I smell a contest

The “Don’t be that Guy/Gal” Guide to The World Championship Barbeque Cooking Contest

I post this every year. Yet someone ‘drinks his lunch’ at BBQ fest and they ‘pull a smoothie’ and isn’t heard from for almost a full day. The list from last year is right Here and if you plan on heading down there please read them. Now for this year I am going to change it up a tad. You see, I celebrate the fact that I am not on a team. It isn’t that I don’t like comradery and some good ball busting (I do that at the Cigar Inn enough) but I don’t like the idea of burning a week of vacation to work my ass off. Then there is always a chance I could lose a friendship over something silly and worrying if the team is going to remain in the black isn’t for me.

The dichotomy of a BBQ Team is a very fragile one. You have some people who want nothing to do with the cooking contest except for drinking for a solid week. You have some who are serious in the competition. Those are the ones who are traveling across the region each weekend and normally are not there so much for the party but for the competition. Normally in a given week there will be a blow up in the tent. I saw them numerous times when I worked for MIM some 7 years ago. My parents were original member of “Boss Pit” one of the first double decker rigs down there and a drunken argument lead to them leaving the team. Sadly I have seen teams disband because of the things that go on down on the banks of the river.

Oh don’t worry, the only thing that disbands are the members. The team name probably will go on but members move from team to team. My parents left BBQ Fest and moved it over to Italian Fest at Holy Rosary and it was a smaller contest. That being said, here is the list for those who are visiting BBQ Fest so that you don’t become “That Guy/Girl”;

  1. Don’t be a dick and try to BS your way into a booth if you are not invited. There are 250 teams, if you want to learn or see the interior of a booth I suggest visiting during the day either Thursday or Friday when it isn’t busy. When the sun goes down is not the time to get BBQ 101.
  2. If you see a tip jar for the team throw a couple bucks in the damn thing. Those Bud lights didn’t grow in Tom Lee Park and someone picked them fresh that morning. This also applies to the bartender who may get a split of the jar and heckles people to give money. When Shobo went one year, she carried her own wine in the park and got heckled for getting a cup of ice because she put a 5 in the tip jar.
  3. Don’t be an ass. It happens every year. The Germantown housewife who puts on her push up bra to bring the cans together gets silly on moonshine. She flirts with someone in the booth and they think that the “Awkward Touch” sign has been turned on in a booth. Next thing happens someone gets hauled out of the booth by an off duty cop and people are pissed.
  4. Friends of Friends don’t invite their own friends – This one just slays me to no end. There are 250 cocktail parties going on at the same time in Tom Lee Park. While you are walking to the tent that you are invited to you hear someone yell your name. This is a friend of yours who you haven’t seen in years but “We keep up on Facebook” and they are in a booth that you don’t know. Don’t be that “guy/gal” and ask them if they can get you in the invited party. It makes it weird for everyone.
  5. If you do happen to over indulge in refreshing drink – Don’t drive, wait it out for the 3 hours to get an Uber or cab. Then again I hear that T.O.D.D. is in town and he has a suite at the South’s Grand Hotel.

 

10384819_10152441353909170_1252489496298450880_nGoes without saying

Have fun and of course remember the password “Joe said he needs me to go get charcoal”

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Many thanks to the Asian Firefighter

We are heading over to Atlantic City this weekend for a BBQ contest. After work yesterday I made the trip up to Woodlawn to help my teammate, J.L., pack and also acquire the 1000 things you need for a contest. The first stop was Restaurant Depot because we needed institutional quantities and some specialty items not found in grocery stores. Thankfully all of the Restaurant Depots are laid out in the same format so one can navigate the store.  We were having difficulty finding an ingredient so I found a R.D. employee and the exchange went like this;

Me – “Excuse me, do you know what aisle the Duck Fat is located on?”

Middle Eastern R.D. employee (in moderate broken English) – “I am sorry, what you say? What you looking for?”

Me – “Duck fat, it should be frozen and in a quart container.”

R.D. employee – “What use for?”

Me – “It’s for cooking, it is considered a cooking agent like frying oil or lard but it is kept frozen.”

R.D. – “I no understand, what is again?”

It was here where my friend J.L. interrupts and chimes in – “Hey pal (to the R.D. employee) you need me to translate for him? I realize he is from the south and doesn’t speak like us New Yorkers!”

It is now that the R.D. employee is visibly laughing at me.

Add to the list that New York doesn’t have Duck Fat or Pancho’s cheese dip.

 We haven’t seen the annoying neighbor in a couple days and ‘somehow’ we have beef ribs. That is 3yo Fee-Fee’s hand and arm to give them scale.  

 Fee-Fee enjoying showing scale. Seriously I don’t know if they will fit on the smoker!

  Yep, they are ‘that big’

  Waiting on the Metro North at the Woodlawn Station


Riding to Grand Central Station

Keep it light and I am sure to have a couple posts about this past weekend. Have a good weekend! 

   
  

Week one of Festivus Begins!

As we rolled into the start of Memphis Festivus I had to make a ‘small’ donation to the Tax man and we also had to celebrate the nephew’s 6th birthday before pronto pups were to be eaten. The nephew got a fort/swing set that is bigger than my entire yard but is perfectly acceptable out in Breederville/High Point Terrace. We hung out there on Thursday night instead of the roof top and then did the weekend up in grand style with the Redbirds game, Wing Fest and with the already blogged Rajun Cajun.
Friday night was great (except for the score) and the fireworks were a welcome start to a 7 week bladder buster, liver abuser, lipitor taking festival schedule. The weekend was great and rather than the traditional Musicfest rain we had great weather with temps in the mid 70’s to 80’s. Saturday we rolled down KC as she just had some surgery and was in a wheel chair and it wasn’t as bad as one would think. We got down to the Wing festival and it was a hoppin joint with a great crowd.

Oh and it was very nice to meet (in real life) some fellow Tweeters and yes I have to agree that Leggings are not pants and I am sure that I will run into y’all again very soon.

Oh thanks younger sister for getting the nephew a squirt gun too!
Dude, you do it and I promise you will remain the same height and have bad stutter too!

Handsome Ricky (the nephew named the cat) does not know what think of a 17 year old tiny toy poodle who is rolled up like a burrito. Old Veteran may be blind, sleep 95% of the time but she is happy and has been with us a long time.

Y’all need to hurry the hell up and finish that HB song ok?

I miss living in the Core downtown

Not a bad seat in Auto Zone Park

The South’s Grand Hotel

Whatever you do do not light a match right now.

Aunt Terry (I can call him that, I have known him since ’93) you are not going to believe this but there is a damned Chicken fixin to cross the road!

See I told you! I still don’t know why it crossed the road (except it may have had to use the porta potty)

Aunt Terry getting in the fun

Wait I know that chicken and the lady in the peacock mask too!

(I have to say it)
Look someone is about to choke the chicken!

Here we have a picture of BC taking a picture of RS and a baby at Wing fest

“Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh it looks good on you AB!”
Glad I only have 3 readers and she isn’t one of them or she would smack me!
Katie, I don’t care if you just had hip surgery and a fall on it may make you break it. That girl over there needs medical attention and a ride in your wheel chair!

Even PR and WB were afraid of the Woolly Mammoth

I feel like Paul R after taking this picture (feel free to smack me RS)

You have to love the Ques Brother BBQ team – not only do they provide free food and beer but they also give out free toddlers too!
FH – “What do you think, you want to keep her?”
SB – “I don’t know do you think we can teach her to use the litter box like the cat does?”
Something is morally wrong here as the Tarot card lady is getting her 2X4 Bud heavy drink on you know?

That is a damned shame you know?!!!!!
See you at the Zombie fest!
TTK!

Week one of Festivus Begins!

As we rolled into the start of Memphis Festivus I had to make a ‘small’ donation to the Tax man and we also had to celebrate the nephew’s 6th birthday before pronto pups were to be eaten. The nephew got a fort/swing set that is bigger than my entire yard but is perfectly acceptable out in Breederville/High Point Terrace. We hung out there on Thursday night instead of the roof top and then did the weekend up in grand style with the Redbirds game, Wing Fest and with the already blogged Rajun Cajun.
Friday night was great (except for the score) and the fireworks were a welcome start to a 7 week bladder buster, liver abuser, lipitor taking festival schedule. The weekend was great and rather than the traditional Musicfest rain we had great weather with temps in the mid 70’s to 80’s. Saturday we rolled down KC as she just had some surgery and was in a wheel chair and it wasn’t as bad as one would think. We got down to the Wing festival and it was a hoppin joint with a great crowd.

Oh and it was very nice to meet (in real life) some fellow Tweeters and yes I have to agree that Leggings are not pants and I am sure that I will run into y’all again very soon.

Oh thanks younger sister for getting the nephew a squirt gun too!
Dude, you do it and I promise you will remain the same height and have bad stutter too!

Handsome Ricky (the nephew named the cat) does not know what think of a 17 year old tiny toy poodle who is rolled up like a burrito. Old Veteran may be blind, sleep 95% of the time but she is happy and has been with us a long time.

Y’all need to hurry the hell up and finish that HB song ok?

I miss living in the Core downtown

Not a bad seat in Auto Zone Park

The South’s Grand Hotel

Whatever you do do not light a match right now.

Aunt Terry (I can call him that, I have known him since ’93) you are not going to believe this but there is a damned Chicken fixin to cross the road!

See I told you! I still don’t know why it crossed the road (except it may have had to use the porta potty)

Aunt Terry getting in the fun

Wait I know that chicken and the lady in the peacock mask too!

(I have to say it)
Look someone is about to choke the chicken!

Here we have a picture of BC taking a picture of RS and a baby at Wing fest

“Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh it looks good on you AB!”
Glad I only have 3 readers and she isn’t one of them or she would smack me!
Katie, I don’t care if you just had hip surgery and a fall on it may make you break it. That girl over there needs medical attention and a ride in your wheel chair!

Even PR and WB were afraid of the Woolly Mammoth

I feel like Paul R after taking this picture (feel free to smack me RS)

You have to love the Ques Brother BBQ team – not only do they provide free food and beer but they also give out free toddlers too!
FH – “What do you think, you want to keep her?”
SB – “I don’t know do you think we can teach her to use the litter box like the cat does?”
Something is morally wrong here as the Tarot card lady is getting her 2X4 Bud heavy drink on you know?

That is a damned shame you know?!!!!!
See you at the Zombie fest!
TTK!

What do you do when you add 5 apple knockers and 1 authentic Cajun together?

You get one hell of a Roux and even a better Gumbo!
A couple of years ago a group of us were sitting around a smoker drinking some ‘frosty beverages’ my good friend WW asked me if I would like to join his band of misfit Gumbo cookers. I kicked it around as I am a little hesitant in joining cooking teams as I have seen many a good friendship ruined over a smoker, boiling pot of noodles and life is too short. The Italian fest team that I am on is actually a second take of an old BBQ team that split when I was 16 so I am a fan of preserving friendships rather than getting pissed at someone because ‘their’ guest pissed off ‘someones wife’. Anyway I told brother WW that yes I would accept the invitation as I really have not hung out with him that much and it was a one day event that didn’t require vacation days from work and it was a small team that I am already good friends with.
The Gumbo cooking contest is a fund raiser event for Porter-Leath and occurs downtown (another bonus) that occurs during their Rajun Cajun festival. In years past we would convene on Kitchen 595 the night before to prep, chop, make a gumbo to serve to our friends and basically hang out and visit. This year Brother WW made us some crawfish etouffee to snack on as we chopped, peeled shrimp and busted each others balls and let me tell ya, Mrs CBT loves that night because she can kick back and watch a bunch of men chop onions and make her dinner.
I will leave you with the pictures but we came in 5th this year, had a blast hanging out with everyone, it didn’t rain and all of our team members showed up on time without car problems!

As you can see KC is on point making sure that all the onions, celery and bell pepper’s are chopped to the exact size.
Hey what is that guy in the middle doing? Oh he must be conducting quality control for that ‘diet coke’ he is drinking.

Pretty much WW gets to sit and chill as SP is chopping off his finger into the onions.

Tough work for a pimp you know

What is significant about this picture?
Brother CC showed on time and without car problems like last year.
In his defense some little bastards kids broke into his truck and lifted 4 cases of beer bottled water that we were going to drink on the day of the festival the night before.
Currently we are missing KC in the group picture as she was chilling at her house before the festival started.
I mean we may be arseholes but who is going to make a woman who had an ingrown toenail surgery a couple days prior hoof it up and down the trolley tracks.
I had 3 jobs for the day according to WW
  1. set up WW’s Mis en Place
  2. Be official timekeeper (notice that obnoxious orange watch I had on)
  3. Make sure that I document people wearing clothes that they obviously did not look into the mirror before they left for the festival. (Next post coming up tomorrow)

WW – “Um CBT did you remember to load the butane canisters?”

CBT – “Shit I had 4 to do today! Be right back!”

Here is where I realize that WW isn’t actually Cajun but he stayed at a Holiday Inn Select before.
Side Note – The team next to us were a group of chefs from L’Ecole_Culinaire_Memphis and as WW and I were watching some knife skills that rivaled my ‘Man Crush” Tony Bourdain we were in trouble.
It all starts with Oil and Flour….

Heat and stir that sucker till you get some brown sugar looking love!

Add the onions (that SP didn’t make as pretty as the Chefs did) and the pot is getting happy!

If you have that new iPad you can add the ‘scratch and sniff’ option and smell the love

A Savoir-Faire & the Lagniappe Boys team prayer over the pot of Gumbo for good luck!

Be honest it makes you a little moist looking at that doesn’t it?

Like I told you, WW and I had major Chubbies over the knife skills the team of Chefs had!
This is WW in their tent joking around.

Sure WW you chopped all of that and I have on boxer shorts and not a pink thong!

See what I mean? They made fast work on a 10# bag of onions and celery and red peppers too!

WW taking a break from the first round of turn in.
It is good to be the king you know?

Inside the tent all of our other neighbor cooking teams (20 in all)

Taking one from WW.
It is good to be the king
I got to hang with a fellow tweeter RS during the down time (that kind of sounds bad doesn’t it?)
Someone get JK off of the trolley tracks, another trolley is coming

WW about to “Do some of that Voodoo that He do oh so well” for the finals
No wait he actually is peeing in the turn in cups.

[ Insert Caddy Shack Movie quote here]

Turn in for the Finals and our 5th place award!

Look who got out of bed and hung with us on a beautiful afternoon?

Here is WW being interviewed by MD about the night before when he stayed at Casa De CBT.

Oh I bet the folks at Autozone hate the day after the crawfish festival.

WW thanks for a great weekend and we look forward to next year!
AaaaaaaaaaaHhhhhhhhhhhhhEeeeeeeeeeee!
Now if you are asking yourself “Wait you mean CBT isn’t going to issue any fashion citations today?” Tune in tomorrow!
TTK!

I simply bow to the master and the boss of the master!

After I made my last post I was expecting some ‘choice’ words from my brothers and sisters from other mothers but yet my friends up in MN raised the bar on me. The following day I get this email that simply read (something to the effect of) “this is what we had” and had a link attached.

I am humbled Ruthie and Chunky, you win this week but stay tuned for next week!

TTK!