Monkey head Maya

This One Could Get Me An Award

Geranium and I are very thankful for a lot of things. I am thankful that we are employed. Both of us have occupations that allow us to stay busy and focused during this. Like I have said numerous times, we don’t watch the news and my Twitter Feed is pretty non-current events as much as I can but still stay informed. Facebook, I have gotten to the point where I am just blatantly blocking people for their ignorance and or belief that there aren’t slants on news sources.

So on the weekend we don’t have much to do in terms of work and we now find ourselves finding shit to do. I do this because well, lets be honest, you can only watch Tiger King so many times. Another thing is that we don’t need to start drinking at 10AM. Yeah the vibe is getting serious up here.

Pre COVID-19 my Saturday would consist of doing laundry, taking the dry cleaning with Maya and then knocking out the other ancillary items. A drink with the Murphranks or some other fun item would be on our Saturday plans and that was it, we loved it! Now days we are missing it but know we shouldn’t sneak over and have a “house party” because it takes one fuck up and someone’s mother or father is dead.

So we are on lockdown and seriously, nobody really needs to be out in this shit. Because of this I created a list of stuff to do. This particular Saturday after we did the laundry I decided it was time to clean that oven and stove and the kitchen. I cleaned the bathroom like it was in a MTA Subway. Then I went big balls and went after Geranium & my jewelry cabinet.

Yes folks I am about to fucking blog about cleaning the oven and other stuff. Oh and because your ass better be inside you are going to read it too! Oh and the last picture on this thread is a bonus because that will tell you how bored I was today.

Yep, I shower every day and put on my uniform of Jeans, Golf Shirt and my Black Pull over. I did this when I was Fun-Employed 10 years ago.
Yeah I know it’s 10AM and I haven’t been out since 11:30 last night but there is another hooman in the bed so I am good.
Cleaned all the spices and oils.
Yep, This wasn’t fun but at least it is clean
Like I said, we are blessed so we paid the maid last week to make sure she stayed the fuck home.
Picture solely to annoy my foodie friends. Each box marks a trip to per se at Christmas.
I am glad this is done.
Geranium has a lot of necklaces
Broke out the Iron and did my handkerchiefs.
Who I am I kidding, I am not getting on the Manhattan Streets till maybe May and some think June. But they will be ready!
Now feel free to Judge The Fuck out of me.
Yes I ironed and starched the pillowcases.

So a friend of Vivian & Stone who we met many moons ago in Belize and now lives in Tudor City told me that he has his bedding starched. I was enthralled because I normally will just put the clean pillow case on the pillow and call it a day. So in my attempt to keep from drinking I followed Ty Middelton’s (that is his Soap Opera Name) advice and starched them. Wait till our maid returns and I inform she is to now do this. Like I said, this is some award winning shit!

Seriously folks – Stay the Fuck Home!

Happy VD Folks!

Or as my friend SDS would say about February 14th. “Today is the only day that girls can dot their i’s with little hearts.” Anyway Happy VD to those of you who are standing on line for chocolates or flowers. Next to the rear entrance to our building is a European Wax salon. I wondered why that place was packed Thursday night.

Me I am waiting on Geranium to land so we can go have that fancy dinner at Eleven Madison Park. Anyway here are some pictures from the past couple of weeks.

They killed the Grease soundtrack!
Bowl from the Seattle Trip – That sucker cost a pretty penny
I got my fill of Mango and all kinds of other blended love
If you could read the mind of Maya it may say “if it is raining one more fucking time…….”
That Space Needle Thing!
Like I said the Chihuly Gallery is pretty freaking cool!

Have a good weekend folks!

The Decade in Review

I know that this post is a couple of weeks late. I have been kinda busy and add to that Geranium has been working at my creative desk…….#herfault

So I started jotting down all the events that have occurred in the past 10 years. I was filling up a Legal Pad I realized HOLY FUCK! We have done some major shit in the past 10 years.

Without further adeau and in no certain order are some highlights, difficulties, not so great moments. I look back on this list and I see things that have defined us. I chose that certain quote about the windshield vs rear view mirror for a reason. Without further adeau;

  • CBT was “fun-employed” for a bit – Let me tell you there really isn’t much fun in that. Mind you it was 10 years ago but as I look back it was the greatest thing that happened to me. I will elaborate on this later.
  • CBT became a Carnie for Memphis in May and lived to tell about it. I tell people up here what I did that spring they still can’t believe it. It taught me a lot. Most importantly I learned that one should always have a nickname and periodically yell “Go For Robo” when answering a call.
  • Geranium went back to cleaning bedpans. I joke when I say that she was asked to come back after she came down to the river and hung out with me as a carnie. That was true by the way. This also was a good thing for our progressive movement.
  • CBT went to work for AMF/HW. Yep I needed to get off the streets and I found a little nitch for myself and we made a little money and had some fun too. In all seriousness God Bless Ernie and Lynn Mellor for taking a chance on me. I will always be in your debt.
  • English Mike/Claire, RJ/Mal-O-Rie, & Mr. 3 First Names/VQ all got hitched in the past decade. What is important about this stat is that we now have a full basketball team roster of kids. More kids to help us when we get older.
  • Geranium got diagnosed and Then kicked the ever loving Fuck out of Cancer. Let me just say that not all superheroes get to wear capes. Since then we sadly have some friends of ours join this club too. This also defined us and put things in perspective.
  • Geranium decides to not only get an Undergrad but then a Masters in Bed Pan Cleaning. I have told her that there is no reason for her to go get her Doctorate or Juris Doctorate. Her ass is done with text books.
  • Carbunkle Trumpet completed his first and only 1/2 Marathon. Again, if my knees could bend backwards I would kick my own ass.
  • After many years of owning a bar in South Bluffs we pulled off a Ponzi Scheme and moved to the core of Downtown Memphis. Yep we had to get RJ/Mal-O-Rie’s house sold, then they bought ours and we got the condo. God Bless Ponzi Scheme Pawn JL for believing a bunch of strangers at the pool that one day. *Disclaimer – I don’t have good nickname for her so this will work till I come up with one*
  • Geranium gets her a Job in New York City! What can I say, we like it up here. We probably are going to stay for a little more while. Anyway we haven’t seen all the dive bars in all 5 boroughs.
  • I get a job seeing Double Decker Bus Tickets to Tourists. Ironic that I had to move to New York to get this job.
  • New Job (again) for Geranium – She left cleaning those bed pans to working for a company that would make the cleaning solution for the pans.
  • Move from the UES to Crime-Free Brooklyn – Let me tell you, if it wasn’t for Maria we may still be unboxing those damned boxes. Moving in New York sucks!
  • Stamps are getting put on our Passports – Truth be told we chose to move to New York so that we could take advantage of cheaper and direct flights to foreign lands. We really have enjoyed this.

We look back for a moment and are very grateful for our past experiences. Some of those experiences without a doubt has made us move forward.

Always look forward folks, always forward.

Where have you been? We were about to put your ugly mug on a milk carton.

So before you start in on me let me explain. For the past two and a half weeks Geranium has been off the road and working from home. Trust me when I say that the dog and I have enjoyed having Geranium home. That and she also helps with the chores in-between eating bon-bons. However, with her being home I really have not had time to blog or gather my thoughts. You see, once she gets done with her work it would be kind of a dick move for me to jump on my laptop. Hence why I have not been blogging since our trip to Charleston. I will catch up.

So without further wait, here are some pics from the past 2 weeks for Pictures of the week.

These past 2 weeks have been tough for me at work. I will be so glad to see this in early November. No not the kid and her mom, the fucking picnic Table in Caye Caulker!
I bust their chops on this thing but God Bless the FDNY and all the different teams who support New York City. For those of you wondering Rescue 1 is specialty division that services Manhattan. Cat stuck in the tree, nope these boys aren’t showing up. Randal’s Island Tram stuck in the middle of the East River with passengers on board….yep these guys show up.
If you were playing and needed “Woman doing interpretive dance in a bathing suit on the Morning commute into the city” you would have a Bingo.
If you are going to be running this let me know. I know that Jen from Memphis is going to be visiting all 5 boroughs so we will go out and support her.
Like I said Geranium has been busy…..(she will kill me for posting this)
Its’ Fall Y’all!
How do you pronounce this? I haven’t gotten an answer yet.
Maya is looking at me going “Aww Fuck, she is gone again. Now he will blame his farts on me”
Tiger Fans are coming to Brooklyn for Thanksgiving. I am trying to suggest a great place that they can’t get in Memphis. I will let you know.
Finally Midtown Uniform Weather here in Manhattan!

I do thank a couple of you assholes who were checking in on me. I am back and Geranium will be back on the road for a couple weeks straight.

Back in the Saddle

Sorry for no posts last week. It was a tough week for us. We had to get the Little Bastid off to School and being off for a couple days put us behind. Not much I can really report from the Dale Hollow trip. That sucker was full of Non Disclosure agreements and “don’t post this on Social Media” comments. But lets be honest. If weren’t there you probably wouldn’t think that shit was that funny anyway.

I will be back at my normal self this week. Oh and welcome to my newer readers. More on that.

First Day of 5th Grade 3.0
I hear that Alabama will rebuild.
Happy 7th Birthday to this fluff ball! Hopefully you can take it easy today.

And if your football team didn’t win this weekend I hope your beer was at least cold.

What is up with the picture of the baby Elvi?

I just like it. It makes me happy and I also know that Memphis is probably going to be in a heat advisory since it is Dead Elvis Week. Did you know that I can also forecast the Memphis weather?

  • Coldest Day of the Year in Memphis – Whatever day they play the Liberty Bowl Game
  • Hottest Day of the Year in Memphis – Around Dead Elvis Week
  • Rainiest Day/Week of the Year in Memphis – Beale Street Musicfest or World Championship BBQ Cooking Contest.

I mean if you know the past, you can predict the future.

I am going to share with you some pictures I snapped this past Sunday from the Murphranks Rooftop. Bobcat & Professor were there along with Rocky and Monkey Head Maya. Sorry folks but No pictures of the Humans – I mean have you ever seen Meg or Bobcat in the same place? Same goes for Matt or the Professor? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Geranium for the past 24 hours. I bet she is in Seattle again.

Maya prefers to be sitting in a lap getting petted. Don’t we all?
Don’t worry Dad, I will protect the Cheese Cooler
The Jar-Man used to say that the sunsets over beautiful West Memphis Arkansas. I guess we can say it sets over beautiful New Jersey
Wonder what asshole lives in that tall as building? I understand from Mr. 3 First Names that my view of the Empire State Building is about to change.
That doesn’t suck. Oh and I found out that The Bobcat and Professor were married in that church to the left of the row houses.

Tomorrow I take the gloves off and blast expedia for their shitty customer service.

Pictures of the Week

T-Minus 24 Hours till I am out of the office. Geranium is going to fly from Seattle and we will meet up in an airport to be named later.

Tomato Salad with Crackers – you can’t get much more Southern than this one
Catalonia Tomato Bread
Sofrito – Catalan Tomato and Onion Sauce
Miso Roasted Asparagus
Finished Product
Street Dog on Bourdain Day
While Sitting at Roco’s Tacos
Elsie and AR are going to love Uncle Robo next week
No more Hanks
Subways getting ready for Pride Weekend
So is Maya! She can’t wait to see Aunt Chelle

Have a good week!

Pictures of The Week

Had a great week. That was until Geranium decided to shame my ass on having a slight salt addition. This weekend will be brief as she has to leave on Sunday for Seattle. However next Saturday we are going to the Red Neck Rivera.

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH WHEN TALKING ABOUT MY SALT COLLECTION! (Thankfully she doesn’t read this worthless dribble) In all seriousness I laughed my ass off. So I buy salt. At least I don’t buy cigars…..er oh well.
The Dog hid after that spirited arguement
Speaking of Cigars
The heat wasn’t like it was in the South but the Humidity was high AF!
Played some Dominoes last weekend.

By the way did you go buy Rebecca Coutant’s book yet?

Have a good weekend, if it is nice today we may be in the UES atop the Met Museum.

Street Fair Food Fail!

Saturday was Monkey Head Maya’s beauty appointment with Not Yolanda in the UES. Yes my dog is so bougie that she still keeps her regular girl in the Upper East Side even though we live in Brooklyn. I guess she doesn’t want a bun or wear a pork pie hat. Anyway after I drop off Maya I then head down to have a cigar at my old stomping grounds at Cigar Inn.

A couple of hours I am heading back to Brooklyn with a clean and nicely cut dog. Now while I was leaving the Cigar Inn to get the dog I noticed that the First Avenue Street Fair was in full effect. Considering I was a tad hungover from the night before I thought that Geranium and I should come back and walk around. Considering I didn’t have anything planned for the day and I was craving a Pronto Pup and an Italian Sausage sandwich.

I am guessing the Pronto Pup and Sausage guy didn’t get the memo because for 12 square blocks there was none of that to be had. Corn Guy, Arrepa, Gyro and a bunch of other non-fair food tents but What The Fuck First Avenue Festival planners? You going healthy on us?

A Gyro on every corner
Crowd was light too
Cajun Nut Meat…I think I will pass
What the Cornbread Fuck
What did you do? BBQ a shoe?
This one is for you FitzJohn.
Needless to say we high tailed it out of there.

Would it kill a Street Festival to get a Pronto Pup Stand Up here?

Best of Luck to The Second Generation Italian Society

Due to Geranium wanting to travel all the time we will not be able to attend this years Italian Festival in beautiful Crime-Free Marquette Park. We had talked of going but she was not scheduled to be back in New York until late Friday night. The team has been together for I want to say 27 years and the festival is celebrating 30 years as the main fundraiser for Holy Rosary Church and School.

Good Luck Guys!

Stolen from GrainBin Girl
Ah the year that Geranium (who does not look happy right now) and I squared off on who makes a better Gravy
I hear that it isn’t supposed to Rain this year. That is great considering it rained every other fucking year!
Ahh the Full Week In Europe or Knee Surgery for Monkey Head Maddy. I was prepping the Gravy to serve to the masses at the house and she was laid up cripple.
Oh there is no rain, bring your flip flops guys.

Let me know if you need more Paper Towels, Trash Bags or Red Solo Cups!