I Am Fucking Tired of Political Crap

Pssst Hey Man….I will give you $40US for a roll of Roses Toilet Paper….

If you don’t know what I am talking about I apologize, it is a Belize thing. Now, if you have ever had the pleasure of wiping your behind with that particular brand of toilet paper you will know what I am talking about. Why is everyone hoarding Toilet Paper during a Pandemic? Says the man who is stockpiling Vodka and Maintenance Wine…..

I have had a bunch of people inquire about how things are going on here in New York with regards to COVID-19. Can I be honest, you know that feeling when Dave Brown, Tim Simpson or Jim Cantore has been hyping the fuck out of a storm and you can almost feel it come in? You aren’t sure if it’s going to be bad or a complete miss but you recall that feeling? Welcome to Thursday March 12th because that is where we are in now, aka,,,,we don’t have a clue.

Are we being cautious? Yes. Are we washing our hands a whole lot? Yes. Are we covering our mouth when we sneeze or cough? Yes. But what about all those other fuckers on the subway or on the street? Have you ever felt sick or been running a low grade fever yet went to work instead? Can you recall when Micheal Jordan played the playoff game with the Flu? That is what we are worried about. Well at least me, I know how I feel and should I go into work or not. It is the person to my left/right that is holding onto the subway pole that I wondering about.

From what I can report to you is that we are all being overly cautions. My Tour Bus Clients are a little on edge which is to be expected. Some are working from home right now and some are fearing of having to work from home and losing major in-store income. Again, we are just waiting to see what happens. Oh but can I add that we are all are still riding the Subway System. Which now apparently should be avoided at all costs. Go Figure.

Am I scared…….Bitch, I survived Memphis Ice Storm in 1994. I lived through Hurricane Elvis in 2003 and I am ready for whatever happens. Obviously, we live on the 38th floor which can be a struggle but we can always find solace somewhere close. I hear that the Russian has a new pad in the UES. Z(Squared) has booze in Manhattan, I can feel it! Peppers and Maria – I know where the spare key is at that now that Wantaugh Long Island house is vacant….

I peed at Harpos, I took a poop at Alex’s Tavern with John McCormack laughing at me. I peed at The Stage Stop, I went to Confetti, I even sat on the couch at the Purple Church.
This is what CBGB’s is for you non NYC Folks.
Yes people are staying home. This is the Union Street Platform at Rush Hour. Normally it is packed like a sardine can.
Are things kinda weird right now? Well I guess I have to now schlep my Diet Coke up to the Apartment when my Fresh Direct order will arrive.
You see that Blue Haze over Manhattan? That is Corona Bitches!
LET ME BE VERY CLEAR – I am not making fun of Mask wearing people or my row mate. I am pointing out that unless you put the mask on your face you are just being silly. Kind of like “Oh I can’t use a rubber because I can’t feel things…..”
This makes me smile when I see people call this virus “Fake News!” or “Its just the Democrats putting us down!” Guys when the World Health Organization speaks you need to fucking listen.
But I may have been drinking very close to this joint on Sunday.
Am I disappointed I won’t get to hear those Fooking Bagpipes on Tuesday….Yes. But lets be serious, is the world going to end if the parade doesn’t happen?

In Closing.

We will be fine, thankfully Geranium and I are both healthy and don’t have any respiratory issues. Again, let me be very clear, we are taking this virus very seriously much like the flu.

We lost brother Jay about 6 years ago and he was in his early 40’s so any virus isn’t a laughing matter. But if we do catch it, I assure you that we will be stuck at home in 500 square feet.

I just hope all of my fellow New Yorkers do the Same.

Be Safe Folks and let the Doctors and Health Organizations tell us what we need to do.

Strike up the Band We have lived on these Rocks for 3 years!

Wow! Another Year has come to pass and yet here I am still banging away on this laptop. I celebrate this milestone because I haven’t gotten hit by that crosstown bus or fallen ass over teacup down a bilco door. Sadly, I celebrate this 3rd birthday solo while right now Mary Louise is heading on a Ferry to another island down in Mexico with the MoHo’s. No I am not bitter about this one bit. I promise.

In her absence I have been writing this post in my head for a couple of days and I  have to say how humble I am that we are still plugging along in a city that could possibly eat us alive. I have always said that there are two things here in The Empire State that I always run out of; time and money. This year has been a whirlwind and I can’t believe it has been 3 years from when we rolled up to 1300 First Avenue and emptied our contents into the UES. This year there have been some major changes to our lives this year and l have always said that sometimes change is good.

In the past year some of our friends have also followed suit and made moves from familiar Memphis surroundings and dipped their toe into new cities and regions. I always tell them from our experiences that right now there may be tears of uncertainty but each day and week things will normalize and level out. I still look back and say to myself that if you told me 3 years and change that I would be living in New York and love each day of it I would have told you that you are crazy as hell. I am serious when I say that this was the best thing that we have done in our adult lives. The experiences and things that we have and continue to learn about have been amazing. Much like Anthony Bourdain told us on each show was that we need to explore and try out new things. Do the uncomfortable and you will be amazed at to what you learn and it will make you a richer person internally. I still miss that fucker. His story wasn’t finished.

People still ask me how I like living here I always tell them the same response. We love it and should have done this sooner. I am in no way dogging Memphis or our friends back there but Mary Louise and I always had an ‘explorer’ gene in us that was dying to get out. New York is a strange city and has a lot of people from many different walks of life. Much like a child we are always asking questions and seeking information. You know what we found out. They may be from a different country, have a different person that believe in or vote for but we are all children playing in the same sandbox and we better find a way to get along. Call me crazy but the first thing that I ask the yellow cab driver, after I tell them *in my best New York Accent*, is where they are from and “Tell me about yourself.” People love telling their story to strangers. There is a lot of pride in those words and I cherish each and every one.

While I sit here smoking a Perdomo stinking up my work laptop I recall all the things we did. They are in no particular order include;

  • Mary Louise completes and graduates with a MBA from NYU and this better complete her higher education quest. We don’t have any fucking room in closet for a Doctoral Robe and all that crap. (I am very proud of her for this)
  • Mary Louise takes a new job and a whole bunch of new responsibilities that I don’t doubt she will do great in.
  • Made a trip to Philly and got me an authentic Cheesesteak.
  • We moved from the Upper East Side to the Gritty Hipster streets of Downtown Brooklyn. That wasn’t easy folks, oh and moving sucks here in New York City.
  • One would think that downsizing from 1300 square feet to 535 square feet would be easy but try to move to another studio that is configured differently. Thankfully Ba made a trip to Brooklyn and helped us with the move.
  • I made Senior at my work so I am now a Senior Sales Rep for selling tourists tickets on those double decker buses.
  • We made a trip to Maine for Lobster.
  • We made a trip to the Riviera Maya of Mexico for a work counterparts wedding and made a one night trip over to Isla Mujeres in December.
  • Made a trip back home for Christmas and got to see our friends and family.
  • Had to check in on Kitty down in Belize in February and to get warmed up from the 4 Nor’easters we had this past winter.
  • Were honored to become Godparents for Willimena in April and now have another one who will possibly wipe our asses when we get older.
  • Reconnected with Vivian Longstreet and Stone and enjoyed a great weekend with them Upstate.
  • Had to make yet another trip to Mexico and insure that RJ and Mallory didn’t have tres children. (still unknown but we will see in 9 months if that was a success)
  • Mary Louise made a trip to The Hamptons while I smoked meat on Katonah Avenue in the Bronx.
  • Mary Louise currently is down in Mexico right now with the MoHo’s and will return on Monday.

Yep we had a blast on this island and on a couple other islands. Rather than collect stuff we have decided to collect memories and passport stamps. I am nearing 1000 words and will end with a quote that I always love. “Travel is the only thing that you buy that makes you richer”

IMG_2489Much like Black Eyed Peas and Greens on New Years day if you celebrate New Years eve wearing a Bowler hat you will have good luck. *taken 2 blocks from Times Square on NYE

IMG_1883New York Food and Wine Festival Event

IMG_1641Pipes and Drums Prom. Who knew that Mary Louise and Lady Barrister wore the same color dress.

IMG_0059Madison Square Garden Event – here Mary Louise is saying “W.T.C.B.F. Carbunkle Trumpet, LZ goes to all the good shows and you take my ass to a Collegiate Hockey match? You better step up your game and start bogarting the good tickets too!”

IMG_2151Funny I don’t hear her bitching about this one. Aboard the USS Intrepid for the Marine Corp’s Birthday Celebration

IMG_3427Willimena is going to be a handful I can already tell.

IMG_4024 (1)Who has 2 thumbs and completes her MBA from NYU in 2 years while working full time and interviews for a new job. This one! Seriously though. This is it for higher level education.

IMG_2821Right before we move out of the UES they open a bonafide Queso Mexican Restaurant Joint and we find a great Cajun place too! Thank God we have the Q Train!

IMG_3128Boerum Hill is pretty cool. If you walk across the street from our joint you are in Boerum Hill neighborhood. If you make a left and walk across Flatbush you are in Fort Greene. You walk 3 more blocks and you are in Park Slope. Confused yet?

IMG_1262So glad to see Kitty when she made a trip up to the Big Apple.

IMG_0501This is the face of a woman who is about to walk out into a friggin Northeast Nor’easter. 50 MPH Winds with below windchill temps and Snow. I ‘worked from home’ that day!

IMG_8491And here was the first pic when we moved in. 3 years later and we are still here and I may or may not be a liberal democrat.

Thanks for reading and for following this worthless dribble. Now pull that band-aid off and go out and make yourself richer and happy 3rd Anniversary to us!

Not much into words this week

I have been busy with all kinds of stuff going on. Here are some pictures that I have had in my iFoam.

img_0175S/O to my favorite AZ Barrister and St. Jude Mad Scientist! I told them that I knew you but they didn’t let me inside to pee.

img_0177Momma has been craving Taco Bell late night. I found this one way way up in the Upper East Side/Harlem.

img_0180Note to those who dine at the fancy joints in the Time Warner Building on Columbus Circle. This joint has ice cold Bud Lights that are cheaper than the meal that you just spent on.

img_0190I never really paid much attention to this multi use building on 3rd and 71st street before. They have been doing a ton of remodeling to it. Looks pretty cool at night.

img_0191This is what happens when you have an OCD person who lives in 535 Square Feet. Now all of our book bags have a home.

img_0204They always say that you should never venture onto the tracks to get lost items. Some poor bastard lost his iFoam.

img_0205Marley Spoon’s Version of Cabbage Soup with Pork. This was good. I added enough hot sauce to it to make my head sweat and my butt burn the next day.

img_0202Why are you bringing down the suitcases? Who has us this weekend? Is it Caroline’s boyfriend? Tater Chip Chelle? Carla or Alyssa? Damnit Man!

I am going to be home this weekend so I will have some stuff to work on.