Bar 595 > Bar _95

So a lot has happened since our last post. No we didn’t move to Mexico and start swimming with the Whale Sharks, we sold our $hit and moved back to the core. You recall that Post where we put an offer on that condo? Well, we sold Bar 595 to some fun loving people who promised to keep the bar intact and after an Estate Sale that pissed off some South Bluffs residents (matters – we moved, deal with it) and moved into the new joint. Yes RJ and Mallory are the new owners of Bar 595 and as long as we don’t promise to tell them where we or Mallory’s parents for that matter, did the ‘brown chicken, brown cow’ in the house we have an open invitation to any event at Bar 595.  After closing on the bar we had an estate sale and let me tell you, if you ever need a great company to conduct an estate sale I highly recommend Deb Wade as she was great and made us some good money for our Bea Arthur sex tapes in Beta max. Seriously she was great and made the whole “leaving our crap behind” a great experience.
Yes, the only thing that we moved from the old joint was the couch, the TV, the spare bedroom Queen Sized bed (that we promptly sold and got a new King sized bed), the Alice and Wonderland Chest of drawers, a bakers rack and the dogs. We kept our pots and pans but we left our everyday china and are happy to report that we are now enjoying our dinners on our Wedding china (after we had to take the stickers off of before eating our first meal) and way too much kitchen crap. After moving into the new joint we now realize that we still have way too many clothes but I can’t part with my Slayer concert T-shirt or the pants that I wore when I was in the 8th grade (the length is fine, the waist needs help) but there is always Salvation Army.
The Monkey Heads are getting used to only peeing in 1200 square feet and Maddy seems to enjoy not having 14 stairs to climb to go to bed but still hasn’t peed on the new Porch Potty. She has taken a new hatred for horse drawn carriages as I assume she believes they are just large dogs and not horses. Maya has taken to the new joint and even though she still hates people she loves walks and hiding under my legs when we see someone on the streets. I am also happy to report that Momma and I haven’t killed each other and even though we are still using plastic bins as bedside tables we have taken to the joint. We have been enjoying riding the trolley down to the South Main haunts but we are still searching for our home bar/joint like we found at the Monkey. In the meantime, we are still searching for the perfect dining room table and are awaiting some built in shelves and paint. Then we can hang the art, the Belizean Masks and some trinkets from the old bar. We expect to be open for business in a month so go ahead and book your trolley/flight/car service to come see us.
Now onto the pictures;
The view once you open the door, we are thinking the right side wall will be a good canvas to put some Masks, Doty Art and Bar 595 memorabilia.

The previous owners left this Murphy bed and bookshelf so there will be no need for a blow up bed for our guests (hint, hint – Lentini, Maria, English Mike, TQ and Yoga Peach)

The Alice in Wonderland Chest that we moved

Sadly the guest room isn’t a fully enclosed room as it is called a flex room so any guests of the new joint may need to bring some ear plugs. No not for that you dirty minded readers, it appears that the dogs snore pretty loud.
Here is where the action happens. To the left you notice the other side of the sliding doors that adjoins the Flex room. What you were expecting larger? We are 1 block from the Peabody Hotel and Talbot Heirs Guest House if that is a little too weird.
The Master Bath (and the only full bath in the joint)
Our New King Sized Bed and feel free to message me if you want to know where I got those killer Bed Side Tables that look like we are still in college.
The Second Bathroom which is a half so our guests (or me when the other bathroom is occupied) have a place to pee and not bother us at night.

The living room and the couch that we moved.

Here is where the Dining room table will be after we figure out where we can find it. Also notice the two plastic bins that contain the remaining bottles of booze from Bar 595.

The Kitchen and Office (pay attention to the fridge for the next picture)

Yep that is our killer laundry room next to the Kitchen
View from the Kitchen/Office into the Living room.

Ok, stop laughing but that is the dog’s Porch Potty that we picked up on Amazon. Maya loves it and to date has not peed once on any of the city’s streets, sidewalks or alleys. Maddy on the other hand, has whizzed all over main street!

The Backyard/Balcony area. We are still looking for some outdoor furniture but haven’t found what we want so we are using the folding chairs. Thankfully since the balcony is recessed so much it doesn’t get wet when it rains and isn’t a windy as you would expect.
Did we mention that we live above a fully functioning Bar and restaurant? Yep all we have to do is take the elevator to the bar. Let that sink in, we take an elevator to the bar.
View north from the Balcony to our local market and where we buy beer when we don’t want to get the car out.
Did we mention that we only have 2 drawers in the entire house? Yeah we didn’t see that one when we did our tour. To commemorate half of the drawer space I made one a junk drawer.

 We do however have a killer pantry that we use for kitchen equipment storage, diet coke pantry and store some food. Once we get the built in’s then we can make some room.
We will let you know when we are open for business but we are accepting reservations but bear in mind that Beale Street Music fest & BBQ Fest are blocked out for Maria and English Mike. TQ and Yoga Peach start looking at your calenders, same goes for the former CIL gials and the Dale Hollow Crew!


Carbunkle Trumpet did a Bucket List Item and lived to tell about it!

Ok, I am going to just lay it out there on the line for all to read, I am a spoiled little shit when it comes to the ocean and seeing some of it’s magnificent creatures under the surface. Yeah I went there, I admit it, I am not proud but at least I got that off my chest.  Thanks to my parents, my sister and I have been afforded the chance to see some unbelievable beaches and locations that many will never ever get a chance to see in their lifetime. I got the chance to see the pink sand beaches of Bermuda when I was ten years old, visited Belize more times than a lot of flight attendants do and still got to do and see some really cool shit in between. Down in Belize, where I got a lot of my underwater fish 101 knowledge, it wasn’t uncommon for me to swim with nurse sharks, sting rays, many species of fish, and see some coral formations that you only see on the Travel Channel. When I was younger our old time fishing guide would sneak frozen peas and sardine guts into our swim suit pockets so when we would hit the water all kinds of fish would swarm us like flies on roadkill. It was this luxury that I was afforded that I became sort of disenfranchised with snorkeling. Now granted I would always play along when we would have friends who had never snorkeled in Belize as I didn’t want to be “that guy”. It is funny as when we visit Belize with people who have never done that they would come out the water in amazement that they just saw all those different species of fish yet in my mind I was thinking “Yeah I have done that and have way too many t-shirts in my closet too.”   
Well all of that is about to come to a screeching halt as I can honestly say with no reservation that I just did the most unbelievable thing in the world and sadly I don’t think that my words can express upon you how FREAKING cool it was! Last year at this same time I was over in Cozumel celebrating the destination wedding of some good friends of ours. A buddy of mine who I have mentioned before in this blog had just swum with the Whale Sharks of the coast of Isla Mujeres. I recall reading Scoop’s post and thought to myself that here is a girl who lives in paradise and sees the same stuff I have and she is impressed? I may have to check this out one day. Now that I have done this and I re-read her post,  I now get it; I just swam with one of the largest species of fish in the ocean that dates back to 1828. I read where another friend of mine had also just recently swam with these magnificent bastards and in the back of my mind I am thinking “Why hasn’t anyone else done this?” I have over a 1000 friends on Facebook and there are only a handful of them who have done this? Anyway I will get off my soap box now (and go to below normal height) but if you have the chance, BY ALL MEANS GO SWIM WITH THE WHALE SHARKS! It is a moment in your life where you realize that you are just a simple creature living in a vast world and I get it why this is on so many people’s bucket lists.
According to Mr. Wikipedia the Whale shark is the largest non mammal vertebrate rivaling the dinosaurs in terms of sheer weight. They can live as long as 70 years and can get as long as 40 feet in length and weigh over 30 tons (that’s 66,000 pounds) and yet they are vegetarians and only feed on plankton. *Yes I swam with a bunch of Vegetarians and if they knew my real feelings for them before we were introduced I may not be typing this and Mrs. Trumpet may be wearing a black dress today* The whale sharks migrate  to off the coast of Mexico from May to September each year and the peak time to see them is mid August. This particular day there were close to 100 Whale Sharks according to “Whale Shark Daddy” and thanks to the Mayan Gods we had beautiful weather on that particular Monday.
We had pre-arranged with Whale Shark Daddy for a tour on Monday and were picked up at our hotel at the bright early time of 7:45AM. After a brief breakfast we had our ‘briefing’ and were split up into groups of 10 and were directed to a boat. For those of you who are scuba divers, you can leave all that crap in the room as Whale Sharks are top water feeders and the majority of them will swim on the surface to feed so you only have to be a good swimmer. You can either elect to wear a life vest or rent a short suit wet suit which I did on Scoop’s advice as you have more mobility in the water. One thing that I did like and have to give Whale Shark Daddy mad props to was that he only would let you go into the water wearing Bio-Degradable sunscreen. As he said in the ‘briefing’ (in broken English) there are over 600 swimmers seeing the whale sharks each day and 600 people wearing that film creating sunscreen will kill off the plankton and will eventually kill the Whale Sharks. Kuddos to him and to the other companies who make sure that Gringo’s like us don’t make this species extinct!
After a 45 minute boat ride you come up to an area in the deep blue waters where there are like 60 to 70 boats full of other gringos who also are going to see the whale sharks. Now in the back of my mind I am thinking that “oh yeah this is going to be fun” until I see one of these big bastards firsthand. Again, you are reading a blog from someone who has pulled up some pretty big fish in his day and it doesn’t compare to these suckers. Everyone is paired into groups of two and you get to swim 3 sets with a guide and a photographer. As we are waiting for our turn we notice like 5 or 6 of these huge suckers swimming around the boat. It wasn’t until one swam under the boat and I figured it was 40 feet long since I saw head and a lot of tail as he swam parallel to the 34 foot boat. I ask the Captain how big they get and he gave me the Kilos which meant nothing to an Merican as we weigh everything in pounds but it was pretty big. Anyway it was time for CBT and Mrs. CBT to get wet and off the boat we went.
For those of you who are kinda nervous swimming with school busses the guides do a great job holding your hand and positioning you right up next to a whale shark where you are only feet away from this huge fish. At first I was thinking that I could keep up with this sucker as he wasn’t really putting a lot of turbulence out there with his tail but I was wrong. These suckers fly through the water as what I assume is the intake of the water and pushing out of the gills as the gills on these things are 5 feet long along the sides of them. After about 10 to 15 minutes you get tapped out and head back to the boat for the next group to swim. Now granted I am not in the greatest shape of my life but let me tell you, it is exhausting work keeping up with these jokers. We get to the second set and Mrs. Trumpet didn’t want to swim with them so I was paired up with another couple and here is where it gets kinda funny.
Back in the ‘briefing’ ole Whale Shark Daddy said that if you encounter a whale shark head on, don’t worry, they will go around you and don’t panic. Let me tell you, ole Whale Shark Daddy LIED because yours truly came face to face with one of those suckers. Thankfully I rented my wet suit because after coming within 5 feet head on I may or may not have had a brief pee in my wet suit. Seriously, it took everything I had to get out of the way of this sucker! Sadly the photographer, Matteo, didn’t get a still shot of my face to face encounter but it is on video. Still it is one of the best and coolest moments of my life.
After everyone is done you head to a beach area where everyone enjoys fresh shrimp ceviche and homemade guacamole and plug down a couple baby Corona’s. Seriously, if you have the chance to do this, you need to swim with the Whale Sharks, it is worth every penny!  Now if you will excuse me I will go back to my being stuck up on seeing marine life and cool coral formations.

Here our Swimming Guide (can’t recall his name) informs us that nobody has browned out a pair of swim trunks swimming with the Whale Sharks

We have no idea what we are in for

The surrounding boats as we arrive to the area
You can see me hanging on the ladder for dear life as I ask Mrs. Trumpet if she has us up to date on our Life Insurance policies.

No that isn’t the Crosstown Bus, that is a Whale Shark

Great Shot of Mrs. Trumpet along the Express 44 into Midtown
I burned every ounce of energy in my legs to keep up with them and they were still way too fast

Just like Putty from Seinfeld – High Five Dude!

We lived to tell about it!
That is some serious lunch that was made 10 minutes prior!
Yeah, it was that cool!

Last Vacation Post – Back to the Big Smoke for Dinner

So for our last installment of The Trumpets take on Europe we headed back to the Big Smoke for one last night and have dinner with my “other” little sister Bridget, her husband Patrick and their baby “Little Jimmy”. We secured a very nice hotel thanks to Mrs Katz and were walking distance to the Royal Hall where Bridget works. We had some great drinks overlooking the Thames and even though it was cold and rainy (Again where are you Mr Sun) we had a good visit. Later that evening we had pints in a couple of different pubs/bars and retired for the evening. Again, and I can’t say how impressed we were with the mass transit, we popped on the Tube and in 30 minutes were at Heathrow Terminal 4 to board our flight back to the Colonies. As luck would have it we were able to secure first class accommodations and after a 10 hour flight we landed in Minneapolis St Paul. Mrs Trumpet and I signed up for Global Entry and let me tell you, that is worth it’s weight in gold as it is a piece of cake when clearing customs.
All in all, we had a blast and were thankful that we had great traveling companions (The Lees, Smoothie, D3, Jess, Handsome Dan & AJ) as that can make or break a trip. On advice we downloaded Viber and were able to communicate with everyone depending if we were in the same hotel or in Ireland, or wherever. Now I guess we need someone else to get married so we can do it again!

The hotel we stayed at on the last night

Still around town

For our Friend Anne

Proud Papa and Baby Jimmy
I don’t know how many of these suckers I drank but it sure was good!
AJ enjoying the Dessert Cart

The only way to travel Trans-Atlantic – First Class Baby!
 My Luggage for 10 days – Yes we carried on the entire trip and it was a godsend when navigating trains, streets and tube trips
Taken out of order but this is the Paris Train Station – Very efficient

First Day back in the US and for some reason the Guinness doesn’t taste like it does in UK but at least there Max.
To the King!

Off with her head! The Trumpet’s head to Tower of London

So after a nice evening of drinks, food and laughter we arise on Monday morning for a full day of Trumpet Touristing. On the list was a trip to the Tower of London as we are devoted “The Tudors” fans and I will be honest, a chance to see the crowned jewels is pretty effin cool.  We awoke and I noticed that the morning paper was still in front of AJ’s room and could hear him snoring through the door so I called Pepe and D3’s room to see if they wanted to go touring. Sadly Pepe was suffering from a case of “bottle flu” and said he would have to get back to us later. Two seconds later, D3 rings our room saying she was going to put on the big girl panties and was going to muster through the pain and wanted to see if she could tag along. We of course said yes so off the Tube to the Tower of London.
Now for those who are planning a trip to London or Europe for that matter, you need to understand that you will do a lot of walking. I guessed that we probably walked 10 miles that day but of course we did have to “reward” ourselves on occasion with a pint but seriously, get ready to do some walking. The Tower was really neat and sadly I couldn’t snap any pictures of the Crowned Jewels or the Mace but let me tell you, when Queen Elizabeth does decide to step down and give power to Chuck, the crown he will wear for the coronation is quite heavy. Ole Chuck better do some neck exercises or he may break his neck because the crowns that we saw were huge!
After the tour and some lunch Mrs Trumpet decided to do some retail therapy. If you know anything about me (devilishly good looking, fit as a fiddle, able to hammer a 10 inch spike into bedrock with my schmeckle) you would know that I do fancy a good cigar from time to time. Thanks to the 1962 Trade embargo with Cuba, the cigars that are made in Cuba are illegal in the US. From time to time I have found some in our travels to Belize, Mexico and Caribbean but I found that the cigars are overpriced, dry as hell, and a lot are counterfeit. Some of my Cigar buddies have told me about the Humidor at Harrods department store and that I have to see this place. Well since we were in the country I begged asked Mrs Trumpet if we could make a side trip to Knightsbridge and she obliged.
Anyway enough with my banter, on to the pictures.
 Here is D3 with Pepe (You do see him don’t you?)
D3 and Pepe in the Tube
Tower Bridge

Tower of London from the street
Oh yeah, we blend
I love this country, I am a giant!
King Edwards Oratory in St. Thomas Tower

 What the hell is going on down there? They filming a Mentos commercial?
Stained Glass in The Lanthorn Tower
You don’t want to piss this dude off (outside the Crown Jewels)
Changing of the Guard
Sadly the only pic I have since the aforementioned dude gave me the stink eye
That isn’t a Mentos Commercial its a Muppet Movie!
Sadly there was a little boy standing at the barricade begging for Mrs Piggy to turn around. He was crushed and also wondered why the man to her right had his hand up her skirt too. 

I bet moving couches in this joint was a bitch
Tower Bridge
See what happens when you make a comment about the Royal Family’s Jewels?


Outside the Tower of London

A Purchase from Harrods (and it was fantastic)
 Another Purchase from Harrods (Look forward to smoking this little number on the Sunday of BBQ Fest with Jimmy Lee and Pepe

Harrods staff wasn’t thrilled when I said that I knew the Canadian and I get the “family discount”
English Mike’s company store inside Harrods
Caviar Display inside the Food Court at Harrods


The English and their proper warnings
Onto Brussels and Paris next!

Post Wedding & Day One in the Big Smoke

So when I last left you we were closing the bar at half past 3 when they ran out of Guinness, Ice, Stella and patience which was a good thing since we had a full day at Casa de Barns the next day. We awoke, well some of us awoke, some slept in till almost noon, and checked out of the Marwell and into the Solent. The Solent is rather close to Mike and Claire’s home and was easier to get to and from than at the Marwell. One thing that we did find out was that over in England they do not play with DUI and that is a good thing. They are very diligent over there and will even breathalyze people in the morning, my God if they did that tomorrow (today is the St Paddy’s Day Parade downtown) then 201 Poplar would be busting from the seams.
Mike and Claire have a wonderful house and is perfect for Mike to have that bar installed in the dining room just off the kitchen. Yeah Mrs B wasn’t too keen on AJ and my suggestion to install the bar with french doors off to the garden to give it an alfresco look. I think her comment was “Robo, you go out there and measure a shed at the back of the garden for you and your wonder twins bar.” Oh well we can’t help but try. Personally I think  that Bar 32 East sounds like a great pub’s name. 
After the Open house we went back to the Solent for some dinner and even Mr B joined us for some pints and laughs. We took off the next day to “The Big Smoke” as Mike calls it and had a good first day. I will divulge more in the pictures.

Mike’s Claire’s Garden – Notice the Football Net and the BBQ grill on the left, It makes me proud knowing that all of Benjie’s cooking techniques have rubbed off on Mike…sniff.
The Guinness are ice down for us to enjoy – What you don’t see the ice in the picture?  

Looks like the man with 3 first names, Handsome Dan had to take care of a different type of beverage. How was that Smirinoff Ice Dan?
I should have put this in the other Blog entry but here is Mike’s father Digger. No word if Mike’s sister is also bald.
Yep you can tell that this is the offspring of Jimmy Lee. Wee Fiona kicking it old school while having her evening bottle.  

Here is Jess enjoying her Scab (aka Black Pudding) with her dinner entree
And here is Handsome Dan digging out the 3 cubes of ice that was spilled on him by the previously mentioned Jess for making a comment about Polish heritage. Like we said Dan, if you mess this up we are keeping Jessica and you can stay at the flophouse on Madewood.
 Mike surprised us after the party by swinging by for a couple of pints. Here he is texting his lovely wife by saying “Honey I will be here for a couple more hours, I am helping Robo with his English to English Translator for their trip to London tomorrow.”
Kuddos to Claire for being a good sport while we were in his neck of the woods

We made it to London and Hey Look Kids, Big Ben, Parliament!
 The London Eye, with my fear of heights this was the closest I got to the damned thing.
Day One in the Big Smoke and we went to Camden Market for some Lunch and Beers. Little did we know but this is the Hippy/Midtown section of London so we felt right at home. More on that later.
 The Camden Locks, Seriously it was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and the temps were in the mid 40s which ment it was perfect beer drinking weather.
Here we are in “The Largest Pub in England” this place was HUGE and no there wasn’t any bagpipe music or Adelle being played over the speakers system. It was Death Metal! Kinda brought be back to my Ozzy Osborne, AC/DC, Iron Maiden Days
 The Bieb was playing that night in town and it is good to know that the English think about him as much as we do. We went to the ATM twice to make sure the little Wanker died a couple times.

Here is Pepe and D3 having some lunch. And by lunch I mean BEER!
 Hey Look kids, Big Ben and Parliament! Taken from the Jubilee Bridge as we headed over to a pub to meet Jess and Handsome Dan
More shots of the buildings on the River Thames
 The Building to the right is the MI5 building or for those who watch Bond Movies – Universal Exports
 Playing around on my camera this is County Hall which was next to our hotel – The Motel 6
Yeah we know Carbunkle, Big Ben!
More pics and commentary tomorrow, I got to get ready for Sir Elton John.

English Mike and Mrs B get married

Distance from Memphis TN to London Heathrow (LHR) – 4356 miles or 7011 km
Length of time to travel from London Heathrow (LHR) to Marwell Hotel in Hampshire UK – 1 hour 20 minutes
Amount of time one would stay up traveling 6 time zones to reach Marwell Hotel – roughly 36 hours
Attend the wedding of “English” Mike Barns and Claire Turner – Priceless
If you have followed this worthless dribble or a blog, you would have seen some past posts about English Mike, Bar 595’s Marketing Director, and some of our antics. 3 years back during MIM, Mike and I had a good heart to heart chat over a lot of some beers and he told me that this was the girl for him and he was going to one day marry her. I told Mike that when he sets the date, Carbunkle Trumpet would be in attendance front and center. Mike asked the question, Claire said yes, so off to London for the Trumpets and 8 others from the Americas! The wedding was to take place south of London near Claire and Mike’s home in Hampshire and let me tell you, Mike worked his arse off making arrangements for the 10 of us and we do appreciate his hard work.
Mike and Claire were to be married at half past 2 on Friday, March 1st but before that the boys had to have a traditional English Breakfast of Kegs and Eggs that Mike arranged. I mean seriously, he arranged van service to and from the breakfast, van service to another hotel, this man was a mad scientist with his planning. The wedding was a civil service and (if my memory serves me correctly) their wedding registrar went on file in the Town of Hampshire that has been going on since the 1800’s. Following the wedding we were treated to a sit down “Breakfast” with table settings, placards, a timetable that was followed to the T, and lots of wine and drink. After a brief room set we had the “evening” reception with again more food, photo booth and DJ. I like the way the English celebrate weddings, it went on till 3AM till the bar ran out of beer!
Now if you have ever seen the movie “Four Weddings and a Funeral” you have seen the part about the speeches and let me tell you, it was everything that you could imagine. Si and Mark (Mike’s Best Men) made sure that Mike “had the piss taken out of him” and even had a taped recording when Mike was on BBC1 radio for a contest. I won’t go into great detail but I can say that I have never laughed so hard in my life.
I will cut to the pictures now but I would like to thank Mike and Claire and their families and friends for making our visit so wonderful and we look forward to seeing you many more times in the future.
Departure Lounge in Detroit as we have some time to kill waiting for our flight across the pond
I have a feeling I won’t be seeing you for 10 days there Mr Vodka and Soda
Ever wondered what a 15 month old looks like after being up for 36 hours? Poor Fiona wasn’t feeling it on her first day in the UK

Mike is tickled to death that he didn’t have to fly 12 hours to come drink with the Americans
Pepe and AJ figuring out why they drive on the other side of the road

Notice on the Table the bottle of Bud heavy that someone bought, the born on date was over a year old. Also notice the 5 hour energy drink – That was a necessity after the first day of travel
The day of the wedding with a Proper English Breakfast and many pints of Guinness (aka Kegs and Eggs) I think we had a total of 30 at the table

Traditional English Morning Suit with Converse Chuck Taylor training shoes – Classic
Oh and the plaid you see to the left, that was a guy wearing his traditional Scottish dress for the wedding too!
Notice a bead of sweat running down the back of Mr Barns head right before the ceremony

The Americans in attendance, where are you Pepe? We notice D3 sitting by herself again
 You know it is a big deal when even AJ puts on a jacket and tie

I promise to love you and will forgive you for climbing to the second tier of the South Bluffs Fountain
When in the UK…


That bald head in the lower left is Mike’s father Digger, Thankfully his mum has a full head of hair
Mike’s comments to his best men Si and Mark before they Zung the heck out of him
 Si warming up the crowd before Mark goes in for the kill during the speeches

Baby Elvis makes an appearance with the Yanks
This is Alfie, Claire’s 10 year old son and he is a riot, we can’t wait to corrupt him in a couple years at MIMBBQ (yep Claire, we got the ok)
 Fiona running on fumes and playing peek a boo between daddy’s legs

And we are crashed out
On Mum’s legs in the middle of the Disco with the music blaring!
Bless Erin and Jimmy Lee they were busy with her
 Sorry ladies, we are both happily married to great taller women who put up with our silliness

The Yanks enjoying a few beverages
 Why yes that is the Invisible Double Dutch being performed during the reception
Pepe just found out that he has been footing our bar bill during our stay at the Marwell.
As you can see, Danielle is ignoring this information and is “buried” in her iFoam
Handsome Dan made a new friend and wants to bring him to NYC
Claire’s cousin was a hoot and we had fun hanging with him even though we had a hard time understanding his English Accent. Kind of like the same accent we hear from Mike when he calls us at midnight our time after a couple pints.
So, that is the first installment of Carbunkle takes on the UK. Again congrats to Mr and Mrs Barns, we are honoured (England spelling) to be there on your special day.

2012 in Review, The Mayans were Wrong Biotch!

So here we are, the last day of the year and I am sure there are a bunch of “The year in review” showcases playing on the TV today. Not to be outdone I figure I may as well throw my two cents in as well. For those of you who know me personally 2012 was to be the year of the Boobies, well thanks to a certain right boob that will have to wait till 2013 but that’s ok, we got time. In no particular order here are the highlights of 2012 for Carbunkle Trumpet;

  1. Completed my first 5K and lived to tell about it.
  2. Completed my first half marathon and bitched the entire 13.1 miles. By the way my left knee still isn’t right and I suspect a trip to the Orthopod will be in order.
  3. Made a trip down South to my second home in Belize and like always, had a blast visiting with friends and family.
  4. Attended the Royal Wedding of AJ in Mexico and really enjoyed the Mexican Riviera.
  5. Got to meet The King of Rock and Roll’s daughter thanks to Sara.
  6. Got to meet my man-crush Anthony “Big Balls” Bourdain.
  7. Oh yea, we have the pitter patter of little feet at the CBT household. Not a child mind you, another dog.
Silly Mayans, you may be helluva builders but you can’t make a decent Calender
Damn East German Judge only gave me a 9.0 and they even had to temporarily close the runway (behind the fence) due to the large amount of water splashed on it.
How many people do you know can call Elvis Daddy? Not like that you dirty minded people.
That Damned Alex’s Tavern shirt saw lots of sweat over the course of the year!
This Photo was taken right before Allison asked Tony “Does this napkin smell like Chloroform?”
They entered Tom Lee Park children and emerged Carnies!
Me and my favorite Illegal Alien (and Katz too)
That isn’t a medal, that is a badge of honor I tell you!
And to think that they also bought a time share too!
I do love her cancer free arse!
Laugh all you want to at my time, I finished that damn thing!
No that isn’t a rat, that is our new addition, Maya Trumpet
Merry New Year from the Trumpets!
So what is on the horizon for the Trumpets in 2013? Well we are heading to England for English Mike’s wedding, a trip to Chicago in a couple weeks to see Josh and Adri and as for the rest of 2013, we plan on winging it!

CBT the Half Marathon’er?

Half marathon
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
lf marathon is a road running event of 21.0975 kilometres (13.1094 mi).[1] It is half the distance of a marathon and usually run on roads. Participation in half marathons has grown steadily recently.[2] One of the main reasons for this is that it is a challenging distance, but does not require the same level of training that a marathon requires.[2] In 2008, Running USA reported that the half marathon is the fastest growing type of race.[2] A 2010 article by Universal Sports echoed the growing popularity of the distance.[2][3] New York Road RunnersCEO Mary Wittenberg and noted running author and coach Jeff Galloway have also commented on the popularity of the distance.[2] It is common for a half marathon event to be held concurrently with a marathon, using almost the same course with a late start, an early finish or shortcuts. The half marathon is also known as a 21K, 21.1K or 13.1 miles, although these values are rounded and not formally correct.
For those of you who have never trained, ran, or followed a half marathon this entry will probably read like a puppy getting scolded for peeing in the house i.e.; blah blah blah, Bad dog blah blah blah. Apologies to my two readers who follow my ramblings but since we are nearing the end of the Mayan calendar, I figured I might as well put this down on a computer screen.  Now recall back in February when Carbunkle competed in his first 5K and lived to tell about it? Well this is the finale in my series of Carbunkle Trumpet the road racer. Back in the middle of the summer when I was sans the 15 additional pounds that I am now sporting, I had a weak moment and signed up for the St Jude Half Marathon. At the time I was putting some good mileage on those pair of Adidas Costco specials that I purchased and I figured “What the hell, I can do a half marathon right?”
Now before you start envisioning some short thin blonde haired feckerwearing a pair of Hooter’s dolphin shorts and out there running like Forrest Gump, let me give you a brief history lesson. I knew very early on that I hated running! Back in grade school our PE teacher made us run around the rather large block at St Dominic/St Agnes, it was Danny Pombo and myself taking short cuts running through people back yards in that neighborhood to cut time. There was old Jim Mathis driving around in his Buick land yacht yelling at us when he would catch us emerging from the Drott’s back yard and this didn’t stop there. When I was in High School we would have to run the track for time and it was yours truly who would make any and every excuse not to run that day. You see I really did (and still do) hate running for no reason other than to avoid a viscous dog or to get my horse bet in before post time.
I blame the Mayans, the paint chips I ate as a child or peer pressure that convinced me to sign up for the half marathon but since I was signed up, I figured I couldn’t chicken out right? As all my friends who also signed up for the Half were starting training this past fall what was I doing? I was sitting on the porch with a Perdomo Cigar in my mouth and coming up with stupid “9lb 8oz Baby Jesus” sayings on my Facebook page. It was around Halloween that I decided to sell my BIB to someone who got shut out of the Half Marathon and I got shamed by a friend who wouldn’t let me quit so I decided I would brisk walk this sucker. How hard can that be?  Let me tell you, 13.1 miles is not the time to try to BS you way through something but thankfully I did it. 
First and foremost, my hat goes off to all the organizers, volunteers, Race Fans, and Police who pull this event off, this isn’t an easy task. To the “real” runners and competitors in the 5K, Half and full Marathon, you have my upmost respect because this isn’t for the faint of heart. Below is a brief summary of my race experience for your amusement because if you really think about it, the Mayans may be right because Carbunkle Trumpet completed his first Half Marathon!
Race Start – Talk about energy and such a good vibe! A half marathon is divided up into groups of Corrals. The First corral is for those who know what they are doing and as I found out on mile 3, they were done with the damn thing before I even got to St Jude’s campus.  By the way, I put myself in the last corral and was ok with that.
Miles 2 & 3 – Have traveled past my neighborhood and notice that my right foot is feeling a sharp pain in the 3rd, 4th & 5thMetatarsals. I have shed one of the pairs of socks and starting to think of an exit strategy.
Mile 4 – Run through the St Jude Campus. Talk about a burst of energy and a feeling that cannot be described…The staff, some patients and families line the street as you run/walk through the campus. It’s ok to cry, this reminds you why you signed up for this damned thing.
Mile 4.3 (as you exit the St Jude Campus) you know that painful feeling in your right foot? Yep it is back again and you return to asking yourself “Why did I sign up for this?”  This feeling also intensifies as you are leaving the safety of downtown Memphis and start heading into Midtown.
Miles 5 – 6 Now here is where I said “Yall go on, I will be back here with the slower people” to my friends who were keeping a pretty good pace. I am not going to lie, as you make each step you start think to yourself “I wonder if momma is up and do you think she will come get you in the car?” I am now enjoying a slight cramp in my left calf as I am walking in a way to avoid the pain in my right food.
Mile 7 – Here in a haze you now realize that you are halfway through this beast as you now see the leader of the Full Marathon and wonder if he is enjoying this as much as you are. 
Miles 8 – 9 – Running through Overton Park – Here I see some friends of mine who had no idea I was doing this. They were as amazed as I was that I had gotten this far. Oh and that slight cramp in the left calf, that sucker is now reminding me each and every step (you bastard)!
Miles 10 – 11 – As I am now on Poplar avenue I see the facial expressions of the Memphis drivers who forgot that today is the marathon and are enjoying gridlock traffic. I am reminded of years past when I also forgot and was pissed that I had to wait for a bunch of slow ass runners. Here I encounter one of my friends who were also with us at the start and he is feeling as crappy as I am. I guess the Mayans are right as misery loves company!
Mile 12 – Pure adrenaline is keeping us going. The legs feel like I am wearing cement shoes and all I want is for this damned thing to be over. We know that we are nearing the end but Downtown sure does look pretty far from where we are, is this race going to end?
Mile 13 – As we near Redbird stadium I am happy that I am wearing sunglasses as you can’t see the tears in my eyes because I really don’t enjoy this one bit. I don’t know whose bright idea it was “to jog into Redbird stadium” but that idea was short lived as my legs, feet and body decide to go into full cramp mode.
Finish Line – I did it! My biggest concern is not to fall out and start crying in front of all of the people that are cheering on the runners as they cross the finish line.
Exiting the baseball field – This is where the organizers went from hero’s in my book to “off the Carbunkle Trumpet Christmas card list.” You mean to tell me I have to climb the steps up to the mezzanine to exit the stadium?  Where is the friggin escalator?
Post Half Marathon Beers at Aldo’s Pizza Parlor – trying not to shotgun the beer to dull the pain we celebrate with some beers and I decide that I need a shower, many milligrams of ibuprofen and some down time in the Papa Mellor easy chair. I did it; I finished my first half marathon, granted my time was slightly better than the girl who did the half marathon in an orthopedic walking boot but I can scratch that off the list. 
1 week post-race – Yep I have done some serious soft tissue damage to my left knee. My right foot still is angry at me and you want to talk about chafing? There isn’t a bottle of Gold Bond big enough for me!

I would burn 3 gallons of gas if I drove this sucker and I am going to walk/jog it?
Proof that one does live to tell about it after you complete a half Marathon
No  Smart ass they didn’t have to use a calender to clock me,
It is a shame I won’t be buried, if I were I would ask that they put this on me as I lay in the casket!

So if the world does end on 12-21-12 at least I can say that I completed a half marathon! Don’t hold your breath to read about my next half marathon, I suspect that my running/brisk walking days are over!


Funny Hat Day goes to South Main

Imagine that you are driving in the South Main district this past Sunday. The weather is great, the Grizz were hosting the Miami heat later that afternoon,then you drive by The Double J Smokehouse and see a packed patio with a bunch of people wearing strange hats. What the Corn Bread Feck is going on you ask yourself? Did the loony bin not lock the gate? The circus in town? Nope it was the 7th annual Funny Hat Day celebration!  
This years FHD celebration we decided to change venues from the windows of the Flying Saucer and thanks to the staff at Double J, we enjoyed drink specials and were welcomed with open arms and hat racks. This year’s hats did not disappoint as we had some new ones and of course the original FHD veteran the Fuzzy Pink Pimp Hat.  Many thanks to the staff at the Double J and those who helped pull off another great Funny Hat Day.  
 Lord Helmet from Space balls? 

No that isn’t a white Run DMC wearing a Mardi Gras hat, that is our Philadelphia Eagle fan. More on him later. 

If you look over to the right you can see the original Fuzzy Pink Pimp Hat that our founder placed on his head 7 years ago.
Why so angry JL? It is Funny Hat Day, everyone should be happy on this day! 

Case in point, here comes Terrance wearing a hat that has some flowers that were previously on a funeral plot earlier in the day.
Somewhere in the Front Street Condos a child is missing his Halloween headgear.
Not sure where KC got her hat but we can be assured it didn’t match her outfit.
Insert Alice and Wonderland Joke here
The Monkey is judging you and also is in need of a shave
He makes this look easy!
Guess the Peabody Hotel bellhop is taking his Union break in South Main

Only thing that KM needs is some Orange Pants
Good to see that Shannon got out for FHD. I mean all she has been doing since May was laying on her butt. (Kidding SP, we love you and good to see you doing so well) 
No this isn’t the Museum Scene from The Thomas Crown Affair 
You recall my Mexico Post well AJ is a Philly fan and his lovely wife Mallory is a Cowboy’s fan. Today also marked the first meeting of their teams since they bought that joint timeshare and as you can see, someone isn’t happy! 
If you shoot a self portrait from above you can’t see all my double chins.
Oh and RAB, the pic that we took didn’t make it because it was blurry. I blame the red short wearer for the blurriness. 
Yep someone did not have a good Eagles/Cowboy game. 
Again, thanks to all those who attended and we will see you next year!

There was a hanging last night at Bar 595

Periodically I get asked what in the heck is Bar 595 from my check in’s on foursquare or if they see one of my 595 coozies, allow me to bring you up to date here. Anyway over the years I would find a particular funny/embarrassing pic of one of my friends who frequents the bar and would replace the movie pic with it. This has lead to many a “are you friggin kidding me, where did you find that pic” conversation when guests would see a new picture hanging in the bar. There have been some who bust my chops for not being hung in the “wall of shame fame” and there have been some who provide me with pictures but like Reagan said in that famous debate “I am paying for this microphone” so no dice.  Once you make the wall, well your drinks are free at Bar 595, and you get a free coozie and it is hard to come down unless you really piss us off but to date there have been no de-hanging’s.   I have even gotten help from complete strangers in finding good pictures of friends of ours. One was a friend of Jimmy Lee from back in the MySpace days and that pic still hangs on the wall to this day. On occasion we have stumbled on an even funnier picture of one of our friends so naturally we will replace it and keep the bar “fresh”.
So this past week I decided to fire up the ole printer and hang some new ones on the wall and since I post so infrequently on the blog, I would kill 2 birds with one stone. Without further adieu on to the pics;

The west wall and here you can see Bar 595 director of marketing, English Mike Barns jumping out of a perfectly good airplane with a 595 coozie on his arm

Here is the North Wall and as you can see Uma from Pulp Fiction, still plenty of space left there Mallory Horner so watch out!

The ole South Wall and here to the left of the Miter is our travel companion from NYC
Existing Member and yes that is the Big Nasty and it looks like he made some friends on a trip to NOLA during Southern Decadence
Like I said, when we find one funnier, we replace it

Close up of English Mike and we can’t wait to replace this with a pic from his wedding next March! (existing member)
Here is one of my Legal Defense team members – el Diablo in the flesh! (existing member)

Here is a pic of my Financial Advisor and former neighbor (existing member)
Behind the Speedo you can see our favorite St Louis tavern owner putting back her bathing suit bottom with our Belizean fishing guide. Missy for some reason Felipe always asks me how you are doing? (existing member)
And Now to the New/Picture swap Members of the Wall of shame Fame

 Kind of a grainy picture of Pepe from Mexico but that is probably a good thing since he is trained to protect and serve
 Congrats to my fellow Chef/Celebrity Stalker Allison for making the wall and for not dry humping Anthony Bourdain last night!
 He whines like a little bitch when his picture is posted on Social Media so here is a big ole smiley face for a fellow neighbor and good friend of ours
 Here is one half of the owners of our friends who happen to own a B&B down on that shitty little island that we call our second home.
(Note – she actually has never visited Bar 595 but this picture just makes me smile so down came a pic of the Sopranos with the agreement that she and our friends will come visit us)
And that’s it! Congrats to the newest members of the Wall of Shame and we look forward to sharing a cup of beer water with you in the future. And to our friends who are not enshrined on the wall, don’t worry your day/night is coming, just watch out for the flash!