all – She is a fucking Rock Star!
We miss you Poppy!
On the 2/3 train you will travel by Franklin Street. God Bless the MTA as they put “Respect” signs as you travel by the stop.
A Fort Greene Gem I tell you!
Forgot about seeing Alan Cummings too! Also not a fan of our current Commander in Chief
The Royal Palms Shuffleboard is in the hood too!
A Brooklyn Dive Bar – Dimly lit bar, cash only, Tabs are considered a diet drink from the late 80’s
She swam over to see us!
Since Mary Louise occasionally travels on Sunday I find myself hanging with these two on Sunday Funday.
Our new place is kinda cool. We have an outdoor theater
Pay no attention to those glasses on the table.

Have a good day and remember what I said earlier; Don’t be a Dick!

Pictures of the Week

Man I took some serious hell from some of you guys for having a fancy dinner last weekend. Guess I need to step up my game and have dinner at Eleven Madison Park and REALLY piss you off. Anyway here are some pictures from last week.

This is Hockey – They play it here in the North East
Had to break out the warm coat last week
Merry Christmas Chloe! Hope you have a wonderful Holiday!
If anyone is missing a Nose Ring it was on the G Train
Love you too Nova! Fun going down Memory (Front Street) in Belize
Mary Louise is now Boujie when she sits in the First Class seats
Got me a burger on Thursday!
Nunchucks are legal in New York City. Who wants some?
Maya is ready for Mary Louise to come home

Next week we will be busy with travels to Memphis and then back.

It takes one to know one

So I have taken a couple “GFY” text messages from friends of mine for my post about having dinner this past Saturday Dinner at Per Se. Yes it is a special occasion and again, we are very lucky to have such good friends. From the moment you walk into that joint you know that you are going to have a wonderful experience.

I have already discussed the food and if I did it again then I know for a fact I would get some serious GFY text messages from GrainBin Girl and some others. Rather than that, I here are some pictures of the kitchen and the back of the house. Trust me when I say that these guys and gals do it right.

The Famed Doors of Per Se
Above the door leading into the dining room It reads: Finesse – Refinement and Delicacy of performance, execution or artisanship”
On the Screen is the Closed Circuit TV of French Laundry the sister restaurant on the Left Coast
Today’s Menu and staff notes for both French Laundry and Per Se. They said there would be a Vaping Queen at the 6:30 seating at Per Se
French Laundry was serving Slop last Saturday
The Famed Per Se “Pass” where many a tribute has been given. Probably the Bourdain and tribute hurt the most.
The remaining desserts for the later service
Nothing to see here Homeless Tim – These are the White Truffle Boxes
Don’t worry, we have a couple FDNY boys at the table and only 3 Attorneys who specialize in personal injury cases
The do win a couple awards here

Sorry if I am being hated by some. It is tough being at the top!

Random Pictures on The Phone

Been busy for us during Christmas Season here in the big city. With the holidays rapidly approaching we have been busy getting gifts and naturally sending them to Memphis wrapped. Note to self – when sending a box to your mothers house and she has moved it may be a good idea to get the correct address. Thankfully FedEx was able to correct the address and the customer service agent didn’t laugh at me too bad. 

This week we are busy with Holiday parties (Mary Louise’s old work peeps) and we have some other events to attend this weekend. Mary Louise heads back to Seattle on Tuesday so it will be just me and the dog for the week. I will keep you posted. Anyway here are some pictures that I have had for the past couple of weeks. 

Broke Out the 3 Piece Suit the other day since it was Ball Shrinking Cold

The Nephew was trying to get a little too Cute with Uncle CBT and Aunt Mary Louise on his Christmas List

Caught the Griz Nets Game a couple weeks back with Vivian and Stone

Forgot about this one. Has it really been 7 years Muppet? Now look at you! See you and Tink (who is celebrating her birthday today 12.12)  next fall! 

Mr. 3 First Names and Asian Fireman tell me this is a Hazmat/Rescue/Engine that T.O.D.D. used to work on. 

Maya likes it when Mary Louise works from Home. 

Sent this to St. Aloysius the other day on his birthday. 

I will have something better I promise. 

Living in New York – Shit we take for Granted

Back when we had Love Bug visiting us you take things for granted living up here. Naturally seeing the expressions on someone who has never visited New York affirms our decision to move up here. The other day I was talking to someone and I was telling them that I use Jet.com to get my household supplies rather than shopping for them. They asked me why I don’t just swing by Target or the store and get my Toilet Paper. I told them that I didn’t like carrying that stuff 5 blocks. I could immediately sense that the hamster wheel was spinning but the hamster was dead.

When Love Bug was here I made note of a couple things and jotted them down. A couple days later I was looking on Instagram and I noticed former Memphian @Brizzyc post a pic of her husband making wine. The making of the wine didn’t really seem that odd to me but the fact that this was being done in the bathroom did. Her husband was sitting on the “closed” toilet seat using a drill to stir the contents but in the background was a chest freezer. You see folks, space up here is at a premium. The simple fact that they have a freezer in their shitter tells me that the probably have some other unique storage that we probably do also.

  • Closet Space is a such a premium that you don’t expect for your luggage to be empty. Normally it is full of out of season clothes.
  • Yes we spend north $4.75 of a square foot to have the opportunity to live in New York/New Jersey. Oh and you can kiss your ass if you think you can get a garbage disposal or non-hotel style air conditioner.
  • Why lug your groceries/dry cleaning/booze/laundry detergent when you can have someone deliver it for you? I can recall when Theo’s momma was all happy when she could get her booze delivered to her back in Memphis. God bless Astor’s Wine & Spirits for delivering Mary Louise’s “maintenance” wine for 3 years now.
  • The last time I have driven in Manhattan was on August 5, 2015 and that was to empty the UHall truck and then promptly dropped off said truck in Long Island City. Nope I don’t miss it at all! I take cabs and Ubers when I want to ‘spoil’ myself or are too drunk for the subway.
  • Regarding Subways and Mass Transit – Avoid the empty subway car at all costs. Also it is best to let sleeping people lie. It isn’t your fault if the person sleeping off their night of cheap drinks has been to Coney Island and E96th Street 5 times. That is on them.
  • Do not text and walk on the New York city Streets – DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME KATIE/LIL GENERAL? This takes some self discipline because even Love Bug was struggling with this when she was taking pictures. Seriously you will run into something/someone and may get yelled at.
  • Street Meat is very good and is encouraged to eat at all times – Man I miss Anthony Bourdain! His show on Queens and the food culture is recorded on Tivo and I am planning on making a trip one of these days when GrainBin Girl comes up here. When I took Love Bug to the Hallal boys she couldn’t believe that such good food came from a food cart.
  • When they say it is going to rain and “be a washout” or my next favorite word “Nor’easter” do yourself a favor and try to stay home. Those two words can strike fear into many a New Yorker. It sucks and having to walk around in that shit really sucks.
  • Whenever you can – stop and take a look at the view.
  • Upside to living in a city that has 3 large airports – Taking a Non-Direct flight is for suckers!
  • The cost of a glass of wine can run about $14.00 and a Budlight can run north of $6.00. You do a lot of home drinking/Subway Coffee cups.

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Got to love those guys

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Naturally this is at Franklin Street

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The View It Doesn’t Suck

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Atop the Metropolitan Museum

38R

Current Living Arrangement

Have a good one!

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2018

We had some friends in town from Crime-Free Memphis and they had requested to see the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Do you recall back when we went to the Parade in 2015 as a guest of the Asian Fireman?  They were forecasting that it would be a cold Thanksgiving Day. Actually it was a record breaking cold day 19 Degrees Fahrenheit (-7 for you Celsius folks) and nothing sucks more than standing out in the cold with no bathroom. Oh, on the day we saw the parade back in 2015?  I think it was like 40 degrees so that was perfect. Thanks to Z(Squared) we were able to procure a proper viewing spot from his office to watch the parade. 

Trust me when you see the parade from that vantage point I assure you that unless I am on a mudder fucking float with the fat man himself there isn’t any going back. I did get a little warm in the conference room overlooking the Avenue of America’s but having that bathroom is what is really is all about. Thank you to Z(Squared) for the hospitality. We will have you over for the Fireworks on July 4th. 


Parade walks off at 9PM and by the time they get here it is about 9:45AM. These poor folks have probably been on line since 6AM
Always start with Thanksgiving Floats 
See the Lamp Post in the middle of the float? They had all the floats down low this year because of the winds
Ole Pillsbury Still Makes The Cut
Ok Here Is The Green Giant – It is Thanksgiving And the Creator Of The Green Bean Casserole Died This Fall. 

 

Not A Fucking Clue

 

Here Is RAB’s Favorite Float. What is your hatred of Him? What did he ever do to you? 
Olaf (There were some kids in the conference room and they told me) 
Diana Ross – I hope she played better than she did at Live At The Garden


Hey Santa – I will hit you up later on my wish list
Current Position – Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Float Carrier. I carry the Star that says “Believe.” 
5 Minutes after the Fat Man Went By They Crowd is Gone! I don’t blame them, it was cold on Thursday.

Again A HUGE THANK YOU to Z(Squared) for the sweet vantage point. I know that our guests loved it and we did too! 

Carbunkle Trumpet’s Friendly Suggestions for Tourists Visiting Gotham This Winter

Please note that I am trying to clean up my act because there is enough ugliness on Twitter right now. I mean would you have really clicked on this worthless dribble if the title were “You will probably get called an Asshole by a New Yorker if you do this.”  Do you recall way back to the first Holiday Season when I posted about some ladies who stopped short in Times Square? Sadly I have turned into more of a bitter New Yorker and Marathon Sunday was the tipping point. 

Marathon Sunday we were to venture up to Woodlawn in the Bronx for Wee Fi’s “Wizard of Oz” Seventh birthday. In order for us to get Metro North we have to get to Grand Central so we have to jump on a 4 Train at Nevins Station. Normally that isn’t a big deal but on this Sunday the 4 Train was packed tighter than a pair of pants at an all you can eat buffet. The train is full of Marathon Spectators who are in deep need of reading this list. Rather than have a full on Fucking-Come-Apart on a jackass who thinks that wearing a packed backpack doesn’t bother anyone else…..so I chose to come up with this list. 

Below is the short list of suggestions that I would like to extend to anyone who is thinking of visiting New York. AKA – Don’t be this Asshole or you may get yelled at.

  1. Walking on our City Streets, Subway Stairways,  and Common Area Walkways  – please remember these Two Fucking Rules; NEVER EVER stop in the middle of the above mentioned while in New York. I assure you will get run the hell over by a New Yorker who is walking at top speed. Second, and this goes without saying; LEAVE YOUR FUCKING PHONE IN YOUR POCKET! You don’t text and drive in your hometown, why do you you think you can text and walk up here? Too many people get yelled at on the streets for updating their Facebook updates. Step to the side if you have to text your cousin that you just saw someone famous. 
  2. While in cramped spaces (Subway, Elevator, walking into the Garden) take that backpack off of your back and just hold it in your hand. I promise that it may seem foreign reading this in Memphis or other parts of the US but it is a major No-No here in New York. Especially on the Subway! You will get yelled at. 
  3. While walking on our streets do us other people don’t walk side to side if you are a family of four. Want to really piss off some folks on the streets? Walk hand and hand. Oh and if you have strollers, you can only do that in Park Slope not in Manhattan during holiday season. 
  4. Asking Directions – Again this is going to seem foreign but try to know where you are going before you step out onto our streets. It isn’t so much about addresses it is the cross street and what direction is this sucker on the dividing line aka 5th Avenue. In other words know the lingo; East = East side of 5th Avenue. West = do we really have to do this? Uptown = North of 60th street. SoHo = South of Houston Street. Also Google Maps is your friend when trying to negotiate the subway. Trust me.
  5. Be a Boy Scout – aka – be ready to act. This applies to when swiping your Metro Card at the Subway Turnstile. You don’t want to be digging in your pocket while at the turnstile. Ordering a bagel at a bodega….let me tell you that you will get a Soup Nazi comment from the deli worker or a “Can you hurry the Fuck up” from someone standing on line behind you. 

 

Getting Around The City on Marathon Sunday Can Be Difficult
See The Disdain on the Face of The Woman Exiting The Subway? She is About To Break Bitch on These Picture Taking Tourists. Its a Fucking Coffee shop!
This Makes My Ass Twitch Every time I see it! I Want To Play Red Rover/Red Rover Send Carbunkle Right Over! 

Trust me when I say that It isn’t that New Yorkers are Rude, we are just in a Hurry. Hope that you had a good laugh and please don’t be “That Guy/Gal”!