Garment District

Dude, where have you been? Pics on a Humpday!

It is either Feast or Famine. I am ‘En Fuego” or I ‘Suck Cock’ according to A4532 (I am kind of excited I have hate/fan mail from the same person) Shout out to you A4532! Anyway here are some mid week pictures for you. And naturally thanks for reading this worthless dribble.

IMG_1763So we sell a 3 pack of 2X5’s here up here. Why didn’t I realize this sooner?

IMG_1767Yo Chef! How about some love when we try to get a table at your joint on W51st street? *Mrs. Trumpet was very happy about this picture in that this was the first time she saw Eric Ripert in the UES*

IMG_1725A ‘Southern Grocery? Tell me more son.

IMG_1724It may not work up here. I get beat up all the time when I say these phrases. Good Luck buddy!

IMG_1730See the red border pic? We now have 2 portraits behind the bars of fine establishments now.

IMG_1742Is that Mother Fucker wearing Tennis Shoes on his morning commute? F you dude!

IMG_1780This was the 3rd train that I stood online waiting to ‘try’ to get onboard. And this was a Tuesday. #CBTwaslatetowork #Andfuckingpissed #Twitterwasablaze

IMG_1789Shout out to LZ for making me ‘drink on the street’ this past Friday. If you look up in the middle of this pic you can see a half ball to the right of the building. That is the New Years Eve Ball for 2018. And Just think we only have 3 more years till Trump is gone!

Oh and “A4532: do me a favor….Go Fuck Yourself! Don’t make me Michael Rapaport ‘Shame” you…..You Dumb Motherfucker!

Happy Wednesday!

 

 

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Conversations of the Rich and Famous in Coffeehouses

When I am not day drinking, smoking cigars or eating food that is bad for me, I have to hold down a full time job. Sadly Mrs. Trumpet hasn’t hit the bigtime and let me be a kept man so each day I put on my suit and head out to work. I sell those bus tickets to the tourists in Times Square *not my real job* and have to keep up with emails and ish like that on my laptop. We have an office in the Garment District but I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than go there. No I am not being one of those surly people, it is out of my way and I never get anything accomplished when I go there.

Rather than stay in the apartment I like to get out and normally hole up at a satellite office on W45th street. Yes it is still out of my area but I can get work done and steal office supplies and get free coffee. *again not true because they have crappy coffee and shitty pens*  When my schedule requires me to stay well north of E60th Street I normally head to my favorite coffee shop on Lexington and E70th street. I get my double bull espresso and fancy NYC sparking bottled water and bang out work on the laptop at the outside tables.

The people in the UES are interesting folks. Some make more money than God and spend more in HOA fees and mortgages in a month than some people make in a year. What keeps me grounded by living up here is eavesdropping on some of their conversations.  Below are some of the better examples;

Bubbe 1- “Aren’t you worried about this latest outbreak of Legionnaires disease that they found in the water chiller in the UES?”
Bubbe 2 – “I thought that it was in Flint Michigan, we hardly use the water from our apartment for drinking or cooking.”
B 1 – “No the outbreak of Legionnaires is the disease that resembles the flu and can kill you. Not related to the water from the tap.”
B 2 – “You will have to excuse me, I am all verklempt about this Trump thing. My maid is worried she is going to be deported.” *stop laughing this was a true conversation*

Guy 1 – “I swear I am going to murder my wife, you will not believe what she did yesterday.”
Guy 2 – “What did your sweet wife of 40 years do? She didn’t find out that you got that cigar locker at Club Macanudo did she?”
G 1 – “No that is from my discretionary fund, she purchased another pair of those expensive ass shoes that won’t fit because of her orthotics so she will wear them once they will damn near cripple her and will throw them out. I told her not to do that.”
G 2 – “Could be worse, she could have found out that you have 4 cigar lockers all over the city.”

Wife – “What time are we leaving for the summer cottage?”
Husband – “I told you that the car is picking us up this afternoon at 3 so we can be at the Wall Street Heliport by 3:30.”
Wife – “Can we go a little later, I have a hair appointment and this will rush me.”
Husband – “If we don’t leave then we will get stuck in air traffic for all those people heading to the Hamptons.” *Not sure where they have their house but I am figuring it is somewhere in Connecticut*
Wife – “I guess I can hurry, I hate it when you get like this.”

So have a good weekend because my poor ass is going to probably text my work wife and see if we can come crash her beach party on Long Island and drink some cold beer.

Things you learn in a Blizzard

What can I say, 2017 is a year of firsts for Carbunkle Trumpet. No I am not talking about the new president, that was yesterday. What I am talking about is this jacked up weather. Seriously would the person who called Mother Nature a Crack Whore please apologize? Earlier this year I survived the Nor’easter and let me tell you, that sucked. This week they were calling for ‘a significant snow event’ for New York and Long Island. They were calling for a blizzard or white out conditions in the city and we should seek shelter at times. I am sure that you are reading this in Memphis wondering what the hell that means. So did I until yesterday. Anyway here are some things that I learned yesterday during the Snowpocalypse.

  1. Forget that heavy wool coat, get that ski jacket out of the closet. Wet heavy snow and wool are not the greatest combination.
  2. Boots, Boots, Boots – If they aren’t waterproof you might as well wear flip flops.
  3. Seeing is overrated during a blizzard. I saw a bunch of people wearing ski goggles yesterday and it makes perfect sense. I may look into getting a pair.
  4. Some dogs love snow, our dogs…..not so much. I don’t blame them. The snow was high that they had belly rubbing.
  5. If one does not have children then you are instructed to head to the nearest bar. That actually is a law.

img_0269Maddy don’t care about snow, she has to poop!

img_0270This one however, what a diva!

rockyI knew that Rocky over in Park Slope would be a happy pup today!

img_0264Broke out the shit kickers earlier in the week when we had biblical rains.

img_0274Made it into the office for a couple hours so I could say that “I made it in” and promptly went to reward myself.

img_0275W41st street was not looking good. The sidewalk was fine but the street needed some help.

img_0272Wonder why I take Lipitor? This would be the reason.

img_0276Are you F’ing kidding me guys? Closed because of the snow? This would be a perfect day but no! Somebody has to be a P word and stay home.

img_0268I mean even the Chinese restaurant on 2nd Ave was open for Christsake!

img_0267Got to love that someone cross stitched this.

Have a good weekend. We are going to be meeting up with UWS Girl this weekend to go to a silent disco.

2016 The Year in Review

Let me start right now and say that 2016 was a great year for the Trumpets. Sure our presidential candidate didn’t win but we didn’t ‘take to the streets’ protesting or putting up post it notes in the Union Square Subway station. If you don’t like the outcome you have one option – Move the Fuck Out!  As far as celebrity deaths; yes we will miss David Bowie, Nancy Reagan, Frank Jr., Prince, Leon Russell, and even Father John Francis Mulcahy but that is the life cycle. We won’t miss Fidel or even Harambe the Gorilla! Ok, enough with my political and current event posts.

2016 was welcomed with Jimmy Buffet and good friends in Brooklyn and it turned out to be a great one. It was great professionally for the both of us and even Mrs. Trumpet is currently (as I type this) studying for her NYU class right now. 2016 found me a permanent home selling tour bus tickets in the Upper East Side with a great team. Hell, I am even now sending money via Vinmo so I guess I am getting hip. We made trips to Belize, Tulum, Isla Mujeres (RJ has heard it both ways), Boston, and even Chicago to see the World Series. I made 3 trips to Memphis and Mrs. Trumpet snuck into Memphis too. There were trips to the other boroughs, trips to Atlantic City to see The Damn Neighbor, Philly, Fayetteville, AR, and Grand Rapids.

One of my former “Daddy’s” (boss) welcomed into the world his first son, my cousin had a girl, the Sparks have a boy with some wild ass hair, my fellow Snookie lover Chelsea & Josh welcomed a child into the world and I am sure I am missing some others. Even my fellow beer soft drinking buddy RJ got something in the water in Mexico and is going to welcome into the world another girl in mid May. That puts more on the line up to help wipe our asses when we get old so kids consider yourself on the Carl Lipbalm Scholarship List since we don’t have kids.

We got to see some really cool shit ish this year too. Have you ever seen 30 inches of Snow? Yea us neither, it was AMAZING! We got to see a guy from Long Island play at Madison Square Garden by the name of William Martin Joel who is the consummate performer. We saw a little America’s Cup Boat Race and even though we didn’t understand it, I hear the US team kicked the shit out of the other teams. I heard that they even said “Bring on Bama” between champagne chugs. I got to finally meet one of my top 5 Chefs when I got the book signed for Ms. Cat Dresser Upper in Dumbo. And we even got some Pool Time in Wantaugh with some friends of ours.

We did some great eating this past year. No I am not going to rehash the trips to Peter Lugar, Blue Hill at Stone Barns, Delmonico, Per Se, or some of those other fancy joints. I am going to talk about some good ole Memphis BBQ that we had at The Boogie Down BBQ in the Bronx with some Memphis Pitmasters. It was a good time this year and we didn’t even have to get another script of Lipitor.

2016 brought us some great friendships that blossomed over this year. I am not going to go over the names because it may confuse you aka THE ASIAN FIREMAN isn’t really ASIAN folks but you know who you are.

Lastly, we survived living on this rock for one year. We Look Back and it has blown by. We look forward to what 2017 brings us. I certainly appreciate the readers and the comments that you have said either on this thing, Facebook or in person. This worthless dibble gives me a chance to categorize and verbalize what is going on in our life. For those of you who got the chance to come visit us we appreciate it and hope to see some more of you this year. 535 square feet isn’t that bad folks, I promise.

Ok, so here are some pictures that probably didn’t make the posts but are funny to say the least.

img_5528Made the trip into Memphis in September and ran into T-Rex’s daddy and LVD. Good Times on South Main.

img_1892Sober as New Orleans Judges. At least Tucker got the smart idea to wear glasses. My dumbass have them on my head.

IMG_1902.JPGPay no attention to Mrs. Trumpet’s cans. This was right before the Grand Rapids Po-Po came by and told us “Creepy Old People” to go inside. I think they were afraid we would break a hip.

img_2045Attention Single Irish Men of Manhattan. This one is making her virgin trip to Manhattan in early April. No she won’t be wearing the monogram tank top, I know that this ‘ish’ don’t fly here.

img_2393Took LZ to the floor of the Stock Exchange because she pretty much saved my ass during my RSP days. Told her about the unwritten rule that on your first visit if the market closes up then you will have good luck for the year. By the way – ask her who is kicking arse in ticket sales to tourists in the Garment District.

img_5539Flew up one of our dog sitters when we went to Belize because a flight was cheaper than boarding them in the UES.

img_1603Maya – “No I am good, I am going to stay here with all those drunk eye-talians around”

img_1757Did you know that people come to New York for their vacation just to sit on line for the ‘chance’ they get a ticket for Hamilton. #poorbastards

img_01212016 was the year of the Coffee Drink! Or as Rock-Mo calls it “that coffee drink with the green stuff on it.”

img_1820I have to admit that the Garden is a pretty fucking cool venue.

img_1659Brother Joel McGraw, FSC wasn’t lying when he made us pray to Our Lady of Victory

img_5537Carbunkle Trumpet, no matter how famous you are with your blog you will never be as famous as this dog. This dog is UGA, the mascot for The University of Georgia Bulldogs.

img_1500My first celeb sighting in the West Village and who is it? Effin Anne Burrell.

Happy New Year, if 2016 wasn’t the best for you then I hope that 2017 is you year. Me, I plan on killing it; professionally, personally and in dive bar conquests.

 

 

 

 

 

The Week in Pictures

Hope you guys had a good week. Not sure about Memphis but New York is supposed to have a great weekend (above 40 degrees) with some sun. Dare I say Sunday Funday on a PATIO?

IMG_0418Love me some ole time cash registers in the joints that we frequent.

IMG_0419Did the “Damn Neighbor” move to 1330 First Avenue? I think so!

IMG_0842Here is a reminder of when we lived next to the “Damn Neighbor” what can I say, at least she recycled!

IMG_0420Shout out to “My Friend” Rock-Mo Kasaftes from my favorite Tavern. *DISCLAIMER – I texted Rock-Mo this pic earlier this week and he said that he was proud of my Greek Burgers*

IMG_0422And my 3 readers wonder why I don’t drive anymore. IMG_0427Shout out to my friends at 17th Street Barbecue for a killer slogan. Can’t wait to see you in the Big Apple as a former Memphian and now New Yorker!

IMG_0424So I was watching a training video today and check out dude’s left hand. Is he really flipping me off?

Have a good weekend folks!

You won’t believe this one folks!

We have all heard the comment “Photo or it didn’t happen!” when you hear or read something that is hard to comprehend or don’t believe. I admit that I was glad I had my iFoam handy when we were walking down the street in the Garment District the other day. I for some reason glance to my right and see two guys trying to use a Slim Jim to get into their locked van. I look away but something in my head clicks and says “Hey CBT what logo was on that van?” I look again towards the two guys and what do I see on the hood of the van? Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is Locksmith Company Vehicle…Good Night New York!  You were a great audience!  Please tip your server!

IMG_0379You can’t make this shit up folks!

Keep it light and have a good one!