Memphis in May

An Evening With David Byrne

Back in May when we were in the throws of our move to Brooklyn with WAY too much shit I recall seeing the two above tweets. AB is a professional concert goer and has seen many a good show. For her to make this revelation, well my interest was peaked. Now when I saw a similar tweet about the same show from JS, oh this got my full attention. Later in the day and I can’t recall who said it on Twitter but the comment “Top 5 Concert” was mentioned about the same show. Now that is a ballsy statement folks, you don’t normally have that strong of a review that many times about an outdoor Music Festival. Needless to say, I was on my iPhone googling his tour and found out that he would be playing in Brooklyn in mid September so I made note of it.

Mary Louise informed me about 6 weeks prior to show that she would be heading to Japan following our trip to St. Louis and wouldn’t be able to attend. I was bummed, I really wanted to see this show. A couple of days prior to our leaving for the weekend I was on the subway heading home listening to Pandora (how it works w/o not being hooked to internet the whole time, I don’t know) and a Talking Heads song came on. It was a sign so I texted The UES Russian and asked her if she would like to go to the show on a Monday. I booked the tickets, paid a kings ransom for the tickets but what the hell. You can’t take with you and when in doubt – You Buy The Fucking Concert Tickets!

Now here is where AB & JS are probably going to agree with me. There are really no proper words on how to explain the show to someone who hasn’t seen it. I know that is a Bullshit comment but I really can’t describe; The Energy, The Passion, The Strange, and The Music that went on this past Monday Night. They did have 2 hour 21 songs setlist as compared to BSMF but the energy that a 66 year old man puts into this show was unbelievable. Oh and they started this back in March and it is going to be a long tour too. David Byrne is a consummate artist and performer. After seeing this show on Monday night, Yes AB & JS – I agree with you 100% on your tweets.

Folks – If you missed it in Memphis, NOLA or all parts south, please pick out a city on the tour and go see it. Now I have failed to mention that the Kings Theater in East Flatbush is an unbelievable venue to see it. To explain it to my Memphians, think Orpheum but on Steroids. To see David Byrne in the Kings Theater – It was a Top 5 Concert Experience. Yep I went there too!

IMG_4277Opening the show with “Here”

IMG_4278Not a lot of fancy set creations here folks. It is just Music, Passion, and Energy being put on this stage.

IMG_4280This is what I was really impressed about this show was that all the music being produced on that stage came from the instruments that the band were carrying around. No sitting behind a 21pc drum set or keyboard for the Band. They carried their shit around and put on a choreographed show.

IMG_4281I am still in awe of this concert

IMG_4282I think we have a little bit of Elvis here with the drop light.

Thanks to the UES Russian for being my date and if you caught the show too I bet you can agree with me that David Byrne gets better with age.

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We are caught in a Trap….in Westbury Long Island

A couple weeks back Maria asked us if we wanted to go to the ETA (That is Elvis Tribute Artist) show at the Westbury Theater in Long Island. My first questions were; “Where the hell is Westbury, and how do we get there?” We took the LIRR from the Atlantic Station (again it is so nice not having to go into Penn if we don’t have to) to the Jamaica station and made a transfer. Bill and Maria picked us up from the station and we made a quick drive to the theater.

I have to say that I was impressed with the venue and the line up. Granted it is geared towards the older crowd but the future line up includes; Wayne Newton, Smoky Robinson, Paul Anka and some others. As Maria said to us, Wayne Newton is someone on the list that you have to see before they die. Why do you think that I always go see Jerry Lee Lewis when he would play at MIM BSMF.

The crowd was into it. I gathered that there were a bunch of those in attendance who were in Memphis last weekend and then came back to Long Island to catch the show. Lots of Elvis and Graceland gear in the lobby. This years act was a full piece band and the ETA who were preforming were Cody Ray Slaughter and Shawn Klush who were big ETA winner either from BBC or Elvis Presley Enterprises. They played all the hits and were great with the crowd giving them what the King would done if he were still alive.

IMG_4032Suspicious Minds

IMG_4026Jumpsuit Elvis was a hit!

IMG_4020Poke Salad Annie

IMG_4016Viva Las Vegas

IMG_4022Mom why is everyone wanting my picture and this thing itches!

It was a good time in Long Island.

Do this tonight! Don’t make me call your mother or punch you in the throat

Tonight is the “Memphis Style BBQ Edition”of Chopped Grill Masters. My good friend and owner of A Moveable Feast/Hog Wild BBQ Catering Company, Ernie Mellor, is competing against 3 other Pitmasters in a chance to win over 50K in prize money. The show comes on the Food Network and is 9 Eastern/8 Central Tuesday, August 14, 2018.

*Disclaimer – I don’t know any more than you do if he wins or loses. All I knew was when he came up to Manhattan back in early March.

Ernie Mellor ChoppedGet em Ernie! Do us proud!

Best of luck to him tomorrow. We will be cheering for you from Crime-Free Brooklyn.

Finding Memphis Food in New York – Some of you are a bunch of Titty Babies!!!!

Yeah I called you a snowflake, snowflake. I mean come on Memphis….You let a silly 5 year old tweet and article get your panties all in a wad because someone threatened your beloved BBQ? I mean lets talk about some serious fucking issues……

I am kidding folks, slow your breathing. Now that the ‘preview’ part on my two social media platforms picked up those three sentences I can come clean. Much like that ill fated tweet I do hope that I can get a bunch of clicks by people who actually think I was serious. Sorry if some of you think that I was serious about that. I have said it before and I will say it again;

“Trying to Find Memphis Barbeque in New York City is much like trying to find a New York Bagel in Memphis.”

That tweet on Sunday was a perfect segway into my point today. We love eating up here in New York. The different cuisines, the different flavors, the 3 Michelin Star restaurants it is something that you can’t explain in 500 words or less. One such cuisine that we have not really found up here is Cajun/NOLA Food. We tried a Bourbon Street joint near restaurant row a couple years ago and it was horrible. On each trip back to Memphis we would immediately head straight to Bayou Bar and Grill or Second Line to get our fix but there had to be a good option here in New York. 2 weeks ago we were Sunday Funday’ng up on Second Avenue and were talking to some fellow patrons and they recommended a joint up the street at Second Avenue and 90th called The Infirmary.

I made a mental note and this past week I was in the area and popped in for a quick bite. The Menu was straight Cajun/NOLA, they had poboys, catfish entrees and even had Abita beers. The bar reminded me of the old “Sleep Out Louie’s” and Original “Bayou Bar and Grill” white marble and it didn’t smell of stale beer and bleach so that was a plus. The food was killer and we will be back!

IMG_2769Bar and yes they have Frose for you fancy people – Old SOL Alums – recall the frozen Margarita Machine?

IMG_2771You have to respect a joint that has not one but two Absinthe vessels.

CajunInfirmaryNYCRoastBeefPoBoy.0I mean have you ever tried to eat a poboy with a raging hard on? It was fierce I tell you!

IMG_2773“Brunch is Bitches Robo” Alex from the Cigar Inn

IMG_2772Catfish, Fried Chicken, Oysters, PoBoys, Shrimp and Grits, its all there folks!

IMG_2770Cloth napkins, Crystal Hot Sauce – Life is good my friends.

IMG_0917 (1)So they lack Sides and don’t believe in proper sandwich buns, some of you guys are just mean I tell you! They do have a good smoked Pastrami up here that is pretty good.

Hope you had a good laugh and got to the bottom of this post before you are blasting me on Social Media.

 

Random Pictures on the iFoam – Memphis Edition

Some of these are pretty good. Then again some of these are pretty bad depending on how you look at them.

IMG_0908Someone (not me) was enjoying their “Soul Burger” on the walk from home into South Bluffs

IMG_0926Had to snap a picture of my first downtown condo. Why the hell We didn’t keep that sucker is a mystery to me.

IMG_0941Me and A-Cups on the porch Sunday. We don’t have porches here in New York, we have stoops.

IMG_0934I took some major shit from the NYC boys for my “Preakness” Attire. I had to wear a jacket to Weed’s party and it was kind of warm so I broke out the shorts too. That was my first beer too!

IMG_0909Hadn’t seen this knucklehead in years. She is all grown up! We will have to add her and her sister to the CARL LIPBALM MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP list.

IMG_0940Lisa Marie and her little sister Willimena Esmerelda (she was born on Willie Nelson’s birthday) also do you not see her giving me an a Elvis pose? 

Don’t worry, that is all for the pictures from Memphis so relax.

Beware of the Gnome Killer – Pictures from BBQ Fest

Sorry folks its an inside joke. Well except for The Computer Hacker, he didn’t see the humor in late night experiment to see if Gnomes can fly. Anyway here are some pics that ended up on my iFoam from the weekend.

IMG_0881Little Lisa Marie at BBQ Fest. You can defiantly tell that she is RJ’s kid. She went after that cheese dip like a fat kid does with Chocolate Cake!

IMG_0882Sent this to Mrs. Trumpet and Lady Barrister to show that Mr. 3 first names and I were still alive and above ground.

IMG_0875If you didn’t know any better you would think that these boys were on a cooking team.

IMG_0877Sneak into town and the pitmaster was away at a working gig. I will catch you next time E.

IMG_0942Anybody know the number of the guy who loves Eddie Money? We have a fairly large surplus of Coors Light.

It was good to see everyone.

Happy Anniversary of Circling the Sun 50 times Weed

Editor’s note – I am fairly disciplined about divulging people’s names on this worthless dribble of a blog. If they didn’t have a nickname already I normally gave them one that doesn’t really incriminate them. That being said, the person named “Weed” is a real nickname but I promise that her name has nothing to do with Colorado’s State Flower/Plant and it would take too long to explain how she got it. 

So 2 weeks ago I headed to Memphis for some work, some play and to celebrate Weed’s surprise 50th birthday. I have to give D credit, she orchestrated this thing like a mad scientist. When the guest list got above 30 even I was wondering if the surprise could be kept quiet but she pulled it off.

Friday night we all arranged to meet up the Flying Saucer and as the Mo-Ho’s trickled in it was waterworks on each and every arrival. Many 40’s were drunk that night on 3rd Avenue and I ‘think’ I rolled into bed around 3ish. Saturday we all headed up to Midtown for brunch, beers and the surprise. Bless OTB (Old Tired & Bitter) and Ziggy for hosting, it went off without a hitch. Afterwards things went ugly as we headed to Beale for the stalking of Barbara Blue and Gnome attacking.

Happy Birthday Weed, we have known you the longest and we love ya. Even if you were “a couple grades behind us.”

IMG_0884That poor boy spent a little too long down at the BBQ Fest. (not anyone we know)

IMG_0886The birthday girl and D aka the Mad Scientist of Planning (venue not disclosed)

IMG_0903This is when you could say that “it went off the rails”

IMG_0895Play that Funky Music White Girl aka Baby Fine Hair!

IMG_0905My Missouri Legal Counsel

IMG_0907We miss ya Raiford!

IMG_0911Snot did come out of my nose when I saw some of these pics. Oh and A-Cups, yes I am going to forever be haunted by the image of grandma’s hoo-hoo.

IMG_0914The Unofficial Queen of Beale Street – Ms. Barbara Blue

IMG_0916A view over Nate’s shoulder

IMG_0919Here is where it went off the rails on Saturday night!

IMG_0922If never hear Lucinda William’s “Drunken Angel” ever again I am probably good with that!

IMG_0928Sunset over Monroe Avenue as I was heading into Bardog.

 

Happy Birthday Weed! It was great to see everyone and play with the MoHo’s too!

 

The “Don’t be that Guy/Gal” Guide to The World Championship Barbeque Cooking Contest

I post this every year. Yet someone ‘drinks his lunch’ at BBQ fest and they ‘pull a smoothie’ and isn’t heard from for almost a full day. The list from last year is right Here and if you plan on heading down there please read them. Now for this year I am going to change it up a tad. You see, I celebrate the fact that I am not on a team. It isn’t that I don’t like comradery and some good ball busting (I do that at the Cigar Inn enough) but I don’t like the idea of burning a week of vacation to work my ass off. Then there is always a chance I could lose a friendship over something silly and worrying if the team is going to remain in the black isn’t for me.

The dichotomy of a BBQ Team is a very fragile one. You have some people who want nothing to do with the cooking contest except for drinking for a solid week. You have some who are serious in the competition. Those are the ones who are traveling across the region each weekend and normally are not there so much for the party but for the competition. Normally in a given week there will be a blow up in the tent. I saw them numerous times when I worked for MIM some 7 years ago. My parents were original member of “Boss Pit” one of the first double decker rigs down there and a drunken argument lead to them leaving the team. Sadly I have seen teams disband because of the things that go on down on the banks of the river.

Oh don’t worry, the only thing that disbands are the members. The team name probably will go on but members move from team to team. My parents left BBQ Fest and moved it over to Italian Fest at Holy Rosary and it was a smaller contest. That being said, here is the list for those who are visiting BBQ Fest so that you don’t become “That Guy/Girl”;

  1. Don’t be a dick and try to BS your way into a booth if you are not invited. There are 250 teams, if you want to learn or see the interior of a booth I suggest visiting during the day either Thursday or Friday when it isn’t busy. When the sun goes down is not the time to get BBQ 101.
  2. If you see a tip jar for the team throw a couple bucks in the damn thing. Those Bud lights didn’t grow in Tom Lee Park and someone picked them fresh that morning. This also applies to the bartender who may get a split of the jar and heckles people to give money. When Shobo went one year, she carried her own wine in the park and got heckled for getting a cup of ice because she put a 5 in the tip jar.
  3. Don’t be an ass. It happens every year. The Germantown housewife who puts on her push up bra to bring the cans together gets silly on moonshine. She flirts with someone in the booth and they think that the “Awkward Touch” sign has been turned on in a booth. Next thing happens someone gets hauled out of the booth by an off duty cop and people are pissed.
  4. Friends of Friends don’t invite their own friends – This one just slays me to no end. There are 250 cocktail parties going on at the same time in Tom Lee Park. While you are walking to the tent that you are invited to you hear someone yell your name. This is a friend of yours who you haven’t seen in years but “We keep up on Facebook” and they are in a booth that you don’t know. Don’t be that “guy/gal” and ask them if they can get you in the invited party. It makes it weird for everyone.
  5. If you do happen to over indulge in refreshing drink – Don’t drive, wait it out for the 3 hours to get an Uber or cab. Then again I hear that T.O.D.D. is in town and he has a suite at the South’s Grand Hotel.

 

10384819_10152441353909170_1252489496298450880_nGoes without saying

Have fun and of course remember the password “Joe said he needs me to go get charcoal”

Pictures of the Week – Memphis and NYC

This additional duty of doing a daily Corny Lenten Joke and my other job as an amateur tattoo artist is tough on a guy so I apologize for this not getting posted yesterday. Here are some pics that ended up in my phone from last week’s wedding (some I don’t have a clue how they got there) & some I snapped here in Gotham.

img_0395Only in Memphis on Cleveland at Poplar do they have this awning.

img_0396Mommy, why is that strange man who daddy calls Robo taking a picture of me and don’t the courts say that he has to be 50 feet from me? Love me some Lisa Marie (not her real name) and next trip she will be making my bloody Mary’s for me!

img_0397Sure, let’s go to Wet Willies on a Friday afternoon on Beale Street. What could go wrong. Hey Chicken F*cker (I don’t know if she reads this worthless dribble) – remember when you used to get Call A Cab’s delivered to the pool by your minions? It is amazing that you gials graduated from Rhodes and we didn’t go into liver failure.

img_0399Here is where Rocky at Alex’s Tavern and Josh may fight because both say they are the oldest family owned bar/tavern in the city. I am not getting into the middle of this fight, I love both joints.

img_0400So Happy that this place is Non-Smoking now! Great to see Max knocking the cover off of the ball with this joint!

img_0401Big Spoon/Little Spoon – What goes on in Vegas and in Woodlawn stays in Vegas and Woodlawn. #Idonotcarethatyouhaveacramp #youaregoingtodie

img_0405Love me some Melzie W!

img_0432RAB rocking the old department store label!

img_0422Just about to enter the Matrix and show off her Elaine dancing skills. Great to see you A-Cups! You and ‘The Carol’ need to come up again! Just after March 30th!

img_0446So let me get this straight – I fill this out ‘right’ and I won’t be called for jury duty?
But if I fill it out ‘wrong’ then I get picked and get to hang with the troglodytes of New York?
Hey Big Al – What’s your mailing address?

img_0443Happy Fat Tuesday!

img_0447We kept on wondering why Maya was chewing up all of our stuff. Then we realized that she had destroyed all of her toys. A quick trip to Petco and Maya is a happy dog. Maddy – She couldn’t give 2 F*cks!

Have a good weekend!

CBT’s Top 10 list for Memphians doing WCBCC this weekend

I do this every year for my fellow Memphians. This year because I am a resident of the Empire State I am happy to report that I can finally give my 9 readers the Unabashed top ten survival and suggestion guide for WCBCC. Before I get moving along I can already see the blank space on 4 faces of my New York readers so let me explain what The World Championship Barbeque Cooking Contest or WCBCC is about…. Think of these New York events; St Patrick’s Day Parade, San Gennaro Festival, Puerto Rican Day Parade, Halloween in the West Village, Mermaid Parade at Coney Island, Santacon in Manhattan, New Year’s Eve, The West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn and my favorite, the 7 Train at midnight on Saturday night on Payday. Now you roll all of those drunk ‘shit shows’ and you have Thursday night at WCBCC but with 85 degree heat And ‘swamp ass’ humidity. You get the picture? And people wonder why I didn’t go down this year…..
Anyway without further adieu, here are Carbunkle Trumpet’s suggestions and survival guide to WCBCC. Please note, if I find out that you break rules 6, 4, and number 2 consider yourself banned and unfriended from me. Here folks is the list;

10. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I say it each and every year, you see my lips moving but you never listen to Uncle Carbunkle Trumpet.

9G. Fashion for the Ladies – If you have to say “Does this XXX make…” the answer is YES and go put on more clothes. Same applies for high heel shoes in the park. Don’t get me wrong, I love a woman wearing high heels. I see it every day but the banks of the Mississippi is not the place to wear a yard of cloth and hooker heels. And don’t wear flip flops, closed toe shoes ladies.

9B. Fashion for the Boys – Boys, if you stand naked in the shower and cannot see your feet (I get it is cold in the bathroom) you should not be wearing a tank top that reads “Suns Out, Guns Out!”! Trust me, nobody wants to see that shit.

8. Get a Tetanus shot prior to heading down to Tom Lee Park – Believe it or not, you can get a nasty infection from an ice luge that isn’t properly disinfected.

7. While we are on the subject of booze, I would advise against drinking anything out of a mason jar. Everyone has cousin who lives in Kentucky and makes their own mash.

6. You will have ugly babies with 11 fingers if you have sex in a port-a-potie. Why? Is the smell of Jello shots, hickory smoke and blue water an aphrodisiac? You will get caught and I hope someone puts that shit on Instagram too! *DISLAIMER – I have heard of one couple getting caught each year since I was on staff with MIM. Whisky Tango Foxtrot people!

5. Speaking of bad behavior, I get it that you used to go down to BBQ fest when you were in college (hello, the majority of my readers are in their 40’s) but a lot of you are parents and have children who want to go down there. Don’t let them. I say this as I can already see you in the carpool line getting called out at (INSERT PRIVATE SCHOOL NAME HERE) carpool line by someone saying “Hi Mrs. X, I heard you let someone drink beer out of your cleavage last night.” *DISCLAIMER #2 – I know of 2 moms who will never look me in the eye still to this day.

4. Eat a friggin salad at lunch and drink 1 gallon of water each morning. There is not sufficient medical service in Tom Lee Park.

3. Speaking of service and I know this from firsthand knowledge. I don’t’ care how much you beg, the people driving the golf carts are not allowed to take on riders. If you have an elderly patron or someone with a broken leg you could have loaded them in the park on Wednesday so why should MIM have to worry about it?

2. If you get a DUI with the amount of Uber’s, Taxi’s, Lyft and places to crash downtown then you should never be allowed to drive again. Seriously (I am not kidding) you are a fucktard and should not be allowed to breathe my air. I have ZERO patience with this during big festivals in Memphis because people are not in their right mind anyway.

1. Ok, I am off my soapbox. For those of you who Social Media panhandle invites to BBQ teams booths let me let you in the park secret. Tell the doorman at the team you want to come in and freeload that “I saw Robo last night and he told I am invited.” #Robocares

Never knew where that woman ended up after that night. Pay no attention to Teddy Graham waiting till she sniffed the roofie. #cometoNYCAllisonandwhipmyass 
It is about the pork afterall ! 
Enjoy WCBBC