Hope everyone had a great 3 day weekend. Hope that everyone still has all 10 fingers and 10 toes. Saw a lot of stupid people on Tik Tok and posting on Instagram. Do we need to call your mommas and grand mommas on you?
Anyway we stayed in didn’t do jack shit. Kinda like we do all the time. I hung some pictures and smoke some cigars but that was pretty much it.
Here are some pictures of the past weekend and week.
Have a good week folks and please wear a mask and if you can “stay inside”
There is a common misconception about the neighborhoods here in York. People think that these neighborhoods are huge when some can only be a city block.
UES, UWS, FiDi, SoHo, these are all well known neighborhoods on Manhattan. When I would tell people I lived in the UES which is true but we were actually living in the Lennox Hill neighborhood. Do you actually know where this in Manhattan? So I kept it simple.
When we moved to Downtown Brooklyn it was the same. Where our address was if I walked across the street I was in Boerum Hill, I cross Flatbush and I was in Fort Greene, two blocks away and I was in Cobble Hill.
So here in Manhattan we have the same neighborhood shrinkage. The Diamond District is only a long block long. The Flower District is maybe a short block long. Little Italy is basically one street now.
So when we landed on W37th we were between 9th and 10th avenues. The Leasing agent said we were in Midtown West. That is technically right but if I walk a block West I am in Hudson Yards. I walk one block East and I am the Garment District. The Fire Station that is behind our building boasts they are Hell’s Kitchen’s Finest. Then if I walk 5 South I am in Chelsea.
So Maria, what is it? Where the Hell Do we Live and in what neighborhood?
So at the young age of 50 I have decided to go back to school. No, I am not going to follow in the footsteps of Geranium and get my MBA from NYU. I am going way back to the 7th grade. You see I found a really good teacher and he teaches me history every morning.
Some of you have been asking me why I am not posting this week and have even abandoned Cindy with the jokes. I don’t really have much material as we are a week away from our move and nobody wants to see boxes. We have postponed our trips to see Brendan at the Commissioner in an effort to stay safe and right now isn’t the time to be venturing out.
The reason I have stopped with FB is that the toxicity on this is over the top there. When exactly did a platform that we were originally playing Farmville/Mob Wars and poking people turn into the largest misinformation vehicle? Anyway I gave it up the other day and found that my mental health improved greatly. Tic Tock is where it is at now.
So let me tell you about my new History Teacher. 6’9″ IV teaches at one of the schools in Memphis. He must have been doing this thing where he would on his zoom calls give historical information about the current date and then go through the famous birthdays to end with his student’s birthdays. School ended last week in Memphis so since he is still quarantining at home with his wife and two boys he moved this daily practice over to Instagram.
I caught the first of June “Day in history” and what 6’9″ IV said touched me deeply. He spoke about what was going on in the world with Racial Injustice and he mentioned his most favorite quote from Harper Lee’s “To Kill A Mockingbird”
6’9″ IV then mentioned that right now is the time to stop & listen and put ourselves in other peoples shoes. We are all quick to give our opinion but we should stop, listen and educate ourselves. I don’t have the answers nor do I think that anyone has, but I am willing to listen. I am willing to try to comprehend what someone else is going through and together try to figure out how to make it better.
Not going to lie one bit – There are some deep scars forming here in New York but we can start the healing while things are still smoldering. The first thing starts with using those two ears more than that one mouth and being kind to someone else.
So now each day when 6’9″ IV posts a new Day in History/Birthday’s he is also going to post resources that you can read, watch or listen to learn more. This is to help people understand the experiences that African Americans and this country. That is what I am going to start doing. Till then you will see me on Instagram.
So that’s it folks.
And thank you to Will for allowing me to post what you are doing. Sorry to put you on the spot but you are a fantastic teacher. Those current and past students are so lucky to have you. And by the way I hated History with a passion!
To my dozen readers of this dribble – If you would like to know 6’9″ IV’s Instagram address message me and I can give it to you. It’s some good stuff.
Yeah, talk about some crazy stuff but hey, we have already paddled out on the surfboard some 4 3/4 years ago when we moved here. Why not keep the dream alive.
Back Story – When we got the offer and made the decision to move up here almost 5 years ago we sought council from The Murphranks. They both told us that we needed to prioritize the following items;
Be as Close to Public Transportation (Subway, Bus, Regional Lite Rail)
Avoid at all costs any type of a Pre-War Walk Up
I am sure there are more but I those two have burned some good Brain Cells in the short time we have been living here.
First Apartment on First Avenue was a dream now looking back. It was part of the Hospital so we didn’t have to hunt for a place to live and it was another stress item we didn’t have to worry about. It was perfect except for the fact that I had to walk about 15 minutes to and from each day to get the 6 Train at 68/Lexington. I did this for about 17 months and let me tell you it sucked. That all changed when the Q Train opened up on January 1, 2017. Ironically we ran into ole Andrew that morning but I digress.
First Apartment had the following things that we were growing accustomed to and it because a priority;
Doorman Building – Not so much to open your door but to know that if the front door didn’t shut behind another resident meant it was a safety/security issue.
Package Room – This is a HUGE problem when people BC (Before Covid-19) would have to have signatures on deliveries. People in the Package Room would sign for our shit
Elevator Banks that would accommodate the number of residents.
Closeness to a Grocery Store – Right Across the Street
Closeness to bars – This isn’t so much of a good thing.
Laundry in Building – Who wants to schlep stuff
So when Geranium and I decided to move from the UES place we looked at a couple of places or more areas. We decided on Downtown Brooklyn for a couple of reasons as once again our priorities were changing. She was going to be on the road more so I needed more amenities to keep my sanity. I mean we looked at Fidi (No Grocery Store), Battery Park City (bitch of a walk to one subway line) and Murray Hill (I wasn’t a fan for some reason)
What our new priorities were included;
Ability to have someone swing by and get keys from the front desk to walk the Monkey Heads and leave keys for our cousin.
Subway Options – I had over 16 different lines I could choose from to get into the city.
Needed an Outdoor space or place for me to go work in the building.
Exercise and Possible instructed classes that we could join.
Washer/Dryer in Unit – Well that is now a bonus
Roof Terrace and Grilling Pavilions
Closeness to Murphranks (yeah we kind of like drinking with you)
Ease of getting to all 3 airports for Geranium. She can actually get to EWR, JFK, LGA in about an hour from our location.
Bomb Dot Com View of Manhattan – Full disclosure – I signed the lease on this joint before Geranium did because it had a killer view of the Empire State and Manhattan.
Then COVID-19 Hit in early March.
So our lease is up in July and the leasing company wanted to know if we wanted to sign a 1 year or 2 year lease. Of course with a nice little additional percentage on the lease. I am not one to shit on people but they wouldn’t let us go month to month so we are off like a Prom Dress. Just so we are clear – the Front Desk and Maintenance Staff – we love each and everyone of you. But the management/ownership company not so much.
So what are our new Priorities and what priority is now been relegated to the bottom of the list you ask? God Bless Geranium because she found us a place on West 39th Between 9/10 Avenues I think in 2 days. The location is considered Midtown West/Hudson Yards as it is nestled north of Chelsea, South of Hells Kitchen and West of The Garment District.
So here are our New COVID-19 priorities now and what doesn’t really matter so much now;
Outdoor space – No, it is not so that I can smoke cigars, I don’t think they are allowed on balconies anyway. We need to air out and get sun.
Smaller Building/Less Floors/Footprint – They only allow 2 people in our elevator now. We have 3 elevators dedicated to floors 30 – 55 and you do the math. Oh and there are times when the door opens I can see the fear in people’s eyes when I want to enter with Maya. Current wait time is about 10 minutes during peak times. And on the day I am writing this elevator #3 is down….again.
Neighborhood Residential Density Footprint – Where we are in Downtown Brooklyn we have tiny sidewalks. We also have tons of residential high rises and the Brownstones from Boerum Hill. Sadly we have to give up the sidewalks to the kids. Where we are going according to Mr. 3 First Names is very quiet.
Washer/Dryer in Suite – Absolutely now!
Grocery Store/Pharmacy Nearby – We live above the same grocery store I visit once a week 4 blocks away. Haven’t figured out where the CVS is but I am happy about the closness of my grocery store. Having it across the street in the UES was paramount.
Not a Priority at this Time (For obvious reasons)
Closeness to the Subways – That’s a big ole nope. The friggin NYSE told their members that they would not be allowed to take public transportation if they were going to be on the floor until a vaccine is created. The New York Stock Exchange folks…..
Amenities/Common Space – Yeah why am I going to pay 3% more at our current place to not use it?
Nearby Bars/Restaurants – We ain’t going anywhere for a while folks. And any New Yorker is stupid to think we are going back to what it was before. At least till we get some type of handle on this virus.
Commute to the office – I am actually now the only rep for the Double Decker Bus Company who lives closest to our office at 37 and 7th Avenue. I ain’t going there….
Close to stuff – We are not too far from Penn Station and Madison Square Garden now. Like we will there anytime soon.
I know I rambled but actually I have some folks who are also in the same boat as us and I wanted to verbalize how priorities have shifted for us. We are very excited for this new place. So is Maya, she is so over having to pee at 16 Sycamore Park. Also her boyfriend George is gone because our current building did her mom dirty too..
If you are not on the book of Face this entry is going to be somewhat of a boring post. You see many moons ago for lent one year I decided that I would give up good jokes and post each day a ‘dad’ joke. A number of years ago my friend Cindy V would also join in and it started as a contest on who could post the worst/groaner jokes. This year we started back on the jokes and then COVID-19 happened and we all had to shelter in place. Traditionally when Easter happens Cindy and I ease up and we stop polluting your timeline with our jokes. Well some of you messaged me and Cindy asking if we would press on. Then a couple of weeks Cindy had to go to the mainland for a couple days at the hospital. Personally I can’t believe that she got a boob job during the middle of a pandemic. But to each his own. While Cindy was away I had some of my friends fill in for her and post on her behalf.
Naturally some of my friends have inquired as to who in the bloody hell is Cindy V? I also have noticed some extra friend requests from people on the island. Since I am going to tag Cindy on this post we both took a question and Answer Survey.
So without Further Adieu I present Tink’s Mom.
Who are you – Cindy V. a.k.a. Tinker’s mum. Where were you born – Bournemouth in the UK. Where all have you lived – United Kingdom, Monaco, France, Egypt, Mexico, Belize
How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – 37 – I had to get an alphabetical list up on google. Do you know how many times I got interrupted during that exercise? Where are you currently sheltering in place – North San Pedro, Belize. It’s hot, humid, remote and the power keeps cutting out.
Tell me about your family – The other half is The Commodore (that isn’t his real name even though he thinks it is). I have 2 geriatric monochromatic pets, Molly Polly the most evil old lady dog ever and a fat cat with half a tail called Basil. He was named after my favourite football player, Basile Boli. And a very tall 7.5 year old evil genius child – ask her to do her evil laugh, we’re not joking…. What do you do for a living – A lot. I exhaust my friends and family.
How did you meet Carbunkle Trumpet – Clueless but it probably involves Tacogirl. Most of the trouble in my life involves Tacogirl. Where would you rather be sheltering in place – In a pub.
This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – A quick check in with the family (UK and France) and then off to Asia. What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – my savings.
What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – My daughter break her wrist really chuffing badly and watching her bravery and resilliance. She is a rock star but man can she scream really loudly. Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Who cares as long as there’s some close to hand.
We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – I watched Tiger King. What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – Fresh artichoke carpaccio made by my brother, in the upper garden next to the pool in Peillon.
Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – My friend D. Feathers (name changed) for giving us non-stop help when we ran dry of booze, when we broke our wrist, when we lacerated our foot (man can I scream really loudly too), when we were forced into another 2 week strict quarantine further to medevac, for bringing us shopping, for forcing her friend into being our gopher and standing in lines when we weren’t allowed to, and the rest, and the rest. She has ordered me to stop saying thank you or she’ll stop helping. Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – It’s too hot for any clothes let alone undies.
Who are you – John Robo/Carbunkle Trumpet
Where were you born – Hospital of course….Oh Memphis TN in hospital that is now part of St. Jude Children’s research hospital.
Where all have you lived – Memphis, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Downtown Memphis (It really is two different places) Upper East Side of Manhattan, Downtown Brooklyn and coming in July Hudson Yards back in Manhattan!
How many Different Countries have you visited in your lifetime – Well over 20
Where are you currently sheltering in place – Brooklyn New York. Not the most enviable place given the current environment but I can always now say that I am a New Yorker and I have lived through hell.
Tell me about your family – Wife is Geranium (that isn’t her real name but we go by alias’ here) we have a 7yo dog named Maya and we have an invisible child called “the little bastid” He is 17 and still in the 5th grade
What do you do for a living – I am an out of work stripper who drives the tour bus at Graceland (I am happily employed but I don’t talk business on this media)
How did you meet Cindy (Carbunkle Trumpet) – I think that I virtually met her when her and (Name Deleted) were living together with Molly the dog. They were friends with TacoGirl and (Name Deleted but the same name too) and were featured on her blog. We became friends on FB and then I think the first (in real life) met her when she was working the bar at Pedro’s. I think the bond that brought us together was when Geranium was going through her bump in the road with Breast Cancer. Cindy also was doing a bump in the road and we kind of felt like kindred spirits. When we started the Lenten Jokes it was tongue and cheek. Last year when Notre Dame in Paris burned, I asked Cindy (we were going into Holy Week and that is when I turn my jokes into somewhat tacky Catholic jokes) should we stop or pause. Her comment was “Press on! Churches are old and they burn! We shall Keep Going!”
Now we are going through a Pandemic and coming soon are Murder Hornets – Cindy are we the cause of all this shite?
Ok, now lets have some fun
Where would you rather be sheltering in place – If it were domestically I would say New York but with a bigger place and a place to smoke my cigars – Internationally I (stop it) I would be ok living in a big place in Belize with Cindy, Andrew, Mum and Tink with all of our dogs. At least I could spoil the ever loving shite out of Tink and teach her how to speak southern.
This gets over and done with where are you first traveling – I want to go see the clear canals of Venice before we F them up again.
What is the one thing that you miss going through all of this – Sitting in a Dive bar in the East Village and enjoying the smells of stale beer, bleach and urine from the bathroom.
What is the most powerful thing that you read, watched, or listened to during this – The Last Sunday of Jazz Fest WWOZ played past performances of artists. They re-played Bruce Springsteen when he did Jazz Fest following Hurricane Katrina. Then to double down they played The Neville Brothers on the Gentility Stage and Aaron Neville sang “Amazing Grace then 3 little birds”.
Toilet Paper Roll Over or Under – Always Over!
We all have talked about our Secret Silly thing we have done during this Pandemic, spill it – Yes I ironed my sheets and smoked a cigar in the middle of a Nor’Easter
What is the one thing that you wish you could be eating and in their restaurant what is it? – In Paris there is a French Bistro near the Eiffel Tower that has the best French Onion Soup I have ever had. Going there!
This answer is going to be different because thankfully the Pandemic didn’t hurt the Country of Belize as it did US (So Cindy feel free to change it up) – Who is the first person you are going to thank when you can – The frontline healthcare workers and the ones who came to New York to care for us. The ones who have to ride the subways scared to death. The ones who were just as scared as the patients they were caring for. I (and I doubt visitors will ever be allowed in hospitals again) am bringing food, drinks, flowers, bottles of Jameson to each one of them and hugging them and thanking them. I mean this is going to be to the point of Financial Uncomfortableness for me, they and the Police, Sanitation, Delivery Guys, Grocery Store folks, anyone who is Essential you are getting love from Robo! . Then I am going to sit my shrinking ass on the Canyon of Heroes with my Cowbell when we have the biggest Ticker Tape Parade For Them.
Ok So I can’t leave you with a Tear Jerker – Boxer, Brief, Granny Panties, Thong, or Commando – You first Cindy!
So I hope you had a good laugh and distraction. Thanks Cindy for playing along.
So we got a little too intoxicated last night. What I have seen the recycling on the streets of Brooklyn we aren’t the only ones. I mean there is hardly any paper recycle and its all glass bottles and Cans. Anyway I went to bed early and Geranium ate some Red Beans and Rice but couldn’t find the Cornbread that we made. I had left it in the oven to stay warm.
So this morning it was sitting still in the cast iron skillet and had gotten a tad stale. I got done with my team call and was feeling peckish for something other than my normal Sandwich or leftovers. I opened the cabinet and a can of Glory Southern Seasoned Mixed Greens just spoke to me. That’s what we will do, we will re-boot this year and start over.
So for you selfish bastard who didn’t eat their black eyed peas and Greens here is how you prepare it.
I am serious when I say that there better be a friggin Black Eyed Pea and Green shortage very soon.
Let me be very clear right now Folks – This is not an invitation for a Debate on the use of a recruiting tool flying over my city rather than spending the money on COVID-19 funds. I don’t have time for this. Pro or Con you will get deleted. This is about a salute to the front line healthcare employees who are saving lives. Furthermore it’s about people being stuck in 500 square foot apartment for 40+ days and the sheer joy we had for about 40 minutes yesterday and it was a welcome distraction. Sorry for the early on Come-a-part but I have seen a bunch of these debates going on social media. *steps off his anticipated soap box*
Back Story – I have been associated with two airshows when I was in Memphis. Long hours and your neck gets sore from starting up in the air. Two years ago we went to Jones Beach with the Murphranks and saw an airshow from the beach. God that was cool and the Blue Angels killed it. Sitting on the beach with a drink in your hand watching it is really the way to go. Last year we couldn’t go because someone had to recover from a boob job. I kid because I am glad she is around but seriously Karen….
So on Monday around 10:15AM I get a message from Professor about an airshow all over New York and New Jersey. I am thinking that from our vantage point in Downtown Brooklyn we could possibly see them twice.
I decided to go live on Instagram Stories and post this. I mean, I watch people’s stuff all the time and maybe I can give something back. I messaged my Work Wife (the International one) and asked if she would want to show her view from Hoboken New Jersey. We did a joint call and it was cool having two perspectives.
She was in and it was very helpful because I found out that it is pretty hard doing a live stream with nobody talking back to you. Shout out to those who got on and those who saw the feed. S/O to Atlanta, Memphis, Lyon France, San Pedro, Florida, New Jersey, New York and all others. The feed is still active until 12:40PM Eastern Standard Time today.
Here are some pics from Mr. 3 First Names and Lady Barrister. They watched it from their rooftop. I told them that in 40+ days I was never so jealous of them and (Calm your tits, we ain’t doing it folks) wanted to come see them and watch together. But that is irresponsible and selfish because other people live in that building so we stayed home.
Shout out to all you COVID-19 front line healthcare responders. Thank you for what you do. We are going to get through this. We are doing our part. We are staying home.
Man O Man The Murphrank’s, Professor, Bobcat, Homeless Tim, The Asian Fireman and Wife are going to be jealous of this post.
Those previously named are in The Per Se Christmas Dinner invited list that we thankfully make the cut each year. Don’t let the fancy dinner confuse them as all high fancy folk. I mean with the exception of Homeless Tim all of them can crush Bud Light like it is their job. Actually if my memory serves me correctly we did go crush Bud Lights after this past years dinner.
I have mentioned a couple times that we have always been a fan of the Grocery service Fresh Direct. A couple clicks of mouse and BOOM someone is delivering my groceries and doing the heavy lifting. You don’t understand what a pain carrying heavy stuff around without a car is up here. Put it this way grab an 18 pack of beer and a normal grocery store haul and try to walk that shit 8 blocks in a boat tote bag. Yeah, you get the picture.
Prior to COVID-19 we could get a delivery slot for the next day pretty easy. Now days they are sold out for the entire week. This does present a problem but we know a couple life hacks to get around this.
Always have a couple things in your shopping cart to meet the minimum order.
Make this like your Christmas Wish List – All the Proteins, all the drinks and don’t be shy. You may get shut out because of inventory is so wonky these days.
Don’t get all pissy if you get a sub. They are trying as hard as they can and if you are one of those who bitch. Bless. Your. Heart.
Check everyday multiple times to see if there are some open time slots. You always take the first available slot you can get and then you keep adding to the order. Typically you can make changes to the order up until 5PM the day before.
You Network the Fuck out of this – Maria keeps an eye on it and so do a couple other friends.
So last Saturday Maria shot us a text that Wednesday was wide open and we needed to grab a slot. Geranium was on the laptop and she threw 3 items to make the minimum and would modify that later. She picked Cold Water Lobster Tail, Bottle of Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label and a Ribeye Steak. (who is she trying to fucking impress, its just her, me and dog)
Saturday after I got done with my chores I went in to amend the order and I couldn’t find the order. Geranium has been known to struggle with this but I am well versed in doing this on my iPad. I was able to create an order and also secure a slot on Wednesday (4.22.2020 with a window of 6AM to 8AM) so I wasn’t too worried.
On Tuesday morning we were still messing with the order and Geranium realized that the original order was still showing in there so she zeroed out those items. Honestly – We have kind of grown used to things and apps acting strange given everyone is home on their devices.
I think you know where this is going…..
So the order I placed got delivered at 7AM and the ‘guy’ was appreciative of the healthy tip I put on the bill. I mean dude was carrying 6 X 12 packs of drinks and a case of 6X1Gallon Distilled Water. He deserves much more for doing this given the environment.
Then at 11AM our doorbell rings and Geranium receives the second order. It just has 3 items but cost as much as my larger order. I just hope it wasn’t the same guy.
Dinner was fantastic and doesn’t everyone eat Surf and Turf with expensive ass champagne on a Wednesday? LJZ is going to be pissed at me for not sharing the bubbles or the lobster!
And Just A Reminder – There Are No Rules in a Pandemic! If I Could Have Gotten White Truffles I Would Have Done So!
We had shit weather which we consider a blessing because it keeps people inside more. I decided to forgo my closet since we still have cooler weather and I am not ready to shed my warmer jackets and such. I decided that I would devote some time to our kitchen cabinets.
Easter Sunday Geranium spent a time trying to find her piping bags to make deviled eggs so I figured it was time to get that organized.
Like I said, it was some stellar shit we did on Saturday.